I'm having a really hard time with forgiveness right now.
I don't want to be a person who carries a grudge. Actually I don't usually carry a grudge. Generally I'm someone who forgives pretty easily in most circumstances though I must admit in the last several years of my life, I've not necessarily "forgiven" easily but I just don't care about some things anymore. Maybe that's a form of forgiveness? I'm just don't care anymore to still be mad or upset. I don't know.
But lately something happened and I find I am MAD and not forgiving and I'm thinking super hateful thoughts, and.... I don't want to be that person but man, oh, man, am I having a hard time of putting that burden down.
I'm furious with one single person and his huge inaction that caused harm to someone I dearly love. This person is not someone I know well at all but I know "of" him and he's not a very nice human. That probably doesn't help me. He's inability to do the right thing almost killed someone I love and knowing he's overall a crappy human, makes me have some pretty ugly thoughts about him. And that freaks me out.
Talking to someone professional would help me. By professional I don't mean a hit man (though...??? Yeah, yeah, okay, not) but I mean a minister or a counselor. I don't know. I think about the incident and I hate this guy and don't care if he dies. Yes, that makes me about as bad as him.
Yes, I need to get rid of the anger and that might let me forgive him. I don't know. The event in question happened more than a month ago and I think of how much I hate this person at least once a day. Not good.
I won't do anything to him- that's not in my nature at all. The idea of ME hurting him or having a hand in something happening to him freaks me out, but if I heard he was killed in a car wreck I wouldn't be all that sad.
Yeah, I have an issue. I can't give the specifics of what happened---legal ramifications, but suffice it to say this guy is scum and most people would agree. (Those who know the details do agree!)
Anger isn't good. It screws with my mojo and my happy place. I don't like having bad thoughts or negative juju. All the pictures of kittens and hippos and giggling babies don't help. I hate it when something stomps on my karma. It's just NOT me to be like this and I really hate it.
I thought writing this might help purge a little so we shall see.
Mags
Showing posts with label anger is not overrated. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger is not overrated. Show all posts
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Sunday, June 23, 2013
I hate unhappy endings
Relationship shit thoughts continued from yesterday's post:
As of the writing of this post, still no contact. Again, feels like I'm tempting fate even saying that.
Anyway, I'm thinking if I'm still mad 8 days later, that's not a good sign.
I'm thinking if after three years of this fighting bullshit, non-sense we still can't get it right, then we really have no business being together.
I'm thinking if I'm thinking the above 2 thoughts, then we probably REALLY shouldn't be together.
Do I love him? Yes. Can I keep doing this? No.
When we're good, we're amazing. But otherwise, it just sucks. Sucks big time. Mad sucks, hurt sucks. I know long-distance relationships are not easy, even though we have it easier than most since we see each other Thursdays- Sundays every week, and all school holidays and vacations. I know it hasn't been easy because I can't find a full time job that is either a good fit for me or that has health benefits in the capital city where he lives; neither of us dreamed a year later I'd still be commuting. But we are. He thinks it's old and tedious. While I'm not thrilled with the arrangement, it is what it is and I'm trying to change it to the best of my ability, yet to no avail.
Now is decision time. Officially break up? Stay? See if it's fixable one more time?
It's probably at an end. And I hate the end part because it's usually so ugly. I have stuff at his place that I want, and I know ending a three year relationship will involve a conversation or 2, I'm sure. those are never fun.
I hate all that comes with that shit. The eventual fight, the getting of the stuff. Worrying if he's going to be nasty about it or do something revengeful. Then there's the whole being alone again at age 41 years. That's an interesting psychological game in my own head- is staying with the devil you know better than either the devil I don't or being alone, never meeting anyone. the whole "he's not that bad overall" and "when things are good, it's great and we don't fight that much." Those sorts of thoughts. *bangs head on keyboard*
I know I need to make the final decision. And do that needs to happen. I hate that part.
UGH!
Maggie
As of the writing of this post, still no contact. Again, feels like I'm tempting fate even saying that.
Anyway, I'm thinking if I'm still mad 8 days later, that's not a good sign.
I'm thinking if after three years of this fighting bullshit, non-sense we still can't get it right, then we really have no business being together.
I'm thinking if I'm thinking the above 2 thoughts, then we probably REALLY shouldn't be together.
Do I love him? Yes. Can I keep doing this? No.
When we're good, we're amazing. But otherwise, it just sucks. Sucks big time. Mad sucks, hurt sucks. I know long-distance relationships are not easy, even though we have it easier than most since we see each other Thursdays- Sundays every week, and all school holidays and vacations. I know it hasn't been easy because I can't find a full time job that is either a good fit for me or that has health benefits in the capital city where he lives; neither of us dreamed a year later I'd still be commuting. But we are. He thinks it's old and tedious. While I'm not thrilled with the arrangement, it is what it is and I'm trying to change it to the best of my ability, yet to no avail.
Now is decision time. Officially break up? Stay? See if it's fixable one more time?
It's probably at an end. And I hate the end part because it's usually so ugly. I have stuff at his place that I want, and I know ending a three year relationship will involve a conversation or 2, I'm sure. those are never fun.
I hate all that comes with that shit. The eventual fight, the getting of the stuff. Worrying if he's going to be nasty about it or do something revengeful. Then there's the whole being alone again at age 41 years. That's an interesting psychological game in my own head- is staying with the devil you know better than either the devil I don't or being alone, never meeting anyone. the whole "he's not that bad overall" and "when things are good, it's great and we don't fight that much." Those sorts of thoughts. *bangs head on keyboard*
I know I need to make the final decision. And do that needs to happen. I hate that part.
UGH!
Maggie
Saturday, June 22, 2013
First rule of fight club is "don't talk about fight club"; I'm a rule breaker
I've dated a guy on and off for the last three years. Actually it will be off and on for 3 years at the end of this month. When it's been "off" it's usually very off and when on, it's like the adult equivalent to "candy-land" or like Disney Land or something.
Then last Sunday this Sam got all pissed off over something stupid. It really was something stupid. I said I'd call at a specific time and didn't. I was busy and I forgot. I know that's terrible but I did. I didn't forget HIM, I just forgot to call at an agreed upon time. Then he called me an hour later, and without thinking I said I had forgotten and explained what distracted me. He "seemed" slightly irritated and maybe a tiny bit hurt but we talked like normal and all seemed well.
Until 3 hours later when he called and unloaded everything single thing on his mind that he felt was wrong with our relationship and with me.
I was pissed. Usually, I'm sad or hurt and apologetic (I don't know why... we can analyze that later) and those feelings get in the way but this time I was pissed. I'll spare you all the gory details, mainly because it's stupid and a long drawn out "he said then I said" non-sense. Bottom line,t his time I was pissed as Hell and I let him know it. And I let him have it.
I do not understand why, if someone is in a romantic, serious relationship and have an argument they have to do the following:
So, I was mad and just spewed. I didn't try to be the compromise-r or the peacemaker or the great communicator. I didn't try to mediate. (You may wonder how I can mediate a disagreement I'm in. Example: in a past fight with him I've actually said things like "Remember, we've agreed to not call names", "Use 'I' statements instead of 'you'" or "Be constructive and not purposely hurtful". Oh yeah, I said that shit.) I just sank to his level and said what was on my mind. It ended with him hanging up on me. I went to bed.
Monday night he called to try and talk and I was still pissed. And let him know it in no uncertain terms. I have no idea if he wanted to see if I settled into my normal routine so he could be pissy or if he wanted to apologize but I was still mad. I was pissed over the stupidness of the fight in the first place, over what he said, over the CONTENT of the fight, and pissed at him & myself over at how I've behaved in the past. He sort of apologized which I didn't feel was good enough.
Tuesday we sent pissy emails back and forth during the day. He said the fight of was his fault and I let him know it was and continued to pummel him with my same message of the last 2 nights- of WHY I was pissed. I used lots of capital letters. I half expected another long drawn out phone call that night and was exhausted at the mere thought. (I wanted to make sure I didn't acquiesce just because I was exhausted over it all.) WELL!! Not to worry!
Since those nasty emails we exchanged on Tuesday, I've not heard from him. (I'm almost afraid to type that here because it's like tempting fate or poking the bear with a stick.) At all. 5.5 days. And I'm okay with that.
No this silence can't last, I'm sure. The thing is, I don't want to talk. I'm still PISSED. I mean, really REALLY still pissed. I'm shocked. I'm not someone who usually is mad for a long time. Really. If I lose my temper at all, it's usually a quick flare, then I feel terrible about being mad and then have to fix it.I don't hold grudges. But still one week post fight, heading into day 8, I am mad still. Fed up. Angry.
That is not a good sign.
My Photographer friend says when he and I are good, we are excellent and when we're in a bad place, it's usually pretty bad, and it's usually his fault.
I don't know. That's it for now. I'll keep everyone posted.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maggie the Mad
Then last Sunday this Sam got all pissed off over something stupid. It really was something stupid. I said I'd call at a specific time and didn't. I was busy and I forgot. I know that's terrible but I did. I didn't forget HIM, I just forgot to call at an agreed upon time. Then he called me an hour later, and without thinking I said I had forgotten and explained what distracted me. He "seemed" slightly irritated and maybe a tiny bit hurt but we talked like normal and all seemed well.
Until 3 hours later when he called and unloaded everything single thing on his mind that he felt was wrong with our relationship and with me.
I was pissed. Usually, I'm sad or hurt and apologetic (I don't know why... we can analyze that later) and those feelings get in the way but this time I was pissed. I'll spare you all the gory details, mainly because it's stupid and a long drawn out "he said then I said" non-sense. Bottom line,t his time I was pissed as Hell and I let him know it. And I let him have it.
I do not understand why, if someone is in a romantic, serious relationship and have an argument they have to do the following:
- bring up shit that had nothing to do with the issue at hand
- lie (or say one thing a month ago but come to find out you never felt that way and are telling me now)
- bring up things that you resent and that have nothing to do with the issue at hand
- answer a question with a question
- pick the fight and then try to blame the other person for it
- talk in circles to avoid speaking of your own feelings
- character assassination
So, I was mad and just spewed. I didn't try to be the compromise-r or the peacemaker or the great communicator. I didn't try to mediate. (You may wonder how I can mediate a disagreement I'm in. Example: in a past fight with him I've actually said things like "Remember, we've agreed to not call names", "Use 'I' statements instead of 'you'" or "Be constructive and not purposely hurtful". Oh yeah, I said that shit.) I just sank to his level and said what was on my mind. It ended with him hanging up on me. I went to bed.
Monday night he called to try and talk and I was still pissed. And let him know it in no uncertain terms. I have no idea if he wanted to see if I settled into my normal routine so he could be pissy or if he wanted to apologize but I was still mad. I was pissed over the stupidness of the fight in the first place, over what he said, over the CONTENT of the fight, and pissed at him & myself over at how I've behaved in the past. He sort of apologized which I didn't feel was good enough.
Tuesday we sent pissy emails back and forth during the day. He said the fight of was his fault and I let him know it was and continued to pummel him with my same message of the last 2 nights- of WHY I was pissed. I used lots of capital letters. I half expected another long drawn out phone call that night and was exhausted at the mere thought. (I wanted to make sure I didn't acquiesce just because I was exhausted over it all.) WELL!! Not to worry!
Since those nasty emails we exchanged on Tuesday, I've not heard from him. (I'm almost afraid to type that here because it's like tempting fate or poking the bear with a stick.) At all. 5.5 days. And I'm okay with that.
No this silence can't last, I'm sure. The thing is, I don't want to talk. I'm still PISSED. I mean, really REALLY still pissed. I'm shocked. I'm not someone who usually is mad for a long time. Really. If I lose my temper at all, it's usually a quick flare, then I feel terrible about being mad and then have to fix it.I don't hold grudges. But still one week post fight, heading into day 8, I am mad still. Fed up. Angry.
That is not a good sign.
My Photographer friend says when he and I are good, we are excellent and when we're in a bad place, it's usually pretty bad, and it's usually his fault.
I don't know. That's it for now. I'll keep everyone posted.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maggie the Mad
Friday, August 3, 2012
8 reasons why Maggie is mad
I'm having one of those times where I'm all pissed off and irritated, mostly for no good reasons or for very good reasons but they all hit me at one time.
1. I hate it when Mac calls me and tell me something wonderful and then follows it up immediately with, "but we have a problem." First, WE do not have a problem- HE has a problem. It's not my fault his mobile phone doesn't work or that he's worried about passing a drug test or that he doesn't have any money for cigs or whatever. And why can't he ever just tell me something good without there being some fucking dramatic pause and then something bad?
2. And I hate it when people do not return phone calls in a timely manner, especially if someone SAYS on the message that it's important. How hard is it to call back soon when someone says, "We have an important issue and really need your help." Do I need to scream hysterically into the phone and beg for 911 like help?
3. It also just flat out makes me mad when people play dumb. They know what they did and they screwed up and then fake like nothing is wrong and are just "stunned" when they find out someone is angry at them.
4. And I wish people would take responsibility for their words and actions. If you are stupid and hurtful, admit it and apologize. Do not play some game about how it "did seem so bad" and say "well, I can't believe you're upset over that".
5. Hypocrites are also the worst. Really? You tell me to do one thing, get pissed when I don't, and then do the opposite and then get mad at me when I call you out for being a hypocrite, thus reverting to item 4. And the person who's being the hypocrite them gets mad at being called out. Stupid imbeciles. I am not in therw rong so don't try to make me feel like I am. Admit wrong doing, apologize, and move the hell on.
6. I'm also frustrated with my own self for getting mad at things that just affect me peripherally but it still makes me mad. The photographer I work for sold the camera I always use when I work for her so I guess I'm out of the photographer business until I get my own. It doesn't REALLY matter but it does. Maybe it's just because today I'm in a bad mood about all the other stuff.
7. Religion is not a trump card. It's about grace and faith and kindness, not about making people feel bad or using it to prove a point like a weapon is wrong.
8. Rude people suck.
1. I hate it when Mac calls me and tell me something wonderful and then follows it up immediately with, "but we have a problem." First, WE do not have a problem- HE has a problem. It's not my fault his mobile phone doesn't work or that he's worried about passing a drug test or that he doesn't have any money for cigs or whatever. And why can't he ever just tell me something good without there being some fucking dramatic pause and then something bad?
2. And I hate it when people do not return phone calls in a timely manner, especially if someone SAYS on the message that it's important. How hard is it to call back soon when someone says, "We have an important issue and really need your help." Do I need to scream hysterically into the phone and beg for 911 like help?
3. It also just flat out makes me mad when people play dumb. They know what they did and they screwed up and then fake like nothing is wrong and are just "stunned" when they find out someone is angry at them.
4. And I wish people would take responsibility for their words and actions. If you are stupid and hurtful, admit it and apologize. Do not play some game about how it "did seem so bad" and say "well, I can't believe you're upset over that".
5. Hypocrites are also the worst. Really? You tell me to do one thing, get pissed when I don't, and then do the opposite and then get mad at me when I call you out for being a hypocrite, thus reverting to item 4. And the person who's being the hypocrite them gets mad at being called out. Stupid imbeciles. I am not in therw rong so don't try to make me feel like I am. Admit wrong doing, apologize, and move the hell on.
6. I'm also frustrated with my own self for getting mad at things that just affect me peripherally but it still makes me mad. The photographer I work for sold the camera I always use when I work for her so I guess I'm out of the photographer business until I get my own. It doesn't REALLY matter but it does. Maybe it's just because today I'm in a bad mood about all the other stuff.
7. Religion is not a trump card. It's about grace and faith and kindness, not about making people feel bad or using it to prove a point like a weapon is wrong.
8. Rude people suck.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Insurance company at fault
Daddy-O and I have the same insurance company; it's the place where I used to work as a telemarketer. I've always had great customer service from there. It's a nationwide company but we have a local agent- it's the guy who owns it, one other agent, and a receptionist. This same nationally recognized company also has another agent in town so these 2 guys are competitors.
Last month I called to speak to the head agent, the owner, the boss, but he was busy. I left a detailed message. I just wanted to know why Daddy-O's insurance went up. Again. For the third time in three years. He's not happy, and I wouldn't be either. And no, he didn't do any property improvements for the house to increase, no claims, no speeding tickets on the car, no wrecks, and no claims there, either. So, why does it keep going up?
I called to find out and left a detailed message. Daddy-O, unbeknown to me, also called the same week I did and had to leave a message, too. Last week he got another bill which reminded he didn't hear back and he said something to me; which reminded me that I didn't get a call back either. I was pretty pissed off. We both called and we both got the blow off? That's not good.
I also worked there and even though I worked evenings and weekends I knew that life insurance was the bread and butter of the business. I also know that any time I've called the agent with a question about my life insurance, I get a call back immediately. The agent has my home, work and mobile numbers, as well as my email. I've even received a text from him in the past. But this time I heard nothing. I thought it was pretty crummy that I get a fast response on the Life insurance money maker but can't get a response about a simple auto or home policy question. (I also know how important life insurance is because the owner agent called me last December to see if I would buy a life policy because he only need 2 to meet his 2011 goal. I did because I like him and had always been impressed with his customer service.)
So I picked up the phone and of course the owner agent was on vacation. I asked the girl who answered to have him call me back. She asked if she could help and I told her no because I spoke with her last month and she didn't help me then, nor did she ask head agent dude to call me. I also told her my father had called, too, and no one called him back either (or helped him).
At that point she wanted to know what was going on and I told her all we wanted to know was why his insurance kept increasing. I told her I expected better customer service than this, and to just have the owner call me. She said there was no reason for me to wait until next week because the owner was VERY busy next week and she didn't know when he would have time to return my call.
Excuse me?!?
I told her I used to work there and I know the drill, and that he should make time to return customer calls. She the proceeded to get shitty with me, saying that I wasn't there during the day to understand how busy they were, and that I just didn't have a clue. *screeching halt* Wha???? Yes, she really said that.
I told her I knew the owner was busy but whenever I called with a life insurance question, which is the big money maker, I had a response immediately and though this was just about an auto/ home owner policy, I still expected the same customer service.
She then yelled at me and said that she took it personally that I thought they treated life customers differently than others, and that they treat all their customers equally. Since she yelled at me, I yelled back and said if that's the case, then they must be treating ALL the customers pretty crappily if this was her example!
I told her she could find out the answer or not and call Daddy-O back, or not. I also told her I didn't like her being yelled at. I also told her I didn't think her boss would like that she yelled at customers, especially if it meant that I took my car policy, my renter policy, and BOTH of my life policies. And oh yeah, if I go, then my boyfriend would also take his car and renter policy, and father would take his home owners and car. And instead of finding a whole new company, I'd be more than happy to transfer to his competition right there in town, where I would get good customer service.
She got quiet and said she would take care of it, and hung up.
About an hour later I had a voice mail from her saying she had an answer to our question. She also called and left father a message.
I'm just pissed off. I keep waiting for the owner to call me and either apologize or chew me out. (a whole defending his employee thing...) He hasn't yet but then again she would have to tell him that she yelled at me first, and she knows I'm pissed and will take the insurance policies and run so maybe she's keeping her mouth shut about the whole thing.
I don't like having to deal with situations like that but I was not going to take her telling me I don't know anything AND then yelling at me.
I'm still pissed off about the whole thing. Maybe I'll pull my policies anyway.
Mags
Last month I called to speak to the head agent, the owner, the boss, but he was busy. I left a detailed message. I just wanted to know why Daddy-O's insurance went up. Again. For the third time in three years. He's not happy, and I wouldn't be either. And no, he didn't do any property improvements for the house to increase, no claims, no speeding tickets on the car, no wrecks, and no claims there, either. So, why does it keep going up?
I called to find out and left a detailed message. Daddy-O, unbeknown to me, also called the same week I did and had to leave a message, too. Last week he got another bill which reminded he didn't hear back and he said something to me; which reminded me that I didn't get a call back either. I was pretty pissed off. We both called and we both got the blow off? That's not good.
I also worked there and even though I worked evenings and weekends I knew that life insurance was the bread and butter of the business. I also know that any time I've called the agent with a question about my life insurance, I get a call back immediately. The agent has my home, work and mobile numbers, as well as my email. I've even received a text from him in the past. But this time I heard nothing. I thought it was pretty crummy that I get a fast response on the Life insurance money maker but can't get a response about a simple auto or home policy question. (I also know how important life insurance is because the owner agent called me last December to see if I would buy a life policy because he only need 2 to meet his 2011 goal. I did because I like him and had always been impressed with his customer service.)
So I picked up the phone and of course the owner agent was on vacation. I asked the girl who answered to have him call me back. She asked if she could help and I told her no because I spoke with her last month and she didn't help me then, nor did she ask head agent dude to call me. I also told her my father had called, too, and no one called him back either (or helped him).
At that point she wanted to know what was going on and I told her all we wanted to know was why his insurance kept increasing. I told her I expected better customer service than this, and to just have the owner call me. She said there was no reason for me to wait until next week because the owner was VERY busy next week and she didn't know when he would have time to return my call.
Excuse me?!?
I told her I used to work there and I know the drill, and that he should make time to return customer calls. She the proceeded to get shitty with me, saying that I wasn't there during the day to understand how busy they were, and that I just didn't have a clue. *screeching halt* Wha???? Yes, she really said that.
I told her I knew the owner was busy but whenever I called with a life insurance question, which is the big money maker, I had a response immediately and though this was just about an auto/ home owner policy, I still expected the same customer service.
She then yelled at me and said that she took it personally that I thought they treated life customers differently than others, and that they treat all their customers equally. Since she yelled at me, I yelled back and said if that's the case, then they must be treating ALL the customers pretty crappily if this was her example!
I told her she could find out the answer or not and call Daddy-O back, or not. I also told her I didn't like her being yelled at. I also told her I didn't think her boss would like that she yelled at customers, especially if it meant that I took my car policy, my renter policy, and BOTH of my life policies. And oh yeah, if I go, then my boyfriend would also take his car and renter policy, and father would take his home owners and car. And instead of finding a whole new company, I'd be more than happy to transfer to his competition right there in town, where I would get good customer service.
She got quiet and said she would take care of it, and hung up.
About an hour later I had a voice mail from her saying she had an answer to our question. She also called and left father a message.
I'm just pissed off. I keep waiting for the owner to call me and either apologize or chew me out. (a whole defending his employee thing...) He hasn't yet but then again she would have to tell him that she yelled at me first, and she knows I'm pissed and will take the insurance policies and run so maybe she's keeping her mouth shut about the whole thing.
I don't like having to deal with situations like that but I was not going to take her telling me I don't know anything AND then yelling at me.
I'm still pissed off about the whole thing. Maybe I'll pull my policies anyway.
Mags
Monday, February 27, 2012
Not feeling the work love
I'm so irritated by work today. Actually, more than just today- it's been a building thing and I am so frustrated. I'm going to have a chat with my boss tomorrow because something has got to give.
Last week I proctored a series of tests. I didn't mind doing it. I really didn't But I closed the library for 2.5 days to the kids. It wasn't the end of the world but some other teachers were shitty with me about it.
Also, the printer in a few of the classrooms has died. The building's central printer is located in an ante room right off the library so now I have a couple teachers who call me 3-10 times per CLASS PERIOD to see if they send a student down to get copies, will that be okay? I'm so fed up with that. We have a teacher who is a HUGE abuser of this and I'm fed up with it. It's not like a regular school where it doesn't matter but I have to note the time she calls and then if the student hasn't shown up in 1 minute I have to call her because we aren't supposed to have kids in the hallways. I have to check the copies to make sure the kids take only their stuff and not someone else's, AND that they don't sent personal letters. It's a huge pain in the ass.
So today I had to catch up 2 students on testing. I babysat a class while the regular teacher went to an IEP meeting. I had PE locker room supervision because the PE teacher's are men. I also got copies from the copier about 20 times today. I watched a class while the 'real" classroom teacher had to leave for 15 minutes for personal business. I had a meeting where I was asked if I could have a student in my library 1 period a day for a few weeks due to a scheduling conflict. And my work study student had her hours changing which involved a meeting and some paperwork. Oh and I had to give up my lunch hour for a staff meeting that was pointless- every thing in that meeting had nothing to do with me, the library or my duties.
Oh the library- that's right. I was hired to be the school's librarian. Ummm, I think I checked out some books to kids today. Uh, yeah.
I'm going to have a meeting with my principal tomorrow to talk about my duties. I just can't do all this crap and still get my OWN JOB done! Does anyone thinks I have a right to complain or am I just in a really bad mood?
I'm really tired tonight. And apparently grumpy.
Mags
Last week I proctored a series of tests. I didn't mind doing it. I really didn't But I closed the library for 2.5 days to the kids. It wasn't the end of the world but some other teachers were shitty with me about it.
Also, the printer in a few of the classrooms has died. The building's central printer is located in an ante room right off the library so now I have a couple teachers who call me 3-10 times per CLASS PERIOD to see if they send a student down to get copies, will that be okay? I'm so fed up with that. We have a teacher who is a HUGE abuser of this and I'm fed up with it. It's not like a regular school where it doesn't matter but I have to note the time she calls and then if the student hasn't shown up in 1 minute I have to call her because we aren't supposed to have kids in the hallways. I have to check the copies to make sure the kids take only their stuff and not someone else's, AND that they don't sent personal letters. It's a huge pain in the ass.
So today I had to catch up 2 students on testing. I babysat a class while the regular teacher went to an IEP meeting. I had PE locker room supervision because the PE teacher's are men. I also got copies from the copier about 20 times today. I watched a class while the 'real" classroom teacher had to leave for 15 minutes for personal business. I had a meeting where I was asked if I could have a student in my library 1 period a day for a few weeks due to a scheduling conflict. And my work study student had her hours changing which involved a meeting and some paperwork. Oh and I had to give up my lunch hour for a staff meeting that was pointless- every thing in that meeting had nothing to do with me, the library or my duties.
Oh the library- that's right. I was hired to be the school's librarian. Ummm, I think I checked out some books to kids today. Uh, yeah.
I'm going to have a meeting with my principal tomorrow to talk about my duties. I just can't do all this crap and still get my OWN JOB done! Does anyone thinks I have a right to complain or am I just in a really bad mood?
I'm really tired tonight. And apparently grumpy.
Mags
Friday, February 10, 2012
All the villiage idiots were gathered at Wal Mart last night
I should love Wally World because they give me blog fodder but my feelings still haven't changed. I still hate Wal-Mart. I just can't help it. Well, I guess I could help it if I didn't go there anymore but we have no place in my hometown to shop otherwise.
Tonight all the people at Wally World- the other shoppers- were gross. Don't these people bathe? They had soap in their carts so why did they all stink? They had body soap and laundry soap so why the BO smell? And these weren't all people in the same family, either, but different people all over the store. They just stank of nasty!
And why are people coming to Wal-Mart in the pajama pants? What the hell is that? I still don't understand that. Was there a convention of pajama pants wearer? Do these people not care? I hate life right now but I haven't given up all sense of fashion and basic decorum.
Tonight there was a ton of shoppers, too. And of course there were only about 3 of the 40 check out lanes open and the lines were all backed up into the clothes. And do you know what I saw? Three managers (CSMs????????) all standing and chatting about the impending snow storm. They weren't running registers or calling for more cashiers or providing any sort of customer service.
Finally, the other thing that pissed me off is the parking lot stalker. I did not have a good parking space. I was not anywhere near a door. As a matter of fact, I was 11 spaces from the front of the store and I was in that weird part in between the pharmacy doors and the outside section doors. I was basically where no one wants to be in the winter. So why in the hell was someone sharking me? I swear a woman in an SUV followed me all the way and then waited for me to pull out so she could have my crappy space. She even honked at me!! (And no I didn't know who she was!) It was cold and the wind was blowing and I wasn't near anything. It was just stupid.
Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!
Maggie
Tonight all the people at Wally World- the other shoppers- were gross. Don't these people bathe? They had soap in their carts so why did they all stink? They had body soap and laundry soap so why the BO smell? And these weren't all people in the same family, either, but different people all over the store. They just stank of nasty!
And why are people coming to Wal-Mart in the pajama pants? What the hell is that? I still don't understand that. Was there a convention of pajama pants wearer? Do these people not care? I hate life right now but I haven't given up all sense of fashion and basic decorum.
Tonight there was a ton of shoppers, too. And of course there were only about 3 of the 40 check out lanes open and the lines were all backed up into the clothes. And do you know what I saw? Three managers (CSMs????????) all standing and chatting about the impending snow storm. They weren't running registers or calling for more cashiers or providing any sort of customer service.
Finally, the other thing that pissed me off is the parking lot stalker. I did not have a good parking space. I was not anywhere near a door. As a matter of fact, I was 11 spaces from the front of the store and I was in that weird part in between the pharmacy doors and the outside section doors. I was basically where no one wants to be in the winter. So why in the hell was someone sharking me? I swear a woman in an SUV followed me all the way and then waited for me to pull out so she could have my crappy space. She even honked at me!! (And no I didn't know who she was!) It was cold and the wind was blowing and I wasn't near anything. It was just stupid.
Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!
Maggie
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Anger Management needed
I am so angry lately. I have no idea why. I just can't seem to find my inner peace and get in tough with my Zen.
I'm not usually an angry person. I'm usually generally a pretty happy one but lately I'm just so pissed off at the world about everything.
How do I find that inner peace again?
Yes, I've tried thinking of happy and positive things. I've tried doing some exercises. I've tried petting the puppies, which usually makes me happy. (I have to say that tonight I found FREE puppies at the pet store because they're technically mutts: Jack Russell, Dalmatian, and Husky mixes. These are so cute!) I've tried breathing and sleeping and listening to happy music. I just can't seem to find my "sunshine".
EVERYTHING is making me mad; it's the sublime to the ridiculous.
The up side is that I'm not taking it out on anyone. I'm a little bit short on patience with my students but I'm not downright crabby or mean to them.
But I'm so mad. About everything. And I've never been like this and it scares me.
Any suggestions on how to shake this?
Mad Maggie
I'm not usually an angry person. I'm usually generally a pretty happy one but lately I'm just so pissed off at the world about everything.
How do I find that inner peace again?
Yes, I've tried thinking of happy and positive things. I've tried doing some exercises. I've tried petting the puppies, which usually makes me happy. (I have to say that tonight I found FREE puppies at the pet store because they're technically mutts: Jack Russell, Dalmatian, and Husky mixes. These are so cute!) I've tried breathing and sleeping and listening to happy music. I just can't seem to find my "sunshine".
EVERYTHING is making me mad; it's the sublime to the ridiculous.
The up side is that I'm not taking it out on anyone. I'm a little bit short on patience with my students but I'm not downright crabby or mean to them.
But I'm so mad. About everything. And I've never been like this and it scares me.
Any suggestions on how to shake this?
Mad Maggie
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Things that totally irritate me
- Our Internet at work is running about like old fashioned dial-up. This makes doing anything slow, arduous and just down right frustrating
- Mac got a job 4 weeks ago at Taco Bell. He was told to fill out paperwork online and that took about a week because the URL didn't work and then one day it did. After he got it done, the manager was on vacation for a week. When she came back she said the corporate computers crashed and it would take a week to find all his paperwork. He called back a week later and she said it was all found and he was good to go so he had to call their General Manager. He called her and she said she would be contact with him in a week because she was going on vacation. For Goodness Sake, this is not brain surgery!
- Working 4 jobs and I still have no money, no health insurance and feel like shit about myself all the time
- Bill collectors. I realize I'm overdue on a bill and they said I had to pay a million dollars a month and so we negotiated down to a payment I could afford. EXCEPT they wanted 1 full payment up front, today, which I couldn't do. I had agreed to pay them 1/2 million$ a month starting in February and they were willing to cancel the whole thing and tell the company they were working with that I couldn't do it. Now, they were willing to throw out guaranteed money because they they couldn't wait until 1/16 for the first payment; it had to be today. Stoooopid arsehats. The late bill is totally my fault but I am WILLING to pay it but I need a few days to get the payment. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
- having to return my Nook to pay for my car repairs
- The university Mac quit last October didn't withdraw him; it's a paperwork glitch, I guess. He's trying to start classes at a community college on Monday but they can't give him financial aid until that happens.
- having a period
- health care in the US
- Mac's bad attitude. He created this mess he's dealing with so he doesn't need to be cranky with me if he's so unhappy.
- pantyhose
- when networks cancel a tv show and the viewers don't know; it just never turns up on the appoint time and day, and I have to go Google it to see if it will be returning. Yes, Prime Suspect is cancelled.
- when networks take a show I LOVE and split it into 2 seasons, giving it a stupid hiatus, like what happens with Glee and House
- that the nearest Starbucks is 20 minutes away and the nearest Diary Queen is 15 minutes. I want both. Now.
- dating
cranky Maggie
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Week from Hell, and it's only Tuesday
1- Some kid lost her library book. I've been patient and have renewed it twice, giving her time to see if she can find it. Today she came in the library and I never said a word about it. Then she confronted me, in a confrontational tone, and asked me what I was going to do about her lost book. I asked her what she meant and she launched into "angry, loud, obnoxious, teenage girl" tone, ranting that SHE wasn't paying for it, SHE was calling her daddy and telling him to not pay a damn dime and on and on. When she seem to run out of steam, I nicely asked her if she would just check in her dorm again and SHE told me to do my job since I was the librarian. Oh yes she did. And oh yes I did give her the maximum allotted punishment for being disrespectful and for swearing.
2- We have a reading program that I've written about before. The company has updated said program and it's now web hosted. We paid the astronomical fees and updated and upgraded. We've encountered one issue after another with it and it's been an ongoing debacle since last February. Yesterday, during the last step of the upgrade process, all of the data was lost. I want to point out that I told our outside computer people who were doing this (not ITSam thankfully) that I hadn't hard copied the data and they told me I didn't need to worry about it since they were just copying. And now, somehow, in the magical world of technology, it's gone. All gone, every single piece of student data- test scores, books lists, point earned, tests taken.... gone gone gone. I finally sent an email to our principal and said I am done with working on this project and I don't care what they do with it. I've not yet heard a response.
3- Our principal resigned. He is the best boss I've ever had and now he has the opportunity to grow another, normal public high school, and his last day with us is on Thursday. I'll miss him.
And it's just Tuesday afternoon...
Maggie
2- We have a reading program that I've written about before. The company has updated said program and it's now web hosted. We paid the astronomical fees and updated and upgraded. We've encountered one issue after another with it and it's been an ongoing debacle since last February. Yesterday, during the last step of the upgrade process, all of the data was lost. I want to point out that I told our outside computer people who were doing this (not ITSam thankfully) that I hadn't hard copied the data and they told me I didn't need to worry about it since they were just copying. And now, somehow, in the magical world of technology, it's gone. All gone, every single piece of student data- test scores, books lists, point earned, tests taken.... gone gone gone. I finally sent an email to our principal and said I am done with working on this project and I don't care what they do with it. I've not yet heard a response.
3- Our principal resigned. He is the best boss I've ever had and now he has the opportunity to grow another, normal public high school, and his last day with us is on Thursday. I'll miss him.
And it's just Tuesday afternoon...
Maggie
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Damn the DMV
In my recent old age, I try to remind myself to "be calm and carry on" and to "not sweat the small stuff & it's all small stuff." I might rant and rave here and to friends and family but when handling a situation in reality I try to be calm and adult. Most of the time I succeed in this quest for anger management.
Sometimes I fail.
When Mac got his driver's license he was still living at the Sperm Donor's house so that's the address we put on the license.
Mac didn't get a summer job so he never opened a bank account. And--- he wouldn't have any pay stubs either. I'm just pointing this out now- think of it as foreshadowing.
Mac went to open a bank account at a nation bank chain. He was 18 so he went alone. He filled out all the paperwork and the teller asked of ID. His license didn't match his forms so she told him he had to have ID with the proper address. I don't know why, nor do I care.
We decided to just go to the DMV and get his licensed changed. I went on the web site which has to be the least user friendly web site in all history of web sites, to see what documentation he needed. I couldn't find it there so I called and after being on hold for 12 MINUTES, the woman said he would need a piece of mail with his address on it.
So, last Friday, I went up to Mac's college to see him and out plan was to go out to lunch, then to the DMV to change the license and then to open the bank account.
We arrive at the location to find they moved. Across town. About 8 miles. In a town where I'm not familiar with locations of stuff. The GPS rerouted us and we arrived.
We take our number and get called.
Mac tells the woman he wants to change his license. This is where things went severely wrong.
He provides his old license and his acceptance letter from the College, and his Social Security Card. SHE tells him that won't work. They talk. He says, loudly, "Are you kidding me?" He beckons me over.
She tells me the mail isn't a US Attorney approved piece of mail and it will not suffice. And he needs 2 pieces of mail with the address, not just one. I calmly say that I called and was not told we needed 2 nor that there was criteria for the type of mail. She said I should've looked at the web site.
I told her I spent time on the web site and since it was not user friendly I called instead. She told me it was there and I should look.
I said that since I was already there, maybe she could just tell me what we needed. She said it was on the web site.
I told her to pretend I didn't have a computer and to give me the list. Mac has steam rolling out his ears and I hear him muttering under his breath- lots of bad words.
I look at the list and Mac could use things like bank statements, a pay check stub, a Passport, a mortgage or auto loan documentation, a deed to a house, something to do with being a veteran, or utility bills.
I took a deep breath and told her he just turned 18 in April and didn't have any of these things, and did she have another option. She asked why someone his age didn't have a bank account. Mac said "because I need a correct driver's license address, lady!"
I explained the bank's policy and said that was the reason we were here. She said she didn't have to do that when she got a bank account. OMG!
I swear Mac is snorting like a bull, ready to just explode. I'm taking deep soothing breaths, because I know if I loose it that will be the signal to Mac that he can as well--- which would be very, very bad.
I nicely tell her he has nothing on the list and I nicely ask if there is an alternative.
She said we could provide a copy of his transcripts. Okay, I think, cool. We can call his old high school or hit the admissions office and come back. But- no! Miss Helpful Pants then says it has to be an official transcript and with a letter. You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me.
I'd like to say we just walked out and that the stupid ended there, but no. I wasn't that smart to just give up, go to a different bank and lie about Mac's address.
I said that since I was his mother, could I sign something? Well, sure, as long as I could provide 5 forms of ID. I am NOT exaggerating.
Because I would be verifying his identity, I would need to prove mine. For me to do this, I would need to provide 2 forms of photo ID, one of them being my driver's license with my correct address, she snidely pointed out, that bitch. Then I would need a Passport, an original copy of MY birth certificate and then 2 items from the list she gave Mac. And I would need an original copy of Mac's birth certificate, his old license, and his Social Security Card.
Mac lost it. He started raving, and yes, raving is the only word that will work here, he was RAVING about the idiocy of bureaucracy, the stupidity of the government, why the US is in such pathetic shape, and something about health care reform. He also told her she was an "imbecilic , heartless, government drone" who could kiss his ass.
I didn't need to say what I was thinking- I just hustled him out before we were arrested.
Let's just say we still have no correct license and Mac still doesn't have a bank account. That's okay, he still doesn't have a job anyway. (Oh and about the bank... the branch of the bank he wanted to open his account in closed and is no longer in his college town! Go figure that one!)
We did have a good lunch...
Need I say more?
Maggie
Sometimes I fail.
When Mac got his driver's license he was still living at the Sperm Donor's house so that's the address we put on the license.
Mac didn't get a summer job so he never opened a bank account. And--- he wouldn't have any pay stubs either. I'm just pointing this out now- think of it as foreshadowing.
Mac went to open a bank account at a nation bank chain. He was 18 so he went alone. He filled out all the paperwork and the teller asked of ID. His license didn't match his forms so she told him he had to have ID with the proper address. I don't know why, nor do I care.
We decided to just go to the DMV and get his licensed changed. I went on the web site which has to be the least user friendly web site in all history of web sites, to see what documentation he needed. I couldn't find it there so I called and after being on hold for 12 MINUTES, the woman said he would need a piece of mail with his address on it.
So, last Friday, I went up to Mac's college to see him and out plan was to go out to lunch, then to the DMV to change the license and then to open the bank account.
We arrive at the location to find they moved. Across town. About 8 miles. In a town where I'm not familiar with locations of stuff. The GPS rerouted us and we arrived.
We take our number and get called.
Mac tells the woman he wants to change his license. This is where things went severely wrong.
He provides his old license and his acceptance letter from the College, and his Social Security Card. SHE tells him that won't work. They talk. He says, loudly, "Are you kidding me?" He beckons me over.
She tells me the mail isn't a US Attorney approved piece of mail and it will not suffice. And he needs 2 pieces of mail with the address, not just one. I calmly say that I called and was not told we needed 2 nor that there was criteria for the type of mail. She said I should've looked at the web site.
I told her I spent time on the web site and since it was not user friendly I called instead. She told me it was there and I should look.
I said that since I was already there, maybe she could just tell me what we needed. She said it was on the web site.
I told her to pretend I didn't have a computer and to give me the list. Mac has steam rolling out his ears and I hear him muttering under his breath- lots of bad words.
I look at the list and Mac could use things like bank statements, a pay check stub, a Passport, a mortgage or auto loan documentation, a deed to a house, something to do with being a veteran, or utility bills.
I took a deep breath and told her he just turned 18 in April and didn't have any of these things, and did she have another option. She asked why someone his age didn't have a bank account. Mac said "because I need a correct driver's license address, lady!"
I explained the bank's policy and said that was the reason we were here. She said she didn't have to do that when she got a bank account. OMG!
I swear Mac is snorting like a bull, ready to just explode. I'm taking deep soothing breaths, because I know if I loose it that will be the signal to Mac that he can as well--- which would be very, very bad.
I nicely tell her he has nothing on the list and I nicely ask if there is an alternative.
She said we could provide a copy of his transcripts. Okay, I think, cool. We can call his old high school or hit the admissions office and come back. But- no! Miss Helpful Pants then says it has to be an official transcript and with a letter. You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me.
I'd like to say we just walked out and that the stupid ended there, but no. I wasn't that smart to just give up, go to a different bank and lie about Mac's address.
I said that since I was his mother, could I sign something? Well, sure, as long as I could provide 5 forms of ID. I am NOT exaggerating.
Because I would be verifying his identity, I would need to prove mine. For me to do this, I would need to provide 2 forms of photo ID, one of them being my driver's license with my correct address, she snidely pointed out, that bitch. Then I would need a Passport, an original copy of MY birth certificate and then 2 items from the list she gave Mac. And I would need an original copy of Mac's birth certificate, his old license, and his Social Security Card.
Mac lost it. He started raving, and yes, raving is the only word that will work here, he was RAVING about the idiocy of bureaucracy, the stupidity of the government, why the US is in such pathetic shape, and something about health care reform. He also told her she was an "imbecilic , heartless, government drone" who could kiss his ass.
I didn't need to say what I was thinking- I just hustled him out before we were arrested.
Let's just say we still have no correct license and Mac still doesn't have a bank account. That's okay, he still doesn't have a job anyway. (Oh and about the bank... the branch of the bank he wanted to open his account in closed and is no longer in his college town! Go figure that one!)
We did have a good lunch...
Need I say more?
Maggie
Monday, March 28, 2011
I'm at a loss & I'm so angry I don't have words
Okay.......... some of you know this story and others don't. For the "dos" sorry for the repeat. For the "don'ts" well... here.
A few months ago I decided I wanted to be licensed to be a foster parent so when Princess was released in May she could be sent to live with me. I knew there were about 3494570431 things that could go wrong and stop the process but since it was a long shot it was worth taking.
I talked it over with her case -manager, who thought it was a good idea.
I talked it over with ITSam. He and I have talked about getting married so this was something that would certainly affect him as well. He was all for the idea.
I talked it over with Mac who was all for the idea as well.
I talked it over with Daddy-O who thought I was crazy and as long I wasn't going to foster her here at his house he was supportive.
Though all involved decided it would be a good idea to not tell Princess, she figured it out. She was VERY in favor of this idea.
I did some research online and talked to tons of foster parents and decided this is something I wanted to do.
I met with the people in the foster division of Alcatraz. I wanted to ask some basic questions. That meeting was extremely positive and I was given the huge green light with this idea. I got a stack of paperwork and signed up for classes. I was told that since we needed to meet a deadline of may 26, I could take classes as they were offered through them and then to get what else I needed Alcatraz would do individual one-on-one training to finish it up. COOL!
That took care of the issue of timing.
ITSam has to be licensed as well so he signed up too.
To be licensed together we had to be married by the time we got her. Okay, we decided that wouldn't be a problem and sort of loosely planned a small wedding that would take place at the end of April. Okay- check.
We knew we would need at least a 3 bedroom house or apartment. A guy at work said he had 4 bedroom house he would let us rent with a huge discount because we were going to be foster parents and he thought that was admirable. It was in the school district we wanted and we could move in mid- April. AND the guy who makes sure houses are foster care approved had been there said it was and doing the home study would be fine. Check!
Everything was falling into place until a few weeks ago when Princess's case manager call me to her office. She dropped the bomb that probation department in Princess's home county (her PO there) wants her in a placement in her own county so though they won't be reunified as a family, they can still have twice weekly meetings. Her PO wants her in an independent living situation or foster care there.
Well damn.
Yes, she should continue to foster a positive relationship with her mother and sisters. Yes, she should stay connected to her family. It sucks for me, for us, for Princess who so wanted to be with me.
Okay so she and I put on happy faces and think positive thoughts and focus on the good stuff about being there.
Then Friday night Princess drops the bomb. She was shell-shocked herself. he stupid case-manager casually mentioned that recently the PO sent an email that said after consideration maybe Princess should remain in this county so she could graduate from Alcatraz since she's academically successful and she could be placed in a foster home here.
Of course the witch of a case-manager said nothing to me about this and won't give Princess any other information.
I just can't believe this............. And I can't manage to write more here without coming unglued. I can't even talk about it without having a fit. I'm so mad, angry, furious, hurt, shattered, frustrated, ugh!!!!!!!!!!
Maggie
A few months ago I decided I wanted to be licensed to be a foster parent so when Princess was released in May she could be sent to live with me. I knew there were about 3494570431 things that could go wrong and stop the process but since it was a long shot it was worth taking.
I talked it over with her case -manager, who thought it was a good idea.
I talked it over with ITSam. He and I have talked about getting married so this was something that would certainly affect him as well. He was all for the idea.
I talked it over with Mac who was all for the idea as well.
I talked it over with Daddy-O who thought I was crazy and as long I wasn't going to foster her here at his house he was supportive.
Though all involved decided it would be a good idea to not tell Princess, she figured it out. She was VERY in favor of this idea.
I did some research online and talked to tons of foster parents and decided this is something I wanted to do.
I met with the people in the foster division of Alcatraz. I wanted to ask some basic questions. That meeting was extremely positive and I was given the huge green light with this idea. I got a stack of paperwork and signed up for classes. I was told that since we needed to meet a deadline of may 26, I could take classes as they were offered through them and then to get what else I needed Alcatraz would do individual one-on-one training to finish it up. COOL!
That took care of the issue of timing.
ITSam has to be licensed as well so he signed up too.
To be licensed together we had to be married by the time we got her. Okay, we decided that wouldn't be a problem and sort of loosely planned a small wedding that would take place at the end of April. Okay- check.
We knew we would need at least a 3 bedroom house or apartment. A guy at work said he had 4 bedroom house he would let us rent with a huge discount because we were going to be foster parents and he thought that was admirable. It was in the school district we wanted and we could move in mid- April. AND the guy who makes sure houses are foster care approved had been there said it was and doing the home study would be fine. Check!
Everything was falling into place until a few weeks ago when Princess's case manager call me to her office. She dropped the bomb that probation department in Princess's home county (her PO there) wants her in a placement in her own county so though they won't be reunified as a family, they can still have twice weekly meetings. Her PO wants her in an independent living situation or foster care there.
Well damn.
Yes, she should continue to foster a positive relationship with her mother and sisters. Yes, she should stay connected to her family. It sucks for me, for us, for Princess who so wanted to be with me.
Okay so she and I put on happy faces and think positive thoughts and focus on the good stuff about being there.
Then Friday night Princess drops the bomb. She was shell-shocked herself. he stupid case-manager casually mentioned that recently the PO sent an email that said after consideration maybe Princess should remain in this county so she could graduate from Alcatraz since she's academically successful and she could be placed in a foster home here.
Of course the witch of a case-manager said nothing to me about this and won't give Princess any other information.
I just can't believe this............. And I can't manage to write more here without coming unglued. I can't even talk about it without having a fit. I'm so mad, angry, furious, hurt, shattered, frustrated, ugh!!!!!!!!!!
Maggie
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Pat my own back
I don't usually do this but I'm going to pat myself on my back.
I am damn good at my job. I work well with our kids who are explosive and hurt and angry and scared and mad, all at the same time. I'm good with these kids DAMN IT!!!!!!
Yesterday I broke up a girl fight, breaking up two girls, one of whom is known to be MEAN. I talked her down and got her out of the room and then stayed and talked with her while the administrators did what they had to do. By the time we got any help in the classroom where the fight broke out, I had it it sorted out. And the classroom teacher I helped- it was his room where the girls were fighting- just stood by. All the administrators had to do when they got there was administer the punishment.
I talked to the girl and found out all that was wrong and she cried and spilled. Then she talked- calmly- to the assistant principal, who she hates, and got it together. Funny, it occurred to me that my school has all men as administrators.
Look, I'm good in the library and I'm good at my job there. I like and respect these kids. I like working in education. I will go above and beyond the call for my school. I don't know what it is but these kids click with me and I like them as well. I'm a good to person in my building and I have a good attitude. I don't take crap from the kids but I get where they're coming from. I respect them and i have high expectations.
But I'm tired. I can't get full time hours. I can't get descent money. I am so very happy that they all like me and think I do a good job. I would be a damn good case manager and have been told that by people in power positions but I don't have the right degree. I don't have the right degree to teach or be an administrator. I have the right degree to do nothing.
I'm frustrated and mad. I am GOOD at this. I can't afford to go back to school. I can't afford rent or groceries let alone more school. I can't afford to get a car payment let alone another school loan. I'm tired, I'm angry, and I've had it.
I've found what I need to do but I can't make a living.
I'm sick of looking for a job. I'm tired of watching people hate being in education, hating our kids, bitching all the time about their jobs when they have no clue, of people not doing their damn jobs and I KNOW I could do this far better than at least half of the folks there. This sucks sucks sucks and it's not fair. I'm sick of looking for a new job, of being the new kid on the block all the time, sick of no money, or re-learning, of being at the bottom.
I want to stay home and do nothing and hide from the world. I want to work in a bakery and be the pastry decorator, hiding in the back, dealing with no people and just frosting cake after cake and not being in charge of shit or talking to people. I want to arrange flowers. Show me how and stick me in the back room at the florist and I'll just do arrangement after arrangement. Because I just can't cope with people telling me how great I am, how much they love me, how much I'm appreciated, but "gee I'm sorry we don't have a full time spot for you because you don't have the right ___________(fill in the damn blank)." I don't want to work with people and like it. I want to be regulated to the back of the bus, doing behind the scenes work. Give me a job where I don't have a chance to shine or be good or stand out and let me just do what I'm told, assembly line, rote work.
Screw careers.
Maggie
I am damn good at my job. I work well with our kids who are explosive and hurt and angry and scared and mad, all at the same time. I'm good with these kids DAMN IT!!!!!!
Yesterday I broke up a girl fight, breaking up two girls, one of whom is known to be MEAN. I talked her down and got her out of the room and then stayed and talked with her while the administrators did what they had to do. By the time we got any help in the classroom where the fight broke out, I had it it sorted out. And the classroom teacher I helped- it was his room where the girls were fighting- just stood by. All the administrators had to do when they got there was administer the punishment.
I talked to the girl and found out all that was wrong and she cried and spilled. Then she talked- calmly- to the assistant principal, who she hates, and got it together. Funny, it occurred to me that my school has all men as administrators.
Look, I'm good in the library and I'm good at my job there. I like and respect these kids. I like working in education. I will go above and beyond the call for my school. I don't know what it is but these kids click with me and I like them as well. I'm a good to person in my building and I have a good attitude. I don't take crap from the kids but I get where they're coming from. I respect them and i have high expectations.
But I'm tired. I can't get full time hours. I can't get descent money. I am so very happy that they all like me and think I do a good job. I would be a damn good case manager and have been told that by people in power positions but I don't have the right degree. I don't have the right degree to teach or be an administrator. I have the right degree to do nothing.
I'm frustrated and mad. I am GOOD at this. I can't afford to go back to school. I can't afford rent or groceries let alone more school. I can't afford to get a car payment let alone another school loan. I'm tired, I'm angry, and I've had it.
I've found what I need to do but I can't make a living.
I'm sick of looking for a job. I'm tired of watching people hate being in education, hating our kids, bitching all the time about their jobs when they have no clue, of people not doing their damn jobs and I KNOW I could do this far better than at least half of the folks there. This sucks sucks sucks and it's not fair. I'm sick of looking for a new job, of being the new kid on the block all the time, sick of no money, or re-learning, of being at the bottom.
I want to stay home and do nothing and hide from the world. I want to work in a bakery and be the pastry decorator, hiding in the back, dealing with no people and just frosting cake after cake and not being in charge of shit or talking to people. I want to arrange flowers. Show me how and stick me in the back room at the florist and I'll just do arrangement after arrangement. Because I just can't cope with people telling me how great I am, how much they love me, how much I'm appreciated, but "gee I'm sorry we don't have a full time spot for you because you don't have the right ___________(fill in the damn blank)." I don't want to work with people and like it. I want to be regulated to the back of the bus, doing behind the scenes work. Give me a job where I don't have a chance to shine or be good or stand out and let me just do what I'm told, assembly line, rote work.
Screw careers.
Maggie
Friday, March 4, 2011
I. hate. mechanics.
Last Friday my car wouldn't start. All my amateur mechanic friends worked on it to no avail so it went to the shop on Monday. I got a ride from Daddy-O on Friday and Saturday to my second job. A friend at work dropped me at home. Sunday I used his car to grocery shop. Mac used it for church. I hitched a ride to and from work with a relative of ITSam. Same Tuesday morning and afternoon.
Tuesday night around 5:30pm it was ready for pick up.
Wednesday morning it wouldn't start. Daddy-O let me take his car to work. ITSam got it started and thought he figured the problem. Wednesday night Princess and I were running around and it wouldn't start. I jiggled and wiggled stuff until it started.
Thursday morning it wouldn't start. It went back to the shop.
The owner of the shop called me today at work and told me the "new" problem. He also said, and I quote, "We'll have it done tonight if I have to stay here until 10 o'clock tonight and work on it myself."
At 5:45pm ITSam talked to them and they were still working on it. The guy on the phone said he would park it outside with the keys in it when they were done.
At 7pm it was not parked outside with the keys in it and there was not one single soul at that garage.
Because I was hoping they were on dinner break or went to get a part, I went back there about 10 minutes ago. It is STILL not parked outside.
It's been 8 days. Eight damn days, people!!!!!!! God created Earth in 7 and these asshats can't fix a flippin' ignition switch on a 10 year old Chevy in 8??????
Lying bastards.
I'm done being nice.
Tomorrow is Carmageddon.
Maggie
Tuesday night around 5:30pm it was ready for pick up.
Wednesday morning it wouldn't start. Daddy-O let me take his car to work. ITSam got it started and thought he figured the problem. Wednesday night Princess and I were running around and it wouldn't start. I jiggled and wiggled stuff until it started.
Thursday morning it wouldn't start. It went back to the shop.
The owner of the shop called me today at work and told me the "new" problem. He also said, and I quote, "We'll have it done tonight if I have to stay here until 10 o'clock tonight and work on it myself."
At 5:45pm ITSam talked to them and they were still working on it. The guy on the phone said he would park it outside with the keys in it when they were done.
At 7pm it was not parked outside with the keys in it and there was not one single soul at that garage.
Because I was hoping they were on dinner break or went to get a part, I went back there about 10 minutes ago. It is STILL not parked outside.
It's been 8 days. Eight damn days, people!!!!!!! God created Earth in 7 and these asshats can't fix a flippin' ignition switch on a 10 year old Chevy in 8??????
Lying bastards.
I'm done being nice.
Tomorrow is Carmageddon.
Maggie
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Oooops, I did it again!
I swear I'm purposely NOT not taking a yoga class. I really WANT to take a yoga class!
BUT!
(Yes, there's always a big "but." By not taking yoga, I have a big butt....)
But, on Monday I was asked to drive for cash for work. I looked at my Tuesday calendar and it was clear. I was searching the brain cells because it felt like I was supposed to do something but it wasn't written down so I thought I was mistaken. So I said yes to the driving (to the making cash.)
Then at lunch, my yoga partner asked if I would be mad if she backed out because it was the worst Tuesday for her: her son had a karate demonstration, her oldest daughter's violin lesson got changed, her youngest daughter had a doctor appointment, and then the two oldest kids had some sort of school open house thingy.
DOH- yoga! *head slap*
I told her what I did and we agreed it was fate to not go to yoga.
However, after school when I was getting ready to leave, I learned my drive was canceled- the parent couldn't make it due to the weather 2.5 hours of here was terrible. I already knew my yoga partner was out so I just bailed because I didn't want to go alone.
ITSam and I went out to dinner instead. Then we had what I thought was a discussion, which he turned into a disagreement, which somehow turned into a full fledged fight, because he's an idiot.
I should've gone to yoga and gotten all zen-ed out.
Next Tuesday......... yeah, I know. That's what I said last week!
Paving the road to hell with good intentions,
Maggie
BUT!
(Yes, there's always a big "but." By not taking yoga, I have a big butt....)
But, on Monday I was asked to drive for cash for work. I looked at my Tuesday calendar and it was clear. I was searching the brain cells because it felt like I was supposed to do something but it wasn't written down so I thought I was mistaken. So I said yes to the driving (to the making cash.)
Then at lunch, my yoga partner asked if I would be mad if she backed out because it was the worst Tuesday for her: her son had a karate demonstration, her oldest daughter's violin lesson got changed, her youngest daughter had a doctor appointment, and then the two oldest kids had some sort of school open house thingy.
DOH- yoga! *head slap*
I told her what I did and we agreed it was fate to not go to yoga.
However, after school when I was getting ready to leave, I learned my drive was canceled- the parent couldn't make it due to the weather 2.5 hours of here was terrible. I already knew my yoga partner was out so I just bailed because I didn't want to go alone.
ITSam and I went out to dinner instead. Then we had what I thought was a discussion, which he turned into a disagreement, which somehow turned into a full fledged fight, because he's an idiot.
I should've gone to yoga and gotten all zen-ed out.
Next Tuesday......... yeah, I know. That's what I said last week!
Paving the road to hell with good intentions,
Maggie
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Not ready to make nice
My library computer died today.
I checked books out all morning. When I got back from lunch and went to check out a book, I got an error message. I couldn't log back in without getting the same error message over and over again.
I let kids checkout books the rest of the day and just wrote the info down. Not a big deal, it seems, right?
I also should point out that 98% of campus used the library today. It was the first day we were open after a long Christmas break so all three English teachers brought all their students into day and all of them got at least one book, most of them got two.
So, at the end of the day I called our IT School Support guy. This is NOT ITSam. This guy is a liaison between the school and the IT department. So I called my Liaison and he came and did some stuff to my computer and discovered that not one single book I check out to student, nor any books I checked in or new library cards I issued were in the computer any longer. A called was placed to our library software support department and they went 10 rounds.
What it all came down to was that no back up files were made due to an errors someone made 3 years ago. Okay, so then we just go to our server, right? So our Liaison calls ITSam who says that he can't get that information because it was all corrupt. WHAT???
All day long different people called the ITSam department and reported our email wasn't working and we kept getting "can't connect to the server" message. ITSam's response to everyone all day was that there was nothing wrong with the server.
So now at the end of the day, after about 200 hundred books went out the library door to a school filled with kids who are mostly criminals, nothing is checked out. The computer shows all the books as "in." OMG... and did I mention that the majority of the books that were checked out were new books that I processed right before Christmas?
ITSam said that he could get information off the server when it did the morning back up but after that, the information is corrupt. So wait a minute. First he said it wasn't his server's fault, then he said my library computer wasn't on his server, then he said he could only get some information? Which story is right here?
I told him at the end of the day we were NOT going to discuss this at home. I was in tears at work over this whole debacle and I didn't want to talk about it with him. He said it wasn't his fault. I said I thought it was his department's. Mac stepped in and said to ITSam, "Dude, just back off mom. She thinks you're wrong and you think you're not. She said not to talk about it and man, I've known her a lot longer than you. Walk away from it while you can, before she annihilates you." We agreed to not talk about it.
The evening went on fine and after dinner I wanted to run out to Big R to see about a sweater sale. Well, ITSam couldn't let well alone. We argued about it and it was ugly. When we got back from Big R he said he just wanted me to drop him off at home, and I said I planned on it. And that was that.
I was right, by the way.
I might not be healthy for me to date a man with whom I work.
Mags
I checked books out all morning. When I got back from lunch and went to check out a book, I got an error message. I couldn't log back in without getting the same error message over and over again.
I let kids checkout books the rest of the day and just wrote the info down. Not a big deal, it seems, right?
I also should point out that 98% of campus used the library today. It was the first day we were open after a long Christmas break so all three English teachers brought all their students into day and all of them got at least one book, most of them got two.
So, at the end of the day I called our IT School Support guy. This is NOT ITSam. This guy is a liaison between the school and the IT department. So I called my Liaison and he came and did some stuff to my computer and discovered that not one single book I check out to student, nor any books I checked in or new library cards I issued were in the computer any longer. A called was placed to our library software support department and they went 10 rounds.
What it all came down to was that no back up files were made due to an errors someone made 3 years ago. Okay, so then we just go to our server, right? So our Liaison calls ITSam who says that he can't get that information because it was all corrupt. WHAT???
All day long different people called the ITSam department and reported our email wasn't working and we kept getting "can't connect to the server" message. ITSam's response to everyone all day was that there was nothing wrong with the server.
So now at the end of the day, after about 200 hundred books went out the library door to a school filled with kids who are mostly criminals, nothing is checked out. The computer shows all the books as "in." OMG... and did I mention that the majority of the books that were checked out were new books that I processed right before Christmas?
ITSam said that he could get information off the server when it did the morning back up but after that, the information is corrupt. So wait a minute. First he said it wasn't his server's fault, then he said my library computer wasn't on his server, then he said he could only get some information? Which story is right here?
I told him at the end of the day we were NOT going to discuss this at home. I was in tears at work over this whole debacle and I didn't want to talk about it with him. He said it wasn't his fault. I said I thought it was his department's. Mac stepped in and said to ITSam, "Dude, just back off mom. She thinks you're wrong and you think you're not. She said not to talk about it and man, I've known her a lot longer than you. Walk away from it while you can, before she annihilates you." We agreed to not talk about it.
The evening went on fine and after dinner I wanted to run out to Big R to see about a sweater sale. Well, ITSam couldn't let well alone. We argued about it and it was ugly. When we got back from Big R he said he just wanted me to drop him off at home, and I said I planned on it. And that was that.
I was right, by the way.
I might not be healthy for me to date a man with whom I work.
Mags
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Mac's Sperm Donor rears his ugly face... and here I thought he was dead
NO such luck. Wishful thinking. He's still alive and kicking and living on the other side of town.
This is a jerk who hasn't spoken a civil word to his son for a year. The last time they talked was February, on the phone and it ended with Mac hanging up on his father. Then one day in late April or early May Mac's itunes account wouldn't work. So he actually text his father about it who said he shut it off. Mac called him and cussed him out. Then he hung up on him. That is the total contact he's had with this so called father person.
Sperm Donor missed his honor's choir performance, 3 high school choir performances, every single football game, 2 band concerts, 3 plays he was in, and his athletic awards dinner. That's what I can think of off the top of my head. Not to mention the fact he's missed just about all the things a dad should do. He's just missed out on a year of Mac's life, of his growing up, his first girlfriend, his first crush, learning to drive, day to day stuff. He missed him applying to colleges, college visits, and the glory of getting in a college (his second choice, but still!!) with a HUGE scholarship! His SD has missed this all and had no clue what an awesome kid he has. That stupid M#$%^@F%*&er!!!!!!
So, in mid November, Mac gets a text from his SD telling him he saw his name on the honor roll, for grades and how proud he was of him. Mac told me and then waited a week and sent a response back that said "thanks." Here's where I think fate played: two days later Mac gets an auto-generated reply from Sprint saying his message was undeliverable. Mac said then it wasn't meant to be.
Until last week his dad just calls him out of the blue. They had a conversation. Which led to a lunch. I didn't ask a lot of questions, frankly, because I wasn't sure I could keep a civil tongue in my head. What Mac did tell me was that his father didn't apologize (figures), wanted to put it all behind them and go on like nothing happened (oh I bet he does, so like him to cause havoc and want to then pretend he's innocent in it all), and informed Mac he's in $38k of credit card debit (and what does that have to do with Mac, I'd like to know?). Mac said other than that, lunch was fine and the pizza was good.
Then Mac went with him 2 days later and they hung out for an afternoon. Mac wanted to go shopping with some girls from school but couldn't get all their schedules arranged. I told him I would take him and he said okay. I guess he had a conversation with his dad who said he would take Mac shopping so he went. I was so pissed off!!!!!!!!! Again I tried to not say much. Mac shared that he told his dad he wasn't ready to see his step-mother nor grandmother (poor kid has shrews on both sides) and apparently his SD said he hoped that would change; Mac told him to not count on it. Mac told me he also told his dad he was really negative and that influenced him as a young adolescent and he learned from me to be positive. He told SD if he could be positive around him then he wouldn't see him. Mac said he wouldn't spend time around someone who is critical of everyone and everything in the world. SD said he would "try" to be less critical.
I hate SD. I want him to stay away. I want him to go away. I don't want him near Mac. I want to know what he's up to. I don't trust him and I figure he has some covert reason. I hate him and don't trust him any further than I can throw his ugly, fat ass. I hate hate hate him. If hate were people I'd be China. I don't like what he did to Mac over the last year and how he thinks he can swoop in and be "buds" again. I don't think Mac will let him get too close but I just hate that he suddenly, after a year off and a year filled with ill will and bad feelings and so much hurt to my son, SD thinks he can just pop in. I want to tell him if he hurts Mac again or so much as makes him change his outlook on something as simple as what he wants on his burgers, he'll never see Mac again. I have no power to make that happen but I wish I could DO SOMETHING!
Thanks for letting me vent, spew, toss up some verbal vomit.
Mags
This is a jerk who hasn't spoken a civil word to his son for a year. The last time they talked was February, on the phone and it ended with Mac hanging up on his father. Then one day in late April or early May Mac's itunes account wouldn't work. So he actually text his father about it who said he shut it off. Mac called him and cussed him out. Then he hung up on him. That is the total contact he's had with this so called father person.
Sperm Donor missed his honor's choir performance, 3 high school choir performances, every single football game, 2 band concerts, 3 plays he was in, and his athletic awards dinner. That's what I can think of off the top of my head. Not to mention the fact he's missed just about all the things a dad should do. He's just missed out on a year of Mac's life, of his growing up, his first girlfriend, his first crush, learning to drive, day to day stuff. He missed him applying to colleges, college visits, and the glory of getting in a college (his second choice, but still!!) with a HUGE scholarship! His SD has missed this all and had no clue what an awesome kid he has. That stupid M#$%^@F%*&er!!!!!!
So, in mid November, Mac gets a text from his SD telling him he saw his name on the honor roll, for grades and how proud he was of him. Mac told me and then waited a week and sent a response back that said "thanks." Here's where I think fate played: two days later Mac gets an auto-generated reply from Sprint saying his message was undeliverable. Mac said then it wasn't meant to be.
Until last week his dad just calls him out of the blue. They had a conversation. Which led to a lunch. I didn't ask a lot of questions, frankly, because I wasn't sure I could keep a civil tongue in my head. What Mac did tell me was that his father didn't apologize (figures), wanted to put it all behind them and go on like nothing happened (oh I bet he does, so like him to cause havoc and want to then pretend he's innocent in it all), and informed Mac he's in $38k of credit card debit (and what does that have to do with Mac, I'd like to know?). Mac said other than that, lunch was fine and the pizza was good.
Then Mac went with him 2 days later and they hung out for an afternoon. Mac wanted to go shopping with some girls from school but couldn't get all their schedules arranged. I told him I would take him and he said okay. I guess he had a conversation with his dad who said he would take Mac shopping so he went. I was so pissed off!!!!!!!!! Again I tried to not say much. Mac shared that he told his dad he wasn't ready to see his step-mother nor grandmother (poor kid has shrews on both sides) and apparently his SD said he hoped that would change; Mac told him to not count on it. Mac told me he also told his dad he was really negative and that influenced him as a young adolescent and he learned from me to be positive. He told SD if he could be positive around him then he wouldn't see him. Mac said he wouldn't spend time around someone who is critical of everyone and everything in the world. SD said he would "try" to be less critical.
I hate SD. I want him to stay away. I want him to go away. I don't want him near Mac. I want to know what he's up to. I don't trust him and I figure he has some covert reason. I hate him and don't trust him any further than I can throw his ugly, fat ass. I hate hate hate him. If hate were people I'd be China. I don't like what he did to Mac over the last year and how he thinks he can swoop in and be "buds" again. I don't think Mac will let him get too close but I just hate that he suddenly, after a year off and a year filled with ill will and bad feelings and so much hurt to my son, SD thinks he can just pop in. I want to tell him if he hurts Mac again or so much as makes him change his outlook on something as simple as what he wants on his burgers, he'll never see Mac again. I have no power to make that happen but I wish I could DO SOMETHING!
Thanks for letting me vent, spew, toss up some verbal vomit.
Mags
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Not a happy camper
I hate being patronized, I hate being manipulated, and I hate being used. It makes me angry.
I also hate it when people withhold information, letting me (or others, and you will soon see what I mean) just twist in the wind, wondering what is going on. I hate it in relationships, at work, with friends, anywhere. If I'm in romantic relationship and a Sam has something to say, he just needs to say it, quick, get it over with, like ripping off a Band-Aid. No silent treatment, no beating around the bush. I just hate it. I hate it at work as well. And, yes I do have a very current and REAL life example.
As you all know, I am currently an aide in a special ed. department at a junior high school. I'm finishing a contract and I was told when I was hired that it was for this year, and this year only. When school was done in June, I was done as well. Okay-- cool, sorta. I knew where I stood. I knew it and I was fine. I had a beginning, a middle and an end. I could plan accordingly. Got it. And while I didn't necessarily like it, I still had KNOWLEDGE; and knowledge is power.
I also know what sort of crisis education is facing in states all over the country. They don't have money, budgets are slashed, teachers are being riffed, programs are cut. I understand, maybe much better than many other teachers. I am not a stupid woman, and treating me as such pisses me off.
I've worked this job and haven't suffered from "short timers" syndrome. I treated this job like I did when I was an actual full-time, classroom teacher. I stayed after school, I volunteered for stuff, I helped. I did what I was asked and then some. Not a problem for me; it's just my personality. I've received some very nice compliments from kids, parents, and fellow teachers. That's always a plus. And it's nice to hear; we all like to be given 'atta boys'.
Now, about 3 weeks ago the 8th graders in our building were given their Frosh schedules for the fall. My name is on the freshmen schedules for a few classes. WTF? First, this is an entirely different building than the one I'm in now. Secondly, there is no way someone could have "accidentally" clicked on my name in a computer; I would've had to be be manually entered into the system. Third, this is for an entirely different school system. No, this couldn't be an ACCIDENT, is my point here.
No one has told me I have a job next year. No one has asked me if I want a job next year. No one has claimed responsibility for my name on schedules. No one has mentioned it to me EXCEPT my students. Who are psyched that they get me next year. That are thrilled I get to advance with them to make high school less scary. To have a familiar face helping them next year.
I'm half sick over it. I don't know what to say to the kids. I've resorted to telling them it was a typo but if it changes, I'd let them know. This is NOT fair to those kids. I have a special relationship with many of these at-risk kids. They are counting on me. And if I'm NOT there next year, they'll be given some stupid song and dance about why, rather than the truth, and I'll just be thought of as another adult who let them down. This fuels my ire.
I know I could go to the administration and ask what's going one. But, frankly, it's not my responsibility. I went to this administration about 5 weeks ago and begged-- yes, I begged-- for a job because three English teachers were leaving. Guess what happened? I was given a non-committal, political song and dance routine that was a non-answer answer. Meaning, I got nothing. Then other people were hired instead of me. I would think someone could bother to come to me to tell me I have a job as an aide since they stuck my name on a schedule. The 'administration' knows I'm interested in a job.
Furthermore, I am, technically, the uber last person on the seniority totem pole when it comes to all the aides who work for the system. I am smack so far at the bottom, I can see the Devil's ass from where I sit. There are about 10 other people with more seniority between the high school and junior high buildings alone; that doesn't even take into consideration ALL the aides, district wide. So MY name appears on about 50 student schedules so other aides, who haven't been told in in the wonderful world of budget cuts if THEY have jobs next year (that's right; none of the aides know if they have jobs next year), are pissed. At me. I keep saying no one has talked to me and it has to be a typo, but they're mad. At me. And it makes things rather... shall we say, uncomfortable, for me? It's not what you'd call a pleasant working environment as far as my peers go. AWK-ward!
I just feel like I'm being... manipulated. And I don't like it. I need a job and this isn't nice to do to someone in my situation.
Don't fuck with me,
Mags
I also hate it when people withhold information, letting me (or others, and you will soon see what I mean) just twist in the wind, wondering what is going on. I hate it in relationships, at work, with friends, anywhere. If I'm in romantic relationship and a Sam has something to say, he just needs to say it, quick, get it over with, like ripping off a Band-Aid. No silent treatment, no beating around the bush. I just hate it. I hate it at work as well. And, yes I do have a very current and REAL life example.
As you all know, I am currently an aide in a special ed. department at a junior high school. I'm finishing a contract and I was told when I was hired that it was for this year, and this year only. When school was done in June, I was done as well. Okay-- cool, sorta. I knew where I stood. I knew it and I was fine. I had a beginning, a middle and an end. I could plan accordingly. Got it. And while I didn't necessarily like it, I still had KNOWLEDGE; and knowledge is power.
I also know what sort of crisis education is facing in states all over the country. They don't have money, budgets are slashed, teachers are being riffed, programs are cut. I understand, maybe much better than many other teachers. I am not a stupid woman, and treating me as such pisses me off.
I've worked this job and haven't suffered from "short timers" syndrome. I treated this job like I did when I was an actual full-time, classroom teacher. I stayed after school, I volunteered for stuff, I helped. I did what I was asked and then some. Not a problem for me; it's just my personality. I've received some very nice compliments from kids, parents, and fellow teachers. That's always a plus. And it's nice to hear; we all like to be given 'atta boys'.
Now, about 3 weeks ago the 8th graders in our building were given their Frosh schedules for the fall. My name is on the freshmen schedules for a few classes. WTF? First, this is an entirely different building than the one I'm in now. Secondly, there is no way someone could have "accidentally" clicked on my name in a computer; I would've had to be be manually entered into the system. Third, this is for an entirely different school system. No, this couldn't be an ACCIDENT, is my point here.
No one has told me I have a job next year. No one has asked me if I want a job next year. No one has claimed responsibility for my name on schedules. No one has mentioned it to me EXCEPT my students. Who are psyched that they get me next year. That are thrilled I get to advance with them to make high school less scary. To have a familiar face helping them next year.
I'm half sick over it. I don't know what to say to the kids. I've resorted to telling them it was a typo but if it changes, I'd let them know. This is NOT fair to those kids. I have a special relationship with many of these at-risk kids. They are counting on me. And if I'm NOT there next year, they'll be given some stupid song and dance about why, rather than the truth, and I'll just be thought of as another adult who let them down. This fuels my ire.
I know I could go to the administration and ask what's going one. But, frankly, it's not my responsibility. I went to this administration about 5 weeks ago and begged-- yes, I begged-- for a job because three English teachers were leaving. Guess what happened? I was given a non-committal, political song and dance routine that was a non-answer answer. Meaning, I got nothing. Then other people were hired instead of me. I would think someone could bother to come to me to tell me I have a job as an aide since they stuck my name on a schedule. The 'administration' knows I'm interested in a job.
Furthermore, I am, technically, the uber last person on the seniority totem pole when it comes to all the aides who work for the system. I am smack so far at the bottom, I can see the Devil's ass from where I sit. There are about 10 other people with more seniority between the high school and junior high buildings alone; that doesn't even take into consideration ALL the aides, district wide. So MY name appears on about 50 student schedules so other aides, who haven't been told in in the wonderful world of budget cuts if THEY have jobs next year (that's right; none of the aides know if they have jobs next year), are pissed. At me. I keep saying no one has talked to me and it has to be a typo, but they're mad. At me. And it makes things rather... shall we say, uncomfortable, for me? It's not what you'd call a pleasant working environment as far as my peers go. AWK-ward!
I just feel like I'm being... manipulated. And I don't like it. I need a job and this isn't nice to do to someone in my situation.
Don't fuck with me,
Mags
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Still a queen without my crown
I went back to the dentist today to get the temporary crown removed and the permanent one put on. The dentist told me it would be easy-peasy and take about 15 minutes. About 45 minutes later I was getting fit again for another crown because this one didn't fit. She sanded and smoothed and jiggled and nada. She said this happens about twice a year.... and she apologized over and over again that it was to me. So I have another temporary crown and have to go back in 2 weeks to try again.
Thankfully this was no additional charge to me!
On top of going back for the 'coronation' I'll finally get my teeth cleaned.
Oh, and did I mention I have to see a second oral surgeon on Monday for a consult? He's going to do surgery to remove my wisdom teeth, including one that is BROKEN. So in the next 2-3 weeks I'll be crowned, cleaned, and cut (okay I was going for the C alliteration, so Kill me...). All by the dentist. I am not a happy camper.
Wonder if the dentist can write a prescription for Xanax?
And because the dentist ran so late, I didn't get to the bank before it closed.
Do you ever just have one of those damn days?
Grumpy dwarf,
Maggie
Thankfully this was no additional charge to me!
On top of going back for the 'coronation' I'll finally get my teeth cleaned.
Oh, and did I mention I have to see a second oral surgeon on Monday for a consult? He's going to do surgery to remove my wisdom teeth, including one that is BROKEN. So in the next 2-3 weeks I'll be crowned, cleaned, and cut (okay I was going for the C alliteration, so Kill me...). All by the dentist. I am not a happy camper.
Wonder if the dentist can write a prescription for Xanax?
And because the dentist ran so late, I didn't get to the bank before it closed.
Do you ever just have one of those damn days?
Grumpy dwarf,
Maggie
Monday, January 4, 2010
Live and let die
Picture this: Civilization, Midwest, 2010. Monday morning, the last day of a teacher's Christmas vacation at 7:41 am...
I'm sound asleep in my bed in my attic room. Today is the last day of freedom, meaning I don't return to the classroom drudgery until tomorrow morning. Some of the schools in our county had to go to school today, like Mac's school. But I didn't have to worry about getting Mac off to school today since he decided to stay at his Sperm Donor's house last night.
So there I was, all curled up and sound asleep, planning of a nice long "lie-in" as the Irish would say, when I hear a pounding and thumping and then see a huge flash of light.
Torn from my dreams and snapped into a quick reality, I sat bolt up right, immediately wide awake. There stands Mac. The thumping and pounding? Him running pell-mell up the stairs. The flash of light? Him turning on the overhead light in the attic.
Mac: "Mom?!? WTF? It's 7:41 am! You're gonna be late for school!! Why are you here? What's wrong?"
Me: "I don't have school today. Our school system starts tomorrow. WTF are YOU doing here?"
Mac (suppressing a grin when he sees the murderous look on my face): "Ooooooooooops, sorry." He smiles. Then giggles. Then sees the look of rage on my face and stops. "I, uh, forgot my schedule and I uh, forgot my book." He starts rummaging through his stuff on the attic floor.
Me: "Oh." But what I was thinking was: A judge would understand if I beat him, right?
Mac: "Sorry."
Me: "Be quiet and don't wake your grandfather." But I said this to his retreating back as he THUNDERED DOWN the stairs and SLAMMED the front door.
Of course I was completely awake and now I had to pee. It was 7:41 am.
Mac is still alive.
Mother Maggie
I'm sound asleep in my bed in my attic room. Today is the last day of freedom, meaning I don't return to the classroom drudgery until tomorrow morning. Some of the schools in our county had to go to school today, like Mac's school. But I didn't have to worry about getting Mac off to school today since he decided to stay at his Sperm Donor's house last night.
So there I was, all curled up and sound asleep, planning of a nice long "lie-in" as the Irish would say, when I hear a pounding and thumping and then see a huge flash of light.
Torn from my dreams and snapped into a quick reality, I sat bolt up right, immediately wide awake. There stands Mac. The thumping and pounding? Him running pell-mell up the stairs. The flash of light? Him turning on the overhead light in the attic.
Mac: "Mom?!? WTF? It's 7:41 am! You're gonna be late for school!! Why are you here? What's wrong?"
Me: "I don't have school today. Our school system starts tomorrow. WTF are YOU doing here?"
Mac (suppressing a grin when he sees the murderous look on my face): "Ooooooooooops, sorry." He smiles. Then giggles. Then sees the look of rage on my face and stops. "I, uh, forgot my schedule and I uh, forgot my book." He starts rummaging through his stuff on the attic floor.
Me: "Oh." But what I was thinking was: A judge would understand if I beat him, right?
Mac: "Sorry."
Me: "Be quiet and don't wake your grandfather." But I said this to his retreating back as he THUNDERED DOWN the stairs and SLAMMED the front door.
Of course I was completely awake and now I had to pee. It was 7:41 am.
Mac is still alive.
Mother Maggie
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