Friday, November 6, 2009

I just can't do it

I love to cook and I'm pretty good. Oh, the ant chicken, the flaming chicken, the flaming pizza, the flaming apple pie, and the exploding eggs were about 20 years ago. I've gotten better in the kitchen over the years. I can make some pretty extreme dishes: I can do homemade noodles and tomato sauce for my lasagna, apple stuffed pork chops, a killer twice baked potato, homemade chicken and noodle soup, a great crock pot roast in a red wine sauce, and some funky mashed potatoes.

But there are two things that I've yet to master. I can't even come close. The first thing... well, it doesn't matter what apartment I live in, I've still never done it. We can't blame the refrigerator. Even here at my folks house, Daddy-O can make it so it has to be a chef's error. I can't make Jell-O. That's right, I can admit it. I can't make Jell-O. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. Sometimes it won't stand up, or it's grainy, or it forms with a layer of gooey water on the top or it freezes. It never matters where I live or what I do, I CANNOT make Jell-O. And yes, I follow the directions on the box to a "T". I don't try anything fancy with fruit nor do I try to make jigglers, using "knox". I'm trying to make plain old Jell-O. I've talked about this with friends and family over the years and it doesn't matter what suggestions are made, my Jell-O turns out the be a mess.

The only thing I can make that involves Jell-O are Jell-O shots. If I can use booze in it, they turn out okay- not perfect, but good enough to count as Jell-O shots. Weird...

Finally, the other thing I can't make right are rice crispy treats. I've tried several times over the years and I usually end up with an unsuccessful mess. Usually they turn out really hard, not gooey. Again, I follow the directions but to no avail. I even tried to make special "Halloween treats" and substituted Halloween Capt'n Crunch for the rice crispies and again, they were hard and not gooey and not yummy. Now, Daddy-O thinks these failed because the marshmallows were stale. Possible. I thought it could be because I didn't cut back on the amount of cereal used and it's bulkier than rice crispies.

Regardless of this attempt of something different, I can't seem to make the traditional Rice Crispy treats without them coming out like bricks.

I would love some suggestions for making a nice, gooey, soft, pull apart rice crispy treats like everyone else can make. Please!

And well, not to be ungrateful or anything, but just forgo the suggestions for Jell-O. I don't think anyone could help me with that issue, not even Emeril, Paula Deen or Julia Child!

Do you think I can't make these perfectly wonderful but typically kiddie treats because I don't like kids? Karma?

Snap, Crackle, and Pop are making fun of me,
Maggie Mae


Bragger said...

Who needs jell-o and rice krispy treats, if you can make homemade lasagna? You can BUY jell-o and rice krispy treats. :)

Wiley said...

hahahahaha... I am laughing with you, believe me. I am an ok cook but nothing amazing (apart from pecan pie - my pie rocks). However, I cannot, cannot, cannot make whipped cream. Yeah, you're thinking 'but there's nothing in it but cream...' True, but I am defective and I cannot whisk things. So omelets also turn out, well... not so great.
I can, however, make rice krispie treats. I'm not sure if there is a secret. I just use real butter, real rice krispies (the cheaper version fall apart too easily) and whatever marshmallows I can find (there's no choice here). Melt the butter over really low heat then mix in the marshmallows. Once it's all melted into a gooey mess, add the rice bubbles and stir gently (so as not to fling them across the kitchen as I did). Spoon out and hope for the best...

Anonymous said...

Snap isn't making fun of you. Just Crackle and Pop. They're just asses so I wouldn't worry.

Maybe you and Daddy-O should each make the jello side by side and see what happens!

Can't help you with the rice crispie treats but you sparked my interest with the chicken and noodle soup. How do you make it? I'm supposed to make some tomorrow.


Curley said...

It's so funny that your picked this subject to write about today. I made Jello last night. Yes, I'm sorry to say, it turned out fine. No suggestions, just have someone else make the Jello and the crispie treats.

Hecate said...

I have a theory. Work with me here. I think the reason you can't make those "simple" desserts is because you are so talented at making the gourmet stuff.

Your brain is thinking, "why is she trying to do this simple dessert? We should be doing something gourmet" So I think, and I could be wrong, but I think your subconscious is sabotaging you!! LOL

Evil Pixie said...

I have the same problem with rice crispy treats. No matter how much marshmallow I put in, they're still hard and crunchy instead of soft and gooey. Totally annoying... especailly since I love me some rice crispy treats.

Maggie said...

Bragger- good point! I love your perspective; thank you!

Wiley- Now I can whisk stuff. I always tilt my bowl and whisk gently and that seems to work.

And I am going to try your Rice Crispy idea. The last several times I used stale marshmallows and Brand X cereal. Maybe that will help- I hope so. I had a huge "wad" of marshmallow, sort of like a fried s'more the last time I made 'em.

P- great minds think alike. Before DaddyO read your comment he said the same thing- we were gonna make JellO side by side. And I'll email you my chicken noodle soup recipe.

(Crackle and Pop are such bastards)

Curley- I'm thrilled your Jello worked. If I had made it for you, everyone would have had a drinkable jello cocktail, I'm sure.

Hecate- you make me feel smart. thank you- I like this concept! *kisses to you!*

Evil P- what in the hell is wrong with us that we can't do this? We are smart educate women. If I wasn't so damn poor I'd buy the boxed ones but if I did that I'd eat the entire thing in one sitting.

maybe I need to go to Cosco and get the economy bag? we could both do that, share a bag and split the cost? LOL!