Monday, January 4, 2010

Live and let die

Picture this: Civilization, Midwest, 2010. Monday morning, the last day of a teacher's Christmas vacation at 7:41 am...

I'm sound asleep in my bed in my attic room. Today is the last day of freedom, meaning I don't return to the classroom drudgery until tomorrow morning. Some of the schools in our county had to go to school today, like Mac's school. But I didn't have to worry about getting Mac off to school today since he decided to stay at his Sperm Donor's house last night.

So there I was, all curled up and sound asleep, planning of a nice long "lie-in" as the Irish would say, when I hear a pounding and thumping and then see a huge flash of light.

Torn from my dreams and snapped into a quick reality, I sat bolt up right, immediately wide awake. There stands Mac. The thumping and pounding? Him running pell-mell up the stairs. The flash of light? Him turning on the overhead light in the attic.

Mac: "Mom?!? WTF? It's 7:41 am! You're gonna be late for school!! Why are you here? What's wrong?"
Me: "I don't have school today. Our school system starts tomorrow. WTF are YOU doing here?"
Mac (suppressing a grin when he sees the murderous look on my face): "Ooooooooooops, sorry." He smiles. Then giggles. Then sees the look of rage on my face and stops. "I, uh, forgot my schedule and I uh, forgot my book." He starts rummaging through his stuff on the attic floor.
Me: "Oh." But what I was thinking was: A judge would understand if I beat him, right?
Mac: "Sorry."
Me: "Be quiet and don't wake your grandfather." But I said this to his retreating back as he THUNDERED DOWN the stairs and SLAMMED the front door.

Of course I was completely awake and now I had to pee. It was 7:41 am.

Mac is still alive.

Mother Maggie


Lilith said...

I would have been whooping some ass.

That ranks right up there with my birthday and mother's day when I'm supposed to be allowed to sleep in, but yet around 7:30-8:00am I'm gently woke up to the sounds of my dear husband yelling, "BE QUIET YOUR MOTHER IS TRYING TO SLEEP!" thanks honey!

Maggie said...

Lilith- Mac lived only because he moved faster than me, and he had a head start! the Booger!

And i think it's sweet that your hubby is trying to keep the kids "quiet." *giggle* *snort*

Curley said...

I think it's kind of neat that he was all concerned that you would be late for school on your "first" day back. Or then again maybe he was getting even for the fact that he had to go back to school today and you don't have to go till tomorrow.

Bragger said...

See, I was all ready to assume the worst of Mac, that he was planning to skip school and was startled that you were still home and messing up his plans and all. I guess I'm just a cynic. Or a mother.

Maggie said...

Curley- I thought it was nice too, other than the smirking on his face. Hrumph!

Bragger- that crossed my mind for about a mili- second but the fact he still had his coat on and was "running in the house"- and Mac, while I love him dearly, doesn't run for very much of anything- so I figured he wasn't ditching- yet. And his dad was waiting in the car for him.

Honestly, I wouldn't put it by him to try & skip one day. What he doesn't know that is if he doesn't appear on the "excused" attendance list at school that the teachers receive, his Science and English teachers have agreed to send me an email. Then I can see if he skipped or if his SD just forgot to phone him in. Or if I forgot to phone him in... hey, it could happen, I'm not the world's greatest mom at times!

Wiley said...

Ooooooh... that's meanness of the highest order. 'Borrow' his phone tonight and set the alarm to go off at 16 minute intervals from 2am...
Or perhaps offer to cook him dinner and only serve things he hates. Early-onset Alzheimers, you know...

This is possibly why I shouldn't breed just yet - an overwhelming desire to torture my children.

Maggie said...

Wiley- ummmmmm, usually mothers don't have a desire to get revenge on their children. I might avoid breeding until that thought goes away.

Good ideas, though. Oh dear!