The power of the bow

I was at the check out line at Walgreens the other day and the woman who was the cashier had a bow in her hair. She was probably about 45-48 years old, had really short frosted blond hair, was a bit hefty and she had this little, bitty bow in her hair. It was cute, really, but I wasn't sure what I thought of it on a woman her age.

She saw me staring at the bow and I felt caught gawking so I smiled and told her "cute bow". Well, holy shit, did that ever burst a dam in this woman.

She gush a huge "THANK YOU HONEY!!!" and patted my arm and patted her bow and preened a little bit.

She said she wears a bow in her hair every single day no matter what and has for yeas and has bows to match every thing she owns, even her Walgreens smock.

I wasn't sure what to say so I sorts smiled and mumbled "cool" or "nice" or something like that.

She went on to tell me it just makes her feel so much BETTER about life and so much BETTER about herself to wear a bow. I'm still smiling, wishing she wasn't holding my change hostage.

She also told me that she just never had customer mad at her because it's so hard for people to yell at someone with a bow in their hair. I smile and double blink trying to hold back the laughs. Really???

She said, as she handed me my milk and money, that life is so much better with a bow.

Wonder if I should try that life altering fashion trick?
Mags

Damn the DMV

In my recent old age, I try to remind myself to "be calm and carry on" and to "not sweat the small stuff & it's all small stuff." I might rant and rave here and to friends and family but when handling a situation in reality I try to be calm and adult. Most of the time I succeed in this quest for anger management.

Sometimes I fail.

When Mac got his driver's license he was still living at the Sperm Donor's house so that's the address we put on the license.

Mac didn't get a summer job so he never opened a bank account. And--- he wouldn't have any pay stubs either. I'm just pointing this out now- think of it as foreshadowing.

Mac went to open a bank account at a nation bank chain. He was 18 so he went alone. He filled out all the paperwork and the teller asked of ID. His license didn't match his forms so she told him he had to have ID with the proper address. I don't know why, nor do I care.

We decided to just go to the DMV and get his licensed changed. I went on the web site which has to be the least user friendly web site in all history of web sites, to see what documentation he needed. I couldn't find it there so I called and after being on hold for 12 MINUTES, the woman said he would need a piece of mail with his address on it.

So, last Friday, I went up to Mac's college to see him and out plan was to go out to lunch, then to the DMV to change the license and then to open the bank account.

We arrive at the location to find they moved. Across town. About 8 miles. In a town where I'm not familiar with locations of stuff. The GPS rerouted us and we arrived.

We take our number and get called.

Mac tells the woman he wants to change his license. This is where things went severely wrong.

He provides his old license and his acceptance letter from the College, and his Social Security Card. SHE tells him that won't work. They talk. He says, loudly, "Are you kidding me?" He beckons me over.

She tells me the mail isn't a US Attorney approved piece of mail and it will not suffice. And he needs 2 pieces of mail with the address, not just one. I calmly say that I called and was not told we needed 2 nor that there was criteria for the type of mail. She said I should've looked at the web site.

I told her I spent time on the web site and since it was not user friendly I called instead. She told me it was there and I should look.

I said that since I was already there, maybe she could just tell me what we needed. She said it was on the web site.

I told her to pretend I didn't have a computer and to give me the list. Mac has steam rolling out his ears and I hear him muttering under his breath- lots of bad words.

I look at the list and Mac could use things like bank statements, a pay check stub, a Passport, a mortgage or auto loan documentation, a deed to a house, something to do with being a veteran, or utility bills.

I took a deep breath and told her he just turned 18 in April and didn't have any of these things, and did she have another option. She asked why someone his age didn't have a bank account. Mac said "because I need a correct driver's license address, lady!"

I explained the bank's policy and said that was the reason we were here. She said she didn't have to do that when she got a bank account. OMG!

I swear Mac is snorting like a bull, ready to just explode. I'm taking deep soothing breaths, because I know if I loose it that will be the signal to Mac that he can as well--- which would be very, very bad.

I nicely tell her he has nothing on the list and I nicely ask if there is an alternative.

She said we could provide a copy of his transcripts. Okay, I think, cool. We can call his old high school or hit the admissions office and come back. But- no! Miss Helpful Pants then says it has to be an official transcript and with a letter. You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me.

I'd like to say we just walked out and that the stupid ended there, but no. I wasn't that smart to just give up, go to a different bank and lie about Mac's address.

I said that since I was his mother, could I sign something? Well, sure, as long as I could provide 5 forms of ID. I am NOT exaggerating.

Because I would be verifying his identity, I would need to prove mine. For me to do this, I would need to provide 2 forms of photo ID, one of them being my driver's license with my correct address, she snidely pointed out, that bitch. Then I would need a Passport, an original copy of MY birth certificate and then 2 items from the list she gave Mac. And I would need an original copy of Mac's birth certificate, his old license, and his Social Security Card.

Mac lost it. He started raving, and yes, raving is the only word that will work here, he was RAVING about the idiocy of bureaucracy, the stupidity of the government, why the US is in such pathetic shape, and something about health care reform. He also told her she was an "imbecilic , heartless, government drone" who could kiss his ass.

I didn't need to say what I was thinking- I just hustled him out before we were arrested.

Let's just say we still have no correct license and Mac still doesn't have a bank account. That's okay, he still doesn't have a job anyway. (Oh and about the bank... the branch of the bank he wanted to open his account in closed and is no longer in his college town! Go figure that one!)

We did have a good lunch...

Need I say more?
Maggie

Slightly OCD about the books...

So, I finally went to my Goodreads account and printed a copy of the books in my "to-read" list. Then I went to our public library and looked up all 200 titles in the card catalog to see what they had. Then I started checking books out, at random. I was just going through the list and finding anything that was in. There was no rhyme nor reason to my selection. I couldn't even remember what half of these were about- all I was armed with was a list of titles and authors.

However, within all random acts, there seems to be a pattern.

Here is what I checked out, all at one time:

• A Reliable Wife


• Gatsby's Girl


• 22 Britannia Road


• The Zookeeper's wife (this is the only non-fiction in the bunch)


• Sunflowers


• The Postmistress


• The Bird Sisters


• The Paris Wife

Now because I'm OCD, I see a pattern here, in the reading choices, and in the order in which I should read the works. The pattern didn't become completely clear to me until after I read Gatsby's Girl. Look at the list and see if you can pick it out yourself...

One type of book I like is when a historical figure's life is written in a fictional novel. And because I love The Great Gatsby (sometimes) and I love F. Scott ALL THE TIME, I had to read Gatsby's Girl, a fictional account of Scott's first love, his real love, that sustained him his entire life, with Ginerva King.

The Paris Wife is a fictional account of Hemingway (I don't care what critics say, Hemingway was hot, his writing is prolific and I would've totally been one of his groupies!) and his first love. Sunflowers is a novel about the alleged love/ friendship/ companionship/ relationship between a prostitute and VanGogh. These all fall into the same genre.

Britannia Road, The Bird Sisters, Zookeeper's Wife, and The Postmistress all take place in the same era: 1942-1947, pre, during, and post WWII and they all tie to that.

A Reliable Wife is the only one that doesn't belong to any related group as far as subject matter goes. It's historical, though, taking place in 1908.

Isn't it a weird coincidence that I would randomly gather novels that are all so related in some way? And the relationship gets worse-- you can see how deep my OCD really runs here, folks! (And I am not certifiably crazy- yet!) Now look at the titles themselves!

All of them except 2 allude to a female reference: wife, mistress, girl, sister. See, organizational patterns even in a random library book list!!!! I couldn't even remember what half of the books were about, so the fact that I could select some that were so closely tied to each other, just make me smile.

And because of such, I'm going to have to read these in a particular order. I already read Gatsby's Girl and The Reliable Wife. So of course, The Paris Wife is next, and then The Zookeeper's Wife- got to read all the wife title's together. Then The Bird Sisters- it's the only sister title and it's about WWII. That would lead right into The Postmistress, also the only mistress and also about WWII. That would be the last "woman" type of title but because it's about WWII, I can then read Britannia Road because the subject matter is the same, more WWII.

Had I figured it out sooner I could've started with Sunflowers and then done my "real people written as fiction" all in a row but now vanGogh is out of order because he's not about WWII nor does his book have a womanly moniker in the title. Poor vanGogh, I'm sure if he knew he was regulated to last in my reading order, he'd cut off his other ear at the injustice of it all!

Now you all have a peek into how OCD I really am. I'm going to claim lack of sleep, too much caffeine, not enough caffeine, or something like that to blame this on.

I'm really not so crazy...
Mags

Follow the train of thought

Mac asked if I wanted to listen to music and I said yes as long as he played something I wanted to hear.

The following is my own little meme, I guess. As he played songs, here's what I thought I of as he clicked around because the child can't seem to just play a single damn song all the way through! So as he played here was my first thought as they came up

• "Novocaine" (the Broadway version): I want to see American Idiot on Broadway.
• "Zanzabar" (Billy Joel): Wonder if he's still touring and if I could afford those tickets.
• "Beck's Boogie" (Yard Birds): wonder what happen to the Brian Setzer wannabe band that used to play at a cool bar in N. Civilization and left to try and become famous
• "Prelude/ Angry Young Man" (Bill Joel): I want to see him in concert again and I wonder if his Broadway show will tour and he was so awesome in concert when I saw him years ago and I wonder if I should start piano lessons again
• "Girl" (Beatles): Do I know this song? I think Steven Tyler is so hot when he breathes in the Armageddon movie song
• "Blackbird" (Beatles): that's a pretty song
• "Wouldn't it be nice" (Beach Boys): Am I too fat to learn to surf?
• "It's all been done" (Barenaked Ladies): I don't care if he was a coke head or a Canadian, the lead singer is pretty cute and did they get back together after he got out of re-hab? Should I Google that?
• "Bust- a- move" (Young MC)- I hated high school and what the hell is happening in music?
• "That Thing You do" (Wonders)- I LOVE that movie! I wish I owned it. Stupid video store doesn't have it, those bastards.
• "Meet Virginia" (Train): love is so not like that and no man accepts a woman for who she is
• "American Girl" (Tom Petty): I couldn't think because Mac was making fun of it and I couldn't think for all the laughing
• "BBQ Stain" (Tim McGraw): I need to go Photographer's recipe for bbq sauce that's a good Weight Watchers one with low points

And that's the music inspired thoughts on this Thirsty Thursday!

Mags

What I learned last night

I don't know how this conversation even started. ITSam and I were talking and he was telling me something or asking me something but I got confused because of my apparent lack of knowledge. His story went by the way side when he learned he had to sort me out.

I didn't know I needed sorted.

Until last night I thought...

Well, I guess I was wrong...

My pop culture references short circuited somewhere.

Paul Hogan was the star of the movie Crocodile Dundee. This movie was a fake. Paul Hogan is an actor. And he's still alive. He isn't dead, and wasn't killed by a manatee. Also, he doesn't have a daughter who has her own TV show on the Animal Planet called To Catch a Predator. And The Rock is not the nickname of Vin Diesel. And Vince Vaughn was not in Walking Tall. That was Johnny Knoxville.

Okay so I thought Paul Hogan was in a movie about his life (Crocodile Dundee) and that he was the Crocodile Hunter. Paul Hogan was the actor in a movie that was not about the life of Steve Irwin who IS... well, WAS the Crocodile Hunter. And Steve Irwin is dead. He was stung to death by a manta ray. Not a manatee. They are two separate guys. And two separate ocean creatures.

And Steve Irwin has a daughter who does have her own TV show, about animals.

The TV show To Catch a Predator is about catching Internet child molesters. Steve Irwin's daughter has nothing to do with the child molesters.

Ummmmm, let's see.... what else?

Oh, I thought the Rock, who's real name is Dwayne Johnson, was Vin Diesel. Or, rather, I thought The Rock was a nickname for Vin Diesel. They are two different guys. And while I was trying to figure out which guy was in what movie, I thought that Vince Vaughn was the sidekick in Walking Tall. Uhhhh, nope.

I hate it when I'm an idiot.

All these years.... I was just confused. I was content in my ignorance.

The Rock was The Scorpion King and he was not Fast and Furious.

A manatee looks like the cow of the ocean.

And I laughed until I about peed myself.

I've no idea, either...
Maggie

This is a manatee and it didn't kill Steve Irwin (or Paul Hogan).

This is a manta ray and it DID kill Steve Irwin (not Paul Hogan).

This is Steve Irwin. He is the real life Crocodile Hunter and he is dead, killed by the manta ray (not the manatee). The movie Crocodile Dundee has NOTHING to do with him, at all, ever.

This is Paul Hogan, an actor, who is alive and was not killed by a manatee nor manta ray and has nothing to do with Steve Irwin. Paul starred in the movie Crocodile Dundee, which is NOT about the life of Steve Irwin.

This is Vin Diesel who is just Vin Diesel. He was in the Fast and the Furious. He was not a wrestler, a pro football player, and was not in Walking Tall, nor was he the scorpion king. And lots of Internet sites speculate that he's gay.

This is The Rock, aka Dwayne Johnson. He was a wrestler, and could've been a football player. He was in Walking Tall, and was he the scorpion king. No Internet speculation about his sexuality.

Does anyone other than me see I could at least get these two guys confused?

Johnny Knoxville who IS in Walking Tall

Vince Vaughn who is NOT in Walking Tall

Now that we have that all cleared up...

Watching movies should be easy

I'm a bit weird (read: OCD), for sure. I've know this for a long time, but there are moments of "clarity" when I see how bad I actually am. For example...

I have a movie blog called Reel Reviews 2010. I don't think anyone ever reads it but me, but that's okay (even though it has a freakin' super cool template). I'm a list maker so it suits that need. I'm also one who likes number goals. As the year has progressed, I decided I wanted to make sure that by Dec. 31 at midnight that I've watched 200 movies. That wasn't my goal at the beginning of the year but because I taught those movies classes this summer, my numbers are waaaaay up so this is an attainable, and should be fun goal.

There is a week left in October and I need to see 4 more movies this month to stay on track of my goal of 200. Right now I've watched 176 movies for the year. I need to see 4 more this month, and then 10 in Nov. and Dec. each to come to an even 200.

Let's further add to this. I use the labels feature that blogger provides and I happened to be bored at work the other night (at my second job, not at teaching) and I was looking at all the labels. I noticed that I had watched 7 Tom Hanks movies, 6 Morgan Freeman, 5 Nick Cage, and 8 Johnny Depp movies. So I decided that I wanted to round all those guys off to an even 10. So of the 24 movies I still need to watch, I have to see 3 Hanks, 2 Depp, 4 Freeman, and 5 Cage films.

To take my OCD just one step further, as if I'm not insane enough, I was looking and I watched Toy Story 1 and Toy Story 3, but not two. So one of my Hanks movies' has to be Toy Story 2 so I've seen them all. I need to do that with National Treasure 2 since I saw the first one. Same with Angels and Demons since I finally saw DaVinci Code.

And I know if it all doesn't happen this way, I will actually be slightly freaked out and upset. So I'll obsess about it until I get it done. I even went so far to make a list of possible Depp, Freeman, Hanks, and Cage movies I could watch to fit my needs. (I'll spare you the list...)

Oh yeah.............. I'm normal. Right. Completely.

Maggie

PS- feel free to join the movie blog to follow my progress, if you want!

Multiple Posting Sunday Brings You: I had no idea they were that big in the Midwest!

I'm in the laundry room, taking the stuff out of the dryer, still in my pajamas and barefooted, mind you, just minding my own business. My foot tickles, specifically the tip of my big toe.

I look down ready to just scratch the itch when I see a HUGE spider with one leg touching my toe! I screamed so loud Mac was there in about 3 seconds. The neighbors even turned off their mowers outside. I couldn't stop screaming and somehow when I finally calmed down I was standing on the couch in the living room, 3 rooms away. (sorry about that Daddy-O). I'm not sure I remember getting there.

This spider was huge. I know I have a tendency to exaggerate, but swear on the grave of my mother, this was the biggest spider I've ever seen, even bigger than scorpion spider that was in my apartment in the Wild West. This spider's body was at least 2 inches in diameter (we've recently studied diameter in 8th grade math, so I know I'm using this math terminology correctly) and I COULD. SEE. EYES. ALL. OVER. ITS. BODY!!!!!!!!! I think I had a mini heart attack or a stroke or something. You could visibly see my heart pounding through my shirt.

So Mac gets on shoes and goes after the spider. he moves every stick of furniture in the laundry room, except for the stackable washer/ dryer unit. And the only reason he didn't move it was because I didn't know how much wiggle room we had before we unplugged it from a hose or pipe or something.

And the worst of it is---- he couldn't find it!!!!!! OMG, it's still in the house somewhere!!!!! I have a bunch of laundry to do and I can barely make myself go in the laundry room to do it. I got completely dressed and put on boots and a hat (what if it dropped down from the ceiling onto me?!?) when I went back to change the load and was crying, afraid it would come get me. I'm still shaking and I swear I'm going to barf.

What's the life span of a mutant spider? I'll wear dirty clothes before I go back in there. Mac put on his iPod head phones and is staunchly ignoring me.

No cool. Not cool at all. Where can I go live that doesn't have spiders or snakes? Shit.

Mags

21st century (communication) breakdown

I'm not so sure that all this technology is really good for people, relationships and people skills. I'm not even sure it's good for improving communication. Other than the obvious that people are Internet dating and having cyber sex with strangers (I have no idea the fascination over this) but people carry on affairs all the time because of technology. Someone said the other day that a person who would cheat on their spouse using technology would've cheated on their spouse without it, but I'm not so sure about that. And all the ways people say stuff to each other via email and Facebook without thinking or filtering? Okay, okay okay...But this isn't my point.

You remember that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie was dumped via a post-it note, by Berger the author who was jealous of her successful writing career because he wrote a crappy book because all the NYC women were wearing scrunchies?? That wasn't technology, of course (though I still think post-its are a much better invention that Twitter) just bad taste. But technology has allowed these "post it note" type of break ups occur. People can get dumped through the phone, cell phone, Facebook, text message, email, Twitter, voice mail, blog... it seems the choices to get dumped are endless. (I think there was some movie out that made this observation before me, but it's a valid point.) And since I'm single and unattached, why might I be dwelling harping on this?

Well, the other day, it seems that Trooper and I were just shooting text messages back and forth that were at first flirty and funny and then somehow turned very serious. And we ended up having a 'serious relationship' text conversation. I typed at one point that this would be better suited to at least the phone, to which he didn't respond (such a guy thing to do, duh!). But in essence, through TEXT MESSAGES, he made it pretty clear that friendship is good, sex would be good, yet serious relationships would be scary. He said he doesn't think he wants to seriously date anyone. Blah, blah, blah. He and I could be "friends with benefits." To which I said I didn't think so since I was too old for that, been there/ don't that/ bought the t-shirt, I liked him for more than that, and if I wanted 'friends with bennies' I could do IT closer to my house. He said he was sorry, blah blah blah. I told him that in most cases people DATED first, and then decided to step it up and at some point it became a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP; it just didn't start at serious.

And did I mention all this happened in TEXT MESSAGES?????

What the hell has my life dissolved to? Oh well, I guess I have lots more to say on this topic, here on a technologically powered online diary, but you got the gist enough to see where I'm coming from, so why write more?

I can't decide if I'm more upset over the conversational content or the fact that is happened via text? Uck!

I wash my hands and feet of it all!

Pass the Cosmos, open the shoe store doors and get outta my way,
Maggie

(And thanks to Greenday for the title...!)

Mac was 'driving' me crazy!

I've been teaching Mac to drive for the last 2 months and a few days. I'm really proud of him and he's been doing a really good job.

There, of course, there are just a few times when I've wanted nothing more than to come home from a driving lesson and drink heavily. There are a few times I thought it would make more sense to drink heavily and then take him for a driving lesson.

I've also learned that it's too bad I couldn't get a brake installed on the front passenger side temporarily.

Actually, considering he drove about 3 times ever, before he got his permit, he's done a fabulous job! Other than having a heavy foot (re: speeding) he's a pretty decent driver. We've driven almost daily for 2 months. We've been in town, the interstate, country roads, highways, construction zones, bigger cities and small towns, in parking lots, one ways, neighborhoods, drive thrus, everywhere that I could think of that would help him gain driving skills.

I will admit I refused to teach him to parallel park. I can barely do that myself so I told his dad he had to cover that part of the lesson. Mac parallel parked about 25 times, over and over again, all over town, in his father's pick up truck on Tuesday night, until he nailed it perfectly. (Maybe he can give me some tips?)

Since he's my baby and he'll be the only child I ever have, this driving thing has been stressful on several levels. First, I want him to be a good driver and since he didn't take driver's education (he missed his when he moved from the Wild West back to Civilization and then it would've taken about $400 to attend a driving school) I taught him so I hope I didn't forget something in the driving process. Second, I only have one car and if he borrows it and would have an accident, I'm out the insurance deductible and a vehicle. Third, I'm scared to death to have him drive alone. I've spent the last 16.5 years taking care of him and if he's driving, then, his well being is totally out of my control and in his own hands or that of someone else driving a car who could be a stupid idiot. At least if I'm driving and something happened it would be my fault. What if he's driving and something happened? Then it's my fault, too, I guess, since I taught him to drive.

He's growing up and I'm scared. I hate this. I really do. I want him to have wings and fly and succeed but I'm terrified because he's my baby, and I want to protect him.

Which brings me to what happened Wednesday.

He had to take his driving test today with a driving instructor in my car at the DMV. We reviewed all the way there. He and I bounced "things to remember" off each: don't play the radio, turn off the cell phone, don't swear, remember to 10 and 2, no California stops, be aware of school zones and one way street signs, don't follow too closely, don't be sarcastic about anything, seatbelts at all times, watch the RR crossing, and don't speed on the highway (or anywhere else). He was a nervous wreck but still confident. (I was so nervous I threw up but didn't tell him that.)

The instructor said the test would be about 15-20 minutes long. They had been gone about 20 minutes and came back in. He failed the test.

She said they were on their way back to the DMV and he had done perfectly (including the parallel parking!) until he ran a stop sign. Yup, blew right through it. He didn't know the test was almost over or that he had a perfect score until then so he wasn't hurrying or celebrating. He had just left a school zone (where the yellow lights had been blinking) , in a neighborhood he had never been in, on a street he'd never been on, and near a fire station (he said he was concentrating on having to pull over if he hear a siren)- so much going on and he just missed it. No excuse, I know it, really I do. I understand he had to be failed. He knew it, too. Still, I felt sick for him.

The test lady told him he had done great until then but that's an automatic failure. She told him he just needed to relax and to try and not be so tense and nervous. She also told him he could come back in 2 weeks, and she wouldn't make him parallel park again since he did it so well.

I feel so bad, bad, bad for him. He was so upset. It really hit his self confidence and his self esteem. He feels embarrassed and stupid and like a failure. I feel like I failed him.

But in 2 more weeks we're gonna go back and he's gonna try it again. In the meantime, we're going to drive every single city street in this town so he's at least seen it all at least once.

Before the test I wasn't sure if I really wanted him to pass, that I just wanted a few more days of being in control of taking care of my baby boy, but after seeing the look on his face when he didn't make it--- I would take the "pass" and let me deal with my own stress than ever see him fail again.

Being a kid is very hard and life lessons to learn really suck, but being mom and letting him grow up is really hard, too. It all sucks.

Mama,
Maggie

What the hell are we thinking?

It's been going on for years and years and while I'm going to bitch about it, I've no solution. I know I usually say, don't be part of the problem, be part of the solution, I just don't have one.

I think the idea what high schools should be abolished. I sit there day after day and watch kids come through the doors and wonder why we as adults and parents and society put the kids through the torture of high school.

Kids come in and it's sad. Some are fat and some are thin. Short and tall. Pretty and ugly. Fashionable and trendy, and thrift store and Wally World special- and someone picks on them, or looks at them and giggles as they walk by, or roll their eyes, or slams them into a locker. Or mutters nasty names at them under their breath. Or worse. Or much worse.

Kids who are friends stab each other in the back, leave other kids out of stupid things, tell secrets, use each other... the list goes on and on. It doesn't matter. And there are kids who try to fit in and it's obvious they don't. There are kids who want to be nice to others but aren't because of what the 'popular' crowd might think. They get labeled and are then stuck.

Kids in high school treat each other like no other groups I've ever seen. They say things to other kids that no other age group could get away with. I also wonder what happens if parents REALLY knew how their off spring behaved. How the girls hike their skirts or flash their tits. How the boys smack girls on the ass. The names they call each other. The way they push, shove and grab at each other in the hallways. What would happen if a mother heard her call her best friend "bitch" because of a t-shirt.

Yet we as adults take these kids who are nothing but raging hormones who are trying to find their way in the world, trying to figure out who they are and where they belong and we lock them up in a building together and forced to function, to learn, to think, to study, to focus all while surviving the jeers of their peers.

I now know why we have school shootings, why kids kill themselves, why they're cutting, they they're binging and purging and are anorexic, why they fuck around, why they drink, why they're depressed.

Teenagers are mean. They are cruel. And yet we let them get away with the minor bullying and chalk it up to growing pains, or "that's high school" or "that's life" bullshit. And that's what it is: bullshit. We let teenagers behave unacceptably yet if the same behavior happened in the work place, or in elementary school, we would never accept it. What makes it OKAY to let this happen? How do we stop it? Why do we continue to send kids to high school?

Do you think it's not as bad as I say it is? Then you're wrong. Go sit in a high school classroom for a day and just watch. Watch and learn and be appalled.

Two days ago a girl called Mac a "fatass" to his face. First, he's not a "fastass." He might be about 10 pounds over weight, and it certainly isn't in his ass at all. And he isn't fat. Second, according to everyone who was around when this happened, said Mac was listening to his iPod and the kids he was with were talking about who was single and who was hooked up. Cam said "Mac's single" to the only single girl and she said "ewwwww no. He's a fatass."

What. The. Fuck!?!

He wasn't picking on her, being a high school teenage boy douche bag. He was just sitting and talking with folks he thought were friends and she ripped off with that. That fucking skanky little bitch. I want to rip every hair out of her head. I want to tell her parents and see if that's how they raised her. I want to call her out on it. I want to shame her into feeling like a piece of shit. I hate her.

And how did he respond? He got up and walked away.

It hurt him. Deeply.

And that got me thinking about everything I've seen since I've been subbing and teaching high school and it all comes together in the rant that is this post.

I'm done. I'm not going to teach any more. I'll sub until I get another job and I might venture back into teaching college, because there wasn't these sort of issues when I was teaching at the college level- and if there were, they were out of my sight and earshot. Done. I'm done.

If you loved high school, then lucky you. It you thought it was the best time of your life, I feel sorry for you. If you never suffered any type of cruelty or unhappiness at the hands of your high school peers, you are most certainly in the minority.

Suck-tacular

That "word" describes my week" suck-tacular. This seems to be the week from hell.

Verizon Wireless made a mistake on my cell phone and double dipped a payment from my checking account. And while the error was all theirs, they're refusing to give me my 80 bucks back because it's so close to the day a payment is due. What they don't realize is that I used my checking account before I learned of the error and now have insufficient fund charges to the tune of $28 each and NO MONEY. I'm soooo pissed. I've been on the phone with them and my bank daily trying to fix it. They suck and I hate them. I hate them so much I'm waiting until I finally get this mess sorted out, then I'm canceling my service, reporting them to the Better Business Bureau and writing letters to every person at Verizon Wireless chastising them for their suck-tacular business practices. I swear if I HAD money I would take out full page ads in newspapers across the country, raking them over the coals. They SUCK.

I still have no regular full time job so I also have no insurance. And it's time for my annual physical. And the annual renewal of the birth control prescription. Which sucks.

I've also worked an ass load of hours with all my jobs and I'm tired. Bone tired. Dog tired. Which is making me a real bitch. Which sucks.

I'd like to see Trooper and see where this goes but because of his surgery, that's on hiatus. Furthermore, he's so nervous about dating because of how hard and bad he was burned in previous relationships, he's now thinking this maybe isn't a good idea because he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. He's also afraid of getting hurt again- and while I can say I won't hurt him because I've waited so long to make sure this was a right thing to do, it doesn't matter when he's scared. And do I dare tell him I've wanted him for a long time but thought he would reject me? Oh hell. And there's nothing I can do about it. Which all sucks.

Mac's sperm donor stupidmutherfuckingasshat of a father has not taken him out to drive a single time. Not once. That kid was beyond excited about getting his permit and could NOT wait to show that stupid fucker he calls a dad his permit and to show him his driving skills. SD merely said, "cool." And hasn't taken him out to practice a single minute. Which sucks.

Things will start looking up, I'm sure.

Living suck-tacularly,
Maggie

Can I have a crush at my age?

So........... now I haven't gone online to match.com yet. Because there's someone I have a crush on. I've sort of had a crush on him for awhile but I kept it to myself... I kept it to myself because I was really mean to him once upon a time. He's a nice man- a real doll and such a sexy cutie-patootie.

He's an old friend of mine. We met three years ago under circumstances that have gone to become infamous in 3 states (I am soooooo NOT kidding), and we managed to live it down- so far. Then we sort of kicked around maybe kinda seeing what would happen if we maybe sort of dated, even though we lived about a zillion states (or 2) apart. Then I was idiot because I was suffering from AlaskaSam issues (we had only been split for 3 weeks then I met this guy- which he never knew, I don't think) so I found every single excuse under the sun and listed my issues with him, some of which were extremely stupid, which made me sound like a stuck-up, persnickety, uppity bitch, and told him to jump in a lake- so to speak.

But you know what? He and I stayed friends. All this time- three years later! Because he is such a forgiving person. We've texted, called and emailed all this time. And I've been thinking of him lots over the last several months and I learned he was going to have surgery so I used it as an excuse to call him. I felt like I need one, after the royal bitch I was. And though I knew he forgave me that long ago, I still felt... guilty. So I called him. And... we had a lovely conversation Thursday night. For three hours. More than lovely, really. It was serious, fun, flirty, silly, sexy, and NICE! I made him laugh and smile, which made me feel good. And he made me feel happy- and damn it, there are so very, very few people who can do that for me these days. (Okay, and he called me "darlin' " in that sweet, sexy voice that makes me tingle- all over. He has one of the sexiest voices in history. And "darlin" is one dang sexy word out of his mouth...) And then we sent fun text messages all day yesterday, where the laughing continued.

Now, I wonder what he'll think with my big decision? Probably'll scare the shit right outta him... But who could blame him? Maybe he'll crush back... Girl can hope, right?

He's a nice guy... and I think it's high time that nice guys don't finish last.

I'm just sayin',
Maggie

OH- and I know some of you are dying to know who this is... since I didn't just stick a "SAM" on him... well, he has a real name I've used here before...! *wink*

What doesn't kill us makes us sore

I'm supposed to go to my first (and maybe last) spinning class tomorrow morning at 6am. I sill cannot get over the fact I agreed to exercise with Insurance Barbie let alone that I agreed to to do it at 6 am. yes, I whined about this before but I'm still feeling rather incredulous over my dumb self. I know I've been dragging my feet on this and I blogged a few weeks ago that I was going to do it- but I still haven't. One reason is because Insurance Barbie didn't go 2 weeks in a row and I wasn't going alone. Another is I was gone. Another time she was gone. Now I've run out of excuses!!!!! And I'm worried! I'm worried I'll be the fattest person there with all the Barbies. Or that's I'll have a heart attack. Or that I'll sweat so much my hands will slide off the handlebars and I'll smack face first on the floor.

And here's the thing- I am so outta shape that today I'm sore because I've worked three straight shifts at the ice cream parlor the last three days- all 6-7 hours each, standing the entire time- nope, there's no time to sit or take a break- and today I am SO SORE. My ankles, knees and lower back are all killing me from the 18-21 hours of standing on a linoleum floor, bending, scooping, etc... And we don't even have those black mats to stand on that are supposed to help the body.

I'm thinking if I'm this sore after working, I 'll probably die after a spinning class. How tragic to die at a Y, during an exercise class, in a small town. Oh Goddess-- that's so redundant!

If I live to tell the tale, I'll report back on my first time spinning. And if I don't, you can read my last will and testament here.

Peace out,
Mags

How do I find out if he's 'available'?

Yesterday Daddy-O threatened to fix me up with the science teacher at school. Science Teacher is nice guy and a super cutie patootie- but he's 24 years old!!! He's adorable in that nerdy smart way, but he's 24 years old!!!!!! He's a GREAT teacher and the kids love him and I admire and respect him for his classroom approach, but he's 24 years old!!!! I love to talk with him because he is smart and animated and is witty, but he's 24 years old!!!!! He still lives with old college roommates, and he's 24 years old!!! Did I mention that he's 13 years younger than I am? really- I mean, I could be his sexy awesome aunt! And, theoretically, I could be his mother if I would've been a super slutty 13 year old girl and his father would've been a child molesting perv.

Daddy-O also threatened to try and set me up with a gym teacher too. This guy has a smokin' hot physique and is more my age but this guy has "athlete" written all over him. He looks like one giant muscle with a head. Yes, he always smiles at me in the hallway. Yes, he always speaks and says hello. BUT, in the real world, men who LOOK like him do not date women who look ME- he's build like a body builder and I'm build like a snowman. Yes, I realize I 'm in shape, ROUND is a shape, but he doesn't look that 'round' would be his favorite shape. I told Daddy-O I would fix him up with one of local "scary sisters" if he even said a word to the gym teacher. The humiliation that would be- the jock and the fat girl- suffering through a date for her dad, even if she has adorable shoes, great skin, cute freckles, an adorable Audrey haircut, and can carry on scintillating conversation. OMG- no thank you!

I keep telling him I'm just not interested right now, that I LIKE being alone and that I'm just not date-able. I mean, I'm really not. Even the guy who seems like the perfect match (AIISam) seems to not see it or does seem to see that flaw. I'm not a woman men like as a girlfriend. Other than married men- oh yes, ItalianSam, AlaskaSam, KJSam= they all think I'm just beautiful and great and blah blah blah but they all also have WIVES! And gay men since CowboySam and PoetSam now have "boyfriends" and yes I dated them YEARS ago but still... it's on the track record- I'm not girlfriend material except for married and gay men. I would say that being alone is a good option, eh?

But in the interest of self preservation, I'm thinking maybe I should find my own single man or Daddy-O will have me on a pity date with the gym teacher or feeling like a perv on a date with the science teacher. So other than these 2 men, I know one more single guy who has potential to be date-able. I think. He's the head librarian at the local public library. He seems nice and smart, the few times we've spoken. He seems kind, has a good smile, and isn't bad looking. We're about the same age. He seems to come out of his office to say hello when I'm there, or he seems to gravitate to the circulation desk to chat as I check out my books, even if he was making a beeline to his office and then just suddenly needs the copier... So, I know he's not married, and the word on the street is that he is straight. BUT-- that's where the word seems to stop.

No one knows much else about his social life because he's quiet, he works lots and he doesn't talk about his personal life at work. He's the only man in the building and he is the boss. His employees don't think he's dating and they are pretty sure he's not gay. So how do I find out if he's available? A good friend of mine works at the library and she's trying to find out but to no avail. (She also said it will provide her and the other library employees hours of entertainment if he and I should date because he's as quiet as I am energetic, but she says we do have stuff in common) I have no idea, other than to just ask him, which then takes away the art of subtlety, my element of surprise and removes all discretion- and can make me look like a complete dolt if he does have a 'significant other'.

An aside: I know this has nothing to do with anything, hence the term an 'aside.' But he has a weird name. It's an old family name, and rather snotty sounding, ending with him being the third. My ex husband, Sperm Donor Asshat the II, was a number name and since him I've ALWAYS stayed away from guys with a number after their name...

So, in an effort at not trying to sound like a junior high girl and failing miserably, how in the world do I find out if this guy has a girlfriend or not? No one seems to know!

And I'm not leaving him a note in his locker after school either,
Maggie

My own version of 'characters welcome'

I've decided to sell my furniture. I'm a nomad and nomads don't own furniture, right? And I'm poor and broke and need the money, right?

So I put an ad in the paper to advertise my sofa, Lazy Boy, a small bookcase, an antique cabinet, bedroom suite with queen mattress and box springs, a pie cabinet, and a 3 piece dining room set. The ad ran this morning in our small town local paper today for the first time.

By tonight, everything is sold except for the bedroom furniture... but at what cost to me?

The first woman who called and showed up (when I gave her my address) told me all about how she needed to find a couch and chair for her soon to be ex husband- she referred to him as "Daddy"- who couldn't keep it in his pants. (I do not know why she told me this, or why she was trying to set up housekeeping for her soon to be ex. She is a hillbilly and is getting di-vorced in her 50s so.... who knows?) And she babysits for her granddaughter who rips things up and who's mom "isn't right in the head." She called her other daughter to come over and look at the rest of the stuff

She bought the pie cabinet.

The daughter arrives with her 2 kids, one who is Autistic and doesn't walk or talk yet and is almost 5 years old while her other boy is 3 and far surpasses his brother, other than his fetish for shoes. She was going to buy the couch and chair for her ex husband, because you see, they dated for 2 years, married for 14 years and separated for 2 years, because he was having mental issues. She loves him but with their son he was too hard to handle when he has an "episode". He doesn't have a dining table or chairs or a couch but she wasn't sure if she should buy it until she talked to him.

She bought a bookcase.

I'm leaving the house when a guy saunters up and asks me if I had furniture. Turns out he's the ex- husband of the first lady. He's found God (wonder if that was before or after he couldn't keep it in his pants?) and wanted to know if I too have found God and I told him we just don't want to go there. He wanted to know if I was from "up north here" or if I was a Hillbilly, too. I told him I was born and raised here in Civilization but my mom's folks were Hillbillies. So I guess that made me okay. He wanted to know if I could bake biscuits and, as a matter of fact I can, using my great grandmother's recipe to boot, and then he proceeded to tell me how to make perfect sausage gravy.

He bought the Lazy Boy recliner, the sofa and dining set.

Two women showed up to look at the bedroom furniture. Madge's son was in the Navy for 27 years and worked at the post office. Madge's husband said he would divorce her if she came home with any more stuff and she tried to buy the lawnmower my dad uses each week! She knew my mom, come to find out, and feels soooooo bad about her "passing". She also cleans my Grandmother Shrew's church. Her friend Penny was along and Penny hates thunderstorms. She wanted to buy pots and pans since she didn't think her kids would buy them for her for Mother's Day.

She bought the antique cabinet and a random lamp I had sitting around.

Now, I have no IDEA why people tell me this shit. I smile and nod politely and answer their questions about my stuff which leads to these stories... I had no idea that selling furniture would be so... involved. I feel like I should put these people on my Christmas card list.

There was a couple who called that wanted the couch but it was already sold, but I was curious what their stories would be!

And my ad is running 2 more days.... wonder who else will crawl out of the woodwork?

Hey, at least I got a gravy recipe out of it!
Maggie

Weekend wrap up- aka: "I have muscles in my butt, and they hurt!"

Back in December 2005 the following happened:

The coffeehouse chain I worked for laid me off because they were going under + the house I was living in needed to be vacated ASAP due to rodents = me putting everything I own in a "U Store It" facility. And I moved home with my parents.

This was supposed to be a temporary thing. And it could've been if I didn't get a wild hair and decide to move to the Wild West. I found a job in northern Civilization pretty quickly, by the end of February. But I needed to save money for deposits and rent and utility hook ups before I moved up there so I stayed with my folks and commuted. Then, for those of you who've known me since I started blogging around this time, you might remember that I was thinking of quitting the new job and moving to Alaska with my then AlaskaSam but that fell through. Then I said to hell with it, quit the new job and moved to the Wild West.

When I moved West I only took what would fit in my car because, I reckoned, if I didn't like living there, then I would've have double moving expenses: there and back. So my stuff stayed in storage. And I stayed in the Wild West for 2.5 years. And occasionally I would ask Daddy-O to mail me something and he would trek to the building and get it and mail it. I was never sure if I wanted to stay in the Wild West so I never brought my stuff out- talk about commitment issues!

So now I'm back and living again with my dad and my stuff has been in storage all this time. And this weekend was beautiful and Curley and her hubby had a free weekend so we grabbed their flatbed trailer and their suburban and Daddy-O's car and we spent all day unloading my storage building so I could stop paying rental fees. And we hauled it about 50 miles home and unloaded it all into Daddy-O's garage. It took 2 trips. I have a LOT of stuff... LOTS. I had furnished a 2 bedroom condo prior to storing it all so you can imagine the vast quantity of crap I had sitting in there, in boxes.

Now it's all sitting in the garage.

Now it's all sitting in the garage with all the crap I brought home in my U-Haul (remember the Redneck Movin' Incident?) when I moved back here that's also been sitting in my Daddy-O's garage. Oh. My. Goddess.... I wish to reiterate that I have LOTS of crap!

And I'm preparing for the World's Largest Rummage Sale. I'm going through every box and making "keep it, toss it or rummage sale it" piles. After we moved stuff on Saturday I worked for another 3 hours, to start the sorting process. And if you want to buy it, I have it to sell: craft supplies, bedding, tablecloths and place mats, 10 place settings of Tea rose patterned Pfaltzcraft and a ton of matching pieces, everything for the kitchen, a bedroom suite, living room furniture, baby clothes, women's clothes, Christmas decorations, knick- knacks, picture frames, toys, games... if there was a person who wanted to furnish a house and didn't mind nice used stuff, then this would be the place because I'm getting rid of just about darn near everything.

I'm a nomad.

So Sunday morning I get up and my whole body hurt. I didn't realize that was so beyond out of shape. I have muscles in my butt that hurt and I have no earthly clue what I did that would make my butt hurt. And my right shoulder. I ache.

Now I thought I could stay home today and work in the garage since I'm shooting for memorial day weekend at the world's largest rummage sale. But Curley and I had made plans to see a movie and have lunch. So off we went!

After lunch we arrive at the movie theater to be met in the parking lot by the entire theater staff. Apparently the theater was without power. The electric company told them it could be an easy fix and they could show the second set of matinees or it would be a tough fix and be off all day. If we waited to see if the second matinee would be shown, we had 3 hours to kill. Or we could drive the 40 minutes to the next town over and still make the same movie. So we did do the drive so we could see the flick.

We saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past which was cute and funny, and occasionally made fun of itself. Matt McConaughey isn't bad on the eyes, either. And Jennifer Garner is fun to watch. and I think I've Connor Mead (McConaughey's character) feels the same way I do about love- well, until the end. And you can read my review of it here!

And now here I am. Tired and still with sore butt muscles- mostly on the right side, too... what's up with that? Anyway, and I'm ready to tackle the garage and my wonderful world of crap.

Hope ya'll had great weekends too! I'll be stopping by to catch up on my blog reading over the next few days!

Did I mention my knees hurt, too?
Mags

What's love got to do with it?

I read in a book or saw in a movie recently, about the idea or concept of the balance of love. I've been Googling it and trying to find the book or film to no avail (because I can't get the exact movie quote and am not sure of the medium) but I have run across some web sites that deal with the imbalance of love. And now no matter what I wrote about it in this post, it seems as if I have stolen the words of another and I don't mean to.... But accidental plagiarism aside... If anyone knows the book or movie I'm talking about, please please tell me because it's making my brain hurt!

In this movie or book the idea was that in every relationship one person loves the other person more than they are loved. And breakups can happen because of two ideas: whoever loves the other person less ends up being the person to causes the break up.

OR

The person who loved the most tries to make themselves the person loved least and then does the leaving so they don't end up getting hurt

I remember the first time I heard these ideas and I thought they were shit. Then I mulled it over and I think... well... I think it's true- both sides.

So then I'm looking at myself in my relationship with Sam and it makes me think thoughts I don't want to think.

And leads me to think stupid thoughts and ask stupid questions: is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all? And while pondering all these philosophical matters of the heart, I am also a huge firm believer that there isn't one perfect person for everyone AND that not all people were meant to be paired up, there is NOT someone for everyone. Some of us are just meant to be alone, and I think the sooner we all come to realize that, and figure out if we are one of the "loner" people, then pondering matters of the heart don't really matter.

Loner or lover,
Maggie

I forgot to tell you this!

Yesterday when I was subbing, you need to keep several things in mind, before I give you the IMPORTANT information. Yesterday there were 8 subs in the middle school and I was one of them. It was a very important Friday, the Friday before Spring Break. In a middle school. In a middle school where the administration doesn't believe in having an organized fun day, a field day, watching movies or playing games- it was to be academics as usual.

Yes we were supposed to pretend it was not going to be INSANE on the FRIDAY before SPRING BREAK in a MIDDLE SCHOOL with EIGHT SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS filling in. Oh yeah- totally a normal day-- yeah, right and pigs fly!

So on this normal Fridaybeforespringbreakinamiddleschoolwith8subs (where we will teach and have no fun!) the administration for reasons only known to them scheduled a tornado drill. In addition to all the other chaos of the day that I have mentioned, we had to have a tornado drill, which involves herding like cattle your upstairs students downstairs and to their assigned location, which is oh so easy to KNOW when you're a sub- NOT!!

Also on this Fridaybeforespringbreakinamiddleschoolwith8subs (where we will teach and have no fun!) we had a FIRE DRILL during 7th period. This involves herding kids like cattle from the upstairs of my room to the outside courtyard, in the RAIN, through the MUD, to stand shivering in the RAIN and MUD while waiting to be let in. DURING THE LAST PERIOD OF THE DAY!?! Are they mad? Fucking nuts? Insane? Just plain crazy? I hadn't even gotten all the way through attendance yet so I had no idea who my class even was, let alone if they all made it out of the building and were standing in huddled masses together. During the last period of the day! Squirrelly doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm not sure I can go there.

Oh and did I also mention that on this Fridaybeforespringbreakinamiddleschoolwith8sub (where we will teach and have no fun!) we had 2 periods where the 8th graders were going on a FIELD TRIP!!! On a school bus. To see a guy dressed up like Abe Lincoln give a talk? (The guy was good, but it was over the heads of my 8th graders that I was in charge of). As if subbing in a classroom with doors and walls isn't hard enough, I had to take my 4th hour kids and get them on the SAME bus, do a head count, and then make sure they all went in,sat, behaved, and made it back to the school in one piece.

All on the Friday before Spring Break in a middle school with 8 subs....

Working in a comedy of errors,
Maggie