Friday, July 1, 2011

A little lonely

This might sound dumb because of how horrible ITSam was/ is, but I sort of "miss" him.

It's odd to try to get out of a routine with a person. I saw him every day, talked to him on the phone, or text him and now nothing. It's odd. I do have good memories with him and had good times. And now I'm just cut off completely. (and rightly so, of course). It's hard to adjust to. I have things that happen during the day and want to shoot him an email or pick up the phone and say something funny. I miss that.

I know it's only been three (and a half) days and I won't do anything stupid but I can still miss him. He hasn't contacted me, which is a good thing, I know, so I guess he's not missing me, which is fine.

When things were really good, they were really good. I did have fun with him, when he was being nice. He was kind to me, most of the time, and it's the good parts that I miss.

I do feel lonely. I wish it was different. I wish he understood I love my friends but I could love him too. I wish he wasn't a controlling freak. I wish he went back on his medicine and saw his therapist. I wish he knew that I could have it all and he and I could've been amazing. I wish he knew that he had the makings to be a great guy and a wonderful husband.

But.... alas, no.

I still miss the good parts.



Curley said...

That is understandable. It like a death. You will go through a grieving process. Just remember we are all here for you. You can call anytime to talk it through.

Bragger said...

Even when I left husband #2, who was/is a HORRIBLE human being, I had some of the same issues. Part of it was wanting physical evidence that he realized what he had lost. I wanted to be sure he was suffering too. I had to get over that. I did, however, maintain life insurance on him to this day.......

Hang in there, girl! You can always text/email/blog to me your funny things.

Evil Pixie said...

It's perfectly natural for you to miss him and feel a bit lonely. It's a sudden, basically abrupt, change in your life. But while it is perfectly natural (even expected), it is also a great time for you to get back in touch with you. Use this time for you. Do a little pampering, a lot of reading, and have some fun! You deserve it. :)