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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Well, this certainly sounds like it's over, don't you agree?

The last few weeks, after the huge blow up with ITSam I've been trying to work things out with him. We've been going on dates and just talking. It's like we were starting over again, the best two people can who've dated for almost a year.

I thought it had been going along well. I thought we were having fun. I thought it was going okay. We talked some serious talks but not lots, but just enough to try and sort some things out, to see if things were savable.

Well, apparently things were not going along well for him. He finally, officially, broke up with me tonight. And it was out of the clear blue.

He said he didn't think my heart was in this. He didn't think I was ever going to forgive him. He said he was emotionally invested but didn't feel I was, and he said he thought this would never work. He said I didn't treat him like he was special, that I treated him just like I do everyone else. He also said I never "make" plans with him but I make plans with everyone else so apparently, according to him, I just see him when no one else is available.

He said I don't love him anymore because I don't say it.

I guess I got out of the car when he dropped me off after work tonight and I didn't kiss him good-bye; I just got out of the car. It didn't matter that mac was pissed off, the phone was ringing inside and I could hear it but no one was answering, that it seemed like no one was home because cars were gone but the house was standing wide open, he and I had a fight at lunch about Mac so I was still seething over that, the fact I was distracted and didn't kiss him so I don't care about him and am just trying to be friends. Because I don't treat him special.

He buys me stuff to show me that he thinks I'm special and I just never reciprocate. He pointed out how much money he spent on me in the last two weeks- money I didn't ask for, I would like to point out. (I wrote him a fucking check for $100 for some clothes he got me. It was to make a point. Don't tell me I shouldn't have. If you were there, you would've done the same thing, trust me). He claimed I only want people to know he and I are together when in public not in private, and he just went on and on and on. Somewhere in there he told me he loved me more than I love him AND that he wants to spend all his free time with me and he doesn't want to do things without me because he wants me by his side, making his life better and I make things more fun-- he said. He also said I don't need him nor do I make him feel special since I want to hang out with my family and friends as much as I want to see him. He said he would NEVER leave me at home on a Friday night like I did with him (I took Mac to a movie and dinner, just mom and son time last Friday; so that's bad????).

When we had our huge fight a few weeks ago I suggested he get therapy or at least go back on his anti-depressant. He said he would. Tonight he told me the only reason he needed it was because of his ex-wife being crazy and he's fine now so he doesn't need it and he never told me I need an anti-depressant and some how he compared it to my breasts being saggy and not telling me I need plastic surgery. Yeah. Rat bastard.

And then he dumped me. HE dumped ME after all that because he wants someone who isn't so independent and he knows I "can never be a damn wife like any other woman" (<--- that my dear friends, is a direct quote!) and who will love him like he loves her and wants to be by his side and make plans to do things together and not be treated like an afterthought.

What a lovely Monday evening.

Maggie

18 comments:

Lilith said...

He doesn't want a girlfriend/wife, he wants a puppy!

I love my husband with all my heart, but I don't want to spend every single moment with him!

I said it before and I'll say it again, this guy is a douchebag and doesn't have a fricken clue how to love!

Buying gifts doesn't show love. Spending every waking moment together, doesn't show love. Doing any of the other things he's done, doesn't show love!

It shows, possessiveness and the beginnings for an abusive relationship.

Curley said...

Wow. I'm so sorry. I love my husband very much and I don't always kiss him when I get out of a car somewhere. So you are supposed to spend all your free time with him and make plans with him and buy him things? Maybe the problem is that he is too clingy and has no other life. If he got you things(that you didn't ask for)that is all his idea, not yours.

Amy said...

That's not love. That is needy behavior born out of insecurity.

Although it maybe a blow to your ego, he's right to break up with you. You obviously aren't the woman for him. Count yourself lucky!

Don't think for a second though that you are not enough woman for some other lucky guy out there! This guy needs something you can't give and would be miserable trying to give.
You are perfect for someone who will be a compliment to you, not someone who will drain you.

booknut said...

I agree with what everyone else said. And I curse him for hurting you! I can't believe he got mad at you for spending time with your son. I love your brother very much but do not want to spend every waking moment with him. That's too smothering. Couples need to spend time apart once in a while. And the amount of love does NOT equal amount of money spent! It seems like you are better off without him. We love you!!!

Wiley said...

Daaaaaamn...!

There's a word for people like him: it's arsehat.
You're well shot of him. And look at it thins way - by breaking up with you, he's the one who ends up looking like the villain (and not a very smart one at that).

Buy him a voucher for a mail order bride as a farewell gift. That sounds like more his speed...


Douche.
BTW, one of the benefits of being a milspouse is knowing plenty of professional killers, if you know what I mean ;)

Evil Pixie said...

Holy canolli! You're right... I would have wrote him a check. Apparently, IT Sam wants a woman from the 1950s - whose life revolves around him. It's all ego, Sweetie, and you are a wondeful, independent woman who doesn't need to make herself constantly available to stroke his ego.

I'm sorry he broke up with you, and I'm sorry he did it in such a crappy way. That said, you deserve so much better then IT Sam. Sending you buckets of Pixie love.

Jimmie Earl said...

I'm sorry that this had to happen to you. Now that I hear the whole story, (you told me to read your blog)I understand completely. You were married to a possessive asshat once, and you certainly don't need nor do you deserve that unhappiness again. Spread those wings, go for that ideal job, do what you want with your live, and remember, you will find the guy of your dreams out there when you least expect it! As for the gift giving, I thought that's what he was doing. Not trying to buy you.
Again I say "asshat."!

JE

sam said...

Hey Maggie,

I agree with everyone above. I know it's hard to be alone but I'd pick alone over ITSam. Remember that saying..."when people show you who they are, believe them the first time". He has shown you over and over again who he is. Please, believe him this time.

P

PS Change all your passwords. When he transferred all your stuff I'll bet he copied them all.

Lilith said...

OMG, did your dad just say "asshat?"

I LOVE IT!!

Bragger said...

Ditto.

Ditto.

And ditto.

You deserve to be happy, and being happy shouldn't be something you have to work so hard at. Or work around.

Curley said...

OMG! After reading Evil Pixie I wish I had left the first comment I started to write. My first thought was he wanted a 50's housewife. One who stayed home all day, cleaning and met their husband at the door with a high ball and supper on the table. Laura Petrie.

Maggie said...

My tribe has spoken!!!! thank you all so much for your input, your thoughts, you positiveness, your encouragement- you've all made me feel so much better!!! And I think you're all special and I would love to spend face-to-face time with each of you more than ITSam!!!!!! Thank you!

Because I was single for so long I thought something was wrong with me for wanting to spend time with my family and friends and not wanting to be totally absorbed into him. I thought I was the screw up for that. thank you all for your words about you and your men! I'm normal!

he accused me of being Carrie Bradshaw and that life is not an episode of Sex and the City and most women don't have women friends to hand out with- thank you for reinforcing the importance of "girlfriend time" !!!

And I KNOW money doesn't =love but it hurts so much that he said that, the jerk!

Thanks for giving me the love! *smooch*!!!!!!!!

Maggie said...

Sam- good idea- I will do that!

Lilith- yes, he totally said asshat! heehee!

Curley- oh yeah, I'm such a Donna Reed in the making....! NOT!

Bragger- thank you for your comment! thought I was out of practice in relationships, I didn't think it was supposed to be that hard either!

Evil P- thank you!!!! And I'm glad you would've written him a check, too!!!! I'm pissed now that I did it, but am glad at the same time!!!

Maggie said...

Wiley- your connections might come in handy if he harasses me. Seriously. ;)

maggie's son mac said...

My mother calls him ITSam...but I like to call him fucktard. A lot of people on here are very correct about his ego and poor attitude but I don't think mi madre really shines a light on how horrid this piece of shit really is. If he really cared about my mother he'd never bring up the things he's done for her. People like this are always trying to manipulate others. It doesn't matter if somebody does 100 good deeds for somebody else if the thought behind it is malicious and manipulative. I was shocked to see that he of all people commented on my moms boobs in a negative way. I mean where does he get off? The guy's dick doesn't even work (apparently, he admitted to my mom he has ED, real turn on eh?) and my mom would never insult him over that.

ITdumbfuck also tried starting shit with me which doesn't fly. He gets jealous that I spend time with my mom but he doesn't even give a shit about his own kid to bother fighting for custody (he doesn't have the money for a lawyer but spends "100's" on my mom). He manipulates words as well to fit his needs. I once vented to him that I was upset due to inconsistencies in school and home and that's all I said. He decides this meant that I said that my mom was inconsistent and a bad parent. Now if he was really concerned about me saying this don't ya think he would've said something to my mom ASAP? Most good spirited human beings would, but not this ITbitch. He decides to use these false accusations against her in a fight.

One more story and I'll be done with this rant so hang in there. Mom's best friend (xraygirl) said "if ITsam (dickhead) spoke to me the way he did you (you referring to my mother) he wouldn't be alive" a typical girl best friend remark but ITdick decides to make a big deal about it and threatens to have her arrested and press charges....again has all this money to fight these lawsuits that he claims he's gonna push but won't fight for the custody of his own kid.....not to mention the fact that xray girl is a twig compared to ITfatass.

I can't wait to see him come crawling back to my mom and hopefully she tears his ass a new one when he does. If shes a dummy and takes him back, I won't mind. I mean I go to college soon but when I get back it's open season on his sorry ass.

-Mac

Maggie said...

Well folks, as you can see he have a milestone event here at shoes/ purses. Mac not only read my blog for the first time, but also commented! How did this happen, you might be asking?

My aunt and uncle are here from Texas visiting and they read my blog. At dinner we were all talking about this post and Mac felt left out. I told him this wasn't going to be a regular occurrence but he could read it.

He did.

And he was so moved to comment.

So to Mac, thank you for the comment and expounding on your thoughts. I think you're so very right. (I like all your ITSam name riffs- very funny, albeit raunchy, but very funny! And I'm not not going to be a dummy who takes him back!!!)

I love you too, baby!!!

Lilith said...

Ok, one more comment and then I'm done (well for this post!)

I have known you for 10 years (holy shit has it been that long) and I know what a wonderful woman you are.

From everything I have read, and everything I have heard from you, it all comes down to this: this douchebag doesn't appreciate you.

I want you to know, I FUCKING APPRECIATE YOU!!

Shan said...

Oh my well wasn't that quite the summer read!! Look what I missed when I glanced away.
Other than agreeing with everyone on here, I will restate what I probably said last time you broke up with him.
WHEW!!!
It's time to shake it up and say "Woman, thou art loosed!" :D
Hang in there. You are totally worth mutually appreciative relationship! xx