Thursday, June 30, 2011

Weird Weight Watchers

Here's a strange thing:

Remember last week at weigh-in I gained .2 pounds and was really pissed off? Not only was I pissed off but I was also immature and decided during week that I was going to eat anything I wanted. And I did. I didn't use restraint.

I ate my favorite cupcake, I had Italian bread covered in cheese and olive oil, and a huge plate of pasta. I had breadsticks dipped in cheese and gooey pizza covered in meat and cheese on a thick crust. I drank pop and my very favorite Starbucks Peppermint Mocha- Venti size. I ate a candy bar when I felt like it, as well as an order of breaded mushrooms and a Spanish dog (or 2) from Linkmy favorite hot dog stand. I ate anything I wanted all week long and I didn't go hungry.

Nor did I go out of my way to exercise.

All that being said, I went ahead and weighed in Tuesday. I figured it would be like starting over. I figured if I was going to gain weight then at least I would not be hungry for a week.

Lo and behold, I lost weight. (I was going to be sarcastic and say I lost 240 pounds in the form of ITSam but that's way to obvious!!!). I weighed in on Tuesday and I lost 2.8 pounds. Ummm, okay.

So I diet like a maniac and gain and then go on a week long bender and lose more weight than before? Intellectually I realize that I can't do that again. I do KNOW that. But is sure is weird.

And I'm really glad I lost weight. So, I'm back on Weight Watchers. Even after my junket...

I've figured out a couple things that might help me:
  • do not obsess about it. I'll try but I think if I don't discuss it every day, and just do it, look up my numbers and go about my business I'll be much better. When I fix dinner, I'll write it on a sticky note and analyze each bite we all take. I think I was driving them nuts with that and I want to stop that- sorry about that Daddy-O- I didn't mean to talk it to death, which leads me to feeling guilty.
  • And I shouldn't feel guilty. I should try and do my best but if I slip or crack, I shouldn't feel guilty and beat myself up about it
  • I will exercise even though I hate it.
  • Small dishes help. For example, I can have 28 veggie straw chips and I should put them in a small dish rather than a regular cereal bowl. Then it won't seem like so few- it will appear heaping!
  • I need to do creative snacking. For example, I could eat 30 Sea Salt Special K Crackers for 3 points. OR I could take 10 of them and use a wedge of Laughing Cow Cheese (1 point) and spread the cheese on the chips and top with a piece of mango, which is free. Then I could get some dairy and some fruit and it would be a more filling snack, for even less points than the 30 chips. And a nice blend of the sweet and salty! See, creative eating!
So even after being bad, I can still be good. So here I go again!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Scraping the final poop off my shoe, so to speak

  • I need to arrange to get my furniture out of ITSam's house. Now. I have to see if I can find a truck and two guys to go with me. And find a place to store it again- Booknut, any space in your garage again or in your storage building, by chance? Please?
  • I'm stuck in a phone contract with him until January 2012. I have to pay my share of the bill until then or he's going to sue me, apparently. I will pay him on the 15 of each month. I will send him a money order.
  • I need a new job because I don't want to see him every single damn day at work (and I really want a job with more money and health insurance). He didn't even come in my building yesterday- thankfully. He did, however, change my Internet access status at work. When I was his girlfriend, he gave me unlimited usage and he changed it to like all the other teachers; guess I'm not so special anymore.
  • He provided my father with a loaner laptop and I'm waiting to see if he asks for it back; the same with the laptop cord he loaned Mac.
  • He took my car to get some work done in the winter time and he still hasn't paid that bill. It's not in my name and he hasn't asked for the money. Yet.
  • I need to go to the jewelry store and get the deposit back on my engagement ring since I sold my grandmother's diamond toward.
  • He recently bought me something from Tiffany's which I returned to him in the intra-mail: box, bag, ribbon and all. Maybe he can get his money back. Or give it to his next girlfriend. He should receive it tomorrow.
  • He donated some yarn to the Art Club of which I'm a sponsor. I also put it all in a box and mailed it back to him via intra-office email. He should receive it tomorrow.
  • He loaned me a computer at work and I have to figure out how to get it to him; I don't want to take it to his office lest he think I'm looking for excuses to see him, which I'm obviously not. Wonder if I could send it via intra-office mail, too?
It's all madness,

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Well, this certainly sounds like it's over, don't you agree?

The last few weeks, after the huge blow up with ITSam I've been trying to work things out with him. We've been going on dates and just talking. It's like we were starting over again, the best two people can who've dated for almost a year.

I thought it had been going along well. I thought we were having fun. I thought it was going okay. We talked some serious talks but not lots, but just enough to try and sort some things out, to see if things were savable.

Well, apparently things were not going along well for him. He finally, officially, broke up with me tonight. And it was out of the clear blue.

He said he didn't think my heart was in this. He didn't think I was ever going to forgive him. He said he was emotionally invested but didn't feel I was, and he said he thought this would never work. He said I didn't treat him like he was special, that I treated him just like I do everyone else. He also said I never "make" plans with him but I make plans with everyone else so apparently, according to him, I just see him when no one else is available.

He said I don't love him anymore because I don't say it.

I guess I got out of the car when he dropped me off after work tonight and I didn't kiss him good-bye; I just got out of the car. It didn't matter that mac was pissed off, the phone was ringing inside and I could hear it but no one was answering, that it seemed like no one was home because cars were gone but the house was standing wide open, he and I had a fight at lunch about Mac so I was still seething over that, the fact I was distracted and didn't kiss him so I don't care about him and am just trying to be friends. Because I don't treat him special.

He buys me stuff to show me that he thinks I'm special and I just never reciprocate. He pointed out how much money he spent on me in the last two weeks- money I didn't ask for, I would like to point out. (I wrote him a fucking check for $100 for some clothes he got me. It was to make a point. Don't tell me I shouldn't have. If you were there, you would've done the same thing, trust me). He claimed I only want people to know he and I are together when in public not in private, and he just went on and on and on. Somewhere in there he told me he loved me more than I love him AND that he wants to spend all his free time with me and he doesn't want to do things without me because he wants me by his side, making his life better and I make things more fun-- he said. He also said I don't need him nor do I make him feel special since I want to hang out with my family and friends as much as I want to see him. He said he would NEVER leave me at home on a Friday night like I did with him (I took Mac to a movie and dinner, just mom and son time last Friday; so that's bad????).

When we had our huge fight a few weeks ago I suggested he get therapy or at least go back on his anti-depressant. He said he would. Tonight he told me the only reason he needed it was because of his ex-wife being crazy and he's fine now so he doesn't need it and he never told me I need an anti-depressant and some how he compared it to my breasts being saggy and not telling me I need plastic surgery. Yeah. Rat bastard.

And then he dumped me. HE dumped ME after all that because he wants someone who isn't so independent and he knows I "can never be a damn wife like any other woman" (<--- that my dear friends, is a direct quote!) and who will love him like he loves her and wants to be by his side and make plans to do things together and not be treated like an afterthought.

What a lovely Monday evening.


Monday, June 27, 2011

I hate deadlines

Remember I told you about the English teacher here at Alcatraz who adopted a baby at the end of the last school year? I covered her classes for 10 days? Well, she decided to take the entire next school year off, which I think is awesome for her! Between her maternity leave, her personal and sick time and the Family Leave Act will allow her to take the whole year off and still ensure she has a job come 2012-2013 school year. Though as most of us know, she probably will NOT come back if everything works out.

So when she made this announcement, my principal came to me and filled me in. Then we and I started bombarding the DOE office in my state to see if he could get me a teaching license so I could have the job. Recently, here in my State we've changed lots of rules, making it easier to be a teacher. Well, easier on paper anyway. The reality is that nothing is available on line except information and you need to speak to a real human being to get anything done. And apparently Real Human Beings at the DOE do not return phone messages nor do they answer emails.

My principal and I called together. We had all my information in front of us and could read them what they need or FAX it or even USPS mail it. We got a voice mail and the message said it would be answered within 5 business days. He then sent an email. On the 6th business day, we both called again and got voice mails and we also sent emails.

In the meantime, an add is running and 22 people apply for the job. I start a campaign and call every day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. My principal finally gets a hold of someone. She said she would pass the information on to the right person. She had only worked for the DOE for a week. She must've not gotten the memo that she's not to answer her phone.

A week later we have to call her back and find out that she did, indeed, pass the information via email to the right person. She forwarded the email to us. She also verbally said that when she talked to the right person, she was told I would probably get a temp. certificate that's good for one year. That's all we needed, but we needed it in writing.

So we continue calling and email and never get a response.

Anyone who knows anything about education, knows that as a summer winds down, the administration is eager to take their summer vacations. We'd been pursuing this for about three weeks and they had to do something. We start school on Aug. 1 and most folks have the entire month of July off so....

Yeah, because no one at the DOE will call or email back, I lost the opportunity to cover that teaching job for a year. That so sucks. Beyond sucks.

My principal felt bad about it but it was a committee decision to hire someone else. They all felt bad that it wasn't me. I understand the situation but it doesn't mean I like it. My principal also said I should continue to pursue it because he knows the other English teacher in our building is looking for a new job. He also knows that since the maternity leave is a temp job for a year, the candidate who was hired could choose to not work the entire time and it could come open again.

I said I was going to drive down to the State and sit there until someone helped me or until they threw me our had me arrested. Apparently that's all we can do to get the government to work. I wish I had connections. I don't but man do I wish I did.



Sunday, June 26, 2011

A chair that was and a lounge that wasn't

It's really weird to start blogging on my laptop again. I have the Windows & Operating System and Word 10 and the Firefox---- none of which I know how to use. I literally didn't blog yesterday, not because I didn't have time, but because all the "new" scared me and just wore my brain out. If I had one of those new at a time and then figured it out, and then the next one, etc I might be okay but all three new at once, I just ended up frustrated and pissed off. So I didn't do anything. Then I thought I couldn't go 2 days without blogging unless I was dead or something worse, so I figured out enough to get here. So here I am.

After all that I feel like I should have something amazing and astounding to say but I really don't. At all.

I could tell you that yesterday morning Curly and I went rummage sale-ing and it was awesome. We got some really good stuff. I got a couple shirts and a tea cup. I found a bunch of books and a pretty cut glass bowl. I got a 6 foot long mesh bag thingy and I'm going to hang it in my room and keep scarves, hats, mittens, and the like in it. I got 2 DVDs (21 and National Treasure 2) and an oil bottle with a stopper.

There is a rummage sale story. I can tell you what I didn't get: an antique, pale pink and gold chenille and velvet chez lounge. I didn't get this beautiful and comfortable piece of furniture with the oak trim, hand carved scroll work, and lion's claw legs because a fellow rummager was a royal BITCH. Oh yes, she was.

I looked at it and sat on it and contemplated and talked to the proprietor of said sale. Then I called ITSam to get an opinion, and some money. Then I went to pay the guy for it, to write a check, when his adult son said it was sold. The son was working with one woman and I was working with the father and there was confusion. The father, I think, was going to make sure I got it since I was just adjusting my funding and securing a truck to get it. The woman got snippy with all of us (down right rude, actually) and then had it carried to her car immediately. It was not a pretty sight. And I didn't NOT get said chez lounge.

I was not happy but I got over it. Just made me mad. I was the first one and the first one gets dibs. We just confused our rummage sale hosts. But she's the one with the lounge and I'm not. Such is life. But damn it, I LOOK like I a siren who belongs draped across it and she looked like... a lump who couldn't glam if her life depended on it, in her gray ugly too small sweat pants in public, her Harry Cary Coke bottle glasses, and her 80s feathered perm- what the hell was SHE going to do with a belong-in-a-bordello chez lounge?

Reminds me of when I was a kid and the neighbors across the street had an auction. I was about 11 or 12 and it was the first auction I had ever been to in my life. I bought 2 pink velvet barrel chairs with Queen Anne legs. For $6.51. I was bidding and I was counting my change and I hollered that bid and everyone around laughed and the person bidding against me stopped and I go the chairs. So my friend Jenny and I carried them home, one at a time. I think my parents about had a cow. I thought they chairs were fancy and elegant. My parents thought they looked like Ms. Havisham cast offs! Never mind that the back was loose on one and dad had to reinforce a leg on the other. Never mind that when I sat on them, a *pouff* cloud of dust arose. Still, I put them in my room and sat on them for years.

Sometimes a sale is just a sale, other times it a furniture adventure!


Friday, June 24, 2011

I now know what 'OS' means!

OS means "Oh Shit I have a new operating system that I have no idea what I'm doing when I use it!"

ITSam installed a new Operating System on my computer as part of the process of getting rid of the Trojans/ Malware.

It looks totally different and I have no idea what I'm doing or where anything is. Not only does it look different but stuff is in different places.

Sam is also a hater of Firefox as a browser and he just restored all my stuff in The Big Blue E. I hate the Big Blue E. I've used Firefox since it was available and it was on computers at different places where I've worked so I've mostly used it... basically forever. I went ahead and installed it and it too is completely different! I can't find anything there either. (And it pissed ITSam off that I loaded it, too.)

I'm hoping to get more familiar with it all weekend and I do know it makes me sound like an old fart to complain about new technology. I guess the new Windows is great (is it & or * or (? Hell, I don't even know the NAME of my new OS!) and I'm lucky to have it but I hate it when I have a routine of things I do when I log on. Now I can't find the stuff to even do it.

I like knowledge and usually change doesn't scare me, but for some reason this all just irritates me.

Maybe my whole life just irritates me right now so this is just one more thing...


Thursday, June 23, 2011

Two issues

Issue 1:

During my second week of Weight Watchers, I gained .2 pounds. I did everything I was supposed to do, exercised, didn't cheat, ate the right foods, ate my veggies and fruit, cut back my sodium, drank tons of water and planned meals so I could spread my points out correctly and I still GAINED weight. That's bullshit and I hate it and feel crappy.

Issue 2:
My computer is still being operated upon but should be up and running tonight. I had to get a new hard drive and a new operating system. Then he cleaned the old hard drive and isolated the viruses/ Trojans/ malware and is slowly re-installing all of my pictures, documents and music. It took 4 hours to install my photos and about that long for the music. So, I should be up and ready to go again tonight and be able to blog from my own computer rather than doing it briefly on break here at work. Ugh!


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Black Swan

This post is about the movie Black Swan and it's filled with LOTS of spoilers! Read at your own peril.

Summary first:
Nina (played by Natalie Portman) is a ballerina in a company and she wins the role of the Swan Queen in the ballet Swan Lake. The director of the ballet is driving her hard to be perfect and constantly criticizes her to be a perfect Black Swan, the dark and evil side of the Swan Queen. He also tries to sexually manipulate her but she doesn't give in to him. Nina lives with her overbearing and controlling mother, who babies and manipulates her constantly (tucks her in at night, monitors her food, has her 20 something year old daughter call her mommy.... uh, yeah.).

A new ballerina, Lily, joins the company and tries to be-friend Nina. Lily takes Nina out drinking, dancing, flirting with men, and gets her to use Ecstasy. Nina has a "good" time.

Throughout all this Nina is self harming in all sorts of gruesome ways. Then she starts experiencing really horrible things, and gets into a fight during her opening night performance, and then dances the best performance of her life. And then dies.

Okay, so was she just nuts or what? I have so many questions and I have no idea if I even liked this movie, because I felt so confounded by ambiguous-ness of it all.
  • Did Nina even have lesbian sex with the other ballerina- her rival Lily (played by Mila Kunis)- or not?
  • Did Nina kill the injured ballerina (played by Winona Ryder) in the hospital? Was the ballerina in the hospital even really injured? Was she even in the hospital? Did that ballerina kill herself?
  • Did she see the director having sex with her rival, Lily? Was Lily even a rival or did Nina imagine it?
  • Was the mother )played by Barbara Hershey) really like a character out of Mommy Dearest, or was that part of Nina illusions?
I want to say I was totally shocked that this movie got an R rating! With all the sex talk, the vivid masturbation scenes (3 that I remember), the almost soft core porn sex, it seemed to really be more sex than an R rating.

And the psycho self- harming was pretty brutal and bloody.

I'm not usually one who likes a psychological thriller where the movie actually plays mind games with the audience. I hated feeling like I was being manipulated throughout the entire film and then not having any answers at the end.

I did like the make up for the Swans. I also thought the special effects were amazing: when she turned into an actual swan, in her mind, while she was dancing. That was scary and beautiful all at the same time.

I just don't see how it got a nomination for an Oscar. But apparently I'm the only person who just didn't "get" it!

See you at the movies,

Monday, June 20, 2011

Computer Down!

My laptop computer at home has 3 Trojan Horses. This, apparently, is bad. I won't be able to blog from home until it's fixed (Hell, I won't be able to do ANYTHING on it until it's fixed!). And, uh, yeah, I, uh, asked ITSam to fix it. Otherwise, it would cost me $30 an hour to hire someone else. He's trying to get back into my good graces so this might help him, and me, at the same time. He's hoping he can just clean it off, whatever that means.

Otherwise, if he can't, the alternative isn't that wonderful. He'll have to dump all my documents, music and pictures onto an external hard drive and then wipe it clean and then reinstall all my stuff. That sounds... bad. He did say it that happens he can put in more memory and RAM and gigs and.... well, I stopped listening so he said if that happens he can update it, which is good. He said if he puts in a new hard-drive it should last me 2-3 more years.

Yes, I realize how that makes me look to have him do all that, but I don't care. All's fair in love and computers.

It's funny because mac's computer went dead over the weekend as well. His power cord stopped working. We decided it was a bad sign when sparks shot out of the tip of the cord.

I hope nothing happens to Daddy-O's computer since Mac and I seem to be doomed.

The lesson here is to back up EVERYTHING and always make sure you have a friend (or a guy who wants to apologize!) in the computer business!


Sunday, June 19, 2011

One of the rituals of man

Watching men shave is sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy. I love it. It's one of those erotic things that no one thinks of as erotic, at least no one I know. But sometimes it just does it for me. It doesn't matter which guy I watch, I like it.... though I have some good memories of specific men...

I would watch one Sam shave and he always put a touch of shaving cream on the tip of my nose, and when I made faces at him he would laugh and wipe it off and kiss me. Then I always smelled like him all day, a touch of clean and menthol.

But I think I really got turned on to watching a man shave when I would watch a specific Sam, many years ago. His face was all slopes and planes and angles with his high cheek bones, pointed chin and Romanesque nose. His face was an interesting one. And he didn't grow a mustache or a goatee; he was a smoothy face. And with this Sam shaving was... an event, I guess. Or a routine. He always turned on the shower first and let the water run the entire time, filling the room with steam while he shaved. He always stood at the sink wearing nothing but a towel wrapped loosely around his narrow hips. He always filled the sink with warm water.

The bathroom vanity at his house had a long, low counter running next to the sink. It was something out of a movie scene when I would watch him shave there. I would usually have on a long silk burgundy robe and a pair of kitten heeled mules, with little black maribu on the top, with my painted toes peeking out the ends; completely impractical as 'slippers' go but... These items lived in Sam's closet for the duration of our relationship, waiting for my overnight visits. So there I would sort of lounge, on the vanity, next to the sink, with one bare leg drawn up so I could wrap my clasped hands around my bent knee, the other leg swinging back and forth, slipper dangling off my toe, my hair sort of unruly spilling all over my shoulders, tied back with the robe's belt. I usually smoked a cigarette when I sat there watching him. Oh yeah, talk about setting a scene.

Sam shaved the old fashioned way, to a degree. He still used a Bic razor, something with a triple blade, but he loved to use cream shaving foam in a cup and use an old barber's brush to slather it one. I always liked watching him create the foam, like watching meringue appear in his hands, in the cup, like magic. I like the way the brush danced over his face as he covered the lower half in the cream. After coating his face, I like how he always would like the tip of the brush glide up my leg, from my ankle tattoo to below my knee. He wouldn't look at me as he ran that brush over my skin, but would instead check his reflection in mirror, turning his head this way and that, making sure he had it all there before he applied the razor to his face, even though he had a little smile play at the corners of his lips. So there I would sit with a white stripe up my leg, not saying a word, just watching him, waiting, taking slow, long drags on my unfiltered Camel.

Then he would shave, just like any other man. It wasn't even necessarily that Sam was so sexy, but he was, but all men going through this ritual can be sexy. With Sam, it was nothing fancy, really. Not really complicated. He would just let that razor glide over his skin, gently and slowly, deliberately. He kept his eyes on his own face in the mirror, but he knew I was watching. He was careful as he ran the razor over the dimple in his chin, the divot under his nose, over his Adam's apple, over the smooth plains of his face... He would let the razor caress his skin, erase the foam and then he would dip it in the sink and give the razor a bit of a shake and then resume again. The water made a little splash when the razor went in. Something about the repeated motions, slow and deliberate, careful, smooth, easy, gliding, the fluid motion of the routine of the shave is mesmerizing. The vanishing of the foam and the flick of his wrist was like watching the intricate insides of a clock and all the pieces moving together, yet it was simply his hand, wrist, face, water, razor all becoming one. And the water that dripped from the razor would run in rivulets down his bare chest, like rain droplets. When his face was clear, he would again tip his head this way and that, checking to make sure he didn't miss a spot. He would take the towel from his hips and dab his face, toweling off the dots and dabs of left over foam. Then he would turn to me and lean forward and take a long drag from the cigarette I offered, letting me still hold it between my fingers while he inhaled, resting his fingertips on my wrist, at my pulse, to steady my hand, while he took a lung full of smoke.

He wasn't done yet. Sam would then run his fingers in the foam he left on my leg- locking his eyes on mine, not blinking nor wavering, and exhaling the smoke through his nose slowly, and he then would turn back to the mirror. He would run his flat palm over his steamy reflection, clearing a place to complete his finishing touches; he needed to even up his sideburns. He dabbed the cream he took from my leg onto his sideburns and leaned in close to the mirror. He would apply the razor to each side of his face until they were just right, just perfectly even.

The bathroom by now was hot and steamy, like a sauna and he was getting ready to step into the shower. At this point, he would rinse the razor out and let the water drain from the sink. He would rinse the sink and set the cup and brush on the glass shelf next to the razor. He took the stub of my left over ciggybutt and ran it under the water and tossed it in the trash can. Then he took a towel and ran it over my leg, removing the left over foam he put there, usually bending down and letting his smooth cheek follow in the wake of the towel so I could feel just how smooth, just how close, of a shave he managed.

I do declare, I just love watching a man shave in the morning. Simply love it...


Saturday, June 18, 2011

Random Saturday brain ramblings

I had a great idea to blog about when I was at the grocery store but I didn't write it down and now I can't remember what I want to say. You are now stuck with rambling.

Trying to pick a movie to watch with Mac on Netflix is a pain in the butt. Mostly he wants to watch documentaries, stand up or British television. I just want to watch a movie and laugh. He's such an ass about picking a movie, unless it's in a theater, then he'll see almost anything.

I love melted cheddar cheese on an apple. Bad on weight watchers but yummy on the palette.

I'm so tired I can barely see straight. I'm going to bed shortly, while it's still daylight, which is really lame for a Saturday night.

I have an awesome date story to tell you all.

I miss Curley. I'm just sayin'. She's not mad at me or anything but I haven't seen her in forever. We all know who's still mad at me.

Europe is calling my name. I wish is would also be giving me money at the same time, but she is calling. I want to go. I need to go.

My toes are swollen today. Gee, I love summer and humidity here in the Midwest.


Friday, June 17, 2011

Tiffany's *

I love Tiffany & Co Jewelry. I do. I just LOVE it!

For last Christmas, the now ex Sam (formerly referred to as ITSam) bought me my very first Tiffany's gift, a heart key and the heart is pink. I love it; and I did NOT give it back at the break up. I can't believe I went 39 years without ever having a piece of Tiffany's jewelry. What in the world was I waiting for? Well, okay I was waiting for Prince Charming- Enough- to- Buy- Me- Tiffany's, and he did. Here's what it looks like:

Now that Prince Charming is not so Charming (nor Prince like), I wondered, can I buy Tiffany's for myself? I browsed the gifts under a $100 and if I can shop there for myself, I'd get this because it's only $30:
I want to point out that it also comes in the infamous Tiffany Blue Bag. *Ahem*

The other thing I like is this:While I don't think it would behoove me to get this for myself, I still think it's beautiful. It would've made a gorgeous wedding ring, or a "just because" piece. I'm not such the narcissist that I'd acquire this on my own. But's certainly stunning.

And soon, I'll be posting about why I'm so Holly Golightly!

Maggie aka Holly

*This post was inspired my recent viewing of Breakfast at Tiffanys!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I fondled her purse, wanted to lick her salad, and then got my finger stuck in a hole

Lilith and I had a "girl's night out" on Wednesday. Lilith is to purses as I am to shoes. She had this BEAUTIFUL leather bag, buttery soft. It's a gorgeous brown color and the perfect size. It's a bag that I've looked for my entire life. And it was so soft! I kept touching her purse, almost petting it. She finally had to threaten to cut my fingers off if I didn't stop!

She and I are both doing Weight Watchers. She's been at this a lot longer and has the bugs figured out. She got croutons on her salad and I really wanted some; I got mine without because I indulged on a Starbucks coffee earlier in the day. Anyway, she said how good the croutons were. I wondered, aloud, if I licked the croutons how many points would I have to count for that?

Then as we were standing in the parking lot, chatting before we went home, I was spinning my keys around on my finger. The keyring has 2 holes in it and as I spun it on one finger, my pinkie got stuck in the other hole. I thought we were gonna have to cut my finger off to get it out!

Now, get your minds out of the gutter!


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Random stuff in my head on a Tuesday

During the first week of Weight Watchers (my weigh in was today), I lost 2 pounds. Feh. Daddy-O and Mac together lost weight equaling a newborn. GOOD for THEM!

XRay Girl still isn't talking to me. It's breaking my heart.

Today we finished inventory of all the fiction and all the new books. Since I had no idea what I was doing and had to start over last week, it wasn't bad that it only took 4 days for the fiction. Tomorrow, I start the non-fiction. I'm going to let kids start checking out books in fiction, since they're driving me crazy!

ITSam is working like hell to get me to take him back. It hasn't worked.

Mac still doesn't have a summer job, darn it!! He's applied about 10 places but no luck yet.

I showed Casablanca to my summer school film class (it's an all girl class) and they "didn't get it." WTF is there not to get? Ugh! The youth of today!!

I'm psyched about meeting Lilith in Northern Civilization tomorrow!!! Talking, dinner and book browsing are on the agenda. And I called Archiver's and she and I can work on our scrapbook projects if we want, even though it's a Wednesday!!

Why does Vanna White wear ballgowns to flip letters? And the letters don't even flip anymore, just touch and they light up.

I got some new shoes and they look awesome. Pictures will be forthcoming.


Monday, June 13, 2011

Double trouble

I locked my keys in the car today. I went to the public library after work and thought I would only run in for just a minute, so I left my purse in the car. and as soon as I slammed the door, I knew what I did. I leaned in to look in the window and there were my keys, dangling in the ignition. Damn it.

I went inside and dropped off my books and then went outside to call Daddy-O and Mac. Guess what? Daddy-O doesn't have a spar set of my keys. Mac's were the one's in the ignition- and my purse was in the backseat.... with MY keys in it. Well, shit!

Daddy-O showed up with a coat hanger and we attempted to pop the lock which didn't work, of course. A woman in the car next to me said the police in our town don't pop car locks any more.

I had one option left. At one time, ITSam had a key to my car and I had never got it back. So, I called him. Yeah.

He came with a key and it didn't work. WTF? He was as shocked as I was. We walked back to his apartment and hunted around and couldn't find another one.

I broke down and finally called a locksmith. He's a guy I know from my dad's church, and is one of my dad's closest friend. He's such a nice guy and I have a great deal of respect for this man. So, I called him and he came to the library.

In about 10 minutes he had it unlocked. Just a few swipes and I was in!

And because this guy is a friend of my fathers, it was free. I cried and hugged him.

Some days are good and humanity is good.


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Glorious weather

OMG- it's so beautiful out today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's only supposed to be a high of 72 degrees all day today and there's a breeze blowing. It's just glorious. The sun is out and the clouds are puffy and white and dancing across the cerulean blue sky. It's just stunning!

I swear I think I'll take a book and a blanket and go to the park and pay under a tree and read for awhile before I have to go to work. Or sit out on the screened in porch. It's just amazing. It's like paradise.

Why should I be so excited over glorious weather? Well, for the past 2 weeks it's been unbearably hot here, in the mid 90s. The humidity has been super high as well, and then it's rained lots- sticky, muggy, humid, hot, wet- YUCK!

So, today is a glorious reprieve. I did sleep until about noon, however, and I have to go to work at 4pm, but it's just about darn near perfect weather to be outside. If I had cash and had not committed to working, this would be the perfect zoo day! If the weather holds out like this- as the forecast is predicting- I might take the afternoon off the day I get paid and just go to the zoo and hang with the animals!


Saturday, June 11, 2011

When you've lost that lovin' feelin'

One of the worst feelings in the world is that empty lonely feeling you have after a break-up, after the end of a relationship.

You spend all the time and work on a relationship, getting to know someone and making plans and thinking it's all going along great and then is goes straight to hell. You end up feeling all tired but not the sort that lets you sleep. You feel all emotionally wrung out and sick of feeling like crap but can't seem to stop. You feel sad and are mourning but for a person who is still alive and walking around. You work and see each other, and then *BAM*, you're all alone and just.... well, alone with all these hours to fill with something.

ITSam and I were together for almost a year. We were shy of the one year mark by 21 days. That's it. 21 days. Though we never married nor lived together, never open a joint bank account, we still have some things to untangle. I loaned him some furniture. He has my cell phone number on his plan. There's the deposit to get back on my engagement ring. He put new tires on my car and sometimes makes 'noise' about wanting me to pay for those. Just things that are hassles, that are complicated, that keep us tethered to each other.

There's more there that bonded us, though. I sing praises about having "me" time to do what I want and time to spend with my friends and family as I see fit but I'd worked hard the last 344 days to entwine our lives together and I feel saddened, maudlin, angry, hurt, and... at loose ends. When we were a couple and I had finally settled down, I knew when I got off work from my weekend job, that most likely I would go to his house and spend the night or he would come to mine and we would watch movies until the wee hours.I liked that (most of the time). I just feel so out of sorts. Now tonight when I get off my weekend job, I'm just going home alone. Again. I have time to do what I want without question but I miss his companionship and it's only been days.

It makes work seem different as well. We always had lunch together since we worked in the same place. He would make excuses to come to the school so he could see me. He would bring me treats, and we would share rides. I would call him to just say "I love you". The kids knew us as a couple as did all the employees so it's not only awkward to explain a break-up but work just doesn't seem the same either. Again, it's only been not quite a week but it still doesn't feel the same.

I already miss being part of a couple. I didn't realize how much I had come to rely on him.

Empty empty empty.... right now that's a good word to describe it.

What's even harder is that I have to see him daily. We work in the same place so if nothing else, our paths will cross in the campus cafeteria but more than likely in other places as well. It's hard to see someone you care for, love even, and know that you have to forget it and move on.

I wonder if I miss the companionship or him specifically or all the above, if I miss having someone to do things with and talk to, and so I wasn't going to be the one who is all alone again.


Friday, June 10, 2011

The Skinny on Princess

I've been rather closed mouthed about Princess lately because it's been hard and hurtful. But.... here goes:

It was basically decided that at the end of June she would be going home, back to her mother's house. Around the time that was decided she and another girl in her Alcatraz house became super close to each other, leading many to question if they were lesbians. Drama and turmoil ensued. I personally could've cared less what her sexual choice was, but I wanted her to make good choices about things in general- period. She pulled away from me and finally some of the other girls told me she was embarrassed at what I might say about her sexual exploration. The other girls who were her friends encouraged her to talk to me and she finally did. I told her I didn't care who she dated as long as it was a good person.

The person she was dating wasn't good- she was a mean and abusive girl- verbally and physically. Long story how I learned it but I do work here and people talk so I just know these things.

Then Princess was having behavior issues in her house and because of the hinted "relationship" with this other- it was a violation- she wasn't allowed to leave campus.

Once that got all sorted out, Princess learned her girlfriend didn't like me and she pulled away again.

I cornered her yet again and took her off campus for dinner- with permission of all adults in charge or course- and we talked. She told me how her GF didn't like me and that put her in a weird spot because she doesn't want to upset either of us. She also told me lots of stuff about how basically her mom was saying she couldn't see me when she went home because she had a mom and didn't need another one. Princess figured it would be hard enough to go home anyway so why fight her mom on one more thing especially with the distance between her and I- it would be 6 hours.

We talked and tried to sort stuff out.

Then Princess went on a home visit and came back early. But no one told me she was coming back early.

During all this, her Alcatraz caseworker who had been trying to be my friend and was jealous of my relationship with Princess, suddenly starts taking her off campus to do things and talking with her and hanging out with her all the time. Princess liked that of course, but the caseworker was making it hard for me to spend time with Princess.

So after sorting through all that crap, Princess told me today that now she isn't going home and will be either staying here at Alcatraz until January when she's 18 years old, or she would stay in this county and go into an Independent living program, either of which would be good. She was hinting to me that I should still fast track my foster care application so she can live with me. Wow.

I feel like I'm living in a game of pinball here. And because of that, I'm just going to relay the information rather than give an opinion.


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Follow the train of thought

Mac asked if I wanted to listen to music and I said yes as long as he played something I wanted to hear.

The following is my own little meme, I guess. As he played songs, here's what I thought I of as he clicked around because the child can't seem to just play a single damn song all the way through! So as he played here was my first thought as they came up
  • "Novocaine" (the Broadway version): I want to see American Idiot on Broadway.
  • "Zanzabar" (Billy Joel): Wonder if he's still touring and if I could afford those tickets.
  • "Beck's Boogie" (Yard Birds): wonder what happen to the Brian Setzer wannabe band that used to play at a cool bar in N. Civilization and left to try and become famous
  • "Prelude/ Angry Young Man" (Bill Joel): I want to see him in concert again and I wonder if his Broadway show will tour and he was so awesome in concert when I saw him years ago and I wonder if I should start piano lessons again
  • "Girl" (Beatles): Do I know this song? I think Steven Tyler is so hot when he breathes in the Armageddon movie song
  • "Blackbird" (Beatles): that's a pretty song
  • "Wouldn't it be nice" (Beach Boys): Am I too fat to learn to surf?
  • "It's all been done" (Barenaked Ladies): I don't care if he was a coke head or a Canadian, the lead singer is pretty cute and did they get back together after he got out of re-hab? Should I Google that?
  • "Bust- a- move" (Young MC)- I hated high school and what the hell is happening in music?
  • "That Thing You do" (Wonders)- I LOVE that movie! I wish I owned it. Stupid video store doesn't have it, those bastards.
  • "Meet Virginia" (Train): love is so not like that and no man accepts a woman for who she is
  • "American Girl" (Tom Petty): I couldn't think because Mac was making fun of it and I couldn't think for all the laughing
  • "BBQ Stain" (Tim McGraw): I need to go Photographer's recipe for bbq sauce that's a good Weight Watchers one with low points
And that's the music inspired thoughts on this Thirsty Thursday!


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Begin again

I got special permission and Alcatraz School hired a friend/ co- worker to work in the summer, part time, to help me with inventory of the library.

Monday I followed all the directions and we divided the list between us and got started.

That's when trouble began. We found all sorts of books that were ON the shelves but that were NOT on the inventory list. I could take one of those books and search it in my library software and it's listed there and all the data about it is correct. I can find these books by title, author, bar code label and often by keyword. But for whatever reason they were not coming up on the master list. Hmmm.

Then it went from one or two books to.... 89. And we only have 6 letters of the alphabet finished. Houston, we have a problem.

So, I called my school system's head librarian and asked her if she could help me. I explained the problem and she had be click around and she couldn't help me over the phone. So she came to see me this afternoon.

She clicked around and did some checking and lo and behold, no one has done an inventory in my school's library since 2006. OMG! 2006?!? Seriously? Well, shit!

Then she hit me with the bad news. If someone had been doing this inventory correctly all along, then printing a master list would've worked out, so I was doing it right, technically. BUT since no one had bothered to inventory for 5 years, I now have to do this the hard way. I have to take every book off the shelf and scan it in our system, in a program labeled, oddly enough: "Inventory". Then, once that is done, I have to run a missing book report to see what is missing and wade through that book by book.

And because we are not fancy nor technologically up to date in our library, I don't own a wireless hand scanner. So, I will have to take every book off the shelf, carry them to the desk top computer, scan each book, then put them away.


So tomorrow morning we are starting back over from the beginning.

Gee, this is such a *GREAT* week! Ugh!


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The day things went wrong

  • ITSam and I split up over the weekend in a flurry of Sam-caused- drama and I'm exhausted from all the stupidity of it
  • I started Weight Watchers today. My daily point total sucks.
  • I started my period today... though I guess this is good news, considering the alternative!
  • X-Ray Girl is pissed off and I got in the line of fire of that and she's mad at me now, too- which is ITSam's fault (Curley and Daddy-O, please don't say anything to her if you see her!!!)
  • My sandal strap broke at school and the shoes had to be thrown away
  • I'm doing inventory of all the library books and it's a huge, damn disaster! Hasn't anyone done this before?
  • I mis-balanced my checkbook today and have $8 from now until pay day, which is a week from tomorrow- shit!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Random Monday musings

I have really big hair because of the humidity. I have no idea how to control it.

I agreed in a moment of weakness to watch The Hangover I with Mac tonight. Ugh!

I found out today that I'll get a raise of my summer school teaching pay- a dollar more an hour than last year, so I think I'll make about $14/ hour for teaching! (Hey Sam, I might just come down and see you after all!!!!!) I also agreed to teach an extra course so EXTRA money!!!!!!

OMG- Weight Watchers starts tomorrow.

OMG- Lilith and I are having a scrapbook night again tomorrow... this is a GOOD OMG. Not only are we scrapbooking together, we're seeing each other twice in 2 weeks. A new record!!! Pictures will be forthcoming.

Mac was helping move a piece of furniture of mine the other day. He said, "hey mom. The paint on this thing is all cracked and peeling and looks like shit. Why are we moving it? Can't we just throw it away?" I said, "It's supposed to look like that. It's called 'rustic'!" He said, "Oh so it's a cracked and peeling rustic looking piece of shit" and he hauled it to the garage, giggling to himself!

I love Fiji water. I would like to say it's because of the taste of the water, but in reality, if I'm completely honest, it's because of the square bottle.

ITSam and I had a fight so he wouldn't give me Netflix at work. Yeah, I know. So I revamped my entire lesson plans since my Classic Film History class started today. I was actually thrilled to be back at work and I have a really small class of all girls who LIKE to have discussion so it was a good day. We started talking about a classic movie is. Since it was the first day and I didn't want to scare them off, I showed part of Titanic and gave them the challenge to decide if it was a classic or not.

And that's all there is............

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Well, you said it was FREE!

The other day Daddy-O and I cleaned out the garage. It was a few hours of time but we got lots accomplished.

One thing we both decided when we started cleaning that we were NOT going to have a rummage sale. At all. I had a rummage sale a few years ago and I did it because I really needed the money, really badly. But unless I'm in that sort of dire straits again, then there is no friggin way. So we agreed.

We threw stuff away and we took stuff to the local mission store. And we came up with an idea. We had some things we didn't want to "wrap up" and box up to haul away. So we lugged a super old, beat up card table to the side of the street and set all the stuff on it with a huge sign that said "free." There was an old oil lamp, and a bunch of candle holders. There was an old Mary Engelbreit picture, and old birdhouse, and an old computer monitor that still worked but was old and bulky.

As the day went on, stuff disappeared off the table. Cars would slow down and take a looky-loo. Some stopped and others didn't. People took stuff. It was all good.

I ran a few errands and when I got home, there was one thing left: the computer monitor. The cords had been taken (probably someone wanted to sell the copper) and left the monitor.

And the monitor was no longer on the table but on the grass.

Because someone had taken the table. Seriously! Someone took the old, ramshackle, broken down, table all the stuff was on.

Well, the sign did say "Free".


Saturday, June 4, 2011

Meme for Saturday!


Q: Kissed someone on your friends list?
false, not yet

Q: Been arrested?

Q: Held a snake?
false (I squished one with my car and shot one with a gun once!)

Q: Been suspended from school?

Q: Sang karaoke?

Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?

Q: Laughed until you started crying?

Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?

Q: Kissed in the rain?

Q: Sang in the shower?

Q: Sat on a roof top?
false (I think)

Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

Q: Broken a bone?

Q: Shaved your head?

Q: Played a prank on someone?

Q: Shot a gun?

Q: Donated Blood?


1. You hung out with?

2. You texted?

3. You were in a car with?

4. Went to the movies with?

5. Person you went to shop with?

6. You talked on the phone?

7. Made you laugh?

8. You hugged?


1. Sang?
yes, along with the car radio

2. Listened to music?

3. Danced Crazy?

4. Cried?

FIRSTS .....

1.Who was your first prom (or homecoming) date?
Sperm Donor

2. Who was your first roommate?
A bunch of summer kids in a frat house

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time?

4. What was your first job?
car hop

5. What was your first car?
1982 Ford Fiesta

6. When did you go to your first funeral and viewing?
I don't remember

7. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs. DeLagrange

8. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?

9. When you snuck out of your house for the first time?
I never snuck out really...

10. Who was your first best friend?
I don't remember

11. Who was your first Best Friend in high school?
a girl named Jenny

12. Where was your first sleepover?
at Jenny's

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
I don't usually call anyone

14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a Bridesmaid or groomsman?
my brother's wedding; I was the maid of honor

15. What is the first thing you did when you got up this morning?
took a shower

16. First time you tied your shoe laces?
before kindergarten

17. Are you Facebook friends with your first crush?
I don't do Facebook

18. Who was the first person you met from the blogosphere?

19. What was the first music album that you bought?
Cuts like a Knife

20. Who was your first celebrity crush?
Shaun Cassidy

Thanks to Sunday Stealing!!!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Busy day abloom

Yesterday Daddy-O and I cleaned the garage. To the naked eye, it wouldn't look like it was clean since half of it is still full of boxes and stuff, but now the boxes and stuff have been condensed and re-stacked neatly. The floor is swept. More space was created. Junk was thrown out, things were donated to the thrift store, and cardboard hauled to the recycling bins. We worked out butts off and things look completely AWESOME in the garage!!!

And while it was a beautiful day outside and I was running around outdoors, I thought I would snap some pictures of the flowers in the yard; they're better than pictures of the garage! Here are a bunch of peonies:

Here are the roses that climb on the back fence:

Here are some more of the roses that grow on the side of the house. We're going to wait until all the blooming is gone and then move it so it climbs along a trellis on the side porch.

Finally, here's some random pictures around the rest of the house:


Russian Sage

Cats & Kittens

Happy Summer!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Robin Hoods they are not!

Because of all the change in our building, weird stuff was going on from Christmas to now- weird stuff with our TEACHERS!

When the teachers who were re-assigned to other buildings found out about their impending moves, it was like they gave up. They started cleaning their classrooms back in January and stopped teaching. They took everything off the walls, gave stuff away, cleaned stuff out and boxed stuff up. (at one point, in our copy room, the storage closet of paper had 35 cases of paper in it and all the boxes had been taken and the paper just stacked on the floor.) WTF?!?

I also wanted to point out that the teachers tried to make the library a catch all for all the crap they didn't want and I finally got to the point where I said "no" and it really stunned people. HA! I don't want their crap!

So not only did it seem that educating students halted in these rooms, but so did good manners and commons sense, and following laws. I couldn't believe the stuff teachers were taking with them, that they claimed was "theirs". I don't think our administrators have any idea what belonged to the school, the corporation or the teachers. (those of us who knew what was happening told different administrators and I think in the end, the admin. felt it was easier to let stuff go than fight it, I guess) Digital cameras left the building, along with tons of books, a lat top, a printer, a card reader, among other things. Like they can't get new stuff from their new schools? They're so bitter they have to take stuff? They can justify it because why again?

I find it very sad about how teachers felt the need to steal from our school. Who knows what will be there when school starts again in August?

And what are we trying to teach our delinquent, criminal students? Apparently they rubbed off on the teachers rather than the other way around!


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

New Year Resolutions in June- is that anything like Christmas in July?

I have decided two things that I'm going to do with my life, starting this month.

First, I'm giving myself permission to say "no". I'm gonna stop doing stuff I don't want to do. I find I end up doing a bunch of crap that I don't want to do. I often say yes out of guilt, because it's the "right thing" to do, or because it's expected. I'm not gonna do it any more. I'm only going to do things I want to do.

Secondly, the other thing I'm going to do is diet. I already wrote about that so i don't need to go into it again, though I really do appreciate all the thoughtful, encouraging and positively helpful comments from everyone already!

And there are 80 days until Mac leaves for college. Thank goodness.... I'm sure this has something to do with weight loss and saying no.