Sunday, May 31, 2009

How do I find out if he's 'available'?

Yesterday Daddy-O threatened to fix me up with the science teacher at school. Science Teacher is nice guy and a super cutie patootie- but he's 24 years old!!! He's adorable in that nerdy smart way, but he's 24 years old!!!!!! He's a GREAT teacher and the kids love him and I admire and respect him for his classroom approach, but he's 24 years old!!!! I love to talk with him because he is smart and animated and is witty, but he's 24 years old!!!!! He still lives with old college roommates, and he's 24 years old!!! Did I mention that he's 13 years younger than I am? really- I mean, I could be his sexy awesome aunt! And, theoretically, I could be his mother if I would've been a super slutty 13 year old girl and his father would've been a child molesting perv.

Daddy-O also threatened to try and set me up with a gym teacher too. This guy has a smokin' hot physique and is more my age but this guy has "athlete" written all over him. He looks like one giant muscle with a head. Yes, he always smiles at me in the hallway. Yes, he always speaks and says hello. BUT, in the real world, men who LOOK like him do not date women who look ME- he's build like a body builder and I'm build like a snowman. Yes, I realize I 'm in shape, ROUND is a shape, but he doesn't look that 'round' would be his favorite shape. I told Daddy-O I would fix him up with one of local "scary sisters" if he even said a word to the gym teacher. The humiliation that would be- the jock and the fat girl- suffering through a date for her dad, even if she has adorable shoes, great skin, cute freckles, an adorable Audrey haircut, and can carry on scintillating conversation. OMG- no thank you!

I keep telling him I'm just not interested right now, that I LIKE being alone and that I'm just not date-able. I mean, I'm really not. Even the guy who seems like the perfect match (AIISam) seems to not see it or does seem to see that flaw. I'm not a woman men like as a girlfriend. Other than married men- oh yes, ItalianSam, AlaskaSam, KJSam= they all think I'm just beautiful and great and blah blah blah but they all also have WIVES! And gay men since CowboySam and PoetSam now have "boyfriends" and yes I dated them YEARS ago but still... it's on the track record- I'm not girlfriend material except for married and gay men. I would say that being alone is a good option, eh?

But in the interest of self preservation, I'm thinking maybe I should find my own single man or Daddy-O will have me on a pity date with the gym teacher or feeling like a perv on a date with the science teacher. So other than these 2 men, I know one more single guy who has potential to be date-able. I think. He's the head librarian at the local public library. He seems nice and smart, the few times we've spoken. He seems kind, has a good smile, and isn't bad looking. We're about the same age. He seems to come out of his office to say hello when I'm there, or he seems to gravitate to the circulation desk to chat as I check out my books, even if he was making a beeline to his office and then just suddenly needs the copier... So, I know he's not married, and the word on the street is that he is straight. BUT-- that's where the word seems to stop.

No one knows much else about his social life because he's quiet, he works lots and he doesn't talk about his personal life at work. He's the only man in the building and he is the boss. His employees don't think he's dating and they are pretty sure he's not gay. So how do I find out if he's available? A good friend of mine works at the library and she's trying to find out but to no avail. (She also said it will provide her and the other library employees hours of entertainment if he and I should date because he's as quiet as I am energetic, but she says we do have stuff in common) I have no idea, other than to just ask him, which then takes away the art of subtlety, my element of surprise and removes all discretion- and can make me look like a complete dolt if he does have a 'significant other'.

An aside: I know this has nothing to do with anything, hence the term an 'aside.' But he has a weird name. It's an old family name, and rather snotty sounding, ending with him being the third. My ex husband, Sperm Donor Asshat the II, was a number name and since him I've ALWAYS stayed away from guys with a number after their name...

So, in an effort at not trying to sound like a junior high girl and failing miserably, how in the world do I find out if this guy has a girlfriend or not? No one seems to know!

And I'm not leaving him a note in his locker after school either,


Curley said...

Ask him if he would like to go out for coffee sometime? I know you love Starbucks.

Anonymous said...

Ummm...what was that about CowboySam? Is that who I think it is?


Jimmie Earl said...

If you want, I could pass him a note after "study hall." OMG! This is the 21st century, ask him out!

Maggie said...

Curley- That's a good idea other than I would have to be trapped in a car with him to the Starbucks town.

Patti- oh yeah, that's totally who you think it is...

JE- hello pot it's the kettle calling! Anyway, it's completely embarrassing to ask a guy out and then have him reject you because he has a woman, not necessarily because of lack of interest.

And stay away from the science and gym teachers tomorrow! :)

Hecate said...

Is there no coffee shop in the town you live?


You could slip a note into a book you are getting ready to return for him!

Maggie said...

Hecate- there's a coffee shop but that would make it a VERY public date, if you get my small town drift...

But I do like the bit about the note in a book- could be considered charming!

Farrago said...

OMG! The dad just used "OMG!"


Get 'em, Daddio!

And shut up. Give the gym teacher the time of day. Maybe he's not as shallow as me... er, I mean, as you think he is.

Shan said...

I have not been here long enough to have an opinion but you made me LAUGH! Loved the story. I have a friend in your shoes...well, not the same brands perhaps but you know. I remember these awkward times all too well and can only sympathize. Best wishes!
Oh, I'm a blog friend of Lynn @ Cheltingham in case you wondered. :)

Maggie said...

Farrago- you are both the same height and have the same hair style. he's already a muscle with a head and you're working your way toward that... nah, he's nothing like you!

I would date the science guy BEFORE the gym teacher...

Shan- glad I could offer you a laugh and I do hope you come back and read again!

Dang men!