Monday, December 21, 2009

If these guys were real

So I have a crush. On a person. Or, rather, people. Who are fiction. Well, actually that's not true. I have four crushes on 4 men who aren't real. They're fictional book characters. And they are awesome.

First, I *heart* me some Atticus Kodiak. He's a character created by author Greg Rucka. Atticus is a hot body guard. Well, he's actually smarter than that makes him sound. He runs a very high profile professional personal protection company. Well, he did. Until he went rogue because of a woman who was an assassin. Until then, he had his own company and made good money and had a stable job with friends and interests. His love life was always a mess; even a former business associate he was romantically involved with dumped him, and if memory serves, she became (went back to being?) a lesbian. But that had nothing to do with Atticus as it did that she was mega screwed up. Anyway, he is hot. He's described as tall, dark and handsome (I haven't read a book about him in some time but I think he's African American but I might be wrong about that. it doesn't matter to me either, but I'm just sayin'). He has a sexy job, he reads intelligent books. So, he's not real, he's unattainable, he has a mistress who's a killer, and he's not allowed to come back to the United States because of her, but hey, I've dated some less than perfect guys in the past.

Another character that I have the major hots for is Ranger from the Stephanie Plum series written by Janet Evanovich. Stephanie, the main and wacky character makes me laugh, but her friend and mentor and once upon a time lover Ranger makes me hot. He also has an unusual job: he owns his own company called Rangeman, which entails many things. Because Ranger is a complete enigma. He provides security, is a body guard, owns some property, had some well made investments, hunts bail jumpers, assists the cops with high profile cases, and is an all around in general man of many talents when it comes to legal sorts of things. And according to the books, bedroom things. He's also like James Bond with fabulous technical gadgets and cars. He keeps a crew of men working for him, to keep his company in action. He's a handsome, sexy Hispanic fella who exercises, eats healthy, dresses in all black, enjoys reading for pleasure, and has a dray sense of humor. And every woman within 100 miles seems to get wet panties. He is sexy... in a subtle way.

Penn Cage, a Greg Iles character, and of course, Atticus Finch from the classic To Kill A Mockingbird round out my top four fictional boyfriends. It's funny because I picked these guys long ago but recently I read a review of the new Iles book, The Devil's Punchbowl, and the reviewer compared Penn Cage to Atticus Finch. Irony. Both are southern lawyers who are widows with children (Penn only has a daughter). Both are family men. Both enlist relatives to help them with their kids. Both have a strong sense of doing what's "right." Both hold political positions in ther small communities. Both sare sexy, strong and non- arrogant men who are thoughtful and smart. *Sigh* Ah, they are just splendid. And so very fictional, darn it.

I've decided these fictional guys are so much better than real men. Well, because they're fictional, of course. Real men are real and usually train wrecks, or liars, or unreliable, or just not worth my time, effort, nor energy. In real life, no, I have no idea what's up with Trooper. Last I knew he was sick with a bad cold on Thanksgiving and he would call me when he was done combining so we could get together but I've heard nothing and that was obviously a month ago. And he didn't answer any texts I sent so... The only other possible date was a guy I met in Chicago and he sent me a few emails, insisting we get together on New Year's Eve and I've heard nothing from him since then either.

Actually I'm pretty happy being single, and it's less stressful, less tiring, and less emotional. There's less sex but since I've been riding on the celibate train it almost doesn't seem to matter any more. But if any of these four fictional guys could walk off the pages and into my life, I might have to change my mind about being single. Or at least about being celibate.

A single girl who enjoys Cosmos, conversation and shoes,


Evil Pixie said...

I can relate... I have a few crushes of my own on guys who are... well, let's just say they're fiction. Characters in books, on television shows, and in movies. Ironic that fictional characters are what makes my heart go pitter-patter.

Wiley said...

You know, when I read the first part of your post the first ridiculously sexy (but sadly fictional) man that popped into my head was Atticus Finch. So intelligent, so capable, so confident in an understated way. I bet he'd be a tiger in bed.


Is it wrong to think of one of America's greatest literary creations like that??

Maggie said...

Evil P- I think it's because we've all either been badly burned or because, like Rosie ODonnoll's character said in "Sleepless in Seattle" we women all want to be in love like in the movies, not real life. and man oh man, do i ever believe that!

Wiley- hope, not wrong at all since I completely agree with you! Or else we're both wrong....