What I learned last night

I don't know how this conversation even started. ITSam and I were talking and he was telling me something or asking me something but I got confused because of my apparent lack of knowledge. His story went by the way side when he learned he had to sort me out.

I didn't know I needed sorted.

Until last night I thought...

Well, I guess I was wrong...

My pop culture references short circuited somewhere.

Paul Hogan was the star of the movie Crocodile Dundee. This movie was a fake. Paul Hogan is an actor. And he's still alive. He isn't dead, and wasn't killed by a manatee. Also, he doesn't have a daughter who has her own TV show on the Animal Planet called To Catch a Predator. And The Rock is not the nickname of Vin Diesel. And Vince Vaughn was not in Walking Tall. That was Johnny Knoxville.

Okay so I thought Paul Hogan was in a movie about his life (Crocodile Dundee) and that he was the Crocodile Hunter. Paul Hogan was the actor in a movie that was not about the life of Steve Irwin who IS... well, WAS the Crocodile Hunter. And Steve Irwin is dead. He was stung to death by a manta ray. Not a manatee. They are two separate guys. And two separate ocean creatures.

And Steve Irwin has a daughter who does have her own TV show, about animals.

The TV show To Catch a Predator is about catching Internet child molesters. Steve Irwin's daughter has nothing to do with the child molesters.

Ummmmm, let's see.... what else?

Oh, I thought the Rock, who's real name is Dwayne Johnson, was Vin Diesel. Or, rather, I thought The Rock was a nickname for Vin Diesel. They are two different guys. And while I was trying to figure out which guy was in what movie, I thought that Vince Vaughn was the sidekick in Walking Tall. Uhhhh, nope.

I hate it when I'm an idiot.

All these years.... I was just confused. I was content in my ignorance.

The Rock was The Scorpion King and he was not Fast and Furious.

A manatee looks like the cow of the ocean.

And I laughed until I about peed myself.

I've no idea, either...
Maggie

This is a manatee and it didn't kill Steve Irwin (or Paul Hogan).

This is a manta ray and it DID kill Steve Irwin (not Paul Hogan).

This is Steve Irwin. He is the real life Crocodile Hunter and he is dead, killed by the manta ray (not the manatee). The movie Crocodile Dundee has NOTHING to do with him, at all, ever.

This is Paul Hogan, an actor, who is alive and was not killed by a manatee nor manta ray and has nothing to do with Steve Irwin. Paul starred in the movie Crocodile Dundee, which is NOT about the life of Steve Irwin.

This is Vin Diesel who is just Vin Diesel. He was in the Fast and the Furious. He was not a wrestler, a pro football player, and was not in Walking Tall, nor was he the scorpion king. And lots of Internet sites speculate that he's gay.

This is The Rock, aka Dwayne Johnson. He was a wrestler, and could've been a football player. He was in Walking Tall, and was he the scorpion king. No Internet speculation about his sexuality.

Does anyone other than me see I could at least get these two guys confused?

Johnny Knoxville who IS in Walking Tall

Vince Vaughn who is NOT in Walking Tall

Now that we have that all cleared up...

Karaoke Queen of the Chicago Scene (Chicago Part 2)

I wasn't really the Queen- I didn't rule this event or anything- I just like the alliteration in the title!

While in Chicago last weekend, Farrago took me to an event, the Chicago Karaoke Underground Party. There is a cool woman who hosts this event in her loft apartment. And what a loft is is- OMG! You know how we see these fab apartments on TV or in the movies in large cities and they are just to die for? And you know how magazines or native New Yorkers, LA-ers, and Chicagoans all say "oh that place would cost about $123k a month if rentable in real life"? Well, the loft owner, who I shall call the Diva of Darkness, has the loft like the lofts you see on TV and in the movies. OMG- it is the greatest apartment I have ever been inside in my life. I bow to her, I covet that space- I WANT that space, I would do dastardly deeds for that space, I would be part of heinous fuckery most foul for that space. And her decorating is to die for...

Okay, all that being said, Diva of Darkness opens her home to random strangers to come and sing karaoke. People sign up in advance, pay a fee and come to sing- and drink and eat- the fee covers the booze and noshes. She has a professional KJ- who is a HOTTIE with a sexy goatee/ beard goin' on- and she has a sound system which kicks ass. All in all, Diva of Darkness has a better set up than most clubs I've been to. It rocks, she rocks, the night rocked.

Now I haven't been to sing karaoke for about 3 years now, and usually when I do sing, I've always gone with Hecate and her family and buddies. They are awesome singers and I've always felt completely inadequate when I've performed. I drink a lot of booze and have few inhibitions, but...

So this was the first time I was singing in front of complete and total strangers. And you do hear the stories about karaoke singers who are booed off stage- which I was afraid would happen. Farrago assured me that these folks were nice and wouldn't boo me off the stage, even if I sucked. Because there was no stage.... Okay, no he told me these are super nice people, but I was still nervous.

I visited with some folks and scoped out the small crowd- which only turned about to be about a dozen voice strong. I had a few drinks and listened to a few people. I decided that there weren't any "ringers" in the audience and that the next American Idol or Grammy winners weren't lurking about, that maybe I could actually sing in front of these people. No one had hurdled tomatoes, used the giant hook or booed and hissed, so I turned in a song.

And when the KJ called my name, I thought my knees were going to give out, or that I was going to pee my pants. Then I sang. And everyone clapped. Then I sat down. And sweated. But it was fun and the people were kind!

The evening went uphill from there. Everyone sang and had a good time. Since the crowd was small it was a good time to sing songs I've always wanted to try but never had the guts. And some were good, and others weren't. I did a rendition of "All that Jazz" from Chicago, which I thought sounded pretty good- and Farrago made over my performance of such in his post- here (scroll to the "paratay at the belt way" part of his post- it was so long, he gave it chapter titles!)!

And Farrago tore. it. up on a Styx song- he totally kicked ass!

The cutie KJ sang some great Elton John... and there was a girl there who studied opera in college- and she did some amazing things with Sarah McClachlan songs. Oh wow. And there was a sweet guy who I'll call KaraokeSam with a great voice, who was very much the entertainer. Diva of Darkness likes her song bawdy. And there was a guy who was a dead ringer for Les Nessman (looks wise) on the TV show WKRP in Cincinnati- and while his singing might not be super duper (but not horrible) he was a good guy. Another woman crack me up with her song choice- the "Micky" parody called "Ricky"? And another time found her singing "Like A Virgin" with her legs up in the air... ummmm, I think she had quite a bit to drink...

It was a great time with good people, good food, and guess what?!? I was invited back! I can't wait to go- and next time, I might just bring Mac, my song bird, along. Diva of Darkness said it was okay, so that should be fun too!

Loved it! Oh, what a night!
Mags

(tomorrow is Part III- how I shocked Farrago twice, the men, the city, and Chinatown)

Made one laugh and one mad- not bad for a day's work

A long time ago in a lifetime, far far away, Hecate and I ate dinner at Cheddar's, where I proceeded to get rip roaring drunk on their super yummy margaritas which were the special that day. Peach- I think.

I was loud and obnoxious. I threw lettuce at people and on the floor. I made phone calls- drunk dialing. It was bad. I was bad. I cannot believe she didn't disown me on the spot. I can't believe we didn't get thrown out. I can't believe they let us back in last weekend! Thank the goddess she was sober and smart. I would tell you more about that day... but I don't remember anything else- it's a little hazy.

So, fast forward to last week, and Hecate and I got together in North Civilization to chat books, eat and hit used bookstores, and maybe see a movie. Since I picked the eatery the first time we hung out, it was her turn this time- Cheddar's, her fav place as well as the scene of my past drunken crimes.

The waitress said there was a wanted Poster of me in the backroom because we told her of my previous drunken escapade because I refused to order a peach margarita that I really wanted and which was on special again, but I wanted to be functional for the rest of the day. And though we didn't get thrown out, we wondered if we were going to.

I ordered us an appetizer of onion rings, which were super yummy- light and flaky, with 2 dipping sauces. It looked so pretty when served- the presentation was fun- we deiced to take a picture of it. We arranged the table and I took some shots, sat back down and we proceeded to visit and laugh and have a good time. Until the manager came to our table.

I had not thrown one bit of food, I swear. Neither had Hecate! He kneels at our table and starts laughing. He said we managed to crack his bartender up with laughter because we whipped out a camera and took pictures of food, NOT each other. Us, being folks who like to take pictures, must looked like "well, duh, it was a great shot" on our faces, because he kept going on about it. So we told him about me living in the Wild West where we didn't have restaurants which worried about presentation. He laughed and moved on...

I finally took out my camera and tired to take pictures of Hecate, which she avoided and swore at me over, waving her finger. (And when she does that she scares me since she's a witch and I'm worried she's gonna accidentally put a spell on me or something very Charmed will happen and lightening will zing out that finger!)

We did have a fun time and the food was great and the company was even better! The chicken and shrimp with the pineapple pico de gallo was to die for!

Later in the day, we trolled some book stores and the mall. And then we settled in at Barnes and Noble for a good chat. I would like to say that in our defense, we are sort of loud talkers, me especially. But this was a NON quiet bookstore, in a MALL, with little KIDS running around, and teenagers being LOUD. This was not a library. And we weren't being rude to other people- we were just really into our own conversations. And people around us were talking out loud as they milled about. And if people heard us, we didn't really care, because it was a public place, after all. All that being said...

As we sat side by side in a conversational grouping of 4, we chatted. At first there was a teenager and some older guy sitting across from us. We talked and told each other funny stories- and Hecate had me rolling with laughter over stories about her kids (Toilet seat of death!), especially her son. We just... chatted and we were being us. The older guy leaves and we both figure out that he was listening to us the entire time, to the point where he held his cell phone to his face and faked a conversation, in which he never said a word, so he could stay longer to listen, and laugh. I wonder if he was recording us on his phone?!?

So the eavesdropping guy was replaced by another old guy, who was the father of the teenage boy who was still sitting there, doing his thing. About this time, I get on a roll about the future which leads me to make a comment about if my shrew of a grandmother would die and leave me money, I wouldn't have to find a job and could go back to school. Which got me on a tangent about the shrew of a grandmother. Hecate and I giggled over it. Yes, I know what I said was horrible and mortifying to a total stranger but Hecate knew the down and dirty details of the horrible-ness of said grandmother. Suddenly the old guy says to his son, "Are you ready to go?" And the kid said yeah and got his stuff. The old guy said , "We might as well since it's too loud to read here anyway" and as they walk away he says really loudly, "Shrew of a grandmother indeed" and then we couldn't hear the rest of it. Well- OMG- Hecate and I look at each other and then burst into hysterical giggles like the inner 13 year girls we are. And we proceed to make fun of him. And then we proceeded to go on the other side of the store and look over our shoulders in case he sent the Barnes and Noble police after us.

It was funny, though...

So even though we didn't get make a scene at Cheddar's we did manage to make a small one somewhere else... Hecate and I are going together to paint pottery this weekend- I wonder what will happen there?

Big loud mouth girl even when sober,
Maggie