Think Kit Day 14- good advice? valuable lessons? Yes and Yes!

Think Kit #14: Did you get any good advice or learn a valuable lesson this year? Was it expected or unexpected, easy or tough? Share what you learned.

Lesson/ advice #1: This is a year that I received lots of good advice but, at times, I had to figure it out on my own. I've been in a rocky on again- off again relationship. My friends and family fall firmly into 2 camps: walk away or try. Most are in the walk away group. This advice comes blanketed a lot nicer than "run for the hills" but that's the general gist. And though  this topic has been talked to death with my girlfriends, as women are wont to do, I seem to be finally realizing I should take their advice and just leave. I've been single for almost 18 years (OMG I can't believe my divorce was that long ago!) and I've had various serious relationships in that time, but nothing has stuck. And even though I'm 42 and sometimes lonely (and tired of doing it all by myself) it doesn't mean I should stay in a relationship that's unsatisfying or unhealthy. And even though I think about the fact that at my age, single women have a better change of being killed by a terrorist than getting married, it's okay to be single (though preferably not killed by a terrorist). I'll be fine. I intellectually KNOW this but sometimes my heart doesn't understand it.

Lesson/ advice #2: The other valuable lesson is that tough love is necessary and hard, especially when it comes to your child. My 20 year old son is making terrible life choices. Enough said; I can't fathom typing those details here, or anywhere. But the resonating voice is that of my brother. My brother and I aren't "close" but we do have each other's backs, even as adults. And when he learned of some of the crap Mac was doing/ pulling/ going though, when my Bro heard of Mac's poor choices and saw how I was letting if effect me, how I was beating myself up, how I was or wasn't coping, he said the best thing: "Mags, you can't help that Mac doesn't behave how he was raised. He knows better. You did your best. He's doing this to himself." And he is. And I have to stand by and let my adult child do what he's doing.

Ahhh 2013, what a rough year. If I were superstitious, I'd wonder about the "13" of it all...

It's a hard knock life,
Maggie

Single again

Single again is something I never, ever thought I'd be at age 41, staring at age 42. It sucks and I really, really hate it.

I do not want to date again. I don't Before the last Sam I went 471 days without dating. I was fine. Or I at least got myself to a place where I was tolerating my life. Then I met and and for the last 3 years it wasn't easy but I actually thought we had made progress and did well and I honestly thought we could get married. Buy a house. Take trips. Do married stuff. I didn't figure I'd been single again unless he dies first and I was a widow which is an entirely different sort of single.

The single I am now is yet another long-term monogamous relationship that failed.

I hate the idea of having to put myself out there and frankly I don't plan on it.

I said this before and everyone said the typical cliches about fish in the sea, someone for everyone, the right guy will come along, blah fricking blah. And the guy came along, he wasn't right and here I am three years later more hurt, broken, and cynical about love/ romance than I ever was before in my life.

Reality says I have bigger issues than being single but all those big things I was dealing with in a relationship seem worse because now I'm dealing alone. Damn it.

Why did he had to be an douche bag and just fuck it all up? (pardon my French but as Daddy-O says sometimes the f-word is the only one that will do). WHY????

Pissed, sad, angry, depressed, lonely, hurt, frustrated, scared, bitter-- all my emotions.

Several things suck other than what I've listed so far:
1- to date means I now have to worry about my appearance at all times. I look about how I did a few years ago but now I have to make sure to dress "right" and be funny, scintillating and all the crap that goes with dating. When I dated in my 20s and 30s, I made sure I was dressed in all the right clothes and even "dressed up" to go to the grocery. I can no longer wear yoga pants and a ball cap to the mall, if I want to be on the hunt for a guy.

2- when did wanting to be married become a bad thing? It's bad I know but who made it bad? Are we still blaming women's lib for this? I thought women's lib meant we could have it all- marriage, family and career. I know in the 90s being married was bad because it was all about the career. Is it still bad to want to be married? Great.

3- He's probably dating as I type this post here on Friday night at 11pm. One thing I "admire" about this Sam is that he believes in love. He does. He might be a prick but he's will to keep dating and dating until he finds the right one. He believes there are more fish in the sea and he'll keep looking for the big kahuna. I think it's brave of him to keep trying. I don't want to try. (It's obviously waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to soon for either of us to date but I bet he is. I don't know it for a fact or anything but he's the get back on the horse/ bike/ woman sorta guy). I don't WANT to date because I think true love and all that nonsense is just that: nonsense. I'm also slightly jealous he CAN just decide to start dating again. (And super hurt. Trust me on this, I KNOW he's trying to start dating. I was with him for 3 yrs. I do know something things.)

All in all, this sucks.
Mags

Ended the year with a date, started the year with a date...

Since the 2008, I've averaged 2 dates a year. Some of those dates turned into temporary long term relationships but those started with dates nonetheless and if I go back, I seriously average 2 dates a year.

In 2011 I dated ITSam for the first 10 months and then had the okay date on New Year's Eve day so I count that as 2 dates in 2011, even though I had a whole bunch of them with ITSam. Then I had another date on New Years Day, so one of my dates for the year is already over and done with. I have about 11 months and 3 weeks to have another one so I don't break my streak (though this is one streak I could break and live happily.).

I've been thinking about dating and it's weird.

I don't think I'm good at it and I don't like all the "get to know you stuff" over and over again because I just wait for it to fall apart and then when I do get comfortable and let my guard down and have fun, then it falls apart. I hate being judged and that's what dating is- people judging and sizing each other up. I hate that I feel like I can't be myself because I think I'm weird so others will. Someone once told me that if I found a guy who liked the things I did he would only be gay. Gee, there's a promising thought.

I also have no idea where to meet age appropriate men. No do not suggest the Internet. No, do not suggest bars. And we have already established that anyone with half a brain will NOT date at work; ever heard the expression "don't shit where ya eat"? I think it was made up for this instance specifically, no matter how gross of a saying it is. But I don't know where to meet people.

I don't feel like I MUST date but after spending a year with ITSam and I sorta liked having someone to spend time with and hang out with and someone who, for the most part, cared about my comings and goings and wanted to help me and see me and just loved me. So I guess I feel a little lonely, and sometimes out of sorts.

And now I know that sometime in the next 11 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days I'll be stuck having another date, unless I break the streak.

Debating it,
Maggie

2 dates, 1 guy: Part I

I told you about my meet cute experience and then texting and then agreeing to meet for coffee.

Well, I did meet for coffee and it was okay. The problem was that it was neither this amazing date nor was it super crappy-- it was just okay. He was okay.

A few things stand out in my mind about it:

1- he asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee at a Starbucks. I didn't suggest that or ask him or even hinted about it. He asked me. We met for coffee and as we went inside he said he's never been to Starbucks before. We talked about different types of drinks. Then as we waited in line he said he wasn't really a coffee drinker. Well. I asked if he would rather go somewhere else and he said no. I also pointed out they had other drinks there if he didn't want coffee. He said not it was fine and asked me if I would just order something for him. So I did. Then he paid (I offered and he said no). We had to wait a few minutes and it was a fairly busy Starbucks and he complained about the crowd. He also complained because we had to wait- he felt it was poor customer service- even though we waited only about 5 minutes, which I didn't think was a big deal. And then the piece de resistance as we walked out the door was that he bitched about the cost of the coffee; he doesn't understand why anyone would pay $5 for a cup of coffee.

Now HE asked me there, not the other way around. And then have the nerve to complain about it? Like it was my idea or fault?

2- he said he thought that teachers were snobby and thought they were better than other people. I said I wasn't like that and he felt like he wanted to impress me. Uhhhh, I didn't even know how to respond to that.

So we got coffee and then sat in the mall food court and talked for awhile. At the end of the conversation my big determination was that we didn't seem to have much in common but he was nervous and it was okay. He did ask me if I wanted to turn coffee into dinner but I had plans and said no. (If I didn't have plans I would've probably said 'no' anyway while I was thinking about it.)

This was Saturday. Then Saturday night he called me to see if I wanted to have dinner on Sunday. He said he would be working for the next 10 days (he's a truck driver) and then he would have his daughter then be on the road again for 5 days, so it looked like it would be 3 weeks before we could go out, so I agreed to date #2 with this guy.

And that's information for another post!
Maggie

2 dates, 1 guy: Part II

What follows is my accounting of the second date with the "meet cute" guy. I told Lilith about it and I thought she was going to insight a riot with this... well, about him. So in an attempt at being fun, I wrote the post and Lilith added her editorial comments- these are found in red italics. I have to say it's like telling her this story in person and getting her response...

So I said I would go to dinner with this guy on Sunday night. I had plans to see a matinee with XRayGirl so I told him I couldn't meet until 6pm; that plan changed so I let him know I was free earlier... so he wanted to meet at 4pm. For dinner? Uh, okay. Ok, I must say 4pm for a dinner usually means one of two things: 1.) he lives at home with mommy and wants to get back before dark OR 2.) he's hoping he can turn an early dinner into a booty call!Then we had a 20 minute discussion about where. Now, I'm sort of old school in some ways. I feel cornered if a guy wants me to pick the place so I've made it a habit to give 2 or 3 suggestions that I like and usually a guy picks one of those. I don't like it if a guy says "we're eating here" and I can safely say no man has ever done that. I also don't mind if a guy offers suggestions or says "do you like Italian (or insert ethnicity here)" and then suggestions a place. But this guy made me give suggestions and then pick one. He wouldn't commit to any place at all. So after that we decided on a cute local pizza place here in my town, where I could meet him, even though he did offer to pick me up (I'm not comfortable with that idea.). Wise choice! And why ask for suggestions if he wasn't going to pick?

I also want to say he thinks he super macho. He's about 6'3" and overweight but he has a "fu manchu" goatee thing and is into all sorts of "manly" things like NASCAR, hunting, fishing, guns, gun collecting, making his own ammo (HUGE RED FLAG if he makes his own ammo!), Harleys. He thinks sports are stupid and isn't "into" that but when he "bulks up" he's going to give UFC a try (it's Ultimate Fighting Championship), like cage matches or something. He thinks THAT's a sport yet NFL players are pussies. Are you understanding what I'm trying to say here? This guy thinks he is hot shit but is a total redneck- and I feel like I'm insulting rednecks everywhere. That would be a correct assumption! LOL

And he swears A LOT. I know that sounds like pot calling the kettle black but he used the F-word ALL the time, as all 8 parts of speech. I was taken aback. I was just surprised.

I like this... he has a 3 year old daughter and he named her "Tyme." I said i thought that was unusual and asked if it was a family name or if there was a story behind it. He said yeah and proceeded to tell me he always like the actress Tyne Daily from Cagney and Lacy, who reminded him of his mom. Well, he said he always thought her name was Tyme Daily... ooops. He didn't realize his mistake until it was already on her birth certificate. O-kay! Isn't that something you should make sure of before you make it official?

He also said, at some point in a relationship everyone needs to compromise. I said I agreed. He said he might want me to go see a UFC fight. And I just smiled. I then said I might want him to go shoe shopping with me and he snorted and said, "not a fucking chance. that's what you have girlfriends for." What happened to compromise? It's called, you'll do what I want and like it (that's his definition of compromise)! What an asshat!

He also talked about how much he wants to go to Fan Fest in Nashville next summer and ride his Harley (a Harley he hasn't bought yet either!) down there. He asked me if I would like to do something like that. I told him that frankly, no I wouldn't because I don't like the heat, I don't like country music, and I don't think I would like to ride that far on a Harley. He said that I would suck it up and go and like it and I didn't know anything. Holy shit, where did this ass-backwards jackass come from? Is he gonna drag you by your hair and throw you on his imaginary Harley? Did he even know how to use utensils when you went to dinner?

He also makes jokes about his weight but he also made comment about MINE. OH NO HE DIDN'T! Uh, yeah. He said something about people looking at the fat guy and thinks he'll be jolly but I should understand that because I probably get that too....... oh yes, he did say that. He also bluntly said he liked that my boobs looked jiggly but fat girls usually had that going and he was a man usually liked girls with small perky ones but mine looked nice. They are nice boobs! Thank God he said that after we were given our check and were leaving or I would've got up and left.

Let's see.... oh and I must tell you that everything I said, all night long, was just some giant sexual innuendo. I could say "Did you come down highway 2 to get here?" and he would chuckle and say "no, I didn't COME down there but I drove- heehee". Really? Really? It went on like that all night with everything. (Wait a second, I just lost a contact from rolling my eyes so much) And he bragged that he could make anything about sex. And he did. Even if it didn't make sense. Oh great just what the world needs another sexual innuendo douchebag!

So we met. First, he looked like an idiot. It's the coldest damn day of the year. It's about 10 degrees outside and the wind is blowing so it's around -18 or some such nonsense and we had gusting winds up to 40 mph. And it was snowing. He wore a Harley t-shirt with a short sleeve SNAP up Harley shirt over it. And he's very heavy set so the snaps strained- keep this in mind, please. And he claimed he wasn't cold and NEVER wears a winter coat. I lived in the Wild West in part of the coldest section of the country where some of the manliest men live and they would admit it to it being cold and would dress accordingly. There is nothing macho about frost bite. So when he said he wasn't cold, he was lying and that's just stupid. Didn't you know that Harley clothing makes the wearer impervious to cold!He told me liked to read to his daughter and I said I thought that was really awesome! And he said he's more than just a dumb truck driver and I quote him "Duh, I do know how to read." Look, I'm an English teacher and lover of books so any time anyone says they read to their kids, I get excited!!!! I was not thinking he couldn't read. I'm beginning to think he was lying! It's not reading if it's a book on tape!We don't like the same things: not the same music or movies (he doesn't even really like movies) or hobbies. He has a 3 year old kid and we all know I don't like kids. And we have some seriously divergent beliefs.

He also said he believes every single person in the United States should be armed as much as then can because at some point citizens are going to invade DC and stage "one of those things"- I filled in the word "coup" and he said "yeah one of those" and over throw the government and that citizens should be armed and ready to protect themselves when it's all marshal law and he wants to be able to lead his own militia. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......... RUN, RUN FA FA AWAY!!Oh let's see what other little gems he had... he went back to the teachers are snobs idea and he said he thought I was a snob but I was trying hard to not be because I used lots of big words and I claim to like opera and ballet. But I DO like ballet and opera and I do have a big vocabulary. And he said, and I quote him, "I hate it when people stereotype others. Like me, some people think I'm just a stupid fucking truck driver and i ain't." Umm, hello dumbass you (him, not you) just stereotyped teachers. What a fracking asshat!He also had no manners. I'm not kidding. He didn't say thanks or please to anyone. He didn't pull out my chair. And best of all, went out the door ahead of me while I was struggling to get my coat on and he let the door swing close in my face. I pushed it open and he looked back and said, "Uh thought you had it." Not a sorry, or anything and he kept on going.

Did I mention he spent 45 minutes talking about his ex? He even noticed he did and said 'well, I guess that's attractive." Well not any more than any of this other shit...

And after he ate and leaned back in the booth and exhaled, all the snaps on his shirt popped open. LOL, how did you not pee yourself laughing?

I think there could be more but I think this is enough... And this is why I am NOT going on a third date. I don't really think there's a need now, do you? We really need to find you a nice, normal guy! I can't say it enough, what a fricken douchbag!

Thanking God I dodged that bullet,
Maggie and Lilith

Not going makes me happy

In my old age I'm becoming more discriminating in what I read and in what I watch. I don't want to waste my time doing either if it's not something I'm not going to enjoy. I don't mean my books and movies all have to be "real" or full of happy endings but I need to enjoy the process.

So that being said I'm going to admit that I'm not going to see Captain America, and I'm glad about that. While ITSam and I haven't officially gotten back together, we have been hanging out and talking and stuff. He invited me to go see this movie with him. I hemmed and hawed around and finally said okay. We were supposed to go tomorrow.

I really had no desire to see it; I'm not a huge fan of comic books becomes a movie movies (yes, there are exceptions to this rule, such as The Dark Knight) so I wasn't excited about Captain America. Also, I like to go see movies where I know someone in the cast, especially a main character, and I had no idea who was playing the title role. I know that's lame, but it's true (there are exceptions to this rule; I do see movies with a no name cast, like the first Harry Potter movie...).

Maybe what it comes down to is that it held NO appeal for me. I mean, who IS Captain America? Why is he even a hero? Does he have some cool special power? How awesome can be be, really? I don't even remember him being a part of Super Friends!

So today Sam called and dropped a few million hints that his super geeky buddy was practically begging him to go see it. He called to see if I cared if Geeky buddy came along tomorrow. I saw my out and I went for it. I suggested a "guy's night" and said he and his bud should go without me. He said he felt bad that he asked me and didn't feel right about not keeping his word.

I finally came clean and said he should go because I just didn't want to see it. He was thrilled and jumped up and down and whooped and hollered. Glad it was so easy to make him so happy!

And I did my own little happy dance that I don't have to go suffer through it myself!

I'm not sure that honesty is always the best policy but it sure came in handy here! And now I have my entire Sunday free to do whatever I want... like laundry.

Mags

The thing about love is...

that I don't know anything about love. I know what I think I want but I have no idea if that's realistic.

I do know some stuff. I know, for example, that there must be someone for everyone, or else people settle. Or they're desperate. I was at the video store last night and there was a couple walking in the door while I was waiting to check out. They were both really tall, like "take a second look at those really tall people" sort of tall. Then he was totally goofy looking. They were both a bit overweight, and with the extra weight and the height, they were sort of funny shaped. And she didn't have on a bra and was wearing a man's tank top undershirt (think "wife beater" style) and it was about 49 degrees out. Nipples the size of Texas. But my point it, the couple that looked like that, they still found each other. They were hugging and kissing on each other, and grabbing and giggling and laughing. It was nauseating. But somewhere out there the cosmos came together and brought these two each other.

I think what made my brain start working is the break up with ITSam. Princess and Mac were talking about him today, and how glad they were that we broke up. Other than both of them thinking he was a 'creeper' and that he had a dorky laugh, they also gave me an earful about his looked. They said he had a pointy head, and he scowled all the time. They said his ears stuck out. They also pointed out his gut and his man-boobs, and the large amount of body hair swirling everywhere; he had nasty back hair. I had no idea.... When they point it all out, I can see it (OMG- even the pointy head!!!) but why did I have to have two teenagers explain this to me?

Could this be why people looked at us oddly, sometimes, when we went out?

Yes, I know that looks shouldn't matter. But it does give one pause. I also think I'm no great shakes in the looks department myself. But both of these kids said I could do much better in the looks department with a guy as long as I don't want a super model. Okay. They think I am pretty enough to catch a guy who is at least "cute". Rather than someone like ITSam who they compared to a rat or Shrek.

The odd thing is that I never really gave it all that much thought. I have no idea what this says about me. I do know now that we've broken up with each other lots of people are asking or insinuating "what did you see in him". Some come right out and ask awhile others hint around but want to know the same thing.

This is one of those posts that I'm not sure of its purpose. I just strung all this together because it all happened yesterday and it seems there's some sort of lesson to be learned here, or something I should heed in my future dating. Or it's just the thoughts of a rambling single blogger.

Maggie

And while this had nothing to do with love or looks, here is the hat that I finished that's two tone. (For those of you who read yesterday, you know what I'm talking about.) I started with the yellow that's at the bottom, ran out of it, and finished it with the color. I'm actually liking how it turned out. I'm going to beg Curley to make (or show me how) a "pompom" to go on the top! I folded the bottom, giving it the "hat band" look but it doesn't have to be worn that way. it could just be pulled on and then the bottom with curl or roll naturally.

You know it's time to shave when...

Mac can grow a beard. I don't mean a little chin stubble but a BEARD. He has a 5 o'clock shadow by 10am. I'm not kidding. And it's not just a little chin hair but it comes in all over his face. He could give Grizzly Adams a run for his money.

Mac does get a little lazy and hates to shave so he won't. He might trim it up a little or he might just let it be unruly. But he does have some serious facial hair. I don't know how many times waiters and waitresses have offered him "something from the bar" without ID-ing him when we've been out to eat. The beard does add some age to him.

Now that being said, he and I were at dinner the other night. We decided to do a late night IHOP run. We do this ever so often; just go eat a super late dinner or a super early breakfast at 2 am. He and I were sitting and chatting, laughing and having a good time. We chatted with our waiter and made fun of other people in the restaurant.

The waiter asked us if we wanted coffee or pie, and Mac said, "Can I, mom?" And the waiter asked, "He's your son?!?" I said "yeah...?" And the waiter said, "I thought he was your date, or something."

When we got home, at 3 am, Mac shaved.

Mags

Dodged a bullet?

So ITSam and I have been splitsville for a week and a day now.

Over the course of the last week, he's called and text me (misspelled words and poor grammar in said texts, which drives the English teacher in me nuts!!) over and over and over again. Oh yes, and don't forget the emails (did I mention the misspelled words and poor grammar in said texts, which drives the English teacher in me nuts!!). He professes his undying love for me- over and over and over again. He tells me he loves me, he wants to get back together, he begs, he cries, he waxes poetic about how great we were together, how it was a mistake to end it, blah, freakin', blah. I spend my time trying to not respond to any of it. And I have three email addresses so that's tough! (I thought about posting some of his texts and emails here and hosting an audience participation game. You could all respond for me and the best response gets a prize..... too much meanness from me to do that?)

I have spoken with him once. And that was when he was sobbing and blubbering and begging me to take him back- last Wednesday night. he made it all of two days. The creepy part was when I said no and was ready to hang up and he used a nasty voice- from tearful to evil in 1.2 seconds.

I also got a few nasty (mean) texts from him but I was nasty back.

It was pretty quiet over the weekend. He didn't contact me at all, minus one "miss you" text to which I didn't respond.

Here's the funny part: he's been telling me he loves me and wanting to get back together, reminding me he loved me so much he wants to marry me, BUT I found out that he's registered on an online dating site and has been active on it daily!!!!

Can you feel the love?

I read his ad and it's fairly accurate. I could add something things to the list though, but I bet it wouldn't garner him dates if ladies read: "has erectile dysfunction, been evicted more times than I can count on my fingers and toes, was arrested once for stalking ex-wife, son probably belongs to another man, I lie often, and am so desperate for a relationship that I just dumped my 'almost fiancee' 8 days ago but am on a dating site now. " (I could add lots more to this list but... I won't do that here. I think I'm being publicly mean, just enough. More would amount to me being a first rate "bitch") He went from get married to a dating site in less than 8 days. Wow.

Now I know why I haven't heard from him: he's got all his online dating emails and women to chat with instead of me. I hear you all sighing in relief.

When I said I felt he was a man who was so desperate to be loved and to be in a relationship that he would "love" anyone, I think I was right. I told XRayGirl this the day after he said "I love you" the first time and she thought I was being cynical. When I told her about the emails/ texts/ calls and then this dating site thing, she admitted she thought I was right. She also said, "You dodged a bullet." Ain't that the truth.

The one thing that has me just a little freaked out is that when I told my Photographer Friend she said I should make sure I'm safe. She "stalker" thing has her bothered and she said she "got a weird vibe" about him regarding that. His office at Alcatraz is in the same building I close at night when I do my night receptionist work. She's worried about me being there at night in case he would be. Now that seed is planted in my brain and I'm now the aforementioned a little freaked out. I honestly don' think he'd do anything to me, but I guess that what Ted Bundy's girlfriends thought. I'm not sure if she planted a seed that worries me or if I should legitimately be worried. I also work this coming Friday night.

And this is why I don't date. Some of it really has me sad, sort of; maybe disappointed. At one time I thought I would like to be friends with him, but that cannot obviously happen now. And it really is a bummer to know he didn't really love me- who knows if he really liked me even?- that he only needed (wanted?) a warm human to hold, regardless. I wasn't special, I was just there.

By the way, if he DOES call me and profess his undying love again, I plan on asking him how he can love me and want to marry me AND be on a dating site. Unless you give me some clever ideas of things I should say instead...

In the long run, regardless, I'm glad it's over,
Maggie

PS- geez, I just re-read this post and I see I gave you all sorts of homework assignments in here... (or you can see I asked for all sorts of advice...)

Slowing down

I've decided to slow things down with ITSam. I need to do it.

I have a whole, big looooooooong list of reasons, but first and foremost I'm not sure this is what I want. It's all been too much, way too fast. He's a nice guy, yes, and nice guys should not finish last at all, and the problem isn't about being too nice, or anything of the sort. He is nice, but we don't have lots in common. I find it difficult to sometimes to have a conversation with him because of that.

I feel like anything I say about him is going to make me small or petty and I don't mean to be. It might make me sound callous or harsh and I'm not usually either of those things, either. But there is too much, too fast. We don't have much in common. He likes to spend huge amounts of time together and while I sometimes enjoy that, I often... don't. Sometimes I feel smothered. Mac even asked me one day last week if I felt like that--- scary when your own self absorbed teenager figures it out. (Damn kid's a lot more perceptive than I ever want to admit, especially when it comes to his old mother!) My brain works differently than Sam's does and that sometimes causes me a problem.

ITSam is a good person but I'm not ready to get married or move in together. I'm not even ready to have it as a discussion. So no more talk of rings or apartments, thankfully. I like the idea of sparkly jewelry but not all that comes with it. I like the idea of not having to be a burden to Daddy-O any longer, but not at this personal sacrifice. I'm just not ready to give up the idea of traveling the world. I'm not ready to adapt to the role of "step-mother"-- what a wretched title! I'm not quite sure I'm ready to be HIS girlfriend; there isn't anyone else and I'm not willing to rule out a relationship with someone, but this one in particular isn't just all clicking for me. I am, however his girlfriend, but I'm not sure I want to be, but I can live with for awhile as I figure it all out. (I sort of mentioned not being and I thought the guy was gonna cry so I back peddled that because he looked to crest fallen. And it was going to make the "slow down" part a huge, big THING.)

Sam wasn't happy about my choice but he said at least we weren't breaking up so he can live with it. So, slowing down...

Mags

ITSam Stuff

So.................................................................

Every time I go to write anything here, I worry about jinxing the relationship. I worry about sounding stupid. I've waxed poetic in the past about Sams and look how those have turn out. This worries me, to just throw it all out there.

I had a GF once tell me that she knew when I was serious about a guy because I was pretty closed mouthed about him. Maybe that's true here?

Things are very good. He's very nice. I know I've said that before but it bears repeating since I've known more NOT nice guys in my life than those who are nice.

He wants to get married. He was ring shopping and finally just said he wasn't officially "asking" me yet but this was something he didn't want to screw up and surprise me with the wrong ring. And he wasn't sure what I wanted. He also said he got the vibe I wouldn't want a traditional diamond but wasn't sure where to go. So he told me he wanted to propose and would at some point in the future and took me to a couple of jewelry stores to show him what I wanted so he could get the exact right thing "when the time" came.

He said he also wasn't officially asking because he hadn't talked to Daddy-O yet.

I found a pink Sapphire, 1 karat, solitaire, cut like a traditional princess cut, with a white gold band. That's what I want. No side stones and no baguettes. Just one big pale pink stone smack in the middle. With a Tiffany band. He was impressed. And not surprised at the pink, either.

In the middle of all this, we're discussing moving in together. We're looking at a 3 bedroom house to rent this weekend. It's lovely. A little cottage, tucked off the street, under some pretty trees. It's yellow. Possibilities.

Is it quick? Probably. Is it a good idea? Who knows? I've made worse and bigger mistakes, if it comes to that.

I shot off my mouth. A few days after looking as rings we were talking about people we know who had lived together before they got married which led us to talking about our own experiences with that situation. I said I wouldn't live with anyone (again) without being engaged and a date set, with invites ordered. Sam thought that was smart and he "got" where I was coming from since I had a BAD experience with that once.

Then we heard about the yellow house and it just seems ideal for our needs. Now, I have to make a choice. Do I move in without the ring or let a great house go because of no ring? With the first month's rent, a deposit, and deposits for utilities and the cost of a moving van, there wouldn't be much left over for a ring after all those expenditures. Ah, conundrums.

There's lots more to say here. It's just... scary. I've been, for all intrinsic purposes, single for about 7 years. I've had some short term, monogamous relationships that never went anywhere. And if I'm completely honest with myself, of all the men I've dated, slept with or monogamously relationshiped with, there was only one I really wanted to go anywhere and he turned out to be the Gay Cowboy. I've been single for a very long time. Thinking in terms of a permanent relationship with someone is weird for me. Weird, seriously. Other than Mac, I've pictured doing things in my life alone. I've envisioned my future one certain way for so long that now that there's another person, I'm often at a loss of what to do. But maybe these are thoughts for another post... I could probably stretch ITSam and dating into 2 or 3 or 12 posts...

And this post caps stuff week! I think you're all caught up.

Lots of pink lipsticky kisses,
Mags

Which book character did I "date"?

Once upon a time I lived in a college town that was known as the biggest party school in my state. Now, I was in my early 30s and I wasn't associated with the university, but it was a big part of the town.

I had some friends of all ages who were, however, affiliated with the university, either as students or as employees. Just through a strange turn of events I ended up a house party. I originally went to a friend of a friend's 21st birthday which then sort of moved to a few parties and then onto a house party.

I want to say right up front that I did not buy or give booze to minors. Not then, not now, not since. There was plenty of booze already flowing so there was absolutely no need for me to provide alcohol to anyone. That being said...

I was probably the oldest person at the house party; just what every party needs is a 30+ year old gate crasher. But I had never attended such a party before, the opportunity was there, I was a little lit up so I went along with the rest of the people.

At said house party, music was pounding, the beer in the keg in the bathroom (in the tub) was flowing, and the pot scent was strong. I stood against a wall, holding my cup of warm beer, listening to music. And said "hello" to people who walked by me. Until one "guy" decided he wanted to get to know me.

He comes up and opens with the "so, what's your major" line and then offers me more beer. I'm looking at him, thinking this has to be a joke. Really. I thought my friends put him up to it because... well, I was a little older than 30 and this guy who looked like HARRY POTTER was hitting on me. I am NOT kidding you. He looked just like Harry Potter. And, come to find out, he was 19 years old, even though he just looked like he turned 12. Now, I wasn't so drunk that I didn't know this was a bad bad bad idea. It was also a stupid stupid stupid idea... But Harry Potter just kept on talking to me. And flirting. Well, I think it was flirting because not only did he look like Harry Potter he was about as apt as Harry Potter is with girls.

After about 45 minutes someone screamed "COPS!!!!" And people were fleeing like rats on a sinking ship. What I know now that I didn't know then is that I should not have been there, that if I was arrested and was the oldest person at the party I wouldn've been charged with all sorts of minor/ alcohol related issues, and that me being there was a bad idea-- did I mention that?

What did happen is that I found myself being pushed into the bathroom with the keg. I found myself scrambling to get on top of the keg, shoving open a bathroom window. I found myself going out the window, head first, with Harry Potter shoving my ass to get me through. I found myself laying flat on my back, on the ground, under the window, in a clump of bushes, with Harry Potter landing sort of on me, sort of next to me. Then I found myself running down an alley, holding hands with Harry Potter, running from the cops. At age thirtysomething.

I finally made my way back to my friend's house and they were there, plus some of their friends; we all scattered when the raid warning came in but we all made it back and were all laughing and joking around and collapsing all over the house. And Harry Potter was still there. There was a moment of silence as everyone looked at me and him and I just shrugged and we all watched a movie.

I would like to say it all ended there. But no. Harry Potter was still there, right?

So after the movie, I was most certainly sober, after the adrenaline rush and not having consumed much booze to begin with and not having had a drink after the running from the cops portion of the evening. So I was going to drive home. As I was leaving, with my friends all sprawled all over the couches and floor, someone called out that I need to make sure I took Harry Potter back to Hogwarts. Great.

So Harry Potter came with me and as we headed back to the university area, he gave me directions, turning here and there. He was rubbing my leg and giving me "the look." Oh yeah, Harry Potter with a "look" is so NOT sexy. He had me pull in a parking spot and I wasn't near anything that was like a house. He then leans in and kisses me. I kiss him back because I felt sorry for him, which is terrible, I know. So after the kiss, which was lame, Harry Potter is so thrilled that he invites me to his room. I look at him, with what I hope was a "you have to be kidding me" look. He looked hopeful and optimistic and kissed me again- still lame. Then he stammers and stutters and says he doesn't live in an apartment like he previously alluded, but a dorm, but he didn't think his roommate was in and he could sneak me out in the morning. Oh, hell no! Not that I even considered such a thing, but if my subconscious which was flattered from the attention of the younger man thought about it, my subconscious slammed shut at hearing the "sneak you out/roommate/dorm room" stuff.

So I told him he was sweet, I was flattered, and to go to his room, ALONE, and go to bed. He would feel better about this in the morning. He protested a little bit but finally went on his way.

And that's the totally true story of how I went on a date with Harry Potter and almost got arrested.

Mags

Everything you wanted to know about the newest Sam

Stuff about the new Sam (let's call him ITSam):

• He'll be 40 on his next birthday
• He has an 11 year old son that he has joint custody of (active parent obviously)
  
• He's the Second in command of our IT department for all of Alcatraz and all its subsidiaries all over the Mid West
  
• He's bald and wears glasses
• He plays the drums
• He's divorced. And it's ironic because he's divorced from a woman what I went to college with and he and I went to high school. Just thought it was odd. All Kevin Bacon degrees of connectivity
• His favorite TV show is also, like mine, The Big Bang Theory
• He likes food- eating it and cooking it
  
• He doesn't like to read
• He doesn't smoke, but occasionally drinks

So far we went for tea, for ice cream, Starbucks, and for a walk in the park. We had plans to go for a drive but his car has issues so we rain-checked it, but he did offer to take me for ice cream or drinks again, but I decided to stay home and play Green Day Rock Band. Mac and I played for about 30 minutes and I jammed alone for about an hour. Love me some Billie Joe. And love me some Rock Band. Anyway, he and I are going to Northern Civilization on Monday for the day: book stores, coffee, dinner, museum... sounds nice. So there ya go.

All for now,
Maggie

Random tids and bits on a Monday afternoon

I had three dates this weekend. Yup, I know they're dates since you all said so. And so did he. He called to see if I wanted to get a Starbucks coffee last night. Uh, YEAH! And the reason for the "mini dates"? He has an 11 year old son and this is one of the weeks of the summer when he comes to to stay so he doesn't want to take off for an evening and leave his boy with a sitter or with g'rents. So we've had short, dates. But he's asked me to dinner next Monday. Okay, so... dates. Me. Dates. Okay, weird.

And speaking of weird. Next weekend I'm assisting a photographer to shoot a wedding. At a rock quarry. In the middle of no where. But that's not the whole strange part. In talking to the aforementioned Sam with whom I've had three mini dates, I come to find out it's his niece who's getting married whose pictures I'm taking. Irony...

I want this jacket. It's awesome. Wonder if Curley and I could make it?

The third summer session at Alcatraz started today. I was in the home ec. room the last two sessions because they had tables and I didn't want desks, but I got moved because this session someone is teaching a cooking class. I'm in the science room. Why do science rooms always smell gross????

I really want to have a Mad Hatter tea party but I have no one to tea party with. When the Divine Ms K is old enough, we are totally going to do it. I can't convince my friends and Mac that this would be fun. They think I'm nuts. And I am. Maybe I'm slightly mad.

Did you know you're supposed to buy a new scrubbie (loofah thingy) about every 3 months? It's a good place for bacteria to grow. And for misquotes to lay eggs. I was thinking I needed to get one over the weekend, and I forget to pick it up. I had a reminder this morning to do it- I had a big, black beetle in mine this morning. I freaked out! And when I killed the beetle, he "crunched" inside the pink loofah and had guts everywhere. Guess I'm getting a new one. Today.

On Saturday I shopped at Wal-Mart and discovered today that I was missing a bunch of stuff. Looking at the receipt it was the last 4 things on the list. I called Wally World and they had a RECORD of what I forgot and when I was there. I couldn't believe it. They said all I have to do is come out and get my stuff, come to the service desk and it will be taken care of. How cool of them! How stupid of me!

Over the weekend someone broke into my car. Well, I should say, got in my car unbeknownst to me and without my permission. It wasn't locked, so I guess it wasn't technically a break-in. AND, other than throw stuff all over the car, they took nothing but a half a bottle of generic Tylenol. Mac said we're too poor to even be robbed. He said my CDs apparently suck so much they didn't want to take 'em. XRayGirl said she couldn't believe they didn't break my Michael Buble CD on principle. (Um, she's not a fan........)

And finally.............. I heard this song on the movie From Paris with Love (crappy movie, good music). Anyway, what's the genre? French jazz? It sounds like the sort of music in WWII movies as Paris is being liberated. I want more music like this, but I have no idea how to find music with this style. Got any ideas? [and please please PLEASE pardon the video. I didn't want to have video at all, but I wanted this rendition of the song and it's all I could find, for gods sake........ feh!]

Well, that's all for today!

Mags

I think I went on 2 dates this weekend... but I'm not sure

The reason I'm not sure has nothing to do with me being drunk or sober, but more of a "I'm not sure if this counts as a date" or not. Well, dates. Mac says they are dates. As do XRayGirl.

Back story:
Last Monday in the cafeteria at Alcatraz, a guy who looked vaguely familiar came over and talked to me: so good to see you, haven't seen you forever, what's new, what have you been up to, take care, see you around here, really good to talk with you type of things. After he walked away, I turned to the table of kids with whom I sat and asked who the heck he was. Oh that's Mr S. Well, for the life of me I couldn't figure out how I knew, if I knew, Mr. S. So I looked in the staff directory and lo and behold I went to HIGH SCHOOL with Mr S. Okay, at least that cleared that up. And I felt bad because now I was sort of rude and sort of standoffish to someone.

I decided I would find him the next day and apologize for being rude. Well, I didn't find him again until Thursday and I did apologize to him for maybe being rude but that I didn't recognize him, blah blah blah. He said no problem because he's changed since HS, and no worries. We chatted for a minute and he went back to his office and I grabbed some lunch.

Friday he found me at lunch and asked if I cared if he joined me and I said no, so we had lunch together. Alcatraz, since it's a private facility, had been given several million dollars about 2 years ago and they built lots of new stuff, so he gave me a tour, which was cool. He also gave me the inside scoop on getting a job there. He offered to email me with internal postings so I could watch for job openings, and we exchanged emails. And somehow he asked for my phone number and I gave it.

Now, here's the 'maybe' part of date one. We texted back and forth for awhile. Then he asked if I wanted to meet him for coffee or something. So I did. We met at the local coffee shop and sat and talked for 2 hours. He paid. Mac said it's a date.

So yesterday we texted back and forth a few times and he invited me to meet him for an ice cream cone; I said yes. He met, he paid and we sat and talked for about an hour.

The "he paid" part is simply FYI. And because Mac said if he paid, it's a date. Are these dates? Did I have 2 dates with the same guy in one weekend? The second time I felt the need to do my hair before I left the house.

He's nice. I like that we can talk about more than just high school. As a matter of fact, we haven't done any, as Springsteen says, "relivin' the glory days" or anything. Just talking. He makes me laugh.

Okay, so... Well, yeah. A guy from high school. Go figure.

This messes with my annual date record. I already had one this year; I think I've had 3 as of today. I think. Did I?

Just wonderin',
Maggie Mae

Dumping

What is this, you ask? Well, I'll tell you!

These are the flowers I received today- AT SCHOOL- from Sam, the date guy from Friday night who was my annual date. Oh. My. God. He sent me these beautiful flowers, of course, after I DECIDED to tell him I don't want to see him anymore, but hadn't yet done that. Did I mention he sent them to me at school? In front of all my kids who wanted to know who they were from. Shite!

But they smell really pretty in a HUGE classroom, but in Daddy-O's small kitchen it sort of smells like a funeral home.... okay, anyway...

Why in the world can't the man I want to send me flowers actually SEND them to me rather than this weird dude??

Okay, after much ribbing from my... well, everyone and mostly Mac (I wish I had a recorder when he gave me a 20 minute monologue about this entire situation), I knew I was still going to call him and tell him I don't want to see him anymore, and now I had to thank him for flowers while extracting myself at the same time. Juggling- it's a talent.

So when he called me tonight, I thanked him for the flowers, told him that while I appreciate them and they're just beautiful, I told him I thought about it over the weekend and I didn't think we would work out, that it was me not him, and thank you for the time we spent together, but I'm just not interested. He choked out an okay. Then I said I might see him around and to take care of himself and have a nice life. I actually said, "have a nice life." I can't believe I said that. I bet his mom calls me and yells. He whispered okay, and I have a feeling he was about ready to cry.

Should I have went with the swimming analogy? I also thought about suggesting he would be a good monk or priest but Daddy-O didn't think that would be very nice. Funny, but not very nice.

I have a feeling this is not the last I'll hear from him but I am going to totally take Curley's advice and not answer phone calls and text messages I may get from him.

They flowers are lovely, but it just.... ack! Oh, and the card read, "Thank you so much for a wonderful evening. Sam" And it was written in his own handwriting; he didn't just phone it in. I have this dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach that he actually delivered them to the school himself. I'm gonna hear about that tomorrow, I have a feeling.

I want to say I love love love to receive flowers. And if he hasn't gotten weird with the mom thing and the niece and girlfriend thing, and if it was reciprocal feelings then maybe the flowers wouldn't seem weird.

So, I did the deed and made the call.

So, now I don't have to worry about dating again until next year.

All the single ladies,
Maggie

The story of the annual date

I had my annual date. I call it an annual date because in 2009 I had a date in January, saw the guy for 2.5 weeks in March and that was it as far as dates went for the entire year (okay I had some super sweet phone dates, but at this point, with the dating drought I'm in, I'm counting traditional dates only!). I've decided it was setting a precedent so I've had my annual date for 2010 and got that out of the way. And there won't be another at this rate.

The story as to how the date came along is a long one so I won't bore you with the details, even though some of you know them. This was not someone I knew before, not an ex, not a platonic friend becoming something else, but a stranger that seemed nice and, in the end, asked me to dinner. But I went with this Sam to Applebees for dinner on Friday night. It was... nice. That's it. No zing, no fireworks, no butterflies or toe curling. He was nice.

I couldn't keep the conversational ball rolling and he wasn't one for talking lots. There were long pregnant pauses that were uncomfortable for me since he would just sit and stare at me.

I want to say that he's nice. He was nice. So because he's nice and I'm who I am, I sound like a bitch but certainly don't mean to be at all.

I wanted to be engaged in witty repartee, a rousing intellectual discussion, or be dazzled with a charismatic sense of humor. And that's three strikes. He wasn't very funny but he tried to be. He wasn't dumb but we didn't connect intellectually. And that conversational ball was hard to keep moving, as I said. We had next to nothing in common at all.

I also learned from a few good sources that he, at age 31, had never been on a date in his life until he went out with me on Friday night. That's a little... strange.

Did I mention he tried really really really hard? I even thought I would go out with him again if he asked but I wasn't sure what we could talk about at all. That's how hard this was. But since he was so nice I didn't want to be so mean so I thought I would give it one more shot.

I have to say I've had better times with Mac, with XRayGirl, with Lilith, with Curley, with Daddy-O, tutoring Kool, with my blog friends online... you know what I mean? I've certainly had better dates (as I wrote about earlier last week), and I've had worse for sure, but this was just... there. I actually had more fun talking to the guy who was taking my order when I called Pizza Hut the other night! (In all seriousness he could be a potential date since he's single...! Ah, but alas, I had my annual date already.)

And things took a turn for the weird yesterday afternoon. This Sam from the Applebees date Friday night called me but didn't leave a message. He texted me later. And since I don't like texting because I can't multi-task I called him back while I was running errands. After exchanging pleasantries, I said I was returning his call. He said his 6- year-old niece wanted to talk to me. I asked what she wanted. (Does anyone other than Xray Girl and me think this is weird???) He said she wanted to tell me she didn't want her Uncle Sammy to have a girlfriend and I should go away.

Insert screeching brake sound here!!!

WTF?!? I laughed an awkward laugh and then he went on to say that he thought it was time for me to meet his mother.

Insert me running, screaming from the room, and a screeching brake sound here!!!

I decided then and there I was not going to meet his mother and that the niece was right, uncle Sammy didn't need a girlfriend, or if he did it was NOT going to be this girl at all. YIKES! I managed to get off the phone and then took several calming breaths and laughed my ass off at my weird luck with men and how much they are all freaking crazy.

Tomorrow I am going to call him, or wait for him to call me, and then I'm going to be nice, but honest. I'm going to tell him I enjoyed my time on Friday night but after thinking over the weekend, I'm not interested. It's me, not you. Thank you for the attention, good luck in your future, and have a nice life. I might even use those exact words.

Actually, speaking of words, I was telling XRayGirl about this. I said I should tell him that I swim in the big dating pool with grown up boys; I don't stand on the edge of the wading pool wearing floaties. She said I could use that analogy if I wanted but he wouldn't get it and would think I was asking him on a swimming date to the local Y, and he would borrow his niece's floaties... too funny!

So, there's the story of my annual date! I'll let you know how the "leave me alone" phone call goes. Wait, would it be tacky to do it via text?

Stayin' Single,
Maggie Mae

Best dates

I've had some really good dates in my life time. I've also had some really REALLY (did I say REALLY?) bad dates but today is a day to focus on the positives.

One date with Sam was sort of cute. He was a college student of mine when I was teaching college- please do not confuse then and now. everyone was of legal age and it was allowed, and all that stuff. But I was actually tutoring him and we made plans to meet in an evening when we found out we lived about 4 blocks apart. My car was in the shop so he was going to pick me up. Well, it was a mis-communication because I thought we were making plans to tutor and he was asking me on a date. When he showed up at the appointed time I was in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and he was dressed up. That's when it dawned on me what was going. I told him I was sorry I was running late and would he mind waiting for me to change- I made up some lame excuse about a phone conference for work that ran long. He was only too glad to wait while I dashed around getting ready. Did I mention he was picking me up at my boyfriend's house for this "date"?? Thank goodness the BF (who I was on again-off again with and we were really on the verge of off, and I was picking up my stuff that night, actually) wasn't home at the time!

The date was so fun. He didn't have lots of money so he took me to Wendy's drive- thru, and then to this place in the country, near a state park. Then he spread a blanket on the hood of his car and we sat there and ate, and then we lay on the hood, watching the stars pop out and he named and pointed them all out. We had the windows down and the radio was playing. Then we went for a drive and talked for hours. Finally I took him to my house, having come clean about the tutor/ date confusion (he said he thought that's what happened and was using it to his advantage, the booger!) and about the sort of almost gone BF, to show him where I lived. We sat on my patio and drank wine and talked for hours. That was one of the best dates ever. And he and I went out several times after that, and after we broke up we still remained good friends, even to this day.

Another great date was when I was dating a Cowboy in the Wild West. He and I were together for about 6 months. On Valentine's Day we spent a weekend in a cabin, in the woods. That was amazing. He cooked steaks for dinner (OMG- that boy could cook like MAD!) and he made breakfast and it was sweet and romantic.

I had dated a guy for a little bit when I tore my Achilles heel and was in a leg brace/ walking brace thing. But the weekend it happened I was supposed to meet my then boyfriend's kids. So we postponed the meet, but he stopped by to bring me a gift: a slushie, some magazines, flowers, a card, chocolate and kisses to make me feel better. Then after he dropped them back off at their mother's he came back over to take care of me! He brought movies and wine on that trip and I got a massage. That was bliss.

Now the date where the Sam flew me to Milan, Italy for a surprise long weekend to eat Italian food was AMAZING of course. Why can't all dates be like that one?

I'm sure I've had other good dates but these are the ones that stand out in my head. Now logically speaking, I should be posting next about the really bad dates... but I'm sure blogger has a limit of how many characters one post can be. Trust me, I've had more bad dates than I feel are my fair share..... but that's for another day.

Maggie

So what did you do on New Year's Eve?

The last time I went bowling was in April 2006 with Mac, one afternoon after school because we were bored. Until last night, that was the last time was bowling. Yup, you read that right. Maggie Mae went bowling.

I also want to say right now that while I love and adore shoes, I think bowling shoes are really really gross. I mean really gross. But I had to wear them because that was the bowling alley rules; they wouldn't allow me to wear my socks, which was too bad because I wore these adorable Life Saver striped toe socks. At least they weren't warm when I put them on.

Okay, so yes I went bowling. XRayGirl and her Hubby invited me to do something with them on New Years Eve and this is what they came up with and I'm game for about anything. Then she calls and tells me it's a couples event. Well, I'm not part of a couple, obviously, so then she tells me she'll fix me up with someone.

So here are the facts: I have a blind date. On New years Eve. To go bowling. Apparently XRayGirl's Hubby has a friend named Bruce and I apparently met him at some point and that's who they were going to fix me up with. XRayGirl told me I said when I met him that I thought he was cute. Okay. No stress. I haven't been bowling in 3 years and I'm not that good to start with- if I can break 75 I consider it a stellar, successful game. I had to put on someone else's shoes in public. And now I have a date on top of it, which I haven't been on a "real" date since March. (I don't consider seeing Trooper in August a date any more... I have some illogical rationale for that which I will explain in another post) Oh no pressure at all.

And what does one wear to bowl anyway? XRayGirl tells me all the time I'm way to dressed up when we just get together for dinner but that's just how I dress. So I went with jeans and a new shirt I got for Christmas that's in shades of dark pink. What goes with 3 tone bowling shoes? Anyway... I digress.

Since Mac was going to a Halo party (think 5 teenage boys with 5 tvs, 5 Xboxes, all linked together and a case of Mountain Dew...) XRayGirl, etal were picking me up so Mac could have the car. When they arrived, Bruce was not there but a back up. Apparently Bruce, unbeknownst to XRayGirl and her Hubby, got back together with his x-wife...he didn't think going on a New Years Eve date with me was a good idea). I was introduced to Kenny.

I want to say right now there was no way in Hell I was going to kiss him at midnight. There was no way I would kiss him if I was told a huge fiery meteor was going to obliterate the earth and he was the last person I would see. If he was the last man on Earth and I was the last woman on Earth, the human population would die out.

Kenny was bald, not stylish bald but just bald. He had no teeth. His pants were falling off, not in a stylish baggy way but a don't fit and don't own a belt way. he smoked brown cigarettes and sounded like he had swallowed a mouthful of gravel and smelled like he forgot to shower. In the last decade at any time.

When we arrived at the bowling ally, I grabbed XRayGirl by the hair arm and yanked her to the bathroom and before I could say anything she explained about Bruce and stressed that Kenny was NOT A DATE. She made it clear to him that this was NOT A DATE with me, that we just need a fourth for the bowling event. I was relieved. OMG, was I ever relieved. I had told XRayGirl she couldn't fix me up with someone she herself would not go out with and she said she wouldn't touch Kenny with a 10 foot pole but he was nice. And he didn't have plans for New Years Eve. Gee, I wonder why?

But he was nice and funny and couldn't bowl worth a shit. And he mostly didn't talk to me but gabbed with XRayGirl's Hubby, which was fine with me. Once I knew that this was NOT A DATE and knew Kenny knew and UNDERSTOOD it was NOT A DATE, then I could relax and have fun.

The bowling was 4 games. The guys threw the first ball and the women picked up the spares if there were pins to spar. This was games 1 and 3. In games 2 and 4 the women went first and the guys picked up the spars. There was also all you can eat pizza and breadsticks and a champagne toast at midnight. There were cash prize drawings during the evening. We had a lot of fun. My bowling scores for the night (well, I guess mine and Kenny's) was (in order of games 1-4) an 85, 98, 137, and a 99. By the time we got to the last game Kenny was so drunk he couldn't see the lanes. Well, so was XRayGirl's Hubby. I was the designated driver. XRayGirl only had a few beers. I actually threw 3 strikes over the course of the four games! Go me! Whoot-whoot!

We all laughed and had fun and rang in the New Year with a countdown and "Auld Lang Syne" on the jukebox.

It was a sober time well spent with friends and lots of laughs. And good pizza.

Strikin' and sparin',
Maggie

21st century (communication) breakdown

I'm not so sure that all this technology is really good for people, relationships and people skills. I'm not even sure it's good for improving communication. Other than the obvious that people are Internet dating and having cyber sex with strangers (I have no idea the fascination over this) but people carry on affairs all the time because of technology. Someone said the other day that a person who would cheat on their spouse using technology would've cheated on their spouse without it, but I'm not so sure about that. And all the ways people say stuff to each other via email and Facebook without thinking or filtering? Okay, okay okay...But this isn't my point.

You remember that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie was dumped via a post-it note, by Berger the author who was jealous of her successful writing career because he wrote a crappy book because all the NYC women were wearing scrunchies?? That wasn't technology, of course (though I still think post-its are a much better invention that Twitter) just bad taste. But technology has allowed these "post it note" type of break ups occur. People can get dumped through the phone, cell phone, Facebook, text message, email, Twitter, voice mail, blog... it seems the choices to get dumped are endless. (I think there was some movie out that made this observation before me, but it's a valid point.) And since I'm single and unattached, why might I be dwelling harping on this?

Well, the other day, it seems that Trooper and I were just shooting text messages back and forth that were at first flirty and funny and then somehow turned very serious. And we ended up having a 'serious relationship' text conversation. I typed at one point that this would be better suited to at least the phone, to which he didn't respond (such a guy thing to do, duh!). But in essence, through TEXT MESSAGES, he made it pretty clear that friendship is good, sex would be good, yet serious relationships would be scary. He said he doesn't think he wants to seriously date anyone. Blah, blah, blah. He and I could be "friends with benefits." To which I said I didn't think so since I was too old for that, been there/ don't that/ bought the t-shirt, I liked him for more than that, and if I wanted 'friends with bennies' I could do IT closer to my house. He said he was sorry, blah blah blah. I told him that in most cases people DATED first, and then decided to step it up and at some point it became a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP; it just didn't start at serious.

And did I mention all this happened in TEXT MESSAGES?????

What the hell has my life dissolved to? Oh well, I guess I have lots more to say on this topic, here on a technologically powered online diary, but you got the gist enough to see where I'm coming from, so why write more?

I can't decide if I'm more upset over the conversational content or the fact that is happened via text? Uck!

I wash my hands and feet of it all!

Pass the Cosmos, open the shoe store doors and get outta my way,
Maggie

(And thanks to Greenday for the title...!)