And I sure do think I'm certainly suffering from a little OCD- obsessive compulsive disorder. Sometimes to the point of where maybe it's not so little. I often find I have to give myself a little pep talk about... things. For example, I used to subscribe to a bunch of magazines, like 9 to be specific. Now, when a person subscribes to nine magazines and lives with other people, those other people are bound to pick one of those magazines up and read it. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mind sharing. As long as I read it first. Seriously, if a magazine came in the mail and some previous Sam or Mac or a friend read it, opened it even, merely flipped through it, before I did, I totally flipped out. Totally. It had MY name on it, and I wanted to read it first, and enjoy the new magazine smell, pull out the annoying cards, and such, rather than have someone else's fingerprints all over it!
But I'm better now. First, I don't subscribe to any magazines right now; it's because of money and the lack thereof, rather than because of my OCD. But the other day, as I mentioned, I bought USED magazines and read them. However, I did keep them in my bag until I read them. So, maybe old habits die hard?
I'm not so extreme that I feel the need to wash my hands five or six times in a row or flip a light switch 10 times in a row. But I have a thing about locks. I can be sitting in the living room and watch Daddy-O or Mac check the door locks before they go to bed. I can see from where I'm sitting that the doors are locked. But I still have to check them myself before I got to bed. Hey, it is what it is.
My OCDs are a bit better now. I used to have several of them. And here's the strange thing. I like change. I usually embrace change. I go with the flow. Having my routine interrupted doesn't usually bother me. Moving across the country into the unknown is a good thing. Ah, aren't I just the conundrum?
One thing I've done is when I feel the OCD prickly feeling, I have to have a mental pep talk with myself. I have to let myself know it's okay to NOT do something, or to let something go. I have to mentally tell myself every single morning that I don't have to collect the three remote controls and line them up in a certain order, on a certain table. Mac leaves them in disarray and when I get up the next morning and see them scattered, I have to concentrate on something else or reason with myself that it's okay to leave them where they are. Unless one of them is on the floor and then I have to pick it up. And if I'm going to pick up one, I might as well do all three. I find myself giving my psyche a pep talk to just 'let it go'. And most of the time I can.
This month I had good idea. I was looking at the books I've read this month:
- The Sharper the knife, the less you cry
- 1000 White Women
- What French Women Know
- The House at the end of the road
Here's what went on in my head: Oooooooooo, I should read all non-fiction in the month of June! Three books I had already read were non- fiction and the only fiction I read was like non-fiction since it was sort of historical based. Well, I thought, I can't do the all non-fiction thing because 1000 White Women was fiction; honesty counts when arguing with my sub -conscious. Then I looked at what I had to read. Oooooooooooooo, I thought to myself, I could read either all non-fiction books or books with numbers in the title. I then proceeded to look at my Goodreads "to- read' list to see if I had any number title books on it that I could quickly get my hands on. And what other non-fiction I wanted to read. Then I fretted that if I decided to do that and I couldn't find something to read, I would break the rule. The rule I just arbitrarily set for myself. And what would happen if I broke it? Well, I would've let myself down. Do you see this mental argument? So I thought I would trick myself and read 1000 Days in Venice and then if I found another number book or another non-fiction then cool and if not, no big deal. I thought I would just decide after the Venice book. Then I felt like that was cheating. So, I forced myself to put 1000 Days in Venice book down and read The likeness so I didn't OCD myself into a moment of panic.
This is what goes on inside my head.
Did I mention sometimes it's like the inmate is in charge of the asylum?