Sunday, April 5, 2009

What's love got to do with it?

I read in a book or saw in a movie recently, about the idea or concept of the balance of love. I've been Googling it and trying to find the book or film to no avail (because I can't get the exact movie quote and am not sure of the medium) but I have run across some web sites that deal with the imbalance of love. And now no matter what I wrote about it in this post, it seems as if I have stolen the words of another and I don't mean to.... But accidental plagiarism aside... If anyone knows the book or movie I'm talking about, please please tell me because it's making my brain hurt!

In this movie or book the idea was that in every relationship one person loves the other person more than they are loved. And breakups can happen because of two ideas: whoever loves the other person less ends up being the person to causes the break up.


The person who loved the most tries to make themselves the person loved least and then does the leaving so they don't end up getting hurt

I remember the first time I heard these ideas and I thought they were shit. Then I mulled it over and I think... well... I think it's true- both sides.

So then I'm looking at myself in my relationship with Sam and it makes me think thoughts I don't want to think.

And leads me to think stupid thoughts and ask stupid questions: is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all? And while pondering all these philosophical matters of the heart, I am also a huge firm believer that there isn't one perfect person for everyone AND that not all people were meant to be paired up, there is NOT someone for everyone. Some of us are just meant to be alone, and I think the sooner we all come to realize that, and figure out if we are one of the "loner" people, then pondering matters of the heart don't really matter.

Loner or lover,


Kelly G. said...

interesting - another old blog entry that inspired me to comment, and it just happens to have been written on my birthday! (your blog entry - not my comment) =)

I've always firmly believed in all of these ideas. However, I've learned so much since meeting my husband.

I still don't believe that there is ONE perfect person for everyone, nor do I believe that some people wouldn't be happier by themselves. In fact, before I met Jim, I was CERTAIN that I was destined to be a loner.

Jim is the first person I've ever been with who just kinda....happened. We met and then never really separated. He's the first person I've ever been in a relationship with where it seems like we really do love each other equally - but perhaps we love differently, if that makes any sense.

As you know, I'm an Atheist. Yet I almost look at Jim as the closest thing to being a divine reminder that love finds YOU, and not the other way around. You shouldn't have to put too much effort into anything until it becomes clear to both of you that the relationship is worth it. Then it becomes both unbelievably rewarding and incredibly fucking hard.

Just my thoughts. =)

Maggie said...

Kelly- thanks for sharing your thoughts- you have a fabulous mind, btw!

For the longest time I wanted to believe that there was a soul mate or the perfect person, but the older I get and the more single my status remains, the less and less i believe it.

hey as Rosie O said in the movie "sleepless in Seattle" that most women are "in love with being in love but in a movie way" or something like that. I agree with that.

How lucky you and Jim found each other!

I still think Im meant to be alone, though. :)

Finally, it's funny that this post caught you because it was one that I wrote and I've read over a few times and i think it never said what I was really TRYING to convey...

Kelly G. said...

Well thank you for that lovely compliment! =)

I should have also mentioned that while I agree with the thought of there not being one special person for everyone, I also feel that no one is necessarily meant to be alone (despite once feeling otherwise).

I feel that some people are simply *better off* alone than with someone - myself included. That doesn't mean that I'm better off without Jim. Clearly, he's improved my quality of life tremendously. I just think it means that if Jim and I were to ever split up, it would be very difficult for me to find another partner to share my life with. And I'd be okay with that.

If you feel that you're better off alone, then you probably are, and I think that's *awesome* that you don't feel that this somehow makes you inferior. When I was single, it would drive me nuts when people would take pity on me for not having a boyfriend or a husband. I often felt that they were secretly jealous of me. It's fantastic that you understand what makes you happy, and that you love yourself enough to not compromise your happiness for the sake of giving in to society's pressure of marrying everyone off.

That said, just make sure that you don't become too attached to what you think is your destiny. Like I said, I believe that you might be happier on your own. But just be prepared if one day a guy finds you who challenges that. =)

I hope I understood what you were really trying to convey, but either way, it was a great post. I really do love your blog!

Oh, and the "Bodacious Ta-Tas" post almost made me pee from laughter. Holy crap, did that ever make my day!!