Monday, February 22, 2010

The story of the annual date

I had my annual date. I call it an annual date because in 2009 I had a date in January, saw the guy for 2.5 weeks in March and that was it as far as dates went for the entire year (okay I had some super sweet phone dates, but at this point, with the dating drought I'm in, I'm counting traditional dates only!). I've decided it was setting a precedent so I've had my annual date for 2010 and got that out of the way. And there won't be another at this rate.

The story as to how the date came along is a long one so I won't bore you with the details, even though some of you know them. This was not someone I knew before, not an ex, not a platonic friend becoming something else, but a stranger that seemed nice and, in the end, asked me to dinner. But I went with this Sam to Applebees for dinner on Friday night. It was... nice. That's it. No zing, no fireworks, no butterflies or toe curling. He was nice.

I couldn't keep the conversational ball rolling and he wasn't one for talking lots. There were long pregnant pauses that were uncomfortable for me since he would just sit and stare at me.

I want to say that he's nice. He was nice. So because he's nice and I'm who I am, I sound like a bitch but certainly don't mean to be at all.

I wanted to be engaged in witty repartee, a rousing intellectual discussion, or be dazzled with a charismatic sense of humor. And that's three strikes. He wasn't very funny but he tried to be. He wasn't dumb but we didn't connect intellectually. And that conversational ball was hard to keep moving, as I said. We had next to nothing in common at all.

I also learned from a few good sources that he, at age 31, had never been on a date in his life until he went out with me on Friday night. That's a little... strange.

Did I mention he tried really really really hard? I even thought I would go out with him again if he asked but I wasn't sure what we could talk about at all. That's how hard this was. But since he was so nice I didn't want to be so mean so I thought I would give it one more shot.

I have to say I've had better times with Mac, with XRayGirl, with Lilith, with Curley, with Daddy-O, tutoring Kool, with my blog friends online... you know what I mean? I've certainly had better dates (as I wrote about earlier last week), and I've had worse for sure, but this was just... there. I actually had more fun talking to the guy who was taking my order when I called Pizza Hut the other night! (In all seriousness he could be a potential date since he's single...! Ah, but alas, I had my annual date already.)

And things took a turn for the weird yesterday afternoon. This Sam from the Applebees date Friday night called me but didn't leave a message. He texted me later. And since I don't like texting because I can't multi-task I called him back while I was running errands. After exchanging pleasantries, I said I was returning his call. He said his 6- year-old niece wanted to talk to me. I asked what she wanted. (Does anyone other than Xray Girl and me think this is weird???) He said she wanted to tell me she didn't want her Uncle Sammy to have a girlfriend and I should go away.

Insert screeching brake sound here!!!

WTF?!? I laughed an awkward laugh and then he went on to say that he thought it was time for me to meet his mother.

Insert me running, screaming from the room, and a screeching brake sound here!!!

I decided then and there I was not going to meet his mother and that the niece was right, uncle Sammy didn't need a girlfriend, or if he did it was NOT going to be this girl at all. YIKES! I managed to get off the phone and then took several calming breaths and laughed my ass off at my weird luck with men and how much they are all freaking crazy.

Tomorrow I am going to call him, or wait for him to call me, and then I'm going to be nice, but honest. I'm going to tell him I enjoyed my time on Friday night but after thinking over the weekend, I'm not interested. It's me, not you. Thank you for the attention, good luck in your future, and have a nice life. I might even use those exact words.

Actually, speaking of words, I was telling XRayGirl about this. I said I should tell him that I swim in the big dating pool with grown up boys; I don't stand on the edge of the wading pool wearing floaties. She said I could use that analogy if I wanted but he wouldn't get it and would think I was asking him on a swimming date to the local Y, and he would borrow his niece's floaties... too funny!

So, there's the story of my annual date! I'll let you know how the "leave me alone" phone call goes. Wait, would it be tacky to do it via text?

Stayin' Single,
Maggie Mae


Wiley said...

Wow... I just.. wow..
Time for you to meet his mom? What, is he Principal Skinner?

Yikes. Good luck saying adios to him - I hope he takes it well.

BTW, I know you only posted this fiction to make me feel better about being a billion miles away from my guy ;) You are a star, Maggie!

Curley said...

I worried about something like this when I heard it was probably his first date "ever". Let him down easy and then don't answer any text or call from him. I know that will be the hard part for you because you are nice and don't want to be rude to anyone. but....?

Shan said...

OMG! OMG!!! Do NOT even tell me that happened! Ok, I know it did, but why oh why? You poor dear!! I have a bad date memory that sounds terribly similar. He thought we were engaged after one HIDEOUS date at a go cart track.

At least you won't have to see him at your ten year high school reunion a few years later like I did. bahaha

And yes. You will have to be super clear with your "break up" speech. I agree. :D

Lilith said...

If I recall, you had a couple of pretty good dates towards the end of last year! LOL

No wonder this guy doesn't date. if he goes from zero to meeting mother in 1.0 dates he's probably scaring them all off!

Cheryl said...

I say, in this case, do it by text! Don't waste your breathe or your dime. Wow! Wow....

Poor guy, maybe instead of saying you had fun, be honest (he could really use honest feedback from an actual woman, I think) and tell him it was awkward for you and why, how his trying too hard prevented any chance of you two connecting, making it clear of course that you don't want any second chances. It'll hurt his feelings, but he's a grown man for f---' sake, better now at 31 than God knows how long later. Tell him to take a class on dating, maybe. Suggest a book. Yikes is right!

Jimmie Earl said...

Of course you could always LIE and tell him that you and an old boyfriend are getting back together. Or just tell him that your Dad said he was too young for you, and that I have an extremely good aim with my shotgun!

Maggie said...

wiley- Ummmmm.... you're welcome for this work of "fiction"... LOL! And see the post called "dumping" to see how well it didn't go.

Curley- I'm totally taking your suggestion; not speaking to him ever again.

gawd, and I'll never get to go to that auto parts store again. damn!

Shan- we are the same person. And yes it happened. oh man, did it ever happen.

Lilith- you are by far the second best date of 2009 (hey he took me to Ireland and Italy but you are a VERY close second to that!)

Cheryl- I just couldn't be totally honest and I couldn't do it via text, though I really seriously thought about it. But you are so right about all the rest!

JE- The lie was on the tip of my tongue but I just couldn't do it.

Lilith said...

Ok, I'll take second best. I mean no one can compare to Ireland. LOL