Thursday, September 1, 2011

Damn the DMV

In my recent old age, I try to remind myself to "be calm and carry on" and to "not sweat the small stuff & it's all small stuff." I might rant and rave here and to friends and family but when handling a situation in reality I try to be calm and adult. Most of the time I succeed in this quest for anger management.

Sometimes I fail.

When Mac got his driver's license he was still living at the Sperm Donor's house so that's the address we put on the license.

Mac didn't get a summer job so he never opened a bank account. And--- he wouldn't have any pay stubs either. I'm just pointing this out now- think of it as foreshadowing.

Mac went to open a bank account at a nation bank chain. He was 18 so he went alone. He filled out all the paperwork and the teller asked of ID. His license didn't match his forms so she told him he had to have ID with the proper address. I don't know why, nor do I care.

We decided to just go to the DMV and get his licensed changed. I went on the web site which has to be the least user friendly web site in all history of web sites, to see what documentation he needed. I couldn't find it there so I called and after being on hold for 12 MINUTES, the woman said he would need a piece of mail with his address on it.

So, last Friday, I went up to Mac's college to see him and out plan was to go out to lunch, then to the DMV to change the license and then to open the bank account.

We arrive at the location to find they moved. Across town. About 8 miles. In a town where I'm not familiar with locations of stuff. The GPS rerouted us and we arrived.

We take our number and get called.

Mac tells the woman he wants to change his license. This is where things went severely wrong.

He provides his old license and his acceptance letter from the College, and his Social Security Card. SHE tells him that won't work. They talk. He says, loudly, "Are you kidding me?" He beckons me over.

She tells me the mail isn't a US Attorney approved piece of mail and it will not suffice. And he needs 2 pieces of mail with the address, not just one. I calmly say that I called and was not told we needed 2 nor that there was criteria for the type of mail. She said I should've looked at the web site.

I told her I spent time on the web site and since it was not user friendly I called instead. She told me it was there and I should look.

I said that since I was already there, maybe she could just tell me what we needed. She said it was on the web site.

I told her to pretend I didn't have a computer and to give me the list. Mac has steam rolling out his ears and I hear him muttering under his breath- lots of bad words.

I look at the list and Mac could use things like bank statements, a pay check stub, a Passport, a mortgage or auto loan documentation, a deed to a house, something to do with being a veteran, or utility bills.

I took a deep breath and told her he just turned 18 in April and didn't have any of these things, and did she have another option. She asked why someone his age didn't have a bank account. Mac said "because I need a correct driver's license address, lady!"

I explained the bank's policy and said that was the reason we were here. She said she didn't have to do that when she got a bank account. OMG!

I swear Mac is snorting like a bull, ready to just explode. I'm taking deep soothing breaths, because I know if I loose it that will be the signal to Mac that he can as well--- which would be very, very bad.

I nicely tell her he has nothing on the list and I nicely ask if there is an alternative.

She said we could provide a copy of his transcripts. Okay, I think, cool. We can call his old high school or hit the admissions office and come back. But- no! Miss Helpful Pants then says it has to be an official transcript and with a letter. You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me.

I'd like to say we just walked out and that the stupid ended there, but no. I wasn't that smart to just give up, go to a different bank and lie about Mac's address.

I said that since I was his mother, could I sign something? Well, sure, as long as I could provide 5 forms of ID. I am NOT exaggerating.

Because I would be verifying his identity, I would need to prove mine. For me to do this, I would need to provide 2 forms of photo ID, one of them being my driver's license with my correct address, she snidely pointed out, that bitch. Then I would need a Passport, an original copy of MY birth certificate and then 2 items from the list she gave Mac. And I would need an original copy of Mac's birth certificate, his old license, and his Social Security Card.

Mac lost it. He started raving, and yes, raving is the only word that will work here, he was RAVING about the idiocy of bureaucracy, the stupidity of the government, why the US is in such pathetic shape, and something about health care reform. He also told her she was an "imbecilic , heartless, government drone" who could kiss his ass.

I didn't need to say what I was thinking- I just hustled him out before we were arrested.

Let's just say we still have no correct license and Mac still doesn't have a bank account. That's okay, he still doesn't have a job anyway. (Oh and about the bank... the branch of the bank he wanted to open his account in closed and is no longer in his college town! Go figure that one!)

We did have a good lunch...

Need I say more?


Curley said...

I hate to say it but everything changed after 9-11. Used to be all you needed was a birth record and anything else with name and address on it. Maybe with the long weekend and Mac coming home you could get his license changed here at the local branch. That way if you need any other paperwork you are only a couple blocks from home. And I totally agree about the BMV's website. And remember I have dial-up computer.

Jimmie Earl said...

I'm glad I wasn't there! After my rant about Wally World, I would have lost it!! And speaking of "imbecilic, heartless government drones," we have one of those running the show at our own local DMV. I wonder how she got this job. But then, her dad ran the place for years, then her mom did when her dad died, now she is running it. All I can think is that somewhere, somehow that family got something on a government official, and to keep it quiet, they were guaranteed a government job for lifetime.
But she is a total asshatess! So if you go to our DMV, try to avoid her at all costs. Most of the other gals who work there are much smarter, sharper, and in the know than she is. What a disgrace to our local, or state government!!!