I don't want to sub as a career even if I am good at it

I am a good substitute teacher and I wish that kids would be given a memo ahead of time to not give me crap like they do other subs.

I spend about 10 minutes of each class the first half of the day dealing with typical "sub" nonsense and then they settle down and realize I'm cool and they shouldn't be stupid. The afternoon classes are usually much smoother because the words gets around that I'm a good sub.

I maintain classroom control and I will implement the rules of the regular classroom teacher if they leave me their list of norms. If they don't, then I do my own thing.

I'm only available to sub on Fridays. Now, I realize that kids are kids and they have to push it with a sub and since they have a sub AND on a Friday to boot, they are usually wild. Or try to be. I have a lot of tolerance and patience because I know this is the case. I'm realistic and I don't try to have some lofty expectations of how kids will behave with a sub. I know they want to pull stuff. I KNOW this and I am so flexible, as long as the kids basically follow the rules and don't act like idiots. I also work with kids every day so I know what's what.

One advantage I do have is that I've subbed enough that when the kids see me, they "know" how I operate and usually come into class without the "torture the sub" attitude. And kids who haven't had me before are usually in classes with kids I've had so they're set straight pretty quickly.

I always try and do the lesson plan 100%. If the teacher doesn't leave specifics I always tell the kids if they're quiet and work hard as a unit, then they can have the last 10 minutes of the period to talk, as long as they keep it to a dull roar. Sometimes I let the kids work in groups for half the period. And unless the teacher says otherwise, I tell the kids their assignment is due at the end of the period and I'll collect it and it will be graded and if they're "good" I reward them with making is homework- it's a good bribe and 99% of the time ensures that the kids work diligently.

I do have some of my own rules. If a kid doesn't have the supplies s/he needs for a class I will NEVER let him/her go to a locker for that. Extra homework to do in another class because they got the assignment finished, yes, but because of being ill prepared- NEVER!. They can't go to the bathroom unless practically doing the pee-pee dance. No passes to go get an ipod or to a class to see another teacher nor to the school library. I tell the kids they're in with me for better or for worse for 50 minutes. I don't let the kids sleep. I prefer they really don't talk much until the time I give them to talk. I will let the kids listen to an ipod if they are to be doing silent work or if it's non-disruptive- if I hear it then I consider it DISRUPTIVE! Other then these, and the teacher's rules, I'm easy going. They can sit next to friends after I take attendance. I expect them to not swear but they can quietly talk. It's a Friday. I'm a sub. Let's be real. I'm a glorified babysitter paid to keep order, make sure no one kills each other, nor runs away. That's it. If I can get work out of them, even better.

I subbed yesterday and one kid was a total dork. First he came to class late and I didn't mark him tardy. It's too much of a pain in the ass for a sub to mark tardies and I don't care enough to do that much paperwork, so it's a gift to the students from the subbing gods. Then he said he didn't have his chemistry book and wanted to go to his locker. I said no because he knew he was supposed to have it so he found an extra on a shelf. Then he proceeded to unwrap cough drops and then have to pass them around to his friends. Then he laid his head down and proceeded to do nothing but fall asleep. When he snored, I woke him up and told him to get busy. I'd already written down the sleeping, the no book and the being late because now I was pissed and felt taken advantage of.

He looked around and saw others listening to ipods and he asked if he could. I told "Mikey" no because he hadn't done anything all period long and ipods were a reward. Another kid asked me for help and after I helped her I walked by Mikey's desk and that little shit had his ipod out. I took it away from him and told him to see me after school. He said he thought I was kidding when I said no and I said I wasn't.

At the end of the period I gave the ipod to the science department chair who said he would turn it in to the office. He found me later and told me that Mikey was busted with his ipod earlier in the day and now his father would have to come get it and have a meeting with the assistant principal since he was in trouble for this once already. So Mikey came to me and I sent him to the other science teacher (as instructed). Dumb kid!

What was so funny is that the other kids gave Mikey grief because I told him no and he's stupid because I'm "the cool sub". They were mad at HIM because they thought I might get mad at them because of him (nice pronoun usage there, eh?)! Kids are so funny.

After I sub for a day, though, I feel exhausted. I feel like I was hyper vigilant all day long, watching for evil and wrong doing. I have to pretend like I care they have their cell phones out or are passing notes. I pretend I don't see as much of it as I can until they do something stupid.

Which is at least once a day in my presence. Gee, I just love subbing.

Maggie

Public school -vs- prison school

I subbed today and it was great. The teacher I subbed for teaches Spanish, French and Math- and I can't speak any of these. (Yes, I include math as a foreign language, thank you very much). She has great classes and it reminded me of things I miss about teaching in a public high school:

• I don't have to worry if I lay a ball point pen down that it will be stolen so a student can use it for a homemade tattoo. Or I may let students use scissors and not have to count each pair because someone might decide to smuggle them out of the classroom to cut him/herself later.
• If I ask them to get quiet, the generally do and without swearing at me or calling a bit**
• 99% of them attempt to follow directions, and 100% of them do without throwing things at me
• Heard one student say to a few others: "I'm a black belt in yoga and I'm I'm not afraid to use it" and the other kids GOT THE JOKE and laughed with him, not at him
• I let a student to go her locker to get a book. She actually came back with the book, and in less than 10 seconds so she probably didn't do "bad stuff"
• kids actually studied in study hall
• no meetings were called during prep period to go over new policies about whether certain colors of girls' headbands are symbolic gang colors

Public school wasn't so bad... at least not today!

Mags

I bit off way more than I can chew.... I think

There's a woman (an English teacher) at work who is adopting her first child after waiting on a list for over 3 years. Her baby is going to be born this coming week and the birth mother has to have a C-Section.

About 6 weeks ago the teacher asked me if I could cover her classes it she had to take time off at the end of the school year for the baby. I said I would if the administration would agree. It was six weeks ago when I didn't really think and consider the reality of that situation. Ugh!

The reality starts tomorrow. I will be doing double duty- library and teaching. I don't have to have the library open during the times I teach but I still will have to take care of returned books, put them away and nag/ hound/ the students to return their books before the end of the school year. I have to do the bare minimum but it still has to be done. So the library will be open one period a day- during her prep. Then I'll teach the other 5. Then I can finish loose library ends at the end of the day before I go home.

So for the next two weeks:

I drove the transport from Hell on Friday. I have to do the Part two this afternoon (they won't fire me on a weekend because there's no one around to recruit another driver). Then the next 5 days I'm the librarian and teacher. Next weekend is my weekend to be the receptionist on Friday and Saturday nights. I have Sunday off. You know "off" so I can do laundry, grocery shop, clean... Then Monday- Wednesday is more teaching and library AND my school's graduation. Thursday is a teacher day so I can get caught up on library and finish up the teaching stuff like grades. That Friday is Mac's graduation and the Sunday after that is his party.

I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to do my job, grade papers, clean the house before Daddy-O gets home, get Mac's open house ready to go and ALSO do regular stuff like laundry and grocery shopping.

Sometimes I think I'm just stupid.

I know I'll get through it but it just feels overwhelming to think about it.

Maggie

Follow up to this morning's post: "2 interivews, 3 jobs... explode"

I had the English teacher at Alcatraz interview today. I felt like it went well. It was casual but serious. It also, almost, had that *wink wink nudge nudge* feel to it, like it was a game because they were so happy with me. Who knows, I could be wrong, but I feel like it went really really well. And I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach they're going to offer it to me.

I did learn three things about it:
1- it's going to be for 6 weeks and no more. There isn't even a hint or a clue it could be longer. The other teacher is VERY committed to coming back
2- It would be for three sections of freshmen English and for 2 sections of Junior English
3- it would all be for sub pay. Yes, it would be a totally temp. position for substitute teacher pay= $52 a day. Grading, lesson plans, teaching, prep, all for the low low price of $52 a day.

Guess I'll be hearing from everyone in on Wednesday. Since school starts AUGUST 12!!!

Tales from a substitute teacher's diary part 2

Well, I'm not a sub any more, but I'm a full time aide, but the idea is still the same, so I'm not changing the title of this post... and I wrote it a few weeks ago... hey, I hate to let a piece of writing go to waste.

When I teach, I try to be cool and laid back with the kids. I try not to sweat the small stuff, and I think most of it is small stuff. If a kid needs a pencil, I give them one out of my special "sub bag." Yeah, I carry a bag with extra pencils, paper, highlighters, scissors, tape, erasers, etc. Because I think a kid telling me he can't do an assignment because he doesn't have supplies is small stuff. Without making a huge ado of it, I hand them whatever supplies they request. And in the process, I also ask for manners. If a kid doesn't say thanks or please, I just say "manners" and the word is said, and we move on. I, by the way, always say "you're welcome."

I try to remember kids names, give them compliments, smile at them, and am ready to have a joke or a funny story. Kids hate having a sub because they know it's probably a waste of a class day; they know it means they're going to be handed busy work, which sucks for anyone, but especially for kids.

When I sub for math, I am usually at my worst because I never feel like I know enough material so I am very methodical and not very fun. I never, ever deviate from a math lesson plan, or try to value add to it, either. But in any other class/ subject I always try and add to the lesson, give examples, create games, or do something to make it fun! And it's funny, because kids always remember the wacky stuff I do in their classes when I sub, so I guess it makes a good difference.

I have 2 boys in the middle school who call me "gangsta lady" because one time I was messing around with them when they weren't trying to be "bad asses" and I was "all like yo yo yo, what up dwag" and they laughed their butts off, and since then, I have been dubbed "gangsta Lady" and they're my "Totally awesome dudes". hey, they aren't being disrespectful to me; it's just our way of connecting.

There are moments when I don't like subbing, just like anything else, but I do try and be a cool and fun sub. It makes my life easier, and kids like me. Guess it's a win-win situation both ways.

Maggie

Tales from a substitute teacher's diary part 1

I hate seeing students underwear. I just want to say that upfront. And I am NOT some pervy cho-mo who's looking. I'm in the classroom every day and I see it, right in front of me. I would have to stare at the ceiling or floor to NOT see.

First, let's take boys and baggy pants. They wear baggy jeans, halfway down their ass, or under their buttcheeks, with about 6-9 inches of boxer shorts hanging out the back. Or my new favorite, 6-9 inches of gym shorts hanging out the back. Now, if they're gonna bag the jeans that low, and wear shorts underneath, why not just wear the shorts??? It looks stupid. The boys spend most of their time, making sure the jeans don't slide to their knees, or grabbing their crotch, probably because they're chafing. They also walk on the hem of their jeans so they are ripped and dirty. And there's a TON of extra jean length at their ankles, so they trip. They can barely climb stairs since the pants are falling, and they walk like geishas, with tiny little steps, since the pants keep sliding. (And there are 2 girls I see who dress like this and I want to puke. 'Nuff said.)

The girls are worse, if that's even possible. Bras are popping out the top of t-shirts, which are usually skin tight. The shirts technically follow the dress code, but are about 3 sizes to small. even skinny girls have 'muffin' top in shirts like this. But back to underwear, yes bras and bra straps are exposed all the time. And thongs. Thongs, thongs, thongs everywhere. If a student drops something I practically dive to the floor to hand it back so I don't have to see a damn thong hanging out the back of the frickin low rise jeans.

Now that I have that off my chest, I do have to say kids are super dress casual these days. I can stand in a classroom or in the hallway during a passing period and am lost in a sea of denim. There are no skirts, no khakis, certainly no dress pants, and very rarely are there a pair of sweats or warm up pants. A few years ago, there was some diversity. Gap did a huge campaign on khakis and that's when seeing jeans was the rare thing. A few years ago, skirts and tights were all the rage- not so any more. Even the jocks aren't wearing their "jock uniform". I am not kidding- it's just all jeans, all the time. And t-shirts. The girls all have long hair, either down and hanging in their faces or pulled into a ponytail. Long, straight hair, not even curly. They are all carbon copies of each other. Hell, when I was in school we wore leggings, leg warmers, high heeled tennis shoes with layer socks, stretch pants, and jean skirts. Oh shut up.

The middle school kids have to dress up to present their portfolios so they can advance a grade. Dressing up last year was scary, is all I can say. Black jeans do not a dress outfit make. I just worry about that the state of dress casual is coming to in the future of corporation. Just think, in about 10 years from now Casual Friday will be jammie pants, clogs, and a hoodie!

Skirt wearing,
Ms Maggie Mae

Another job update, about the same job, sort of

So ya know how I told ya 'll I didn't get the maternity leave but I've been subbing for a special ed. teacher who quit? And they school system didn't know if they would rehired another special ed. teacher of it they would make it a full time aide job? But until they decided I was subbing for the dude who quit? And they were supposed to let me know what they were going to do last Wednesday, before Thanksgiving Break?

Well, I still don't know anything.

The powers that be got together and brought me in and said, basically, they were leaving the full time posting for the full time special ed. teacher job up for one more week and if they didn't get anyone, then they would make a decision. But they gave me a job description for the aide position and told me about the money and the benefits. But they assured me they weren't hiring me yet, because they could get a qualified candidate for the special ed. teacher.

Ummmmmmmm, ok? So I'm subbing all this week and all the powers that be will meet again on Friday, with me, to let me know the "final" decision. Yeah, right.

They up side is that I know I'm subbing every day this coming week. That's a good thing; subbing= money!

The pessimist in me says the way my luck runs is that someone will step in at the last minute. If that happens, I'm officially re-working my resume and my job search to get out of education and back into the public sector- forever. Oh, well. So who knows what next Friday will REALLY bring?!?

Still subbing,
Maggie

Job follow up

Remember I had the shortest job interview in history to finish that maternity leave for a middle school English teacher which would've run the entire second semester?

Well, the follow up to that is in a few parts. The head principal actually did interview me properly, then he said he wanted to talk to the Superintendent.

He talked to her and she wanted me to jump through the hoops to see if I would qualify for an emergency certification. The Principal couldn't tell me if I was going to be hired under a substitute contract if I didn't qualify; we were to just see if I could.

So I was given a PILE of paperwork to fill out and they were sending it in.

Then yesterday the Principal called me to his office and told me that a former teacher was going to cover the leave. She had taught in that system just last year but resigned to get married which didn't happen (sucks to be her). She wants to come back to this school system and this was the way for her to do it. She's taught middle school before, taught that grade level and that program before, is licensed in this state, had been in the system, AND has a Master's degree. It makes sense to hire her. I would if I were in his position.

He went on to tell me that since a special education teacher resigned they need someone to cover her classes until the system either a) hires a special education teacher replacement, or b) makes it into a full time aide position. Until then, the Principal asked me if I would be a permanent sub until the matter was resolved. And because it's special education, I won't qualify under the emergency certification process for that because... it's special education (special teaching rules mandated by the state for this), so having me fill that job under emergency cert. cannot happen, but I could sub for that position until it was filled. He also said if they went with the full time aide, then he would recommend me personally to the Board of Directors for the job, if I wanted it.

After the week I've had, all I'm going to do is recap it and not give an opinion. That is the status of my job follow up.

Out of sorts,
Maggie

A rose by any other name would... stink.

I am so glad that when I was pregnant for Mac many moons ago that I wasn't teaching. I cannot imagine trying to name a child now, with all the kids that have gone through my classroom. For those of you in education or who work with kids in any capacity, you're sitting there nodding your head, knowing exactly what I'm talking about. For those of you not, here's the deal: there are so many kids who are pains in the arse, kids ya just don't like, that you don't want to saddle your off spring with that same name to be constantly reminded of the kids you hated (or "tremendously disliked").

I know my child naming years are behind me and I'm thankful for that because there are a slew of perfectly nice, strong, lovable names attached to demon seed little brats so I could never name my child any of those. Take Jennifer. Nice and traditional, right? And yes, I could list about 10 Jennifers who are nice people. However, I know one Jennifer who was a slut with a capital SLUT, and she had a mean spirit so now matter how many nice Jennifers there are in the world, they cannot cancel out the Jennifer the Whore.

I could never have a Trevor either. I had a student Trevor who used the "N" word like I drink coffee. And the other "Trevor" I had spit on me. And the third "Trevor" I had was a gay snob who had his mommy yell at ME when he didn't turn in his homework. For 7 week. In a row. Even though I called her once a week to tell her this. So no Trevors.

I would also have to cross off Angel (Drama Queen), Nate and Eli (both racists), Hope (lying conniving little bitch), Toby (might as well hang a sign on him that says "I'm fat and play the tuba"), Sergio (arrogant prick), Marie (she was a stripper and one of my former college students) Kayla (she was so evil we teachers called her 'Rasputin'), and Lance (dumb, dumb, and just dumb). And crossing off Eli and Hope really upsets me because I really liked those names.... until. See, you get my drift.

If you ever meet someone with an unusual name, you might ask them if one of their parents is a teacher, or works with kids. It's safer to go with something a bit odd because otherwise you want to smack your poor kid named Blake just because of a Blake from school shot snot on the kid in front of him. (Uh, no Blakes for me either. Or Reese.) So if you meet a Lennox, Landon, Harrison, Jackson, Cerissa, Amelia, or a Helene the odds are good that one or both of their parents are teachers.

One of the teacher's I see on a regular basis is having a baby and she and her husband are both teachers. They found out they're going to have a boy partly because they needed to get a jump start on names. And her husband teaches in an "prison like school" setting so it sort of doubles the amount of names you never want your kid to have. "Gee, I just love the name Lori except I'll always think of the girl Lori who shanked her math teacher." She said she and her hubby have a list and are working on narrowing it.

I also know I could never name any of my sons the following: Michael, Kyle, Joe, Eric, Brian, Clayton, Randy, Chris, Robert, Sean, Tom, or Dean; I dated and/or had sex with men by those names and it didn't always turn out real well.

And my final comment on names: you can always tell what movies, music and TV shows (especially soap operas) were popular about 13-15 years ago, as students pass through my classroom doors. This year there seems to be so many Devons, Joshs, Blakes, Justins, and Makaylas you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a kid by those names. (What movies, rock bands or soap operas had these characters?)

Just in case, though, I keep hoping that I don't meet any Isabelles or Harpers 'cause if something ever went drastically wrong in my uterus and I was put in charge of naming a little tyke, these are my options. Unless a new middle schooler who is really the spawn of Satan shows up as an Isabelle or a Haprer; then it would be back to the drawing board.

What's in a name,
Maggie

An aside: Had my parents gone through with it, I would've been Sara Martha at birth... thank goddess leveler heads prevailed.

I'm not sure you can call it an interview

Today was the big interview and I went in with a positive attitude that I was going to MAKE them WANT me. I had my resume and sample lesson plans. I had researched my status as far as licensing in this state. I had killer answers for questions about discipline, my education philosophy, classroom management, and teaching style. I had spent 45 minutes on the phone with the woman who's job I was interviewing for and grilled her over information about the 2 programs. I had a list of the standards for the classes I would teach. I was READY to kick butt and not even worry about taking names.

My interview was 3 minutes.

The assistant principal welcomed me in, said he spoke to the teacher in question and knows she briefed me on her classes, he said he knew my licensing status, and asked me if I had questions. I was so shocked that I said no but I did regroup and pointed out that since I had taught before I knew how to write lesson plans and meet state standards. I asked him if he had any questions for me and he said no, since I was a familiar face in the building. He told me he would let the head Principal know I was 'interested' in the position and tell him I would be in the building tomorrow, and he would give me an answer next week, either way.

Interviewee dismissed.

Ummmm, so. Well, between you and me, you all know I did want the job but after no many "no's" I didn't want to get my hopes up to high and hope. Well, maybe that was a good thing since all signs seem to be pointing to... well, pointing in not such a positive direction. I dunno.

I wouldn't say I'm usually a pessimistic person (I have my moments like anyone else but I wouldn't say it was my general attitude toward life... until the last 10 months I guess) but this doesn't sound good.

Guess we'll see by next week, eh?

Carpe diem,
Maggie

What's a girl to do?

Ummmmmmmmm, well, uh, er, uh..... ya know how I said last week I didn't want to teach high school and middle school any more? Well, I don't want to, but desperate times call for desperate measures I think.

I have a job interview tomorrow. At a middle school. To take over a middle school English class for a maternity leave.

I have no idea if I want to do this (okay, I lied. No, I don't want to do it), but since I haven't had steady work for about 10 months now, I'm thinking it would be a real good idea to say yes to this if offered just so I have a guaranteed pay check for 5 months.

And to think, my original blog post was going to be about a kid who spent the first 2.5 hours of class today (I was in a high school alternative school room where kids don't rotate classes- they stay in the same room all day, like jail school) chewing his fingernails and cuticles and didn't do one. damn. thing. other. than. that!!!!!!! FOR 2 AND HALF HOURS!!!!!!!!!

Am I crazy? Oh hell, don't answer that....

What the hell are we thinking?

It's been going on for years and years and while I'm going to bitch about it, I've no solution. I know I usually say, don't be part of the problem, be part of the solution, I just don't have one.

I think the idea what high schools should be abolished. I sit there day after day and watch kids come through the doors and wonder why we as adults and parents and society put the kids through the torture of high school.

Kids come in and it's sad. Some are fat and some are thin. Short and tall. Pretty and ugly. Fashionable and trendy, and thrift store and Wally World special- and someone picks on them, or looks at them and giggles as they walk by, or roll their eyes, or slams them into a locker. Or mutters nasty names at them under their breath. Or worse. Or much worse.

Kids who are friends stab each other in the back, leave other kids out of stupid things, tell secrets, use each other... the list goes on and on. It doesn't matter. And there are kids who try to fit in and it's obvious they don't. There are kids who want to be nice to others but aren't because of what the 'popular' crowd might think. They get labeled and are then stuck.

Kids in high school treat each other like no other groups I've ever seen. They say things to other kids that no other age group could get away with. I also wonder what happens if parents REALLY knew how their off spring behaved. How the girls hike their skirts or flash their tits. How the boys smack girls on the ass. The names they call each other. The way they push, shove and grab at each other in the hallways. What would happen if a mother heard her call her best friend "bitch" because of a t-shirt.

Yet we as adults take these kids who are nothing but raging hormones who are trying to find their way in the world, trying to figure out who they are and where they belong and we lock them up in a building together and forced to function, to learn, to think, to study, to focus all while surviving the jeers of their peers.

I now know why we have school shootings, why kids kill themselves, why they're cutting, they they're binging and purging and are anorexic, why they fuck around, why they drink, why they're depressed.

Teenagers are mean. They are cruel. And yet we let them get away with the minor bullying and chalk it up to growing pains, or "that's high school" or "that's life" bullshit. And that's what it is: bullshit. We let teenagers behave unacceptably yet if the same behavior happened in the work place, or in elementary school, we would never accept it. What makes it OKAY to let this happen? How do we stop it? Why do we continue to send kids to high school?

Do you think it's not as bad as I say it is? Then you're wrong. Go sit in a high school classroom for a day and just watch. Watch and learn and be appalled.

Two days ago a girl called Mac a "fatass" to his face. First, he's not a "fastass." He might be about 10 pounds over weight, and it certainly isn't in his ass at all. And he isn't fat. Second, according to everyone who was around when this happened, said Mac was listening to his iPod and the kids he was with were talking about who was single and who was hooked up. Cam said "Mac's single" to the only single girl and she said "ewwwww no. He's a fatass."

What. The. Fuck!?!

He wasn't picking on her, being a high school teenage boy douche bag. He was just sitting and talking with folks he thought were friends and she ripped off with that. That fucking skanky little bitch. I want to rip every hair out of her head. I want to tell her parents and see if that's how they raised her. I want to call her out on it. I want to shame her into feeling like a piece of shit. I hate her.

And how did he respond? He got up and walked away.

It hurt him. Deeply.

And that got me thinking about everything I've seen since I've been subbing and teaching high school and it all comes together in the rant that is this post.

I'm done. I'm not going to teach any more. I'll sub until I get another job and I might venture back into teaching college, because there wasn't these sort of issues when I was teaching at the college level- and if there were, they were out of my sight and earshot. Done. I'm done.

If you loved high school, then lucky you. It you thought it was the best time of your life, I feel sorry for you. If you never suffered any type of cruelty or unhappiness at the hands of your high school peers, you are most certainly in the minority.

Why I quit ice cream

• I can make the same money in 3 days of subbing as I can working a whole week of scooping ice cream
• I'm gaining weight (not much, but enough)
• I have arthritis in my right hand and it's so bad right now I can't open my fingers wide nor make a fist, because of the pain and swollen knuckles
• My back hurts, my feet and ankles hurt, my right elbow always hurts and so does my right shoulder. this job gives me occasional cankles. I'm such a big baby!
• I will probably not fall asleep as soon as I get home from work each night, at around 6:30pm so I'll feel like crafting, watching new tv and reading and hanging with Mac.
  
• I miss teaching and subbing is better than nothing
• I will be able to actually attend a spinning class as I've wanted to do all summer long, and if that doesn't kill me, I'll be able to attend a zumba class. Hey, I do these things for blog fodder and for no other reason, my prettys!
  
• If I have a day where I don't get called, can go to my college Alma Mater town and see all the new adorable shops that have been opened, including a hands on artist studio! They also now have a grand coffee house, an organic bakery, 2 used books shops, a quilt shop, and a bunch of other little neat shops. I've been passed but haven't been able to go because they are always closed when I get off work and there's not time to go in the morning.
  
• I live anywhere from 3 minutes to 30 minutes from 9 high schools and 9 junior high/ middle schools= total of 18 schools. And I signed up to sub as EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!
• Subbing looks better on my professional resume than scoop girl
• I hate standing on a hard concrete floor for 6.5-9 hours a day and since I'm the only one there, I have no breaks or relief. (Not that I ever did when the owner was there...)
  
• I hate coming home hot, sweaty and sticky and ruining clothes because chocolate DOES stain
• I miss wearing my dress up clothes
• I can read lots more books in a month when subbing than I can when ice cream coning
  
• My ice cream hours are going to be cut from 30 a week to 5 a week in January through March because, even though we're open all year around, that is "off season" for ice cream. And if I wait get on a sub list then, no one will call me because I'll be at the bottom of the 'seniority' pile.
• Working at the ice cream parlor was leaving me zero flexibility to interview
• There is going to be an English teacher going on maternity leave in January and she requested ME to finish her school year. I WANT to do this and the principal has casually mentioned it to me already so I need to be visible to him, and gain some sub points to be eligible.

So there ya go. That's all she wrote. My last day as a scoop girl is on Friday, Oct. 2.

Closing the ice creamy cone chapter,
Mags

Okay, it doesn't mean you WILL die, it just means you COULD die...sheesh!

One of the school systems where I sub here in Civilization had a "swine flu" issue. Apparently a student on the shared middle and high school campus was out sick and is being tested for the Swine flu. Because of many things (the scare, the politics, needing to disinfect the school buildings, health precautions, pissed off parents, paranoia, the health department, the CDC, the WHO, et al) students were dismissed early and school was canceled for the next day, pending the results of the test performed on the student who might have it. This seems to be happening all over the USA, but mostly in Texas, New York, and California.

First, letting all things here at "shoes/ purses" be all about me, I was so pissed because I was scheduled to sub all day BOTH days, one of them being in my favourite classroom with my favourite group of kids- and because of the POSSIBILITY of the Swine Flu, I'm missing out on $$$$$$$!!! That sucks!!!!! Can I have a loan?

Second, letting it all be about humor here at "shoes/purse", I have to say this. I was working in the two buildings on the first day, and when the announcement was made about the early dismissal I was between buildings so I missed it. I walked into the middle school and was immediately accosted by what is starting to be my own "fan club" (the aforementions favourite group of kids)- a ragtag group of struggling kids who have a hard knocked life who think I'm cool and "make learning easy to ... ya know, like, learn" <-- that, my dear readers, is a direct quote from Kevin and Curtis. Okay, so, these kids- boys and girls- corner me in the hallway with hugs, high 5s, hip bumps, jive handshakes (GAWD, is the word "jive" even used any more?), air kisses, and requests to "pound it"- which means tapping closed fists. We go through this whole entire physical ritual when the kids then tell me they are going home because there's an outbreak of the pig disease at their school. I used this as a teachable moment and corrected the vernacular that is was "swine flu" not pig disease, and that we didn't have an outbreak, and explained what an outbreak was. And I was thrilled it was the day they decided to have a hands on approach to saying hello to me... GRE-at! Especially since they had all just been told to avoid having physical contact with each other!!!!!!!! Grrrr!!!!!

Another funny thing was just heard in the hallway. I was walking to a classroom and I hear a teacher from another room saying to his class: "Um, no, wait a minute, you guys. Swine flu is totally different than mad cow disease- calm down!" *I giggled* I just LURVE middle school age kids.

And instead of kids- high school AND middle school age kids, take note- running around hollering about cooties- they would touch each other, run away, and "Oink." Ah yes, public education in action, my friends.

Finally (thirdly for those of you who're countin'), letting all things be about education here at "shoes/purses" I have compiled a list of information about the Swine Flu and some useful links.

• Swine Influenza aka swine flu, is a respiratory disease of pigs caused by influenza viruses. Usually people do not normally get swine flu, but human infections can and do happen- obviously.
• Swine IS contagious and is spreading among people. It can be spread like any other flu viruses: through coughing or sneezing of people who have the flu. Sometimes people may become infected by touching something with flu viruses on it and then touching their mouth or nose. And you CANNOT get the Swine Flu by eating pork products!
• Germs can be spread when a person touches something that is contaminated with germs and then touches the eyes, nose, or mouth. Drops from a cough or sneeze of an infected person are airborne so germs can be spread when a person touches the drops from another person on a surface like a desk and then touches their own face before washing their hands.
• There are ways to avoid getting the Swine Flu- or at least, they could be considered safety precautions. Most importantly: wash your hands. Get lots of sleep, be active, manage stress in a healthy way, drink plenty of fluids, and eat nutritious food. Try not touch surfaces that may be contaminated with the flu virus. Avoid close contact with people who are sick.
  
• Because the H1N1 Swine flu Virus is new to the US, it is treatable if detected in time, usually within 2-3 days of the presence of symptoms and is treated with medication known as Tamiflu, which is aplenty in the USA, as of now.
  

My information, which I consider pretty credible, was found at the CDC website, WebMD, and the World Health Organization. (As a good English teacher I should use APA or MLA format to cite the sources, but consider the links and site names the source this time, please!)

Now the WHO had confirmed that what we have is the potential for a pandemic- which is a world wide epidemic, rather than just a plain old epidemic (which is a spread of sickness in a general location to a large number of people), and is urging states to get their pandemic plans into action.

I'll let you all know if our student has it. Guess if that kid does, ya'll will know it because it'll be splashed all over the news since only 109 confirmed cases are in the US, and one death- we might be pretty well known 'round these parts for spreading the "pig disease." So, stay healthy!

In the words of Sergeant Phil Esterhaus of Hill Street Blues: "Be careful out there." Otherwise, 'nuff said.

And this is a public service message is brought to you by your bacon loving,
Dr. Maggie

(okay I'm not really a doctor, I just play one on the Internet)

The Drama Queen Network

Mac says if - on TELEVISION- a woman is raped and molested and physically abused then stalked, and is a drunk or one who abuses pills and huddles in a shower crying, then it must be a made for TV movie on Lifetime. And while his example may be a bit to the extreme, I also thinks he has a point.

And for those of you who like Lifetime movies, then that's cool with me- entertainment for everyone, I say- so please, no hate mail about my ANTI Lifetime movie stand- please? So, that being said...

Around our house we have always made fun of the "high drama" and bad acting and "after school special" like quality of the movies on Lifetime. No, not all of them could be described that way, but LOTS of them can... and they are often cheesy, overdone and just plain... well, bad. Bad acting, bad scripts, bad bad bad.

But while subbing on this half day of school, for 2 periods, I learned of a new use for Lifetime Movies.

I was in a health class and the teacher left a movie for me to show. I popped the VHS tape in and bam- it was a Lifetime movie called Mom at Sixteen. Really. A Lifetime movie in a high school health class. As if subbing isn't tough enough, but now she makes me show a Lifetime movie? I got the giggles. There were boys in that class who were not what I would call impressed by this either. So, the kids watched the movie- and had to TAKE NOTES OVER IT! They were studying teen pregnancy/ STDs/ Sex in class and it did suit the purpose, but still... a Lifetime movie? I guess it was no different than when I was in high school and the same teacher showed us After School Specials to prove her points.

So the next class rolls in. It's an all girl's PE class who was having "health" day. And they were studying eating disorders. So in went the VHS tape- and it was another Lifetime movie, only about a teenage girl with bulimia. Oh. My. Goddess. I had another attack of the giggles.

And what was bad about the second movie, the bulimia one, was that the girl with bulimia had a boyfriend. Bulimiagirl's BF kissed her BFF at a party one night and half of the the students in my class were enraged that he cheated on her. The other half thought Bulimiagirl deserved it because she was a bitch to her BF. Oh. My. Goddess. I mean, Bulimiagirl is under huge stress, her hair is falling out, there is an obvious change in her mood and temperament and health and family problems because of her eating disorder but the girls in my class were pissed off over the "love triangle" aspect which lasted for about 3 minutes. Do you think the point was lost on these girls?

I told Mac about it today- and you know what he thought? He said making students watch Lifetime movies in class was a form of corporal punishment.

Cruel. Oh so very cruel.

Save the drama for your mama,
Mags

I forgot to tell you this!

Yesterday when I was subbing, you need to keep several things in mind, before I give you the IMPORTANT information. Yesterday there were 8 subs in the middle school and I was one of them. It was a very important Friday, the Friday before Spring Break. In a middle school. In a middle school where the administration doesn't believe in having an organized fun day, a field day, watching movies or playing games- it was to be academics as usual.

Yes we were supposed to pretend it was not going to be INSANE on the FRIDAY before SPRING BREAK in a MIDDLE SCHOOL with EIGHT SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS filling in. Oh yeah- totally a normal day-- yeah, right and pigs fly!

So on this normal Fridaybeforespringbreakinamiddleschoolwith8subs (where we will teach and have no fun!) the administration for reasons only known to them scheduled a tornado drill. In addition to all the other chaos of the day that I have mentioned, we had to have a tornado drill, which involves herding like cattle your upstairs students downstairs and to their assigned location, which is oh so easy to KNOW when you're a sub- NOT!!

Also on this Fridaybeforespringbreakinamiddleschoolwith8subs (where we will teach and have no fun!) we had a FIRE DRILL during 7th period. This involves herding kids like cattle from the upstairs of my room to the outside courtyard, in the RAIN, through the MUD, to stand shivering in the RAIN and MUD while waiting to be let in. DURING THE LAST PERIOD OF THE DAY!?! Are they mad? Fucking nuts? Insane? Just plain crazy? I hadn't even gotten all the way through attendance yet so I had no idea who my class even was, let alone if they all made it out of the building and were standing in huddled masses together. During the last period of the day! Squirrelly doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm not sure I can go there.

Oh and did I also mention that on this Fridaybeforespringbreakinamiddleschoolwith8sub (where we will teach and have no fun!) we had 2 periods where the 8th graders were going on a FIELD TRIP!!! On a school bus. To see a guy dressed up like Abe Lincoln give a talk? (The guy was good, but it was over the heads of my 8th graders that I was in charge of). As if subbing in a classroom with doors and walls isn't hard enough, I had to take my 4th hour kids and get them on the SAME bus, do a head count, and then make sure they all went in,sat, behaved, and made it back to the school in one piece.

All on the Friday before Spring Break in a middle school with 8 subs....

Working in a comedy of errors,
Maggie

This post has been edited and formatted to fit your screen

So I wrote a post and thought I hit "publish post" but I hit save- last night. The post was about how tired I was last night, and about subbing and blah blah blah... maybe it was a sign from the writing gods that the post was utter and complete shite that it didn't deserve to be read by the human eye. Or I could've been really really tired and hit the wrong button. Could go either way.

But now it's Friday and most of the crap doesn't make sense so to combine what would've been yesterdays post and some thoughts about today....

I subbed the last 2 days and I was in for English teachers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In my former life, I was known to impart knowledge to teens in a classroom setting about writers of the day and from 'back in the day' so this was a real treat. (And since I've subbed for science where I felt stupid, Calculus where I felt stupider and Spanish where I felt stupidest, I was purty darn thrilled to know sum'in' 'bout sump'in). I knew these ladies and made contact with them days in advance and we worked out lesson plans that would be fun for the kids, keep everyone on track and not lose an instructional day and was stuff that I enjoy teaching. I even wrote the activities and lesson plans for one class.

I had 7th grade speech for a day and 8th grade literature for a day. The speech was fun and I did activities with non verbal cues, focusing on non verbal communication. The kids were GREAT and thought it was fun. They were well behaved and seemed to "get" the point or the purpose of the lesson and the activities. Today with Poe we read and discussed "The Tell Tale Heart" aloud and did a story board project- again my idea. Since I wrote a paper on the madness of Poe and his narrators when I was working on my masters, this was right up my alley. I love some good Poe and I love spinning a bullshit web for the kids about Poe's crazy writings and his crazier life.

Both days were good and fun. I had little to no discipline problems- which to me is a sign of an excellent classroom teacher in the first place. Their regular teachers have high standards so they were a joy to have because someone else did all the work that goes into creating a good class atmosphere for me- kudos to Mrs D and B! These were just good teaching days. I felt like I was doing something more than babysitting and was actually giving them knowledge!

What I also learned was that I do not want to make a career out of this- and yes I'll probably eat my words at some point when the only job I can get is another teaching gig. But I was exhausted the last 2 days when I got home. I was thrilled at no homework but pitted the "real" teachers who had to grade the stuff. These were rare red letter days where it all clicked but they are rare. I don't have the energy to battle kids, dealing with them being rude, discipline, the No Child Left Behind (the worst education legislation in history) paperwork, the administrative paperwork, the grading, lesson plans, faculty meetings, staff meetings, team teacher meetings, mentoring meetings, any other meeting is bullshit meetings, pissed off parents, and the lot of it- all the bloody rubbish- that goes with education.

So I did have a good 2 days. But now what the hell am I going to do when I grow up?

Back to Neverneverland,
Maggie

I subbed today... need I say more?

Never give me fries with that,
Maggie

Subbing Part II- writing referrals

Yesterday I had to write two referrals on 2 kids. They were throwing spit wads, smacking each other, swearing at me and just being, specifically, little assholes. I wrote the referrals and out of class they went. There was a third kid at the table and I could never bust him as part of it so I didn't write him up. Also, this kid was not smarmy to me, nor was he disrespectful. He also helped clean up the mess.

So I went to school today and while there I learned that the 2 kids who I tossed were sent to In School Suspension and the other was sent to an out of school suspension program. The third kid sitting at the desk was also given 3 days of In School Suspension. The other boys ratted him out. I thought that was completely unfair that he was in trouble as well because the worst thing he would've done was throw the spit wads.

Honestly I didn't care about the spit wads; what caused the referral in the first place was the culmination of the spit wads, the claims they didn't do anything, the grabbing and hitting at each other, calling me names, calling each other names and then refusing to pick up their mess and calling me a "fat bitch." The third kid didn't do ANY of that stuff so I think it sucks he has to suffer with the other subhuman neanderthals.

Because I've been subbing in the same room, for all intrinsic purposes, for the last week and a half, the kids are starting to know me. Today I had another sub in the room with me- this is a resource room and it's shared between 2 teachers and today they were both out. So this other sub is walking the room and some kid threatens to "punch you in the face" when she tells him to stop playing computer video games and to get busy. She wrote a referral on him and he was removed immediately.

You know what? There were more referrals written in the last 2 days than I wrote the entire time I taught high school back in the Wild West. It's sad that these high school students are so mean and disrespectful. When I complained about how disrespectful my Wild West kids were I had no idea. I had it easy. I was wrong. My Wild West kids were saints by comparison. I miss my Wild West kids.

I could go on and on about what I feel are the differences and am feeling very disgruntled. What really sums it up is:

This makes me never want to teach again.

On a career path to nowhere,
Maggie

Birth control drama and other bits and pieces

When I lived in the Wild West I had a great doc, but because of an illness in her family she closed up shop and moved to Kansas- this happened right after my annual physical.

So now it's a year later and I need to get my BC pill script renewed but to do that, like all women know, I need to go for my physical. But I just moved back to Civilization and I don't have an OBGYN. I called around and the soonest I can get in with anyone is about 10-12 weeks. 10 weeks?!? But I need that script NOW.

So, I call my Wild West doc's office and chat with her old nurse who is still there but with the new doc. I tell her about the move and the lad in appointments. She gets the new doc to agree to write me a script. Then they have to call it in to a Wal-Mart Pharmacy in the Wild West. I have to call the Wal-Mart pharmacy here and the pharmacist here will call there and then I can go get my pills. I have never experienced such a mess before. I still don't have the pills in my hot little hands yet. I'm supposed to call on Saturday and make sure it all happened. We also have the 2 hour time difference to contend with and did I mention today is Friday the 13th so I'm sure this will not work out as smoothly as I hoped?

In other news... Sam and I have a phone date tonight. I know that sounds silly but we're just gonna set aside time for us to blab for as long as we want- and we're each breaking out a bottle of wine and will settle in for a good talk. He likes me. I kinda think he's swell too.

No passport yet and that is making me cranky. I am now officially NOT a fan of the US State Department. According to their web site on the day my was posted in the mail, I should've received it by now! I made a phone call or two and it looks like I'm going to have a better chance of seeing Sam in April in San Fran, CA than I will getting to Ireland at the end of this month.

My sub schedule was changed today and I subbed for- of all things- a calculus class and other advanced maths. Obviously they were on their own. I have no idea what a logarithm even is. It was a lovely way to fell stupid all day. BUT it was a huge step up for me since I had been subbing in special ed. all week.

And did I mention I read 4 novels this week? Gee, I love subbing.

It's Friday the 13th- upheaval is par the course, right?

Fate tempter,
Maggie