Sunday, April 11, 2010

Multiple Posting Sunday Brings You: I had no idea they were that big in the Midwest!

I'm in the laundry room, taking the stuff out of the dryer, still in my pajamas and barefooted, mind you, just minding my own business. My foot tickles, specifically the tip of my big toe.

I look down ready to just scratch the itch when I see a HUGE spider with one leg touching my toe! I screamed so loud Mac was there in about 3 seconds. The neighbors even turned off their mowers outside. I couldn't stop screaming and somehow when I finally calmed down I was standing on the couch in the living room, 3 rooms away. (sorry about that Daddy-O). I'm not sure I remember getting there.

This spider was huge. I know I have a tendency to exaggerate, but swear on the grave of my mother, this was the biggest spider I've ever seen, even bigger than scorpion spider that was in my apartment in the Wild West. This spider's body was at least 2 inches in diameter (we've recently studied diameter in 8th grade math, so I know I'm using this math terminology correctly) and I COULD. SEE. EYES. ALL. OVER. ITS. BODY!!!!!!!!! I think I had a mini heart attack or a stroke or something. You could visibly see my heart pounding through my shirt.

So Mac gets on shoes and goes after the spider. he moves every stick of furniture in the laundry room, except for the stackable washer/ dryer unit. And the only reason he didn't move it was because I didn't know how much wiggle room we had before we unplugged it from a hose or pipe or something.

And the worst of it is---- he couldn't find it!!!!!! OMG, it's still in the house somewhere!!!!! I have a bunch of laundry to do and I can barely make myself go in the laundry room to do it. I got completely dressed and put on boots and a hat (what if it dropped down from the ceiling onto me?!?) when I went back to change the load and was crying, afraid it would come get me. I'm still shaking and I swear I'm going to barf.

What's the life span of a mutant spider? I'll wear dirty clothes before I go back in there. Mac put on his iPod head phones and is staunchly ignoring me.

No cool. Not cool at all. Where can I go live that doesn't have spiders or snakes? Shit.



Cheryl said...

Ack! And after you mentioned a Spaghetti-o'd spider yesterday!

I was nearly asleep last night when I felt something crawling on my arm. My hand automatically flicked it off then I immediately put the lights on so I could kill the little beast before it could crawl back. Couldn't find it. In the end I had to trust that I'd scared it off.

Hate, hate, hate all insects! Even though, in Buddhist theory (I'm not exactly a Buddhist but I like this theory) every insect is a potential Buddha. I figure my killing it just speeds this process along.

It's a good thing you saw it before it bit you. I was once bitten by a spider, while I was living in DC, and I endured two hellish days of fever and unbelievably uncomfortable itching. Horrible.

Maybe a cat would hunt it down?...

Thanks, btw, for your advice. I'm still thinking what to do. She lives in the same town and I don't want to dread running in to her every time I go out. Don't want to put up with her dumbassness anymore either...

Jimmie Earl said...

Are you sure it wasn't a big 'ol hunk of lint from the dryer? I haven't ever seen spiders in the laundry room. The bathrooms, yes. Could have been a centipede. Now those suckers are huge and like the warm damp around the w and d.
Standing on my new couch!!!!! Shame on you! LOL!
I'll take care of the critter when I get home. I'll worry about it tomorrow, just like Scarlet O'Hara.

Anna said...

I like bugs and you gave ME the creepy crawlies I hope you find it soon or it packs up and moves out!

Maggie said...

Cheryl- if that thing has crawled on me... I shudder to think of what would've happened.

and I'm sure you'll come up with something regarding your friend. Sucks, doesn't it?

JE- trust me--- it was a spider. i swear. I wish it was lint. I would pray for it to be lint. but no, it was a spider. I think it's living under the dryer since it's probably damp with all the laundry I've been doing, and the rain we had this week.

Anna- a spider this size probably has a sea trunk for luggage!

I'm still doing the heebie-jeebie dance- ick ick ick!

Finn said...

Hey Mags

There are no snakes in Ireland....and our spiders are very, very small.
Quite a safe place to live!!

Maggie said...

Finn dear, thank you for that bit of useful information. I knew there was a reason I love Ireland! Watch out Emerald Isle, here I come!

Anonymous said...



YIKES! I hate bugs of any kind, well okay ladybugs don't freak me out, but every other bug does!

i say wear your clothes dirty until you find a dead spider carcass, you hear me! lol

ciao bella
creative carmelina

Shan said...

This gave me the hugest laugh! I'm still LOLing as I type!! Good grief! Good grief! That sounds truly horrible. I love that you were on the couch when you finally started to calm down.

OH YES I'd have done the very same-is there any other logical behavior? I KNEW I was Irish. Just knew it. You must be as well.

I enjoy wearing very tall flip flops this time of year so that I'm above the danger a bit. The boots and hats are a good idea considering the eyeballs that thing was sporting though. EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!