I'm probably going to hell for this, or at least have to have a serious conference with God when the time comes

I called our minister at the church a few weeks ago. I wanted to ask him some questions about a part time job opportunity and to discuss some community service outreach ideas I have. And I wanted to talk to him about Social Media marketing the church. He wasn't in and I left a message.

He finally called me back. Three weeks later. By that time I couldn't remember what I wanted. He had been pretty sick and then on vacation. He swears he didn't the message that I called until that day. I laughed and then said, "Well, in my experience ministers don't usually return calls unless someone's dead, having a baby, getting married or wants to give the church a bunch of money."

Oh yeah, I said it. I can't believe I said it. It was out my mouth before I thought. I stumbled around and apologized profusely and said I didn't mean him specifically and just basically rambled and apologized like an idiot. He laughed and said not to worry and he wasn't offended in the least and sometime just being honest is good. And now he knows how I think and he will always make calling me back a priority. And I apologized some more.

As if that wasn't bad enough...

I remembered a few hours later what I wanted and I sent him a text. I didn't think I could bear another phone call. I simplified what I wanted and he responded pretty quickly and made arrangements to get together in the next few weeks to chat. I thanked him very much for getting back to me so quickly, and apologized again for my earlier gaffe. And said, "sometimes my filter doesn't work and I say stupid shit." Then i hit send. Then I re-read what I wrote.

To the minister.

At this point I should've just given up on the minister, the church, God and went back to the heathen that I was so good at being, or else just took a vow of silence. Or found a new church.

I'm apologizing again now, for the profanity, and he sent back text messages that were HILARIOUS! He actually thought it was funny and said that sometimes "there's no other word that's appropriate except for sh**".

I saw him on Sunday morning and he just started laughing before I could say a word. He said I was hilarious and honest and he appreciated that I just would talk and not have to worry about his "job". I said I could be a little more tactful but he said he was not offended in the least, he thought the whole thing was funny, and to not worry about a thing.

At least God didn't strike me down with a lightening bolt.

Yet.

Mags

Potty Mouth

I'm trying to stop swearing. Again. Thank God I don't smoke because I would be dead from lung cancer if smoking and swearing could be equated to each other. I am trying!

I have found it's easier to not swear in print. So I think I'm doing a pretty good job here on my blog. I gave myself an out to use "damn", "piss", "ass" and "hell." I wasn't ready to quit cold turkey so I've been keeping those four. I'm really trying to get rid of "B*t*h", the f-word, Sh**, and taking the Lord's name in vain. I do alright, for the most part.

What prompted this little bit of "stop the cussin'" campaign was that I dropped "sh**" at school one day, without thinking at all, right in front of a library full of kids. That was enough to make me re-think. I'm supposed to be a good role model and swearing in front of them is not an example of that! So, I'm working on cleaning up the language and to stop my foul mouth.

So I've decided that my friends can be a bad influence. Well one friend. One friend and Mac. When XRay Girl and I are together, I tend to cuss more or it becomes easier to accidentally drop the bad ones. ITSam and I are pretty good and he's swearing less too, in an effort to support me. He didn't swear that much to begin with so it's good to have help.

Mac swears like a sailor and I'm all over him about it. He thinks me telling him to stop swearing is stupid but he's trying. Though I actually made a 'swearing deal' with him. Things you never think you'd say or do... anyway, the other night Mac and I were driving and we passed Sperm Donor coming the other way and I called him 2 of the no-no's with the word bastard (I can't decide what to do with that one...). Mac called me on the swearing. I asked if I could have an out and swear only at him. Mac laughed and rolled eyes. The next day Mac and I were once again in the car and we passed his Step Monster who was driving and Mac called her a the f-word B*T*H. I told him to not say that. Then somehow or another we agreed he could call her that and I could call the Sperm Donor what I said- it's my get out of jail free swear. But only if we see them, not just because we want to swear.

The one I have the most trouble with is taking the Lord's name in vain. It just seems to flow. I know that God's last name is not "Damn it". Well, I think I know that. Wait, what is his last name, anyway? Maybe it is Damnit!!! Yeah, wishful thinking. Probably not.

Someone one time said that people who swear sound common and I've always thought about that. There's something about it that rings true, I think.

I've also tried making up words to insert instead of the actual swear words. It ends up just sounding stupid. I can't even give you a good example because I usually get out "mutherfoolishratsdarncrap carpet". Yeah, it sounds dumb and it's totally random and you never know what I'm going to say. I just realize that I'm going to not say made up cuss words. I also say "bad word." I don't say any particular Bad Word but I say the actual words: BAD WORD. I sort of even chant "BAD WORD BAD WORD BAD WORD!!!!!" It's a sad and twisted mantra. So i say "Bad Word!" or I'll just remain silent or say "shoot fire."

Yup, "shoot fire". That's what I usually say these days. "Shoot fire."

Hey, it's all a work in progress.

Are there potty mouth support groups?
Maggie

What's wrong with me?

I think I've gone soft in my old age.

Yesterday a kid muttered the word "hell" and I gave him a warning. He later made a gesture like he was smoking a joint and I told him it wasn't appropriate. He backed talked to me and I told him to be respectful. Finally when he dropped the F-Bomb, did I yell at him and subtracted a third of his daily behavior points.

And I didn't care.

And I'm not even on medication.

Maggie

You heard it here first

One of my Alcatraz boys asked me what "wanker" meant. Well, since he asked me in a room full of teen boys ages 13-17, I made a quick decision. Since they are not only all boys, but all boys who live together in houses, I didn't want to hear masturbation stories so I said it was another word for "the f-word."

The then turned to another kid and called him a "mother wanker." Yes, I obviously choose poorly since I didn't think THAT all the way through.

I told the kid that "wanker" was not appropriate language and he wasn't supposed to swear at all. Well, he said, "Why can't I say wanker? It's a foreign language."

I now want to apologize to all of Great Britain on behalf of the unheralded stupidity of the entire conversation.

More tales of summer school

Well, a kid told me to "fuck off." He's met me for a grand total of 6 minutes in our entire lives and he's already swearing at me- talking about timing. And all I asked of him was to please not lay his head on the table. People usually tell me to "fuck off" after they've known me longer, and typically for far worse offenses. I mean, I made it through the entire first summer session and I don't think anyone even rolled their eyes at me, so this was an impressive first impression, I would say. Oooooo, see how influential I am?

This kid did NOT want to be in my class. I did NOT want this kid in my class after that. I asked him to please leave. Which I suppose was rather redundant of me since he was walking out the door and slamming it in my face as I was nicely asking him to go. And apparently my "mad" voice isn't a good one, because the remaining students said it was like watching Snow White get mad. Is that a compliment?

Summer session is starting out with... some color!

Did I mention the same kid walked out of my class yesterday after saying, "I don't want to be in here with junior high brats." (There were 2 seventh graders in this class) I was thinking, "Exactly WHO is the brat here?" but I didn't say it. And then I said "Oh give it a chance, it might be fun." He said, "I don't even get credit for this class" and he got up and walked out. I was offering to write him a pass but he didn't feel the need to wait. Wonder if he'll be back today- third time's a charm?

Now, my afternoon class is good. I have 5 kids I had last session and they are AWESOME as I knew they would be. Then I have five new ones; two of them are pretty good and the other three roll their eyes at me and whisper to each other that "she's not that cool." Well, EXCUSE me! And I am so!

No, seriously, I certainly don't take it personally and I hate to admit I sort of laughed when the kid told me to "f*** off" because I do think that's a first for me. And the boys who don't think I'm cool-- well, at least I CHOSE to be at Alcatraz, the court didn't send here, thank you very much!

The morning study skills class covered "muscle reading" and practiced it on Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery"-- which they all through was a freakin' awesome story- and it is! We also covered some "dos and don'ts" of good note taking. In the film class we watched Hitchcock's Psycho and started Avatar, which isn't bad and we should finish it today (this movie's a 162 minutes- Cameron is insane!).

So, that's the start of my new school summer session 2... could make for an interesting week.

Maggie