Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I feel like I let him down

Whining alert!

Anyone who said "money can't buy happiness" was obviously really rich and had no idea what being poor actually felt like.

Yesterday was Mac's birthday, a milestone birthday- 18th, and we didn't do much, mostly because I just couldn't afford it. I was going to use my tax money to get him a good gift but my return didn't come in time.

And as far as gifts go, Mac would give just about anything for a MacBook-Pro; he really needs a new computer for college and this is what he wants- and is a good choice for his needs. He told everyone he wanted either money to put into an account to buy a MacBook-Pro or he would love it if someone would buy him one!! (If anyone would like to get him a MacBook-Pro it would be greatly appreciated) So the plan was to just give him cash to put toward the computer. (He wishes he had some rich relative that would give it to him for a birthday/ graduation combo gift! Note I said he "wishes"! Yeah, right!)

Then a few days before his birthday, I think he realized he wasn't going to have "fun" stuff right now. I mean, even if he was given money, it wouldn't be enough for a computer now. So he asked for a couple small gifts: a renewal subscription to X-Box live and a pair of Tom's shoes- and he still would take cash, too. And he wanted to stay home from school all day.

Soooooooo, ITSam gave him the subscription and a little cash. Daddy-O gave him cash. And I gave him cash and the shoes. Only I didn't give him the shoes because there's no where near here that sells them. We have to drive 2 hours to our capital to a fancy mall there to get the shoes. So from me he got a picture of the shoes and an iTunes card. (Yeah, I let him stay home, too.)

Really, it's not about the gifts. he's not a spoiled little brat about getting stuff. he's done really well at doing without. He also knows if he got a job he could get more and he's looking for a job now that his play is over. It's just that it's a big deal birthday...

Last year he had a party which flopped so this year, after being burned, he didn't want to do a friend party; he figured no one would show up again. I offered to take him to dinner at any of his favorite spots and he didn't want to; he was just depressed that, in his words, "his childhood is over." I said we could invite family over and he said no because it was too hard with everyone's work schedules and people being sick- he didn't want to inconvenience anyone or make anyone feel obligated.

I did make him his very favorite dinner- chicken parmigiana. Daddy-O and ITSam and I were there for dinner with him. I got him a cheesecake- his request instead of regular birthday cake. He loved that and was very appreciative. He loved what he did get, gift-wise. He also went and hung out with a few of "the guys" which he said was cool. And I took him to buy lottery tickets. (Funny story and a blog post all its own.)

Some of his friends called and texted him happy birthday. My wonderful bloggers sent well wishes. But that was it. No other relatives even called or sent a card--- like his father. I had to speak to his Sperm Donor a few days ago about a tax issue and he was making all sorts of financial excuses as to why he couldn't (ie: WOULDN'T, that selfish bastard) do anything for Mac's birthday. And then that asshat didn't even bother to call and wish him Happy Birthday. Who does that? WTF? I hate that man.

I feel like I need to do everything extra doubly awesome because SD is a pig. MAC does NOT make me feel like this at all. MAC is VERY appreciative of everything and does NOT make me feel bad. This is just me. And I feel like this time I failed.

Mac's Mom,


Thyda said...

Awww... he sounds like a very nice 18 year old. I'm sure he appreciates you!

Maggie said...

Thyda- thank you so much- he is nice kid. I'm so lucky!

Evil Pixie said...

I can relate to what Mac is going through. Naughty Pixie was a single mum, and money was always an area where our little family struggled. However, it was something I recognized and understood. I know Mac does too, and while it's disappointing to not get what you want and could use - there is an understanding and an appreciation for what is given. He's a fantastic guy, and you're a wonderful mum. You made his birthday as special as possible, and that is what counts the most.

Curley said...

Hunter guy would have been very happy if I had said he could have taken the day off from school on his birthday. I just asked him what we did for his 18th(which was in Nov, by the way) and he said he didn't remember and doesn't remember what we got him. I just bet you if in 6 months you ask Mac what you did for his 18th, he will remember.

Maggie said...

Evil Pixie and Curly- thanks to you both for your kinds words and thoughts. I know you're both right. I just... wish money wasn't why I always said no. Sometime I would like to say yes, ya know?

booknut said...

I feel like I let him down, too. He's not my blood nephew and I don't see him very often, but I should have called him. It's just been really hectic around here with the Divine Miss K having MRSA and taking care of both kids during all this (not an excuse, just a reason). Tell him we love him and will try to make it up to him somehow.

Jimmie Earl said...

First of all, you are not "Wonder Woman." But, you are "Super Mom," so don't beat yourself up for what you shoulda,woulda,coulda. As parents we always have those. Just concentrate on the things you can do and know that you did all you were able to manage. Mac is a wonderful son and grandson. You've done good, kid.
JE aka Daddy-O