I can't seem to get my read on. This is a first time my entire life. I've had "readers block" before but it usually only last for a few days, or a week at most. This is bad this time. Proof: in the month of January I read 1 book. Yes, one whole book, and only 1. If that doesn't seem like a big deal, let me point out that in January 2011 I read 6, January 2010 I read 5 books, and in January 2009 I read 9 books. See, the numbers never lie!
I just can't seem to find anything that really attracts my attention right now.
Also, I can't seem to focus on words on the page either. I find I read the same line or paragraph over and over again. I think my life is stressful that I just cant concentrate. It's so much easier to stare at the tv and not move.
Another issue could be my eyes. They are so sore and feel "tired" by the end of a day. I haven't had an eye exam or new glasses since summer of 2007 and I can feel it each day. I can't see jack far way and doing small work like reading, quilting, paper crafting, all seem to cause eye strain and give me headaches. I know staring at my computer screen each day doesn't seem to help either.
Whatever the reason I just can't seem to get myself into reading.
So, I'm begging for some good suggestions from you, my readers. You can go to my old books blogs ( 2009 and 2010-2011) of past to get some ideas of what I like, if you want. Or just go out on a limb and give a suggestion. I need something that's going to engage and grab me from the first few pages, please!
need to get my that readin' feelin',
Mags
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Simple, easy, quiet, low-key- what I want out of a marriage
I think we all go through different stages in our lives and want different things and right now I want to either be completely alone or I want a boyfriend husband who will agree with comply to my demands OCDs.
And I want to point out to everyone, including Daddy-O (especially Daddy-O), that I'm not talking to or about Daddy-O. He has nothing to do with this. NOT dad!!!!!! Now...
When I get married again (okay, if I get married again though after this many years the odds aren't good but...) I think the poor man is going to think I'm nuts. But I am so sick of cleaning up after... well, Mac. I love him and he is getting better. He really is but I'm just tired. I think this is why at age 18 years the kids are adults because we, as parents, are tired of cleaning up after them. Age 18 is the limit and I've hit it.
I also think part of my issue is that I've made all the decisions for Mac and me all alone, for the last 16 years. Until moving in with Daddy-O I had to do every single thing myself from cooking, cleaning, errands, phone calls, arrangements for anything, and make all the decisions. I am so tired of doing that.
And it's more than just that. If I buy food, I want it to be there when I go to eat it. I'm so sick of getting in the cupboard or freezer and stuff is gone or I take out the container and it's empty or almost so empty there's not hardly anything left (really, why put the box of crackers back with 3 crackers in it??? Seriously.) I don't want to have to cook a meal if I don't feel like it. If I want popcorn for dinner, I'll eat that. If I want summer sausage, cheese, bread and wine for dinner, I'll have that. If I don't want to eat, then I won't. If I get married, he is going to just have to understand and accept this. I do like to cook but I'm sick of it. And Future Husband Guy better have a wide range of tastes in foods because I'm tired of fixing the same stuff all the time. I cook to cater to Mac most of the time and I want different foods.Future Husband Guy should know his way around a kitchen and realize that if he wants something and I don't, then he can go have it.
I'm a person who keeps stuff. I'm not ready for the show hoarders nor could I even be called a pack-rat, I don't think, but I do keep things. But when Future Husband Guy and I get together there is going to be no clutter. Everything will have a place in a drawer, cupboard, closet, basket, or even in a Rubbermaid container stacked. If something won't fit in those places, then I'm throwing it out. I will not stack shit around. His stuff too. DOWN WITH CLUTTER!
I don't want to hear rap music ever again in my house.
I want things left where I put them! I don't want to hunt for the remote control or a magazine.
I hate cords and they will NOT be strung around my house.
If I'm going to have a full time job and Future Husband Guy has a full time job, I am not going to be a full time wife, either. He can help with the cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping, paying bills, chores and all that other shit. I will not do it alone any more.
Seriously I dream of having someone come and clean my apartment once a week, when I'm living on my own with Future Husband Guy. I'd keep my weekend receptionist job to pay for that alone. I am NOT kidding! There would never be dust or cobwebs. There would always be clean sheets! I wouldn't have to touch the vacuum cleaner!
I will compromise and communicate but let me clear up front, I'm going to be fanatical about this stuff and I will live alone if I have to because this is the stuff I'm not willing to bend on. And no, I don't need medication.
Maybe I'm just a little stressed....
Maggie
And I want to point out to everyone, including Daddy-O (especially Daddy-O), that I'm not talking to or about Daddy-O. He has nothing to do with this. NOT dad!!!!!! Now...
When I get married again (okay, if I get married again though after this many years the odds aren't good but...) I think the poor man is going to think I'm nuts. But I am so sick of cleaning up after... well, Mac. I love him and he is getting better. He really is but I'm just tired. I think this is why at age 18 years the kids are adults because we, as parents, are tired of cleaning up after them. Age 18 is the limit and I've hit it.
I also think part of my issue is that I've made all the decisions for Mac and me all alone, for the last 16 years. Until moving in with Daddy-O I had to do every single thing myself from cooking, cleaning, errands, phone calls, arrangements for anything, and make all the decisions. I am so tired of doing that.
And it's more than just that. If I buy food, I want it to be there when I go to eat it. I'm so sick of getting in the cupboard or freezer and stuff is gone or I take out the container and it's empty or almost so empty there's not hardly anything left (really, why put the box of crackers back with 3 crackers in it??? Seriously.) I don't want to have to cook a meal if I don't feel like it. If I want popcorn for dinner, I'll eat that. If I want summer sausage, cheese, bread and wine for dinner, I'll have that. If I don't want to eat, then I won't. If I get married, he is going to just have to understand and accept this. I do like to cook but I'm sick of it. And Future Husband Guy better have a wide range of tastes in foods because I'm tired of fixing the same stuff all the time. I cook to cater to Mac most of the time and I want different foods.Future Husband Guy should know his way around a kitchen and realize that if he wants something and I don't, then he can go have it.
I'm a person who keeps stuff. I'm not ready for the show hoarders nor could I even be called a pack-rat, I don't think, but I do keep things. But when Future Husband Guy and I get together there is going to be no clutter. Everything will have a place in a drawer, cupboard, closet, basket, or even in a Rubbermaid container stacked. If something won't fit in those places, then I'm throwing it out. I will not stack shit around. His stuff too. DOWN WITH CLUTTER!
I don't want to hear rap music ever again in my house.
I want things left where I put them! I don't want to hunt for the remote control or a magazine.
I hate cords and they will NOT be strung around my house.
If I'm going to have a full time job and Future Husband Guy has a full time job, I am not going to be a full time wife, either. He can help with the cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping, paying bills, chores and all that other shit. I will not do it alone any more.
Seriously I dream of having someone come and clean my apartment once a week, when I'm living on my own with Future Husband Guy. I'd keep my weekend receptionist job to pay for that alone. I am NOT kidding! There would never be dust or cobwebs. There would always be clean sheets! I wouldn't have to touch the vacuum cleaner!
I will compromise and communicate but let me clear up front, I'm going to be fanatical about this stuff and I will live alone if I have to because this is the stuff I'm not willing to bend on. And no, I don't need medication.
Maybe I'm just a little stressed....
Maggie
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Worthless Layabout that I am
I feel almost sinful for what I did last night. The only thing that would've made it better is if someone would've let me eat an entire pan of gooey brownies.
I got home from work/ school at 4pm. I put on my jammies and sat on my butt on the couch. Daddy-O and Mac fixed an early supper, which I ate. And I didn't even offer to help clean up and I didn't feel guilty about it either (though I did fill the dishwasher before Daddy-O cooked...)
I went back to the couch and finished Mac's FAFSA. Then I watched movies and read email and played Boggle on my phone.
ITSam came over and we watched a movie and then he left and I went to bed.
I was a complete bum who put on pj's at 4pm. And I really don't care.
I feel like I've been going 3000 miles an hour for the last month. I've physically felt like poop, completely wiped out. I've done two jobs the last 4 days and then had my big program for the Mardi Gras party. Add all the personal stuff like FAFSA, broken cars, Princess, money, taxes and just life, it's been a VERY STRESSFUL time. I told Daddy-O it was a good thing I lived with him (and respected him enough to not drink like a fish in his h0use) or I would've become an alcoholic in the last several months due to stress.
Last night's veg out session was awesome and I plan on doing a few more of those in the upcoming weeks.
Mags
I got home from work/ school at 4pm. I put on my jammies and sat on my butt on the couch. Daddy-O and Mac fixed an early supper, which I ate. And I didn't even offer to help clean up and I didn't feel guilty about it either (though I did fill the dishwasher before Daddy-O cooked...)
I went back to the couch and finished Mac's FAFSA. Then I watched movies and read email and played Boggle on my phone.
ITSam came over and we watched a movie and then he left and I went to bed.
I was a complete bum who put on pj's at 4pm. And I really don't care.
I feel like I've been going 3000 miles an hour for the last month. I've physically felt like poop, completely wiped out. I've done two jobs the last 4 days and then had my big program for the Mardi Gras party. Add all the personal stuff like FAFSA, broken cars, Princess, money, taxes and just life, it's been a VERY STRESSFUL time. I told Daddy-O it was a good thing I lived with him (and respected him enough to not drink like a fish in his h0use) or I would've become an alcoholic in the last several months due to stress.
Last night's veg out session was awesome and I plan on doing a few more of those in the upcoming weeks.
Mags
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Still stressed, still whining
I hate those days when nothing really goes according to plan. Yesterday was one of those days. I had great expectations for my Tuesday but it all went to hell in hand basket.
I originally took yesterday off from work because I was supposed to have a doctor appointment and I was supposed to take a scrapbook class. The scrapbook class was actually after work but the doctor appoint was in Northern Civilization and during the work day. So last week I took the day off and scheduled a substitute.
On Friday of last week, the Planned Parenthood I go to for my physical called and said that from now on they don't do annual physical appointments on Mondays and Tuesdays. Due to budget cuts they need to re-schedule me on a Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.
I figured I would go ahead and take the day off anyway, maybe go to Northern Civilization earlier in the day and hang out at the book stores or in my favorite park with a Starbucks if the weather was nice. Daddy-O talked about going with me as well.
Well, last night Daddy-O decided to not go with me, due to finances. Then the scrapbook store called and canceled my class because not enough people signed up! Well, damn! I gave some serious thought to calling my sub and canceling, just going to work but I couldn't find her number anywhere. I consoled myself with the fact that I could use a mental health day and would stay home with my laptop, in my jammies, drinking coffee and doing a mass resume mailing in an effort to get a new job.
Well, that didn't work. Partially it was my fault, I realize.
Mac woke up with a HUGE headache, sinus pressure, clogged nose, ear ache and sore throat. I told him he could stay home and sleep but he had to go to school because he has play practice this week. The show is Thursday night and this is dress rehearsal week. I know he's been so busy and tired, burning the candle at both ends with school until 315, cheer leading 330-6pm and then play practice 6-9pm Then homework after that. So, I figures he was very run down. I also know that right now the sinus issues for folks are off the charts bad right now with our freaky weather. The Weather Channel TV station was even talking about the sinus/ weather problems here in the Midwest right now. So, I told him he could stay home and sleep half a day.
Around 11:30am he announces that he doesn't "have" to go to school because the rule of "no school= no activities" is only for sports. So he ended up staying home all day. That totally messed with my mental health time because he started filling out college applications which meant he hit me with twenty questions. Then he wanted to know if he could re-take the SAT and when and it costs $50. Then College 2's application cost $50. It was all about money. I finally told him to shut up, go away and leave me alone.
I also had a huge conversation with Mac's cheer leading coach about tomorrow. There's an athletic awards dinner. He has to be there, dressed up. Also, he has lifting and it's a dress rehearsal for the play (the play is tomorrow night), and he has to bring a covered dish. Damn it, I can't catch a break. I did pack his gym bag, making sure he had everything he needed so we don't have to run back and forth, making extra trips. And I got a brownie mix for his contribution to the meal.
Then last night I decided to watch a movie called The Ultimate Heist and nowhere on the box did it way it was a French film that had been dubbed over. Badly dubbed over and very boring. By the way, it sucked. What pisses me off, is that a few of the French actors speak English and they didn't even do their parts in the voice over. It's pretty terrible. Jean Reno is in it and he didn't do his English either. Suckage.
I did get some job applications done; that's the good part. Not as many as I wanted but at least I got some done. So much for a relaxing, mental health day.
Feh.
Maggie
I originally took yesterday off from work because I was supposed to have a doctor appointment and I was supposed to take a scrapbook class. The scrapbook class was actually after work but the doctor appoint was in Northern Civilization and during the work day. So last week I took the day off and scheduled a substitute.
On Friday of last week, the Planned Parenthood I go to for my physical called and said that from now on they don't do annual physical appointments on Mondays and Tuesdays. Due to budget cuts they need to re-schedule me on a Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.
I figured I would go ahead and take the day off anyway, maybe go to Northern Civilization earlier in the day and hang out at the book stores or in my favorite park with a Starbucks if the weather was nice. Daddy-O talked about going with me as well.
Well, last night Daddy-O decided to not go with me, due to finances. Then the scrapbook store called and canceled my class because not enough people signed up! Well, damn! I gave some serious thought to calling my sub and canceling, just going to work but I couldn't find her number anywhere. I consoled myself with the fact that I could use a mental health day and would stay home with my laptop, in my jammies, drinking coffee and doing a mass resume mailing in an effort to get a new job.
Well, that didn't work. Partially it was my fault, I realize.
Mac woke up with a HUGE headache, sinus pressure, clogged nose, ear ache and sore throat. I told him he could stay home and sleep but he had to go to school because he has play practice this week. The show is Thursday night and this is dress rehearsal week. I know he's been so busy and tired, burning the candle at both ends with school until 315, cheer leading 330-6pm and then play practice 6-9pm Then homework after that. So, I figures he was very run down. I also know that right now the sinus issues for folks are off the charts bad right now with our freaky weather. The Weather Channel TV station was even talking about the sinus/ weather problems here in the Midwest right now. So, I told him he could stay home and sleep half a day.
Around 11:30am he announces that he doesn't "have" to go to school because the rule of "no school= no activities" is only for sports. So he ended up staying home all day. That totally messed with my mental health time because he started filling out college applications which meant he hit me with twenty questions. Then he wanted to know if he could re-take the SAT and when and it costs $50. Then College 2's application cost $50. It was all about money. I finally told him to shut up, go away and leave me alone.
I also had a huge conversation with Mac's cheer leading coach about tomorrow. There's an athletic awards dinner. He has to be there, dressed up. Also, he has lifting and it's a dress rehearsal for the play (the play is tomorrow night), and he has to bring a covered dish. Damn it, I can't catch a break. I did pack his gym bag, making sure he had everything he needed so we don't have to run back and forth, making extra trips. And I got a brownie mix for his contribution to the meal.
Then last night I decided to watch a movie called The Ultimate Heist and nowhere on the box did it way it was a French film that had been dubbed over. Badly dubbed over and very boring. By the way, it sucked. What pisses me off, is that a few of the French actors speak English and they didn't even do their parts in the voice over. It's pretty terrible. Jean Reno is in it and he didn't do his English either. Suckage.
I did get some job applications done; that's the good part. Not as many as I wanted but at least I got some done. So much for a relaxing, mental health day.
Feh.
Maggie
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