Monday, November 30, 2009

Mr. Vernon I'm not

Do ya'll remember the very best John Hughes (god rest his soul, my movie world will never be the same again) movie EVER? The Breakfast Club starring the majority of the 80s brat pack? The movie about all the high school stereotypes bonding during a day of Saturday school? Super hottie Judd Nelson as the bad boy John Bender, the best bad boy EVER?

Keep this movie in your mind because... I have agreed to babysit proctor Friday night school, Saturday school's ugly step-sister. For three hours on a Friday night, I'm keeping vigilant watch making sure the kids don't kill each other over the junior high and high school kids who are sentenced to Friday Night Detention. This once again proves I will do almost anything for money.

When I agreed to this little part time job snack, I had visions of being so very Michelle Pfeiffer a'la Dangerous Minds, bonding with the troubled kids and showing them the light but without all the ex-marine karate kicks. I thought I would be stern yet gentle and charming and interesting like Mark Thackeray (Sidney Poitier) in To Sir with Love, only without the accent and the fact that I'm not a black man. I knew I didn't want to be like Mr. Richard Vernon the super asshole who ran Saturday school in The Breakfast Club. Even on my worst day, I have ZERO of his traits. I did want the kids to be a little Breakfast Club-ish, less Dangerous Minds.

Well, real life is nothing like the movies, I'm here to tell ya. (Like I didn't know this already since I've not had a quirky little meet cute, I haven't been given a million dollar tip or carried out of my job by a handsome navel officer boyfriend while Joe Cocker music swells in the background. Nor have I been given an important job outing environmentally non friendly company while wearing skanky clothes, saving my kids and sleeping with my Harley riding neighbor and receiving a multi-million dollar bonus for stamping out water pollution in 4 inch stiletto heals).

The kids were quiet and sat passively in their seats, reading books or magazines or doing homework. They were kids who'd been there before so they didn't try to sneak out, play with their drool or grope each other. No one yelled or cussed at me. No one tired to use an unauthorized cell phone. My big job was to make sure they didn't fall asleep, have them sign an attendance slip at the end of the night, and to say "yes" when they asked if they could PLEASE sharpen a pencil. Seriously, they were very well behaved juvenile delinquents. They used manners!

Nothing like the movies... I sat and read a book and made sure I stayed awake. I strolled the room occasionally and just sat and looked at them, while they steadfastly ignored me and pretended to be studious.

The only thing... in the movie The Breakfast Club Allison, the weirdo with whom Andy became enamored, came to Saturday school out of boredom. Well... at the end of the evening, I was passing out the attendance slips for signatures and I didn't have one for Sterling. I searched all my paperwork and had nothing for him. Come Monday morning, I learned that Sterling didn't have to serve a Friday school that week. he was so used to doing it, he just showed up and didn't need it; he now has a Friday school "credit." Sheesh!

From Maggie, with loooooooove!


Kelly G. said...

mmmm......Judd Nelson. That's a thought that just made my afternoon a little happier. =)

Evil Pixie said...

For me... No John Hughes movie is better than Ferris Bueller's Day off and Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Hughes will always be a firm fixture in my adolescent psyche. The guy was totally brilliant. :)

Maggie said...

Kelly G- isn't he yummy?

Evil P- I do love "ferris" as well!

Wiley said...

Well that's just plain disappointing. I was hoping for some good honest teen angst at least.

Come to think of it, I used to be that well behaved when I was a kid. Whatever happened?

Maggie said...

Wiley- I know it's disappointing! part of the reason I said yes to this gig was because of the blog fodder it should generate, but noooooo, nice and boring kids. Ho hum! haha!