Think Kit Day 14- good advice? valuable lessons? Yes and Yes!

Think Kit #14: Did you get any good advice or learn a valuable lesson this year? Was it expected or unexpected, easy or tough? Share what you learned.

Lesson/ advice #1: This is a year that I received lots of good advice but, at times, I had to figure it out on my own. I've been in a rocky on again- off again relationship. My friends and family fall firmly into 2 camps: walk away or try. Most are in the walk away group. This advice comes blanketed a lot nicer than "run for the hills" but that's the general gist. And though  this topic has been talked to death with my girlfriends, as women are wont to do, I seem to be finally realizing I should take their advice and just leave. I've been single for almost 18 years (OMG I can't believe my divorce was that long ago!) and I've had various serious relationships in that time, but nothing has stuck. And even though I'm 42 and sometimes lonely (and tired of doing it all by myself) it doesn't mean I should stay in a relationship that's unsatisfying or unhealthy. And even though I think about the fact that at my age, single women have a better change of being killed by a terrorist than getting married, it's okay to be single (though preferably not killed by a terrorist). I'll be fine. I intellectually KNOW this but sometimes my heart doesn't understand it.

Lesson/ advice #2: The other valuable lesson is that tough love is necessary and hard, especially when it comes to your child. My 20 year old son is making terrible life choices. Enough said; I can't fathom typing those details here, or anywhere. But the resonating voice is that of my brother. My brother and I aren't "close" but we do have each other's backs, even as adults. And when he learned of some of the crap Mac was doing/ pulling/ going though, when my Bro heard of Mac's poor choices and saw how I was letting if effect me, how I was beating myself up, how I was or wasn't coping, he said the best thing: "Mags, you can't help that Mac doesn't behave how he was raised. He knows better. You did your best. He's doing this to himself." And he is. And I have to stand by and let my adult child do what he's doing.

Ahhh 2013, what a rough year. If I were superstitious, I'd wonder about the "13" of it all...

It's a hard knock life,
Maggie

Nice, and creepy

Last night around 11pm I was at Wally World picking up a few groceries.

As I reading the nutrition information on Carmel corn rice cakes, an African American (race is actually relevant so continue to read) gentleman about my age approached me. He said "excuse me."

I apparently was still in work mode because after being slightly startled, I said "May I help you?"

He smiled and said "I just wanted to tell you that I think you're just beautiful." Uhhhhhh,, wha????? And that must've been the look on my face because he repeated himself. I said thanks and smiled, which apparently he took as an invitation.

He then held out his hand to shake mine and told me his name was Jerry. Reflex kicked in and I shook back and said my first name.

He told me he was from Chicago and was a truck driver and just was buying stuff to cook himself supper. He said he doesn't usually approach women in the grocery store but just wanted to tell me I was beautiful. He went on to say that where he was from didn't usually allow him to meet nor date white women but if he were to do that, he'd like to date someone who looks just like me because I'm so attractive.

I said thanks and walked away.

What else was I supposed to do?

It was a lovely set of compliments. But sort of a little creepy...

Weird Wal-Mart happenings,
Mags

2 dates, 1 guy: Part I

I told you about my meet cute experience and then texting and then agreeing to meet for coffee.

Well, I did meet for coffee and it was okay. The problem was that it was neither this amazing date nor was it super crappy-- it was just okay. He was okay.

A few things stand out in my mind about it:

1- he asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee at a Starbucks. I didn't suggest that or ask him or even hinted about it. He asked me. We met for coffee and as we went inside he said he's never been to Starbucks before. We talked about different types of drinks. Then as we waited in line he said he wasn't really a coffee drinker. Well. I asked if he would rather go somewhere else and he said no. I also pointed out they had other drinks there if he didn't want coffee. He said not it was fine and asked me if I would just order something for him. So I did. Then he paid (I offered and he said no). We had to wait a few minutes and it was a fairly busy Starbucks and he complained about the crowd. He also complained because we had to wait- he felt it was poor customer service- even though we waited only about 5 minutes, which I didn't think was a big deal. And then the piece de resistance as we walked out the door was that he bitched about the cost of the coffee; he doesn't understand why anyone would pay $5 for a cup of coffee.

Now HE asked me there, not the other way around. And then have the nerve to complain about it? Like it was my idea or fault?

2- he said he thought that teachers were snobby and thought they were better than other people. I said I wasn't like that and he felt like he wanted to impress me. Uhhhh, I didn't even know how to respond to that.

So we got coffee and then sat in the mall food court and talked for awhile. At the end of the conversation my big determination was that we didn't seem to have much in common but he was nervous and it was okay. He did ask me if I wanted to turn coffee into dinner but I had plans and said no. (If I didn't have plans I would've probably said 'no' anyway while I was thinking about it.)

This was Saturday. Then Saturday night he called me to see if I wanted to have dinner on Sunday. He said he would be working for the next 10 days (he's a truck driver) and then he would have his daughter then be on the road again for 5 days, so it looked like it would be 3 weeks before we could go out, so I agreed to date #2 with this guy.

And that's information for another post!
Maggie

2 dates, 1 guy: Part II

What follows is my accounting of the second date with the "meet cute" guy. I told Lilith about it and I thought she was going to insight a riot with this... well, about him. So in an attempt at being fun, I wrote the post and Lilith added her editorial comments- these are found in red italics. I have to say it's like telling her this story in person and getting her response...

So I said I would go to dinner with this guy on Sunday night. I had plans to see a matinee with XRayGirl so I told him I couldn't meet until 6pm; that plan changed so I let him know I was free earlier... so he wanted to meet at 4pm. For dinner? Uh, okay. Ok, I must say 4pm for a dinner usually means one of two things: 1.) he lives at home with mommy and wants to get back before dark OR 2.) he's hoping he can turn an early dinner into a booty call!Then we had a 20 minute discussion about where. Now, I'm sort of old school in some ways. I feel cornered if a guy wants me to pick the place so I've made it a habit to give 2 or 3 suggestions that I like and usually a guy picks one of those. I don't like it if a guy says "we're eating here" and I can safely say no man has ever done that. I also don't mind if a guy offers suggestions or says "do you like Italian (or insert ethnicity here)" and then suggestions a place. But this guy made me give suggestions and then pick one. He wouldn't commit to any place at all. So after that we decided on a cute local pizza place here in my town, where I could meet him, even though he did offer to pick me up (I'm not comfortable with that idea.). Wise choice! And why ask for suggestions if he wasn't going to pick?

I also want to say he thinks he super macho. He's about 6'3" and overweight but he has a "fu manchu" goatee thing and is into all sorts of "manly" things like NASCAR, hunting, fishing, guns, gun collecting, making his own ammo (HUGE RED FLAG if he makes his own ammo!), Harleys. He thinks sports are stupid and isn't "into" that but when he "bulks up" he's going to give UFC a try (it's Ultimate Fighting Championship), like cage matches or something. He thinks THAT's a sport yet NFL players are pussies. Are you understanding what I'm trying to say here? This guy thinks he is hot shit but is a total redneck- and I feel like I'm insulting rednecks everywhere. That would be a correct assumption! LOL

And he swears A LOT. I know that sounds like pot calling the kettle black but he used the F-word ALL the time, as all 8 parts of speech. I was taken aback. I was just surprised.

I like this... he has a 3 year old daughter and he named her "Tyme." I said i thought that was unusual and asked if it was a family name or if there was a story behind it. He said yeah and proceeded to tell me he always like the actress Tyne Daily from Cagney and Lacy, who reminded him of his mom. Well, he said he always thought her name was Tyme Daily... ooops. He didn't realize his mistake until it was already on her birth certificate. O-kay! Isn't that something you should make sure of before you make it official?

He also said, at some point in a relationship everyone needs to compromise. I said I agreed. He said he might want me to go see a UFC fight. And I just smiled. I then said I might want him to go shoe shopping with me and he snorted and said, "not a fucking chance. that's what you have girlfriends for." What happened to compromise? It's called, you'll do what I want and like it (that's his definition of compromise)! What an asshat!

He also talked about how much he wants to go to Fan Fest in Nashville next summer and ride his Harley (a Harley he hasn't bought yet either!) down there. He asked me if I would like to do something like that. I told him that frankly, no I wouldn't because I don't like the heat, I don't like country music, and I don't think I would like to ride that far on a Harley. He said that I would suck it up and go and like it and I didn't know anything. Holy shit, where did this ass-backwards jackass come from? Is he gonna drag you by your hair and throw you on his imaginary Harley? Did he even know how to use utensils when you went to dinner?

He also makes jokes about his weight but he also made comment about MINE. OH NO HE DIDN'T! Uh, yeah. He said something about people looking at the fat guy and thinks he'll be jolly but I should understand that because I probably get that too....... oh yes, he did say that. He also bluntly said he liked that my boobs looked jiggly but fat girls usually had that going and he was a man usually liked girls with small perky ones but mine looked nice. They are nice boobs! Thank God he said that after we were given our check and were leaving or I would've got up and left.

Let's see.... oh and I must tell you that everything I said, all night long, was just some giant sexual innuendo. I could say "Did you come down highway 2 to get here?" and he would chuckle and say "no, I didn't COME down there but I drove- heehee". Really? Really? It went on like that all night with everything. (Wait a second, I just lost a contact from rolling my eyes so much) And he bragged that he could make anything about sex. And he did. Even if it didn't make sense. Oh great just what the world needs another sexual innuendo douchebag!

So we met. First, he looked like an idiot. It's the coldest damn day of the year. It's about 10 degrees outside and the wind is blowing so it's around -18 or some such nonsense and we had gusting winds up to 40 mph. And it was snowing. He wore a Harley t-shirt with a short sleeve SNAP up Harley shirt over it. And he's very heavy set so the snaps strained- keep this in mind, please. And he claimed he wasn't cold and NEVER wears a winter coat. I lived in the Wild West in part of the coldest section of the country where some of the manliest men live and they would admit it to it being cold and would dress accordingly. There is nothing macho about frost bite. So when he said he wasn't cold, he was lying and that's just stupid. Didn't you know that Harley clothing makes the wearer impervious to cold!He told me liked to read to his daughter and I said I thought that was really awesome! And he said he's more than just a dumb truck driver and I quote him "Duh, I do know how to read." Look, I'm an English teacher and lover of books so any time anyone says they read to their kids, I get excited!!!! I was not thinking he couldn't read. I'm beginning to think he was lying! It's not reading if it's a book on tape!We don't like the same things: not the same music or movies (he doesn't even really like movies) or hobbies. He has a 3 year old kid and we all know I don't like kids. And we have some seriously divergent beliefs.

He also said he believes every single person in the United States should be armed as much as then can because at some point citizens are going to invade DC and stage "one of those things"- I filled in the word "coup" and he said "yeah one of those" and over throw the government and that citizens should be armed and ready to protect themselves when it's all marshal law and he wants to be able to lead his own militia. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......... RUN, RUN FA FA AWAY!!Oh let's see what other little gems he had... he went back to the teachers are snobs idea and he said he thought I was a snob but I was trying hard to not be because I used lots of big words and I claim to like opera and ballet. But I DO like ballet and opera and I do have a big vocabulary. And he said, and I quote him, "I hate it when people stereotype others. Like me, some people think I'm just a stupid fucking truck driver and i ain't." Umm, hello dumbass you (him, not you) just stereotyped teachers. What a fracking asshat!He also had no manners. I'm not kidding. He didn't say thanks or please to anyone. He didn't pull out my chair. And best of all, went out the door ahead of me while I was struggling to get my coat on and he let the door swing close in my face. I pushed it open and he looked back and said, "Uh thought you had it." Not a sorry, or anything and he kept on going.

Did I mention he spent 45 minutes talking about his ex? He even noticed he did and said 'well, I guess that's attractive." Well not any more than any of this other shit...

And after he ate and leaned back in the booth and exhaled, all the snaps on his shirt popped open. LOL, how did you not pee yourself laughing?

I think there could be more but I think this is enough... And this is why I am NOT going on a third date. I don't really think there's a need now, do you? We really need to find you a nice, normal guy! I can't say it enough, what a fricken douchbag!

Thanking God I dodged that bullet,
Maggie and Lilith

My own personal 'meet cute'

This is so weird. It really is. But full of irony.

A few weeks ago, a funny thing happened to me in Meijer (and I want to say I hardly EVER go to Meijer. Ever. I just don't- too expensive) in Southern Civilization. I was walking into the store and a guy in the parking lot walked into me. He stepped out from between 2 pick up trucks and bumped into me. He apologized all over the place and his buddy admonished him and we all laughed and walked inside together.

And we all headed in the same direction. And down the same aisle. You know that weird thing when you keep seeing the same person/ people in the store and you keep nodding or something? Well, finally these guys and I just kept laughing so hard and we all introduced ourselves, shaking hands. We finally parted ways BUT we all ended up in the check out together and in the same line. So we started making stalked jokes with each other, and we all walked back out together.

One of the Sam's was cute and nice and he flirted with me the most and he wasn't wearing a ring. It was just weird and funny.

I got in the car and told Daddy-O and he and I laughed about it.

The next day XRay Girl and I were chatting and I told her about it an she gave me hell for not getting this guy's number. She said most people just don't have the chance to meet a cute guy and hit it off and then leave. She said if it's meant to be then he and I would run into each other again. I have to admit that while I wasn't in cruising the Meijer story rows looking for him, I would just check out my surroundings when I was in Southern Civilization, at the mall or Starbucks, or at Applebees. I never saw him.

So last night, Photographer and I were in that same Meijer- she was doing her weekly shopping and as we pulled in the parking lot, I told her about those guys. When she and I were going through the check out, there he was. He looked at me and smiled in recognition and waved me over to where he stood. Photographer went to the car and I walked over to him and he said, "[Maggie!!!] You're here! Finally!" He remembered my name...! (Okay I remembered his as well.)

Then he introduced me to... his 3 year old daughter. Yup. In the short span of conversation, he said he wasn't married, his ex worked at the Meijer and on his custody weekend, they would go in so she could see her mom, he'd thought about me often and asked for my number.

And I gave it to him.

Yeah, I gave a man in Meijer, a total stranger, my cell number. Good idea or bad? Dunno.

I did, however, call XRayGirl as soon as I got home and told her about it and she said if I hadn't given him my number she would kick my ass. She also said she would go along and act like a stranger to keep an eye on me, just in case he did call and ask me out. She said it was a total "Maggie" thing because shit like that doesn't happen to real people, only in the movies.

And then later last night, oh around 9pm, he sent me a text and we texted back and forth for a bit and he asked if I wanted to meet him at Starbucks for coffee.

He said he didn't believe in the 3 day rule.

Is meeting for coffee, in the middle of the afternoon, when we have both established we had other plans for later, a date?

Do I want a date?

Am I over ITSam?

Is it too soon?

Am I crazy??? (Okay, this one I can answer: yes!)

This sort of stuff doesn't usually happen to me so I guess I'm going... Updates will be forthcoming.

She who is a girl with a... coffee thing,
Mags

The Break Up

Yesterday ITSam and I broke up. He dumped me. He felt I wasn't spending enough time with him, which I think is absurd but if that's how he feels, I can't make him feel differently. Well, I guess I could if I said I was sorry and I spent every waking moment with him, which I won't and can't do. I can't do that with anyone. I'm not built like that. When he said he felt like I was pulling away and he kept pushing for me to come back to him, I knew he just didn't get me. I'm not one to be pushed. I've been that way since I was a little kid. The harder someone pushes me, the more I dig in my heels and refuse. As an adult I do it in a classier way, but the stubborn streak is still there. And apparently ITSam doesn't get it.

I'm glad it's over and what's even worse is that I'm glad he broke up with me because otherwise he would tell everyone I'm a terrible, horrible person who dumped him.

What's even worse is that I'm relieved. I'm glad. I feel bad about feeling relieved. I feel bad for him because he so desperately wanted it to work. He wanted me. He loved me more, way more. And we all know what happens in that situation; I know way too well because I'm usually in those shoes.

He does have something to offer a woman but I'm not her. He doesn't seem to appreciate that I'm a strong, independent woman with other friends and family that I enjoy spending time with as well.

There were lots of things wrong and I was thinking as I wanted us to step back and slow down, those things could be better. I was really lying to myself because I knew things couldn't be fixed, the stuff that bothered me about him and about our relationship, weren't fixable things so I knew by slowing down I would eventually pull away and end it.

I don't have to worry about that now, since he dumped me.

What numerologist thought 10-10-10 was supposed to be lucky for love?!? Wait, maybe lucky that I didn't get stuck with someone I don't love? Feh.

Relief,
Maggie

Slowing down

I've decided to slow things down with ITSam. I need to do it.

I have a whole, big looooooooong list of reasons, but first and foremost I'm not sure this is what I want. It's all been too much, way too fast. He's a nice guy, yes, and nice guys should not finish last at all, and the problem isn't about being too nice, or anything of the sort. He is nice, but we don't have lots in common. I find it difficult to sometimes to have a conversation with him because of that.

I feel like anything I say about him is going to make me small or petty and I don't mean to be. It might make me sound callous or harsh and I'm not usually either of those things, either. But there is too much, too fast. We don't have much in common. He likes to spend huge amounts of time together and while I sometimes enjoy that, I often... don't. Sometimes I feel smothered. Mac even asked me one day last week if I felt like that--- scary when your own self absorbed teenager figures it out. (Damn kid's a lot more perceptive than I ever want to admit, especially when it comes to his old mother!) My brain works differently than Sam's does and that sometimes causes me a problem.

ITSam is a good person but I'm not ready to get married or move in together. I'm not even ready to have it as a discussion. So no more talk of rings or apartments, thankfully. I like the idea of sparkly jewelry but not all that comes with it. I like the idea of not having to be a burden to Daddy-O any longer, but not at this personal sacrifice. I'm just not ready to give up the idea of traveling the world. I'm not ready to adapt to the role of "step-mother"-- what a wretched title! I'm not quite sure I'm ready to be HIS girlfriend; there isn't anyone else and I'm not willing to rule out a relationship with someone, but this one in particular isn't just all clicking for me. I am, however his girlfriend, but I'm not sure I want to be, but I can live with for awhile as I figure it all out. (I sort of mentioned not being and I thought the guy was gonna cry so I back peddled that because he looked to crest fallen. And it was going to make the "slow down" part a huge, big THING.)

Sam wasn't happy about my choice but he said at least we weren't breaking up so he can live with it. So, slowing down...

Mags

ITSam Stuff

So.................................................................

Every time I go to write anything here, I worry about jinxing the relationship. I worry about sounding stupid. I've waxed poetic in the past about Sams and look how those have turn out. This worries me, to just throw it all out there.

I had a GF once tell me that she knew when I was serious about a guy because I was pretty closed mouthed about him. Maybe that's true here?

Things are very good. He's very nice. I know I've said that before but it bears repeating since I've known more NOT nice guys in my life than those who are nice.

He wants to get married. He was ring shopping and finally just said he wasn't officially "asking" me yet but this was something he didn't want to screw up and surprise me with the wrong ring. And he wasn't sure what I wanted. He also said he got the vibe I wouldn't want a traditional diamond but wasn't sure where to go. So he told me he wanted to propose and would at some point in the future and took me to a couple of jewelry stores to show him what I wanted so he could get the exact right thing "when the time" came.

He said he also wasn't officially asking because he hadn't talked to Daddy-O yet.

I found a pink Sapphire, 1 karat, solitaire, cut like a traditional princess cut, with a white gold band. That's what I want. No side stones and no baguettes. Just one big pale pink stone smack in the middle. With a Tiffany band. He was impressed. And not surprised at the pink, either.

In the middle of all this, we're discussing moving in together. We're looking at a 3 bedroom house to rent this weekend. It's lovely. A little cottage, tucked off the street, under some pretty trees. It's yellow. Possibilities.

Is it quick? Probably. Is it a good idea? Who knows? I've made worse and bigger mistakes, if it comes to that.

I shot off my mouth. A few days after looking as rings we were talking about people we know who had lived together before they got married which led us to talking about our own experiences with that situation. I said I wouldn't live with anyone (again) without being engaged and a date set, with invites ordered. Sam thought that was smart and he "got" where I was coming from since I had a BAD experience with that once.

Then we heard about the yellow house and it just seems ideal for our needs. Now, I have to make a choice. Do I move in without the ring or let a great house go because of no ring? With the first month's rent, a deposit, and deposits for utilities and the cost of a moving van, there wouldn't be much left over for a ring after all those expenditures. Ah, conundrums.

There's lots more to say here. It's just... scary. I've been, for all intrinsic purposes, single for about 7 years. I've had some short term, monogamous relationships that never went anywhere. And if I'm completely honest with myself, of all the men I've dated, slept with or monogamously relationshiped with, there was only one I really wanted to go anywhere and he turned out to be the Gay Cowboy. I've been single for a very long time. Thinking in terms of a permanent relationship with someone is weird for me. Weird, seriously. Other than Mac, I've pictured doing things in my life alone. I've envisioned my future one certain way for so long that now that there's another person, I'm often at a loss of what to do. But maybe these are thoughts for another post... I could probably stretch ITSam and dating into 2 or 3 or 12 posts...

And this post caps stuff week! I think you're all caught up.

Lots of pink lipsticky kisses,
Mags

That stupid fortune cookie! And about my laptop...

And there's another one popping up with that whole "Old friends reappearing" crap............

Haven't heard from this Sam since the beginning of October and out of the blue, he's going on a trip and is staying about 50 miles from me; he wanted to see if I wanted to have dinner.

At first I thought it would be no big deal and made dinner plans. Then I spoke with my Bro and we made arrangements for the entire fam-damily to gather around Daddy-O for his birthday for dinner. So I had to cancel dinner with that Sam, which really didn't bother me at all, frankly.

I knew XRay Girl and I should've just eaten the Mexican food along with the drinks last week...

Blame the fortune cookie mojo, cuz I ain't got game right now...
Mags

And so far so good- Curley's wonderful son got my computer working. Tall Guy is my HERO!! Huge pink lipsticky kisses and hugs, Tall Guy!!!!!!!! Thank you! I seem to be TroHo free!

The accuracy of fortune cookies

The other day XRay Girl and I went for Chinese food and of course we had the complimentary fortune cookie before we left.

Now, I read somewhere that the only way your cookie fortune would come true is if you actually ate a piece of the cookie. Has anyone else heard that part of the lore? Okay, so anyway, I usually never eat a piece of the cookie until I actually read the fortune just in case I got something dumb. I know that's silly but..... I just can't help it.

Since I was with XRay Girl and we were chatting away and I popped a piece in my mouth and then read my fortune, without even thinking. I had already swallowed or I would've spit that sucker right on the floor. My fortune was "Old Friend will come back to you." Now this doesn't SOUND like a bad thing, right? It could be good in a few ways, but to me, old friends resurfacing are never positive- that usually spells trouble. Because those "old friends" are usually of the male persuasion that I slept with. Any other old friends I might have aren't really people I want to see either, but the kicker of that, is usually they don't want to see me either! And there aren't many "old friends" that I don't stay in touch with already someway or another so....

Now if I try and put a positive spin on said cookie's prediction, it could be telling me that DNice is moving back to the Midwest from the Wild West, which is a hellva lot closer, like 2800 miles closer (which is totally awesome!). But I already KNEW this so it's not predicting any sort of fortune! A fortune cookie isn't called a "reinforce what you know" cookie!

Yes, I know this is a freaking fortune cookie, but hello??? Isn't that why we read them!? I do realize it's a good thing all Americans aren't like me with the whole worrying about the fortune cookie thing because then China could be taking over the country, one Asian Buffet at a time.

HERE'S THE THING!!! The very next day, which would be May 6, I get an email from... an old Sam. Damn it! This is a very sexy Sam (for those of you who knew me a long time ago, he was aka 'The Moor'). A very persuasive Sam. A Sam who, while we sort of dated briefly and we used each other more for bootie calls (notice I said each other) than anything else and I haven't heard from him since I was living in the Wild West, out of the clear blue I get an email from this particular Sam. And we shot emails back and forth and I made it clear I am not interested in sleeping with him, he still emails. He's the guy who takes that as a challenge and wants, now, to go out to dinner, dancing, to a movie. He's proposed lots of things, said he'll come to town or we can meet half way between where were live and "hang out" or I can come to his place for a BBQ and watch movies, just as old friends.

Now I've been celibate for over 420 days and I'm not ready to throw that away for just a bootie call. Even though he is hot..................

I knew we should've gone to Applebee's for dinner. Damn fortune cookies.

Love,
"Sister Mary Maggie Mae"

Random thoughts Friday

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.... my mouth hurts.

So yesterday two girls at school got into a fist fight and both are now one step away from being expelled. They had to "do time" in a juvenile day jail program for a week. If they fight again, they are expelled. Oh, these two girls were fighting over.... their love of a third girl who was going to "have her"- typical love triangle, right? They're 8th graders...

I'm going to try teaching a novel with the last 6 weeks of school. Yes, I am quite possibly, out of my mind. No I've not selected said novel yet--- To Kill A Mockingbird maybe?

I overpaid the dentist. By A LOT! And I wanted my money back. But I have to wait until the office manager cuts me a check next week. Now, I HAD to pay for my services before he even touched my mouth, but now I have to wait more than a week for a $200 refund? Where's the fair in that? TaDa, Bragger or Curley, could one of you strong, kick ass ladies call there and be all strong and kick ass for me please?

Yesterday one boy got expelled and was sent to boy's school because he went home with stolen property from school. The vice principal went with the cops to his house, knocked on the door and the stupid student answered... holding a doobie. Yup, boys school. Idiot. I don't know what happened to the other kid who jumped out the back window into the waiting arms of another cop... I didn't think to ask!

Mac is going to the prom on Saturday night and I gave him a chore list that involves getting a haircut, washing and waxing the car, changing my CDs to his, picking up the corsage and his tux, and "finding the funky smell" in the car. Uh-huh. Things you never want to say...

Is wrong to borrow a movie from one of my students who illegally downloaded it from the 'net? For me to just watch in the privacy of my home? Am I breaking the law?

There's a guy I like. He lives away. I miss (and like) him. I think I miss (and like) him more than he misses (likes) me. Does that matter?

I'm helping Daddy-O learn all about Medicare. When the heck did the government start charging people for this? And I think someone should hire me to explain Medicare because it's not as complicated as they want you to think. I think. Though I could be confused. If anyone has any advice, it's welcome.

I love it that I a friend who calls me and asks me to help her with her homework because, and I quote, "You're my only smart friend."

At last, it's Friday.... TGIF!!!!!!
Mags

On another note...

Well, now, doesn't that just suck?

• Mac is sick. He has bronchitis and tonsillitis (no strep according to the test!). He had to miss school today and will again tomorrow. He's been nursing a sore throat since Thursday night but we thought it was part of stressing his voice for the play; guess NOT! And no matter how old my kid is, or how big he is, when he looks at me and says, "Mommy, I hurt" it just KILLS me!
• The Pizza Hut Sam is MARRIED! Cross him off the list. Not that there's a list or anything, but if there were a list, he would be crossed off of it.
• I am sick as well. Believe it or not, it doesn't seem to be teeth nor lump-in-throat related. I have a virus. And because I have a common cold virus I am no longer scheduled for oral surgery in the morning. It's been postponed until April 13. Great! (<-- see sarcasm?)

Maggie

On another note....................

Updates on... pretty much everything

Pizza Guy
No word on the pizza guy. I've been to the pizza place and he's never there. Curley knows someone who knows someone who works there and is going to see what she can find out.

Penis-mobile
I finally talked to Buddy 2's mom and she was rude. Yeah, like she has any room to be rude to me! Anyway, she said she will pay for the damage. So now I have to go get quotes. This is a pain in the ass. I'm tempted to leave the damn penis on there and keep the money since she was a bitch. I'm sorry, but she was. And do you know she not once apologized for her kid. Had it been in reversal I would've apologized up a storm. Oh well.

Mac
He's either going to sing "I'm Yours" or "21 Guns" at the Spring Choral concert. However!!!! He wondered what would happen if he did "I kissed a Girl" (Kat Perry) in drag.... I promise a video clip of WHATEVER he does!!!!!

AlaskaSam
No word on whether Vegas is gonna happen. He told me to "sit tight and hang on". This can mean 3 things: no trip will happen, we're going to do something better which will knock my socks off, or.... to sit tight and hang on while he arranges stuff. Men!

Dentist:
I went to get my crown and it didn't fit so I have another temporary crown and will go back to get the "real"- hopefully- on March 18. And I am getting my teeth cleaned then. I went to the oral surgeon who thinks he's Mr. Cool and is not not, by the way. he worse gold chains and had a fake bake tan. ICKY! Be that as it may, I'm having TWO wisdom teeth pulled on March 30.

And that's all the news that's fit (or not so fit) to print!

Mags

Revenge of the Music God

Saturday I was driving home from spending the day in Northern Civilization at Half Price Books and since Mac and I have been sharing my car, I've found my CDs end up in a pile. I hadn't listened to a CD for a long time. I found a bunch that had been burned- no labels & not titles of course- so I thought I would just play musical surprise and pop them in to see what was on there. And it sure was a surprise! I haven't burned a CD since summer 2007 so all these blank ones were before that.

And what a schmaltzy mess I found. That's when I decided the God of Music was a man because if she were a woman I wouldn't have had this bizarre conglomeration of music we could call "Remember all the Men in your Life set to Music"!

And right now, we're not going to examine my head space- we can armchair psychoanalyze me later. That's not a good idea now... I have some thoughts but right now, let's not. Let's just check out these tunes.

First I had "Thank you for Loving Me" by Bon Jovi. This is a special memory song with a Sam from many years ago. He actually proposed to me and I said no. Anyway, he was a DJ part time, for wedding receptions and other events. One night he was doing a wedding reception and he invited me to go and help and I did. We actually were both friends of the bride and I had been invited to the wedding so I was really there as a guest. This was on the bride's play list and when he played it, he took me in his arms and we danced on the stage in front of everyone and he sang this to me. Another time we were out at a karaoke bar and he sang this to me (and he is GOOD, and can really SING!), bringing me up on stage and serenading me.



Not kidding, the next song that popped up when I hit random was the song "God Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flats. That belonged to a Sam I dated the summer before I moved to the Wild West. Well, we didn't start dating, we were just VERY good friends (he's a memory I want to explore mentally and might write out sometime), but on July 4, 2006 this song played and he declared his love for me... we were both drunk. But after that night, it became our song. That relationship ended REALLY badly... I wanted AlaskaSam and he wanted some chick in Philly but we cared for each other... yeah, how many ways can you spell Fucked up? The day I was leaving for the Wild West, he sent me this song in an email. I still think of him just a little bit fondly when I hear it. He's one that I should hate but don't, oddly enough. Guess we all make mistakes.



The next disc played the song "Josephine" by the Wallflowers. At this point I'm laughing, rather than crying, and thinking "Are you freaking kidding me?" as the music spilled through the speakers. Some of you might remember this... when I lived in the Wild West I met a Cowboy Sam. And while I'm being a melancholy schlaub I want to say that at the end of our first date... well, around 6:30 a.m. I got of CowboySam's bed (yep I broke the cardinal rule but since it turned into a 5 month stand rather than the one night kind it wasn't a bad call... and I learned my lesson thank you very much!) and went home in the dark and cold, listening to the song "Josephine" (by the Wallflowers) on the radio. And bam- on Saturday- there it was on the CD! Ah, memories. And it's a pretty obscure song that kept haunting us though our relationship. It was on the radio a few times when we went out and the one and only time we watched VH1 together it was on.



Okay, this was a good one that made me smile. You know the song "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt? Well, there was a woman who sort of had a crush on me (yeah she's gay), and if I were to play for that team we could say I had a Girl Crush on her, too. So right before I went to the Wild West I found out that this song and her and me were all sorta linked. Yeah... she's hot. But taken. *a-hem!*



And I swear I must have had a CD that I should've called "AlaskaSam." He and I actually have a huge list of "us" songs and I already shared our "In the Wee Small Hours" last week, I thought I would pick something else. There are waaaaaaaaaaay to many stories about each of these songs to try and explain them all. And they all played in a row. Wonder what was happening in my head when I made that damn CD, eh? So, here's "Full of Grace" by Sarah McLachlan". The story with this one is that he moved to Alaska and I didn't go. The first winter he was there was REALLY miserable for both of us. I sent him the lyrics to this song in an email one dark and dreary night. Apparently, at the same time I was sending him that email he was writing one to me with this an audio wave file attached- of this song. We have always been connected in an ethereal way.



This is another song that's us. Just take my word for it, okay?



I was trying to decide if I should chuck the CDs out the window one at a time or hang on to them or use them as coasters or what. I mean, really? REALLY? What sort of weird crap was going on there? I think of the dozen songs I played only 3 had nothing to do with men. Almost downright cruel. But in a weird way, it was funny. It was.

By the end of the car ride (I thought I was never going to get home!) I thought this song probably was more apt to describe me than anything else at this point!



Now go listen to some music, okay?

Melancholy Mags

*and remember, these are here for the MUSIC not because I necessarily like the videos, okay?*

Please tell me if I sound crazy or not...

I am not desperate. I think this is the alignment of some weird planets and moons and shit. And of some weird space in my head.

Last week I ordered pizza. And I had the greatest experience with the guy on the phone who was taking my order. He kept me on the phone for 10 minutes just chatting. He even made sure to find out that I was single and to let me know he was the same. I know it sounds completely absurd to say we "clicked" while only ordering food, but I learned his name, he's a widower, raised his daughter alone who got a $14,000 college scholarship to my alma mater, he's built like a fuzzy teddy bear, he thought I was brave to raise a son alone, I had a pretty voice, we agreed teenagers eat a LOT, and when his daughter got her period the first time and he had to make a "purchase" for her, he also gave her 3 bags of chocolate. Now if we can exchange that sort of information while I was ordering a damn pizza, then...

When I got there to pick up my order, he was with someone else and was waving at me and giving me the "hang on a sec" finger but I was at the drive-thru and he couldn't get to me. He told the girl who was waiting on me to tell me hi, it was nice to meet me and that he had my phone number from my order. She giggled and said "Oh Sam is sooooo NICE!"

Here's the thing- he DIDN'T have my number. I realized when I hung up from the order call while I was on my way, that we shot the shit about stuff and I never left my number and hoped it was one of those times they fixed the food without doing a call back verification. I also know it doesn't come up automatically because if I use my cell phone that feature doesn't work here since I'm on Verizon's stupid extended plan. And.... I asked someone who worked there and my number isn't stored or anything in a "system."

XRay Girl said it sounded like I had a better 10 minute conversation with the pizza guy than my date with the Sam last weekend, and she's right about that. She also suggested I go in and see if he's working and if we can chat for a minute (or ten) see if we click again and then MAKE SURE I give him my number if we do.

Am I being an adventuresome, carefree risk take or an idiot?

Pizza does sound good about now...
Maggie Mae

An aside: anytime AlaskaSam makes a venture toward my life, interested men automatically start popping up. Or men who seem like they could sort of me interested. Just an observation...

Dumping

What is this, you ask? Well, I'll tell you!

These are the flowers I received today- AT SCHOOL- from Sam, the date guy from Friday night who was my annual date. Oh. My. God. He sent me these beautiful flowers, of course, after I DECIDED to tell him I don't want to see him anymore, but hadn't yet done that. Did I mention he sent them to me at school? In front of all my kids who wanted to know who they were from. Shite!

But they smell really pretty in a HUGE classroom, but in Daddy-O's small kitchen it sort of smells like a funeral home.... okay, anyway...

Why in the world can't the man I want to send me flowers actually SEND them to me rather than this weird dude??

Okay, after much ribbing from my... well, everyone and mostly Mac (I wish I had a recorder when he gave me a 20 minute monologue about this entire situation), I knew I was still going to call him and tell him I don't want to see him anymore, and now I had to thank him for flowers while extracting myself at the same time. Juggling- it's a talent.

So when he called me tonight, I thanked him for the flowers, told him that while I appreciate them and they're just beautiful, I told him I thought about it over the weekend and I didn't think we would work out, that it was me not him, and thank you for the time we spent together, but I'm just not interested. He choked out an okay. Then I said I might see him around and to take care of himself and have a nice life. I actually said, "have a nice life." I can't believe I said that. I bet his mom calls me and yells. He whispered okay, and I have a feeling he was about ready to cry.

Should I have went with the swimming analogy? I also thought about suggesting he would be a good monk or priest but Daddy-O didn't think that would be very nice. Funny, but not very nice.

I have a feeling this is not the last I'll hear from him but I am going to totally take Curley's advice and not answer phone calls and text messages I may get from him.

They flowers are lovely, but it just.... ack! Oh, and the card read, "Thank you so much for a wonderful evening. Sam" And it was written in his own handwriting; he didn't just phone it in. I have this dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach that he actually delivered them to the school himself. I'm gonna hear about that tomorrow, I have a feeling.

I want to say I love love love to receive flowers. And if he hasn't gotten weird with the mom thing and the niece and girlfriend thing, and if it was reciprocal feelings then maybe the flowers wouldn't seem weird.

So, I did the deed and made the call.

So, now I don't have to worry about dating again until next year.

All the single ladies,
Maggie

The story of the annual date

I had my annual date. I call it an annual date because in 2009 I had a date in January, saw the guy for 2.5 weeks in March and that was it as far as dates went for the entire year (okay I had some super sweet phone dates, but at this point, with the dating drought I'm in, I'm counting traditional dates only!). I've decided it was setting a precedent so I've had my annual date for 2010 and got that out of the way. And there won't be another at this rate.

The story as to how the date came along is a long one so I won't bore you with the details, even though some of you know them. This was not someone I knew before, not an ex, not a platonic friend becoming something else, but a stranger that seemed nice and, in the end, asked me to dinner. But I went with this Sam to Applebees for dinner on Friday night. It was... nice. That's it. No zing, no fireworks, no butterflies or toe curling. He was nice.

I couldn't keep the conversational ball rolling and he wasn't one for talking lots. There were long pregnant pauses that were uncomfortable for me since he would just sit and stare at me.

I want to say that he's nice. He was nice. So because he's nice and I'm who I am, I sound like a bitch but certainly don't mean to be at all.

I wanted to be engaged in witty repartee, a rousing intellectual discussion, or be dazzled with a charismatic sense of humor. And that's three strikes. He wasn't very funny but he tried to be. He wasn't dumb but we didn't connect intellectually. And that conversational ball was hard to keep moving, as I said. We had next to nothing in common at all.

I also learned from a few good sources that he, at age 31, had never been on a date in his life until he went out with me on Friday night. That's a little... strange.

Did I mention he tried really really really hard? I even thought I would go out with him again if he asked but I wasn't sure what we could talk about at all. That's how hard this was. But since he was so nice I didn't want to be so mean so I thought I would give it one more shot.

I have to say I've had better times with Mac, with XRayGirl, with Lilith, with Curley, with Daddy-O, tutoring Kool, with my blog friends online... you know what I mean? I've certainly had better dates (as I wrote about earlier last week), and I've had worse for sure, but this was just... there. I actually had more fun talking to the guy who was taking my order when I called Pizza Hut the other night! (In all seriousness he could be a potential date since he's single...! Ah, but alas, I had my annual date already.)

And things took a turn for the weird yesterday afternoon. This Sam from the Applebees date Friday night called me but didn't leave a message. He texted me later. And since I don't like texting because I can't multi-task I called him back while I was running errands. After exchanging pleasantries, I said I was returning his call. He said his 6- year-old niece wanted to talk to me. I asked what she wanted. (Does anyone other than Xray Girl and me think this is weird???) He said she wanted to tell me she didn't want her Uncle Sammy to have a girlfriend and I should go away.

Insert screeching brake sound here!!!

WTF?!? I laughed an awkward laugh and then he went on to say that he thought it was time for me to meet his mother.

Insert me running, screaming from the room, and a screeching brake sound here!!!

I decided then and there I was not going to meet his mother and that the niece was right, uncle Sammy didn't need a girlfriend, or if he did it was NOT going to be this girl at all. YIKES! I managed to get off the phone and then took several calming breaths and laughed my ass off at my weird luck with men and how much they are all freaking crazy.

Tomorrow I am going to call him, or wait for him to call me, and then I'm going to be nice, but honest. I'm going to tell him I enjoyed my time on Friday night but after thinking over the weekend, I'm not interested. It's me, not you. Thank you for the attention, good luck in your future, and have a nice life. I might even use those exact words.

Actually, speaking of words, I was telling XRayGirl about this. I said I should tell him that I swim in the big dating pool with grown up boys; I don't stand on the edge of the wading pool wearing floaties. She said I could use that analogy if I wanted but he wouldn't get it and would think I was asking him on a swimming date to the local Y, and he would borrow his niece's floaties... too funny!

So, there's the story of my annual date! I'll let you know how the "leave me alone" phone call goes. Wait, would it be tacky to do it via text?

Stayin' Single,
Maggie Mae

Best dates

I've had some really good dates in my life time. I've also had some really REALLY (did I say REALLY?) bad dates but today is a day to focus on the positives.

One date with Sam was sort of cute. He was a college student of mine when I was teaching college- please do not confuse then and now. everyone was of legal age and it was allowed, and all that stuff. But I was actually tutoring him and we made plans to meet in an evening when we found out we lived about 4 blocks apart. My car was in the shop so he was going to pick me up. Well, it was a mis-communication because I thought we were making plans to tutor and he was asking me on a date. When he showed up at the appointed time I was in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and he was dressed up. That's when it dawned on me what was going. I told him I was sorry I was running late and would he mind waiting for me to change- I made up some lame excuse about a phone conference for work that ran long. He was only too glad to wait while I dashed around getting ready. Did I mention he was picking me up at my boyfriend's house for this "date"?? Thank goodness the BF (who I was on again-off again with and we were really on the verge of off, and I was picking up my stuff that night, actually) wasn't home at the time!

The date was so fun. He didn't have lots of money so he took me to Wendy's drive- thru, and then to this place in the country, near a state park. Then he spread a blanket on the hood of his car and we sat there and ate, and then we lay on the hood, watching the stars pop out and he named and pointed them all out. We had the windows down and the radio was playing. Then we went for a drive and talked for hours. Finally I took him to my house, having come clean about the tutor/ date confusion (he said he thought that's what happened and was using it to his advantage, the booger!) and about the sort of almost gone BF, to show him where I lived. We sat on my patio and drank wine and talked for hours. That was one of the best dates ever. And he and I went out several times after that, and after we broke up we still remained good friends, even to this day.

Another great date was when I was dating a Cowboy in the Wild West. He and I were together for about 6 months. On Valentine's Day we spent a weekend in a cabin, in the woods. That was amazing. He cooked steaks for dinner (OMG- that boy could cook like MAD!) and he made breakfast and it was sweet and romantic.

I had dated a guy for a little bit when I tore my Achilles heel and was in a leg brace/ walking brace thing. But the weekend it happened I was supposed to meet my then boyfriend's kids. So we postponed the meet, but he stopped by to bring me a gift: a slushie, some magazines, flowers, a card, chocolate and kisses to make me feel better. Then after he dropped them back off at their mother's he came back over to take care of me! He brought movies and wine on that trip and I got a massage. That was bliss.

Now the date where the Sam flew me to Milan, Italy for a surprise long weekend to eat Italian food was AMAZING of course. Why can't all dates be like that one?

I'm sure I've had other good dates but these are the ones that stand out in my head. Now logically speaking, I should be posting next about the really bad dates... but I'm sure blogger has a limit of how many characters one post can be. Trust me, I've had more bad dates than I feel are my fair share..... but that's for another day.

Maggie

If these guys were real

So I have a crush. On a person. Or, rather, people. Who are fiction. Well, actually that's not true. I have four crushes on 4 men who aren't real. They're fictional book characters. And they are awesome.

First, I *heart* me some Atticus Kodiak. He's a character created by author Greg Rucka. Atticus is a hot body guard. Well, he's actually smarter than that makes him sound. He runs a very high profile professional personal protection company. Well, he did. Until he went rogue because of a woman who was an assassin. Until then, he had his own company and made good money and had a stable job with friends and interests. His love life was always a mess; even a former business associate he was romantically involved with dumped him, and if memory serves, she became (went back to being?) a lesbian. But that had nothing to do with Atticus as it did that she was mega screwed up. Anyway, he is hot. He's described as tall, dark and handsome (I haven't read a book about him in some time but I think he's African American but I might be wrong about that. it doesn't matter to me either, but I'm just sayin'). He has a sexy job, he reads intelligent books. So, he's not real, he's unattainable, he has a mistress who's a killer, and he's not allowed to come back to the United States because of her, but hey, I've dated some less than perfect guys in the past.

Another character that I have the major hots for is Ranger from the Stephanie Plum series written by Janet Evanovich. Stephanie, the main and wacky character makes me laugh, but her friend and mentor and once upon a time lover Ranger makes me hot. He also has an unusual job: he owns his own company called Rangeman, which entails many things. Because Ranger is a complete enigma. He provides security, is a body guard, owns some property, had some well made investments, hunts bail jumpers, assists the cops with high profile cases, and is an all around in general man of many talents when it comes to legal sorts of things. And according to the books, bedroom things. He's also like James Bond with fabulous technical gadgets and cars. He keeps a crew of men working for him, to keep his company in action. He's a handsome, sexy Hispanic fella who exercises, eats healthy, dresses in all black, enjoys reading for pleasure, and has a dray sense of humor. And every woman within 100 miles seems to get wet panties. He is sexy... in a subtle way.

Penn Cage, a Greg Iles character, and of course, Atticus Finch from the classic To Kill A Mockingbird round out my top four fictional boyfriends. It's funny because I picked these guys long ago but recently I read a review of the new Iles book, The Devil's Punchbowl, and the reviewer compared Penn Cage to Atticus Finch. Irony. Both are southern lawyers who are widows with children (Penn only has a daughter). Both are family men. Both enlist relatives to help them with their kids. Both have a strong sense of doing what's "right." Both hold political positions in ther small communities. Both sare sexy, strong and non- arrogant men who are thoughtful and smart. *Sigh* Ah, they are just splendid. And so very fictional, darn it.

I've decided these fictional guys are so much better than real men. Well, because they're fictional, of course. Real men are real and usually train wrecks, or liars, or unreliable, or just not worth my time, effort, nor energy. In real life, no, I have no idea what's up with Trooper. Last I knew he was sick with a bad cold on Thanksgiving and he would call me when he was done combining so we could get together but I've heard nothing and that was obviously a month ago. And he didn't answer any texts I sent so... The only other possible date was a guy I met in Chicago and he sent me a few emails, insisting we get together on New Year's Eve and I've heard nothing from him since then either.

Actually I'm pretty happy being single, and it's less stressful, less tiring, and less emotional. There's less sex but since I've been riding on the celibate train it almost doesn't seem to matter any more. But if any of these four fictional guys could walk off the pages and into my life, I might have to change my mind about being single. Or at least about being celibate.

A single girl who enjoys Cosmos, conversation and shoes,
Maggie

21st century (communication) breakdown

I'm not so sure that all this technology is really good for people, relationships and people skills. I'm not even sure it's good for improving communication. Other than the obvious that people are Internet dating and having cyber sex with strangers (I have no idea the fascination over this) but people carry on affairs all the time because of technology. Someone said the other day that a person who would cheat on their spouse using technology would've cheated on their spouse without it, but I'm not so sure about that. And all the ways people say stuff to each other via email and Facebook without thinking or filtering? Okay, okay okay...But this isn't my point.

You remember that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie was dumped via a post-it note, by Berger the author who was jealous of her successful writing career because he wrote a crappy book because all the NYC women were wearing scrunchies?? That wasn't technology, of course (though I still think post-its are a much better invention that Twitter) just bad taste. But technology has allowed these "post it note" type of break ups occur. People can get dumped through the phone, cell phone, Facebook, text message, email, Twitter, voice mail, blog... it seems the choices to get dumped are endless. (I think there was some movie out that made this observation before me, but it's a valid point.) And since I'm single and unattached, why might I be dwelling harping on this?

Well, the other day, it seems that Trooper and I were just shooting text messages back and forth that were at first flirty and funny and then somehow turned very serious. And we ended up having a 'serious relationship' text conversation. I typed at one point that this would be better suited to at least the phone, to which he didn't respond (such a guy thing to do, duh!). But in essence, through TEXT MESSAGES, he made it pretty clear that friendship is good, sex would be good, yet serious relationships would be scary. He said he doesn't think he wants to seriously date anyone. Blah, blah, blah. He and I could be "friends with benefits." To which I said I didn't think so since I was too old for that, been there/ don't that/ bought the t-shirt, I liked him for more than that, and if I wanted 'friends with bennies' I could do IT closer to my house. He said he was sorry, blah blah blah. I told him that in most cases people DATED first, and then decided to step it up and at some point it became a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP; it just didn't start at serious.

And did I mention all this happened in TEXT MESSAGES?????

What the hell has my life dissolved to? Oh well, I guess I have lots more to say on this topic, here on a technologically powered online diary, but you got the gist enough to see where I'm coming from, so why write more?

I can't decide if I'm more upset over the conversational content or the fact that is happened via text? Uck!

I wash my hands and feet of it all!

Pass the Cosmos, open the shoe store doors and get outta my way,
Maggie

(And thanks to Greenday for the title...!)