Monday, February 8, 2010

We won't see her on Jeopardy anytime soon

I have decided the first blog post ever, in the history of blogging, the first post had to be an experience about something that happened at Wal-Mart. Because what happened to me over the weekend was a gift from the blogging gods.

I'm in line and there's only one person behind me in line. The Wally World clerk running the register was Robin. If you go to Wal-Mart and Robin is working, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. Trust me on this, okay?

Anyway, I'm in line, piling my stuff on the conveyor belt, and Robin is ringing everything up. She picks up a bag of produce and starts turning it over and over again, looking in the bag, shaking it. I just say, "it's cilantro." She picks up her little fruit and veggie car with all the codes and pictures on it, and punches the cilantro number in the register. Now, I realize that fresh cilantro may not be recognizable to everyone, and could easily be mistaken for fresh parsley if someone didn't know any better, so I didn't think very much about it. The next item she picked up was a mango. She turned it over and over again and then looked at me. I said, "mango." Again, she picked up the fruit and veggie card and put in the number. Again, okay, I reasoned, not everyone would know what a mango looks like. I guess.

She picks up my third produce item and just looks at me. I slowly say, "reeeeeeeed onion?" and yes, I said it as a question. Not because I wasn't sure if it was a red onion or not, but I was wondering if she was seriously asking me if it was an onion, or if I was mistaken. But nope, she was looking to me for identification. The woman behind me is giggling behind her hand at this point and we make eye contact and I raise my eyebrow at her and she just shrugged that "what can ya do?" shrug. Robin the cashier picks up the next item, and I am not freaking kidding, she looks and me to see what it was. I thought she had to be joking, but she just stood there staring at me, waiting. I so wanted to say 'celery' to see what she would do, but I told her what was really in the bag that she obviously couldn't identify: cucumbers. She didn't know what cucumbers were! I had to tell her about cucumbers! Oh. My. God. I looked at the woman in line behind me and she was practically doubled over with hysteria.

As she reached for my last item, I had several simultaneous thoughts exploding in my head at once. I was dying to see if she would ask me what I had. I sort of wanted her to ask. I also thought no one could be that dumb. And I also decided if Robin the Wally World employee asked me what it was, I was going to reach over and switch off her light and tell her to just go home and never come back because she was just too dumb to work at Wal -Mart.

The woman in line behind me was leaning forward and we were both just holding our collective breath, I know. Robin paused for a minute and then, without aid from me, she rang up the bananas.

Robin still works at Wal-Mart.



sam said...

Hey stranger!

Amazing!! How funny.

I was watching a show yesterday for the first time (Millionaire Matchmaker)and the rich guy asked his date "Have you ever been out of the country?" She said "No, but I have been to Mexico and the Bahamas."

Maybe that was Robin.

I don't believe you drove through that weather!!! Brave woman!

Staying warm?


Cheryl said...

Reminds me of this American family my sister met while living in Tokyo. Not only did they refuse to even try the local food but the wife said the only veggies she served her family were ketchup and French Fries. I thought this was hysterical until she told me the woman's two young daughters were probably at the thinnest they'll ever be in their lives...

Shabbychicdiva said...

WOW! Amazing. How did you stay so calm. I usually get super slow Robins, but never the dumb ones. That would be annoying and funny at the same time. I'm sorry you had to deal with it lol..gosh seriously?? I can't even believe someone can be that stupid..

Maggie said...

Sam- She wasn't out of the country yet....? Stupid people bother me.

Cheryl- I hate them.

SCDiva- I wanted to hit her but it was that weird car wreck thing. I couldn't stop watching her to see what she would do next.

I think every Wal-Mart has a Robin.

Wiley said...

Freakin' hi-lar-ious! I love it! And thanks for making me laugh so much.

I usually only get the check out chicks (ok, I admit, generally boys) who like to throw fresh produce and eggs into the shopping bag. Nice.

I did once deal with a Robin-on-meth in Walmart. She managed to ring up my one purchase but then just stood there. Staring at me and through me all at once. And the screen thingy didn't work so I had no idea how much I owed her (plus the tax thing weirds me out) so I had to engage in conversation. Awkward!

Jimmie Earl said...

There must be a "nest" of Robins lurking out there. It seems every Wal Mart or Meijers has at least one. I could even add our local Krogers to that list!