Friday, April 20, 2012

Stuck and tired

I am so bored. And I think being bored makes me tired. I usually sleep really well most nights, and I seem to get a "good" or healthy amount of sleep, or so it seems to me but the moment I have to sit for a long period of time or if I'm bored, then the "sleepies" aren't very far behind. I hate that.

I had to work the weekend receptionist job this weekend it just seemed to drag on forever and ever. I have a few things I wanted to get accomplished but I certainly couldn't being tied to a desk. I couldn't get some of my computer files, either, which i also found frustrating.

This seems to be a personal trend, and I've just figured it out. (Gee, never enough time for self actualization or realization!) If I am not able to do what I want and am forced to do something else, like work in this case, boredom sets in. I do have several good books to read but all I can think about is the stuff I CAN'T do and I'm fidgety, can't concentrate.

It's rare that I would have any excess energy or anything like that because I'm essentially a slug, but I had other things that I THOUGHT I could be doing but technology pooped on me so I'm just stuck with books. And yes, I like to read but instead my thought process is "great, I have 7 hours where I could be doing ----- but I can't because of this stupid computer and stupid job. If i had a real job then I wouldn't even be here at all. Great. I'm a loser. This sucks." I kid you not- that's how my brain works. Yes, I think I spend too much time with teenagers. So after all the cheerful self talk, I just get tired. Of listening to the sound of my own inner voice that I would like to strangle or smother with a pillow. Which then leads me to think about sleep- you know, pillow- and then I get tired. So then I'm a wonderful combination of bored, tired, and sarcastic.

I think of all the times I get frustrated when people tell me their bored but in this situation, I totally am and think it's okay for me to whine about it. Because I said so. Because I'm bored and I feel like whining.


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