Monday, October 11, 2010

The Break Up

Yesterday ITSam and I broke up. He dumped me. He felt I wasn't spending enough time with him, which I think is absurd but if that's how he feels, I can't make him feel differently. Well, I guess I could if I said I was sorry and I spent every waking moment with him, which I won't and can't do. I can't do that with anyone. I'm not built like that. When he said he felt like I was pulling away and he kept pushing for me to come back to him, I knew he just didn't get me. I'm not one to be pushed. I've been that way since I was a little kid. The harder someone pushes me, the more I dig in my heels and refuse. As an adult I do it in a classier way, but the stubborn streak is still there. And apparently ITSam doesn't get it.

I'm glad it's over and what's even worse is that I'm glad he broke up with me because otherwise he would tell everyone I'm a terrible, horrible person who dumped him.

What's even worse is that I'm relieved. I'm glad. I feel bad about feeling relieved. I feel bad for him because he so desperately wanted it to work. He wanted me. He loved me more, way more. And we all know what happens in that situation; I know way too well because I'm usually in those shoes.

He does have something to offer a woman but I'm not her. He doesn't seem to appreciate that I'm a strong, independent woman with other friends and family that I enjoy spending time with as well.

There were lots of things wrong and I was thinking as I wanted us to step back and slow down, those things could be better. I was really lying to myself because I knew things couldn't be fixed, the stuff that bothered me about him and about our relationship, weren't fixable things so I knew by slowing down I would eventually pull away and end it.

I don't have to worry about that now, since he dumped me.

What numerologist thought 10-10-10 was supposed to be lucky for love?!? Wait, maybe lucky that I didn't get stuck with someone I don't love? Feh.



Wiley said...

Aw crap. It's never fun, regardless of how we prepare ourselves. But better things are ahead of you, woman!
And, by the way, I am impressed and just a little bit jealous that you've learnt to deal with your stubborn streak in a classier way as an adult - care to teach someone who's still just downright stubborn?

The English Writer said...

Oh, I am sorry to hear it didn't work out for you, but I do understand what you mean when someone doesn't get you, or they love you more. I'm glad you feel relieved, because there is nothing worse than a broken heart xx

sissie said...

Hi Maggie,
I think you made the right decision based on your feelings and your need to be you.
I wish I would have done the same many years ago, but I didn't.

Good for you for listening to your inner self.


Curley said...

Maybe it's for the best. Sounds like he was way to possessive and wanting to monopolize all your time. Trying to cut you off from all your friends. I just think he is very insecure. I bet he is that way with every girl he goes out with.

Shan said...

I'm sorry to be relieved too. I'm sorry that he wasn't quite right for you as he does seem to be a lovely person. Breakups suck a little to a lot whether they are healthy or not. I didn't really mean to sound like a rap. Enjoy some you time for a bit Mags. :)

Evil Pixie said...

It is tough when one person in the relationship wants more than the other person wants in the relationship. In the end, it is better to always step back and reassess. Hopefully, when things aren't so fresh and raw (at least for him), you'll be able to step forward again and be friends. Granted, that has yet to work for me but I have seen it work for others. :)

Anonymous said...

on to the bigger and better things...

Bragger said...

Well I was all prepared to say "I'm so sorry," but it sounds as if it was the right thing to happen. I'm stubborn too, but to the point that I would try very hard to get back together, then I would dump HIM. Then I WOULD be that horrible, nasty person. I'm so relieved you were smarter than to marry him...

Maggie said...

Wiley- thanks. It's a relief. And I have to say that most of the time I just keep my mouth shut and someday it's going to cause me to spontaneously combust.

English Writer- I've my heart broken so much I wonder if I'm immune.

Sissie- sometimes it hard to be me but I've worked for a long time to be happy with who I am and I'm not willing to sacrifice that. It's hard to do, though.

Curley- he needs to come with a warning label... okay that wasn't very nice but he is very insecure and I don't think he can deal with a strong woman, which is too bad.

Shan- okay, I liked the break up rap- heehee! And you're relieved for me? I get that. it's also a big testament to how right the break up is when my friends are relieved for me.

Evil P- it would be nice if we could be friends; he's someone I would be friends with. I just don't think he'll get to that point. Oh well. And I used to be friends with some exs but now I jsut email with AlaskaSam and with another Sam; the other "exs as friends" have fallen by the way side.

TaDa- you said it.

Bragger- he's so clingy that I don't want to get near him to just break up with him even though i was going to break up with him first. In this case, I sure don't mind being the dumpee...

Lilith said...

If you have any doubts lingering, I think the fact that you are relieved proves it wasn't meant to be!

Maggie said...

Lilith- no doubts at all. None.