Tuesday, September 16, 2014

I was late to work TODAY and it was because of the Colts game played LAST NIGHT‏

Okay, so maybe the fact that I was 90 minutes late to work today wasn't ENTIRELY the Colts fault. More like my boyfriend's fault. Who went to the COlts game last night and got drunk and said events spilled over to this morning...

Let me back up.

Yesterday, TheGuy rode his motorcycle to work but came back home at noon to get his car because it was supposed to rain. He put his helmet in the back seat of his car when he got home so he didn't have to go inside; this was just supposed to be a quick switcheroo of vehicles. The helmet plays an important part in this story later.

Also, I think I should point out that TheGuy was going to the game with a buddy of his from work who is notorious for his drunken escapades; however, I was told by TheGuy that he wouldn't drink because he had to much to today. Famous last words.

At 11:11 pm last night, I was woke by the sound of the ringing phone. Oh the drunk boyfriend. Really, really drunk boyfriend. Slurring words. Giggling. Attempting to sing. Repeating his word. I'll spare you the details, but though he offered to sleep in his car I decided it would be better to just pick him up.

Did I mention I was asleep when he called?

Did I mention I got up and got dressed?

Did I mention it was pouring down rain?

I hoped he was where he said he was- in his office building parking lot. Which was 14 blocks from the stadium. Oh yes, he staggered (drunkenly) or walked 14 blocks from the stadium, in the rain. Thankfully he was there when I arrived. In his car. Passed out drunk. On the backseat of the car. Wearing... his motorcycle helmet. I rapped on the window, rousing him from his drunken stupor.

He got out of the car and stood, swaying, staggering, trying to right himself. He looked like a human bobble head, which his giant helmet on. I thought it would be better to get it off rather than have him decide he wanted it removed half way home. I pulled and tugged and TheGuy wanted to know why I was yanking on his ears. I told him I was trying to help him get his helmet off, per his request. He put his hand on his head and said "oh, helmet." Oh. My. God. We went back to pulling and tugging, him bent over like a charging bull and me pulling. In a darkened parking lot. In the rain. At almost midnight. And it wouldn't come off. Because he didn't realize he had fastened the chin strap. For God's sake. 

Helmet off. TheGuy in car. Seat belt on. On the entire drive to the house  he talked and talked and talked, saying nothing. Though it does sound like his drink count was around 9 or 10. Ah, no wonder he needed a ride. And was half passed out in the backseat of his car.

Home. In the house. I helped him get undressed. He managed to get to the bathroom alone. He overshared with Mac. TheGuy said, "I'm so drunk my balls are numb." Like Mac or I needed to know that? So, I put him into bed. He thought he would be sick so I got him a trash can. Then he decided his phone should be plugged in. I got up and did that. Oh, and then, the alarm needed to be turned on. Yes, out of bed I went again. And he talked and talked... ugh, just shut up, I wanted to scream. I didn't. It's almost 1 am. He did say he would go to work around noon and he finally drifted to sleep.

This morning... I got up. It was rough. I don't feel well when I don't have much sleep. And as I was getting ready, TheGuy looked at his work calendar (apparently me moving around to get ready slightly woke him) and he HAD to be as work first thing for a meeting. He thought he could take the bus. No- time schedule wouldn't work. He thought he could ride the motorcycle- no, it was supposed to rain again. Yes, I said I would give him a ride. And since he was sweating beer, I waited for him to shower. And use the bathroom at least 3 times. Ewwwww....

Finally we leave the house, drive to his office downtown, totally in the opposite direction of MY office. I drop him off. I head toward my office. Did I mention this is also in the middle of rush hour traffic? I get half way to work to find TheGuy's CAR KEYS in my car. Oh *insert a lot of swearing here*!!!  I was supposed to be going out of town and leaving right from work so I had to figure out how to get him the keys. Oh he offered to find a ride home or to take the bus but really, wasn't the whole point of me giving him a ride to work was to have keys to drive his car home? I don't even care at this point, and I drove BACK to his office and handed over the keys. 

One cool thing- I discovered that one of my fav local coffeehouses has a building downtown and I found it! I did drop in there for a mocha- thank you Java Gods!

Finally I arrive at my office. 90 minutes late. Now you can see why it's totally the Colts fault, right? They lost the game in the last quarter to the Eagles after leading the whole game so it's not above reason that this was their fault!



Curley said...

That is just too funny. I can picture you two trying to get that helmet off in the middle of the night. Welcome back, have missed reading you.

Jimmie Earl said...

Of course it's the Colts' fault. If they had won, the celebrating would have been joyous instead of fans drowning their sorrows in booze. The Guy probably would have been even more inebriated and slept in his car all night, helmet and all! LOL!
Hilarious tale, though!