And what a schmaltzy mess I found. That's when I decided the God of Music was a man because if she were a woman I wouldn't have had this bizarre conglomeration of music we could call "Remember all the Men in your Life set to Music"!
And right now, we're not going to examine my head space- we can armchair psychoanalyze me later. That's not a good idea now... I have some thoughts but right now, let's not. Let's just check out these tunes.
First I had "Thank you for Loving Me" by Bon Jovi. This is a special memory song with a Sam from many years ago. He actually proposed to me and I said no. Anyway, he was a DJ part time, for wedding receptions and other events. One night he was doing a wedding reception and he invited me to go and help and I did. We actually were both friends of the bride and I had been invited to the wedding so I was really there as a guest. This was on the bride's play list and when he played it, he took me in his arms and we danced on the stage in front of everyone and he sang this to me. Another time we were out at a karaoke bar and he sang this to me (and he is GOOD, and can really SING!), bringing me up on stage and serenading me.
Not kidding, the next song that popped up when I hit random was the song "God Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flats. That belonged to a Sam I dated the summer before I moved to the Wild West. Well, we didn't start dating, we were just VERY good friends (he's a memory I want to explore mentally and might write out sometime), but on July 4, 2006 this song played and he declared his love for me... we were both drunk. But after that night, it became our song. That relationship ended REALLY badly... I wanted AlaskaSam and he wanted some chick in Philly but we cared for each other... yeah, how many ways can you spell Fucked up? The day I was leaving for the Wild West, he sent me this song in an email. I still think of him just a little bit fondly when I hear it. He's one that I should hate but don't, oddly enough. Guess we all make mistakes.
The next disc played the song "Josephine" by the Wallflowers. At this point I'm laughing, rather than crying, and thinking "Are you freaking kidding me?" as the music spilled through the speakers. Some of you might remember this... when I lived in the Wild West I met a Cowboy Sam. And while I'm being a melancholy schlaub I want to say that at the end of our first date... well, around 6:30 a.m. I got of CowboySam's bed (yep I broke the cardinal rule but since it turned into a 5 month stand rather than the one night kind it wasn't a bad call... and I learned my lesson thank you very much!) and went home in the dark and cold, listening to the song "Josephine" (by the Wallflowers) on the radio. And bam- on Saturday- there it was on the CD! Ah, memories. And it's a pretty obscure song that kept haunting us though our relationship. It was on the radio a few times when we went out and the one and only time we watched VH1 together it was on.
Okay, this was a good one that made me smile. You know the song "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt? Well, there was a woman who sort of had a crush on me (yeah she's gay), and if I were to play for that team we could say I had a Girl Crush on her, too. So right before I went to the Wild West I found out that this song and her and me were all sorta linked. Yeah... she's hot. But taken. *a-hem!*
And I swear I must have had a CD that I should've called "AlaskaSam." He and I actually have a huge list of "us" songs and I already shared our "In the Wee Small Hours" last week, I thought I would pick something else. There are waaaaaaaaaaay to many stories about each of these songs to try and explain them all. And they all played in a row. Wonder what was happening in my head when I made that damn CD, eh? So, here's "Full of Grace" by Sarah McLachlan". The story with this one is that he moved to Alaska and I didn't go. The first winter he was there was REALLY miserable for both of us. I sent him the lyrics to this song in an email one dark and dreary night. Apparently, at the same time I was sending him that email he was writing one to me with this an audio wave file attached- of this song. We have always been connected in an ethereal way.
This is another song that's us. Just take my word for it, okay?
I was trying to decide if I should chuck the CDs out the window one at a time or hang on to them or use them as coasters or what. I mean, really? REALLY? What sort of weird crap was going on there? I think of the dozen songs I played only 3 had nothing to do with men. Almost downright cruel. But in a weird way, it was funny. It was.
By the end of the car ride (I thought I was never going to get home!) I thought this song probably was more apt to describe me than anything else at this point!
Now go listen to some music, okay?