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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Summer Slut Season Starts

I keep reveling in the spring and summer season since I've been back here in Civilization. The Wild West had 2 seasons: hot and super freaking cold. I've loved being here again to see the flowers bloom and the grass green up. I've loved watching the buds on the trees turn to leaves- I just love having trees near again! It's great to see people out walking their dogs, babies in strollers, the sound of lawn mowers. The huge displays of flowers and potting soil and seeds are in every store.

And then there are the summer sluts. They are a phenomena that I didn't miss in the Wild West. Here's what I mean.

There are the women who are out walking the streets, all over town, at all times of day and night- and I don't mean "street walkers" as in hookers, but for all I know, they could be. These are the women who wear shorts that are waaaaaaaaaaay to short, their asses hanging out the back. I don't care how skinny you are, ass out the bottom of shorts is not attractive, unless you're the centerfold for Playboy- and then it's still dubious and still looks tacky- not to mention there are not very many centerfolds walking around MY town. Then there the women who should not let their asses hang out of ANY-thing, let alone shorts. Fat women should not wear Daisy Dukes, should not ever wear anything remotely short- but these women here, in Summer Slut season do. And because they are walking everywhere, showing off their- whatever- the shorts ride up their crotch and well... you know how distasteful that whole look simply is. Need I really say more?

They also wear tank tops without bras. The tank top style varies, of course, some donning the wife beater style, others choosing the spaghetti strapped cami style, but no matter what, none of them wear bras. The skinny tiny women without bras are okay, I would suppose, but I think it's in poor taste, but that could just be my upbringing. But the fat women who do without bras, whose tits are sagging to their waists, or whose boobs roll to the sides of their bodies and get stuck under their arms- these women NEED bras. I swear it should be a law! I am a plus sized woman and I know I should wear a bra for my boobs to look good. A nice demi cup will lift and separate, and my knockers look quite hot in a cami with a bra, if I do say so myself. I have no idea why anyone in their right mind would think sagging knockers in a dirty wife beater looks good and then leave the house. And did I mention that these tank tops are often "belly tops" or shirts that purposely expose the midriff? Some so short that you see the bottom of a naked boob hanging out. And I would like to say that exposing stretch marks is just nasty!

Most of them come in 2 colors: ULTRA tan and whale belly white. There seems to be no in between. These women look like they are one step away from skin cancer, never having heard of the term ultra violet rays or skin damage. They resemble leather. Or the others who never let a sun ray touch their skin and they are as white as white can be, other than the screaming red stretch mark lines, giving a frightening zebra appearance..

These summer sluts not only dress the part, they, for some reason, are always pushing a stroller with a dirty baby or toddler in it. The kid is usually just wearing a diaper, drinking RC Cola out of a baby bottle and the mommies call the dirty little darlings "bubby" or "sissy." These kids are either half asleep or look like they're in a drugged haze- probably a sugar coma coming on from the baby bottle soda pop and being out in the sunshine with no clothes on, or any respite from the heat. And other than telling the kid to "shut up" at top volume or refilling the soda supply, there isn't usually any interaction between the kid in the stroller and the summer slut who pushes it.

Another accessory of the summer slut is usually a BFF dressed just the same, sans baby stroller, but usually a teenage girl who is a neighbor or a niece or sister. She is there to deal with the baby in the stroller, to be a hanger on-er, to nod her head yes to everything said by the head Summer Slut. And for some reason, these women, or girls really, are usually eating suckers, like lollipops. There is also usually a guy- it can be a teenage boy or a man, wearing cut off jeans, covered in tattoos, has a mullet and is not wearing a shirt, but carrying the tee over his shoulder, or better yet, tied around his hair like a "do rag."

The stroller pusher, or the head summer slut, and the guy usually ignore each other or they trade insults, which leads to a screaming match, complete with foul language and name calling, right on the sidewalk of anywhere they happen to be. He usually walks away and she stands screaming at him for blocks while the "BBF" tries to console her and they are agree he's a "worthless bastard." (Secretly I agree too- why is he walking all over town with you all day long rather than working, I want to know?)

These summer sluts are everywhere. If you start driving around town at 10am and then again at 4pm they are still out, pushing the baby and still smoking cigarettes, wearing the same skanky outfits. Oh, did I not mention the smokes? Of course, they have ciggies and drag on them all day. They also don't just circle one area of town or around the block over and over again- you can see them everywhere, from the river to the library to neighborhoods way on the north side of town. They cat call to passing cars and are often found in the middle of the street, talking to a stopped junker car, oblivious to the line of traffic waiting for her to get her baby back on the sidewalk and for the piece -o-crap-mobile to move on.

They finally get back to their walking, their carousing, their smoking, their caterwauling, their stroller pushing, their Mountain Dew swigging.

Ah, the sounds and sights of summer in the Midwest...

Bra wearing,
Mags

10 comments:

Ty-Anna said...

sounds like an epidemic! I can't say I've seen anything like that before. Watch where you're driving this summer.

D-nice said...

Wow. I totally remember this from living there! can't believe that I would forget something like this. 1/2 of them now are probably the kids that we worked with 10yrs ago whos mamma's at the time were the summer sluts!

Curley said...

OMG, I can't breathe. I'm laughing so hard. I have so totally seen this.

Maggie said...

Ty-Anna: it's scary, and I'm glad you don't have these creatures running around your town- probably not, because they are all HERE!

D-Nice: I had forgotten myself until I got home and they sprang up like the flowers; it's scary, eh? And I have to admit, one Summer Slut came in to ice cream store and she was a FORMER client of ours... eeeeewwwww!

Curley- breathe, hunny, breathe! And once you see one, you'll see 'em all summer long, now, won't we?

Jimmie Earl said...

OH WOW! I know what you mean. And you forgot to mention that the stroller pushin' mammas are so "fugly." I realize almost every town has them, be we seem to have a plethora this year. Where do they hibernate during the winter???
JE

Maggie said...

JE- ain't it the truth that they are "fugly"!?! And I'm scared to know where they spend the winter months... oh GAWD!

The Eejit said...

Love it!!!!

There are plenty of these creatures in Ireland too. The sad thing is that they really believe they look sexy...or am I just getting too old to appreciate body exposure?

Maggie said...

Hi Eejit- Oh no- you found the real me, rather than just the girl who takes pictures! Welcome!

And I'm glad you liked it- thanks!

I don't know how old you are, but I think any man at any age, if he has the sense god gave a goose, then he would NOT appreciate skanky skin exposure. I'm sure you engine would run over a hottie exposing her skin... but those women never seem to be half nekkid! LOL And I agree- how can these women think they look sexy- eeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!

Farrago said...

Wow. When you flick on the "Rant" button, you run for quite a while!

Good Stuff!

Maggie said...

Farrago- sometimes a girl just needs a good ranting...

thanks! :)