Monday, July 16, 2012

Part 2- the Job drama continues

After the mess with the other job offer, I settled down, resigning myself to the fact that I couldn't quit the corp job (but keep the library position). After turning down the position on Monday morning I felt pretty good. I shared all the other stuff with my principal and he was just agog at it all. I completely wanted to quit my weekend receptionist gig but I just can't afford it. The principal and I tried to come up with other ways I could make that money but we just couldn't generate enough income for me to do so. As I mentioned yesterday being poor doesn't allow me to stand on principle.

Anyway, I continued doing my library thing for 3 days until I got a phone call asking me if I was interested in another position but for the fundraising office. They wanted to hire someone who could do some basic administrative work, and who also was a talented writer. Again, this was for a job I did NOT apply for.

I. am. totally. not kidding.

I had yet another heart to heart talk with my principal (you know, I try and stay off his radar and do my own thing. I think I talked to him more in those 2 weeks than I do in an entire school year!!!!!!!) and he said since I am an excellent writer I need to go and at least have an interview. He said he understood my perspective about all of what transpired already but he encouraged me to hear what they had to say. He also emphasized the fact that he does NOT want to hire a new librarian but he understands if I decide to take the job since the focus would be on writing and social media marketing. He also reminded me that I'm still working for them, however minimally, so I wouldn't still be selling myself out, and to think of it as means to an end.

I interviewed.

I was offered the job.

I declined.

I gave my same song and dance about teaching and school in the fall. REALLY, it's not a song and dance and REALLY my passion is teaching but if this were any other place and any other situation, I would've taken that writing/ admin position in a New York minute, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it here.

After all, while I am poor and can't afford to completely stand on principle I can still keep doing what I have been doing all along. I really wanted to quit the receptionist job and do school only because our county school system employs me for the library, not this corporation. If I did library only then I wouldn't be working for the hypocrites. But I can't afford to do that. Yet. But at least I'm not working for them full time.

I've written an ad for Craigslist to help kids write college entrance exams. I know how much I need to make a month on that so I thought I would post it in August and see if it generated any money. If it does, then maybe I can quit.

HOWEVER, all is not over for the writing cum secretary job. Last week while I was at the conference, the woman who wants to hire me called and offered me more money because she can't find anyone as "talented" as me to do the job. I still declined. She then asked me if I would work part time for her department, and just do writing and blogging, and all other forms of social media. And I could do those on my own time, at home. For about $11-12 an hour. If she could arrange it, which she won't know until she finishes the rest of her interviews today, would I be interested.


Shit. shit. shit. shit.

I hemmed and hawed around and said I would consider it. She still had more people to interview for the writing/ administrative job. The woman is offering me a chance to get paid to blog, Tweet, google +, facebook, and pinterest.

I'm so struggling. Part of me wants to stand firm in my resolve. Another part says I can quit being the receptionist and quit lunch duty. Another part of me says stand on principle. Another part says I'm getting paid to do a dream gig. Another part says I am so not going to have time to do that with 2 classes (maybe 3 from the email I received from the college today...). Another part says I could keep doing the front desk and get paid to sit and do homework. Ugh Ugh Ugh!!!

Another part of me argues that while I would still be working for the hypocrites, just like I am now at the receptionist job, but if I were to be the staff writer and social media person, I would also still be working for them but I would be doing it all from home and at least I wouldn't have to be there. If I'm still willing to take some of their money now, is it bad if I take a little big more of their money but I don't even have to be there? I would be writing and not a face person. I don't know!

And I'm not a religious zealot or anything but it has crossed my mind that I wonder what's up with God. Is this a test to see if I will stand firm about what I think is right? Or is it an answer to my prayers for more money and a better opportunity? Is it a response to my dream of always wanting to be a professional writer (Because He and everyone else knows all English teachers are really closet wanna be professional writers) ? Is it like the old joke of the man who prays to win the lottery and finally God speaks to him and says "Help Me out and buy a ticket"? (Or like the other joke about the man who was in a flood and prayed for God to save him. A boat stopped to help and he said "no God will save me" and a helicopter tried to rescue him and the man declined saying "No God will save me". Another family floated by and offered the man to come on their raft and he still said no because "God will save me." The man died in the flood and went to heaven and asked God why he didn't save him. God said to the man "Well, I sent you a boat, a helicopter and raft. what more did you want?" Is it like that?) I wish God would send me a text! I can't help but think about it. Is this my lottery ticket? Is this my rescue from the flood? (Don't answer that; it's rhetorical...)

I have no idea what's going to happen next. I still want to say no.

I sometimes hate being an all by myself grownup who has to make decisions on her own.

Tomorrow I'll post about the school decision and "how Maggie is going to be a teacher, a real, live teacher by Christmas!". And I might know what's happening with the writing thing- who knows- maybe her last round of interviews let her find someone as "talented" as me, who can do the right and left brain secretary and writing stuff!



Bragger said...

What a dilemma. I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom, but my gut feeling is you've got to take care of YOU. I don't think you'd be selling out your principles to work for them, but I'm a mercenary type. Who might be the change THEY need. Just a thought. Do keep me posted, and I'm only an email away.

Curley said...

Is there such a thing with this that you try it for 60-90 days to see how you like it? Would you have to give up the librarian job altogether? Would you be able to go back to the way things were if this isn't what you or they want? These are some questions that I would want answers too.

Jimmie Earl said...

It always causes such angst when one has to choose between life and moral integrity. I admire you for listening to your heart, standing up for what you believe is right, and not being afraid to do so. In my life there have been times when I had to "bite my tongue" and do things that I didn't believe in, just to keep the job I had. Now, looking back, I wish I had stood up for myself and what I thought was right instead of letting a tyrant of a boss reign over me. But that was another time in another place and we all have 20/20 hindsight. Go you for being brave!