Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Potty Mouth

I'm trying to stop swearing. Again. Thank God I don't smoke because I would be dead from lung cancer if smoking and swearing could be equated to each other. I am trying!

I have found it's easier to not swear in print. So I think I'm doing a pretty good job here on my blog. I gave myself an out to use "damn", "piss", "ass" and "hell." I wasn't ready to quit cold turkey so I've been keeping those four. I'm really trying to get rid of "B*t*h", the f-word, Sh**, and taking the Lord's name in vain. I do alright, for the most part.

What prompted this little bit of "stop the cussin'" campaign was that I dropped "sh**" at school one day, without thinking at all, right in front of a library full of kids. That was enough to make me re-think. I'm supposed to be a good role model and swearing in front of them is not an example of that! So, I'm working on cleaning up the language and to stop my foul mouth.

So I've decided that my friends can be a bad influence. Well one friend. One friend and Mac. When XRay Girl and I are together, I tend to cuss more or it becomes easier to accidentally drop the bad ones. ITSam and I are pretty good and he's swearing less too, in an effort to support me. He didn't swear that much to begin with so it's good to have help.

Mac swears like a sailor and I'm all over him about it. He thinks me telling him to stop swearing is stupid but he's trying. Though I actually made a 'swearing deal' with him. Things you never think you'd say or do... anyway, the other night Mac and I were driving and we passed Sperm Donor coming the other way and I called him 2 of the no-no's with the word bastard (I can't decide what to do with that one...). Mac called me on the swearing. I asked if I could have an out and swear only at him. Mac laughed and rolled eyes. The next day Mac and I were once again in the car and we passed his Step Monster who was driving and Mac called her a the f-word B*T*H. I told him to not say that. Then somehow or another we agreed he could call her that and I could call the Sperm Donor what I said- it's my get out of jail free swear. But only if we see them, not just because we want to swear.

The one I have the most trouble with is taking the Lord's name in vain. It just seems to flow. I know that God's last name is not "Damn it". Well, I think I know that. Wait, what is his last name, anyway? Maybe it is Damnit!!! Yeah, wishful thinking. Probably not.

Someone one time said that people who swear sound common and I've always thought about that. There's something about it that rings true, I think.

I've also tried making up words to insert instead of the actual swear words. It ends up just sounding stupid. I can't even give you a good example because I usually get out "mutherfoolishratsdarncrap carpet". Yeah, it sounds dumb and it's totally random and you never know what I'm going to say. I just realize that I'm going to not say made up cuss words. I also say "bad word." I don't say any particular Bad Word but I say the actual words: BAD WORD. I sort of even chant "BAD WORD BAD WORD BAD WORD!!!!!" It's a sad and twisted mantra. So i say "Bad Word!" or I'll just remain silent or say "shoot fire."

Yup, "shoot fire". That's what I usually say these days. "Shoot fire."

Hey, it's all a work in progress.

Are there potty mouth support groups?


Bragger said...

I have tried to clean my language up too. I'm like you - it bothers me to hear my own child swear like a sailor. Wait...... she IS a sailor.... ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Curley said...

Good for you and good luck. I try not to swear and never the real bad ones. My kids don't swear in front of me. Do I think they don't swear? Not on your life.

Jimmie Earl said...

There's always "drat" and "pshaw". I bet Queen Liz even says "pshaw" and maybe even "egad."
I find that there are certain people who bring out the worst in me, too. But I love them and I want them as friends, so I just need to watch closer what I say. It's a bad habit to get into. One I really had to break when going from an industrial, almost all men environment to a school full of teenagers!
You're on the right track. Keep up the good work!

Maggie said...

Bragger- LMAO!!!! Wait, should I say "LMBO"???

Curly- I wish Mac would take a page from your kids' books and NOT swear in front of me. Jerkface!

JE- I thought about "bugger" (appeals to the British in me) and I love the idea of "Egads!" I just have to remember to use them!

sam said...

Hey Maggie,

We're all a work in progress! I swear....a lot. When I try to avoid the F word I say "ficky do". Not sure why I started saying that but it seems to work.


Evil Pixie said...

I admit, I have a potty mouth. I keep it in check when I'm in my professional mode, but I can let it fly with the best of them. And while I know it offends some - I haven't gotten to the point where I will stop (though I keep it in check when someone says something to me). There is something interestingly satisfying about saying f***! instead of fudge!