First, if you know Mac in person you have to pinkie swear that you will never mention this to him in any shape or form. Go on, pinkie swear. I'm waiting. And if you ever have a chance to meet Mac you have to promise to never mention this to him at all-- ever. Pinkie swear.
I really debated even blogging about this, but it was way to funny to NOT blog about...
Last Thursday night, Mac came home from cheerleading and wouldn't speak. This isn't any huge surprise since this happens on occasion since he's a moody 17 year old boy. But it was different and finally after some gentle prodding he told me what was wrong.
Mac: "Mom, I accidentally stuck my thumb in Susie's vagina."
me: momentarily incapable of speaking. "oh."
Mac: "I was lifting her and she was sitting in the palm of my hand." Here, he holds his hand in a cradle-like fashion to demonstrate. "I didn't know what to do with my thumb and I moved it. Apparently the wrong way. I just wanted to give her better support but... uh, that didn't work."
me: Still speechless. Still not daring to even perceptibly nod for fear of hysterical, albeit uncomfortable, laughter. Finally, I say, "Oh. Ummm, did Susie say anything?"
Mac: "Fuck, she screamed to get my thumb out of her vagina. And I tried to not drop her as she jumped away from me. Everyone heard. I'm embarrassed. I feel like an ass."
me: "Uh, is Susie still mad?" I have no idea what the proper questions are here. At all.
Mac: "No, not now. She told me later to never do that again and isn't mad. Coach isn't mad but she told me if I do it again she's cutting off my thumb."
me: "Did you apologize?"
Him: "Oh yeah. About a million times. I wish I could do something to fix it."
me: finally smiling and trying to hold back giggles, "You could get her a card and---"
Mac: "Hallmark does not make an 'I'm sorry I stuck my thumb in your vagina' card, mother!"
me: laughing out loud: "If you let me finish, I was going to say you could give her a card that thanks her for being such a patient lifting buddy, and helping you learn and that she's awesome to work with. You could just write her a note. Wait a few days and do something like that."
Mac: "I wish grandpa were here."
Me: "Why?"
Mac: "He could make a card for me."
We look at each other and the laughter starts howling and bursting forth. Tears rolled we laughed so hard. Finally Mac said:
"But I don't think in any of grandpa's Cricut cartridges, he has a 'sorry for my thumb in your vagina' image or anything even close that would work."
I swear, I think I almost I laughed myself to death. Seriously.
Mac's mom,
Maggie
7 comments:
OMG! Your dad would have a heart attack if Mac asked him to make a card for that. Good grief, don't thay make something to prevent that happening? Guys in contact sports wear athletic support. Maybe the girls should too. Or maybe they shouldn't wear such skimpy costumes. I say, "tell Mac not to mention it to the girl again." Way to embarrassing.
Oh my!!! LOL All I can say about that! I am glad he finally laughed too! Good mom! What kind of pants did that girl have on?? Maybe she should rethink them!
Hugs, Lisa
Oh my! How embarrasing for the poor kid. That sort of thing could land him in real trouble....and yet....HA!....it isn't the least... Hahahaha....bit fun.....hahahahahah! LOL! Truly, it's his day that will live in infamy! HAHAHAHAHAH! Got to stop laughing...hahaha....my stomach hurts!
OMGosh ... Laughing... I feel so bad for him... Oh my... I can't believe he told you... Laughing...he must be mortified...
Curley-- I don't even want to think of the conversation with daddy-o and mac over it... actually imagining it makes me giggle myself to pieces... heehee!
And he said he'll never mention it to her ever again but he might give her a "thanks for being a great cheerleader" card. :)
Lisa- I guess the cheerleaders wear little tiny pants called spanky pants or something like that. I think they look like the "hot pants" that the Hooters girls wear. Regardless of the sort of pants, I'm glad the fabric was between him and thumb... ewwwwwww! Did I just say that?
Mellodee- oh it's waaaaaaaaay too funny, isn't it?
TaDa- that kid will tell me damn near anything, whether I want to know it or not!!! This is about 50-50 on the need to know basis!
Believe me, if I was home and knew this, I would go on a search for the right Cricut cartridge if I didn't have one. There has to be a "Thumbs Up" one somewhere! Too funny, but I can feel his pain. It's so embarrassing for things like that to happen. We guys do have some sensitivity!
Grandpa/Dad aka JE
Ok, that is seriously THE funniest story I have ever heard. And for me to say that after a day of battling with the IRS and freaking the f*** out over my life is a pretty big call. But I think it is the best thing I have ever read. That, my dear, is worth a Pulitzer.
Thank you - and to Mac to (unknowingly) sharing his most embarrassing moment ever.
Thumbs up, indeed!
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