Friday, June 5, 2009

God Save the Queen, the Prodigal Tourist, and Me

I want to be British. I think I would be good at it. British or Irish-- I bet there some of really bad rule I violate saying I could be either...

I love the accent but I realize with my mealy-mouthed Midwestern add a little Wild West in there I could never copy it without sounding like Eliza Dolittle pre-Henry Higgins caught in a blender under water. However, I do so like the sound of it, the lilt of it. Unlike most American accents, I think a British accent sounds smart. I think potential employers would find me rather brilliant and throw jobs at me if I sounded British because us Americans are fascinated by the accent, and then I would no longer be scooping ice cream.

And I love the words- boot, brolly, constable, bloody, git, biscuit, crisps, cuppa, a pint, teley, the loo, lift.... that's charming and fun and downright adorable. Yeah, I know in England and Ireland that would just be normal, but to my ears it sounds right charming. I loved it when I was in Ireland and folks would use those words- like a cab driver said he would stow my bags in the boot.

Life would be all Mary Poppins and Love Actually and Notting Hill if I were British, right? Okay, I could never be a nanny because I don't like kids, and I'm afraid of heights so I know the flying around the streets of London by my brolly would be me sick. And I'm guessing chimney sweeps don't really sing and dance on the rooftops, but it is a lovely thought. And aren't all English gents just shy and charming and disarming in that "aw shucks" Huge Grant sort of way? Oh, maybe that means I wouldn't be single?!

And I think it's much classier to have a Prime Minister than a President. I LOVE President Obama but I think having a Prime Minister sounds very classy. And they had a woman running their country long before the states ("that saucy minx", as Grant called her in Love Actually, Prime Minister Margret Thatcher!) so it just proves the Brits are much more politically advanced. (Okay, though, do they still wear the white wigs in Parliament?) And they have a QUEEN! Oh she doesn't do much but look prissy but she has that queenly wave. Hey, they can have a modernized government AND a Queen- now, how cool is that? And we all know my feelings about Princess Di. I. adore.her. And England was her home- another plus.

High tea. I'm all about having tea and cookies and cakes and little sandwiches every day. I love food. I love tea. This is a perfectly fabulous idea and I have no idea why Americans have to be so bloody obstinate about tea time- I think we could let bygones be bygones about the whole tea tax and Boston Tea Party- after all, it's just tea under the bridge now, right? (Oh, and most certainly the pun was intended!) I think there is nothing wrong with a spot of tea and scones with clotted cream and jam- oh yum....

An aside- and whilst we speak of all things England and pause for tea- you must visit The Prodigal Tourist's blog. He's giving away tea for his birthday! And I want to wish him a HUGE happy Birthday, and I would sing you, PT, the Marylin Monroe version of "Happy Birthday" but that's not very British so as the Fab Four says "Today is your birthday...lalalalalala" !

And I want to say I love the shoes. Well, you know me and I love shoes everywhere, but I really love... shoes I can't get here but blogger Rose seems to find these stunning shoes that I covet! all the time. Either I love British shoes or I need Rose to come across the Pond and take me shoe shopping... but Rose is British as well, so I think I love British shoes. There is logic here; if you can't see it, have some more tea, or another pint- or hell, have a Cosmo!

Speaking of pints, I just love Bulmers Cider. It cannot be bought in the US of A, either. I love going into a pub (not a bar, which sounds so trashy) and ordering a pint of Bulmers. I hunted around and there is a beer by the name of Bulmers in the States, but it's a beer. The Bulmer's company makes a cider under a different name but since I live in a small section of the Midwest, I can't get it. So I should be British in Great Britain to satisfy and quench my thirst on a regular basis.

And there are castles everywhere all over England and Ireland. Every time you turn around there's another bloody castle. I think that is awesome! I so want a castle. The countryside is lush. I've been to Dublin and am in love with the large yet quaint city. I've never been to London (grrrrrrrrrr damn that AIISam, the bloody git!) but it looks like an amazing city, flaws and all. Hey they have London Bridge, the Tower of London, Westminster Abbey, Double Decker buses, red phone booths, and the country is the birthplace of the BEATLES and Princess Di. Duh- what a great place! Think of the art! The Thames! The cobblestones! Maybe I could become an English Duchess like Audry Hepburn and Elton John!!!!!!!

Okay, okay.... I know I can't be British, and I swear I'm not making fun- I do absolutely LOVE all those things about Great Britain. I love reading my Irish and Brit authors and finding things to love about these countries. I've always wanted to go. The history of the country is fascinating and I, like many Americans, have always wanted to go to England and have a romanticized notion. And my smart, educated, intellectual side KNOWS this, but today, it just seems like something lovely to fancy. Tomorrow I may wake up and want to be a southern belle, or a senorita living in isolation as a mystery gringra in a casa by the sea in Mexico, or the wife of an Irish- American policeman in Boston... I could be anything, tomorrow. Maybe I'm just having a melancholy day where I would like to be anyone but me, or maybe I'm ticked off because I was supposed to be in England this summer and now I am NOT, or maybe it just seems like it would be good to run away and start over and why not try somewhere completely different than what I'm used to, even though it didn't work last time?

Pip-pip, cheerio, God Save the Queen, and all that rot,


The Prodigal Tourist said...

I am putting on me powdered white wig, give me a second to grab me kingly scepter (no, this isn't a David Carradine joke, don't be naughty), and I will knight (lady) you honorary Brit. Of course, all the fun Brits are in America, so you're already in the right place!
Thanks for the link and the lovely birthday wishes!

Maggie said...

I'm knighted! I'm knighted! Whoot whoot! I'm a lady! I'm a lady! Does this honour come with special shoes? :)

And i refrain from naughty scepter jokes... 'tis rather difficult, but I'm trying, because after all, now I'm a lady! ;)

All the fun Brits ARE in America- I just need to meet them!

And I can't believe I forgot to mention the quaint term 'across the Pond' and the neat little extra 'u's in words... oh rot!

Beth Dunn said...

Me too! I love all their sayings. On holiday, the loo et al! They make me laugh. xo

Maggie said...

Beth- I can't believe I forgot "on holiday" on my list- probably because I say it all the time and sort of forgot it's not American! Good one!

Jammmie said...

Maggie dear, let me set youstraigh ton =seo thigns that hollywood has so romaticized.

For one--Notting hill and other such movies are awlasy set in teh very richest parts of London I also adore but seriosuly, even San Fancisco is half the price of real estate in London and wages for same job (as my sister cantestify having moved to SF) are half as much and taxes twie as high plus everythign else s twice as expensive in Uk--thus us Expats here!

Also, re: accents omment: "Unlike most American accents, I think a British accent sounds smart."
--you cealrly mean the London or upper class accents, not Debyshire, yorkshire, Blackmood or middlesex or Cockney type accents which aer more often used in movies tfor thugs and theuneducated louts of society..unfortunately. Yes, the upper accents are lovely but they are a smidgen. (I have faint whispers of my London accent which is sadly fast leaving me as I live here longer and longer.)

Rest of it is so true read. Thanks.

Maggie said...

Jammie- ah reality is such a bitch, isn't it? :)

Farrago said...

My English friend (Dark Farm Owl on my blogroll) says the exact same things about the "American" accent as you do about the "British" accent. He told me once that, when he hears certain American actresses speak, butterflies land in his tummy.

I think that's kind of neato.