Saturday, January 3, 2015

Sickness makes me mean

I have been home sick for 6 days and I'm not kidding, I feel as bad today as I did 6 days ago.

I'm hunting for the silver lining but it's really hard. I keep trying to tell myself it's just a cold and I'll be better and it's not fatal that I have to live with forever. That most of it is over a paid holiday from work so I didn't have to take all my PTO time. At least I have insurance now and went to the doctor rather than "wait it out" or sit for 6 hours at the free clinic in hopes of being seen.

But I'm still really down about being sick and not feeling like I'm getting better.

I went to the doc yesterday and I have an ear infection, an upper respiratory infection, and the Rhino Virus. Not even Mac's jokes about rhinos made me feel better, other than a few giggles. I had meds but still feel icky and gross.

I haven't had the energy or the ability to concentrate on anything, which also sucks. I've been at home for 6 days and I haven't finished a book, written a letter or even watched a movie. I move from chair to couch to bed and feel ick. I really hate this. I stare at TV because it's about all I can handle.

Also, I'm thinking mean thoughts and fixating on stuff in my life that I don't like, and try and second guess every choice I'm making. Should I apply for a job in the town where I went to college and move there on my own, thus ending my relationship with TheGuy? I hate this apartment. I hate everything. I'm pissed at Mac.  I guess the silver lining to this is that I'm keeping the hatefulness inside instead of pissing everyone around me off. Stuff I usually ignore or I'm too busy to really "think" about are all thoughts that have swum to the surface of my brain.

I feel so useless and sick. I hate that I've had some paid time off because of NYE/ NYD and I'm sick. Time off with this job is so very precious and valuable but here I am pissing it away because I'm sick. I hate my job so much that I LIVE for days off, look forward to each and every one of our rare 10 paid holidays but here I am spending this with the Rhino virus.

I'm feeling ugly inside and out right now. If I had the money I'd check into a hotel, alone, for the rest of the weekend.

I just want to feel better.... But from reading what I have written here, I think  I have things that need to be better that a z-pak won't cure.


Thursday, January 1, 2015

The road to Hell is paved with...

I had every intention of blogging at least once a week. I started out strong and was rejuvenated and then I became overwhelmed with "life" and went back to not blogging. Ugh!

I'd like to say it was because we were rolling into holiday season but in all honesty, I just got behind, tired and busy with other things and every day I thought "I'll blog today" and then today came and went without a post.

One thing I hate is that I have the urge to blog when I can't. I feel the muse at weird times, like when driving or on a conference call, and it's impossible to blog then. By the end of the day, after a 1 hour commute, dinner, laundry, all I want to do is nothing. I also still say the back that I start at 2 huge computer monitors for 9-10 hours a day plays a part into my inability to have drive to blog.

BUT... things have been busy here. November was Thanksgiving and Christmas shopping, as well at book club, taking the dog to the groomer, and a haircut for myself. It sounds silly to say but everything in a "big" city takes longer. For example, it took me 30 minutes to drive to book club. My hair dressed it 45 minutes from my office and an hour from home. Add in traffic to that equation... heck, it takes me about 20 minutes to drive TO the grocery store.

December was all sorts of crazy, but crazy in a good way. More Christmas shopping of course. Several trips "back home" for the actual holiday celebration AND for other seasonal commitments. We also took a few days off to go on a free vacation for TheGuy's birthday. I also gave him a surprise party, which took some planning and time. One week we had something every single night: symphony tickets, my company Christmas party, a hair appointment, a city wide bazaar with over 150 vendors, TheGuy's company Christmas party, and meeting my dad half way so he can take my dog to dog sit so we could go on vacation. Whew!

Oh... and. I'm sick. I got the mother of all flus on Monday. I went to work and by the end of the day I was running a fever and felt like crap. I stayed at home Tues and NYE, with a fever and lots of snot, aches, coughing and just a general crud. Today is the first day I've felt human all week long. And I'm still half way through my second jumbo box of tissues, have 5 cough drops left, and almost completed an entire box of meds. And I'm still sneezing and snotting. YES, so gross.

NYE, rather than going to the big party we were invited to, was spend watching GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY and eating junk food, then watching the ball drop, all while drinking hot tea, blowing my nose, coughing, and sneezing. What a "great" way to ring in the New Year, right? It's the year of the sheep... I wanted to make a joke about sheep and sickness, or a pun, and I'm too sick to come up with anything. That' so baaaaaaaaah-ad I feel. (feeble attempt, I know).

I guess today would be the perfect time to make a blogging resolution. But I'm not. Because... well... we know why.

Happy New Year and I hope you're all happy and healthy (and had a great Thanksgiving- if you celebrate it- and a great December holiday, if you celebrate anything!).

To be continued...