Almost ready to be nominated for a Darwin Award

Sometimes I am an idiot. Really. It's true. I can offer recent proof.

Right now in the Midwest it's very, very hot and very, very humid and very, very damp and rainy and just, well, icky all the way around. We have big black ants in the house right now. It doesn't matter how clean you are, in this sort of weather, this time of year, the big black ants are a fact of life.

Since there aren't any small kids or any pets around, I keep putting down ant poison called Tarro. Then I wipe off every available surface (and rinse dishes, etc) before I cook since the ants walked through and eat the Tarro and then walk across the counters to their nest/ home where ever that may be.

The other day I opened the dishwasher to put in the last of the dirty supper dishes and there were about 50 big black ants everywhere. It was so nasty and gross. So I thought I'd show them! Bwahahahaha- I filled the dishwasher with soap and sent them to their watery deaths!

But...

There's always a but...

But what I didn't quite think all the way through is... where are the dead ants going to go since they were trapped in the running dishwasher?

The answer is: ALL OVER THE DISHES. That's right, they died, they got blown apart and there were little pieces of dead ants all over the clean dishes. Where in the hell was my brain? To make matters worse, (Oh yes, worse) I had the heating element turned on to dry the dishes, so not only did I have dead ant body parts ON the dishes, they were BAKED on the dishes.

I ran that load of dishes through about 4 times and then finally washed about 3/4 of the stuff as I emptied it.

Sometimes I just don't have two brain cells to rub together. I should be the author of "The idiot's guide on how to dispose ants".

Dumbass,
Maggie Mae

Oh, and... Mac emptied the dishwasher without being asked on the second load of dishes, post dead ant body parts, and he asked me later what the black stuff was on the dishes. Instead of just NOT putting them away, he put them away "dirty". So we had to wash and rinse everything we took out of the cupboards for the next few days because of STRAY leftover body parts. Good goddess!

Not exactly an "Officer and a Gentleman"

On Friday I was blogging about my shoes and I digressed into a story about a sprained ankle and a Sam. I don't know what it was about this particular Sam but while I dated him I also suffered from an Achilles Heel tear.

I was coming home one night in December or January. It was cold, as it is known to be in the Midwest in those winter months, but it was one of those clear and no snow type of nights. My driveway was clear of snow and it was dry. Except, I learned the hard way, one tiny little spot. There was one damn spot of ice about 6 inches wide on the whole freaking driveway and of course, I stepped on that tiny spot. And slipped. And fell. And I really really really hurt my ankle-leg-foot part of my body. I was laying on the driveway crying my head off at 1 am.

I sort of crawled and dragged myself into the house and sat on the floor. I then called some friends of mine to come get me (the Sam was working as a DJ at a gig and there was no way he could come get me so I didn't even bother to impose) to take me to the hospital. I hurt hurt hurt. And I had no idea what was wrong. I thought I broke my leg or foot or ankle or all three.

So I went to the ER and learned I had a torn Achilles. I got a temp cast thingy on it and then the next day I got a boot thingy on it.

When all this happened I was teaching at the college level. The day after the incident I had a morning class to teach and an evening one. So, my friends of the ER trip gave me a ride to the school and the Dean of students took me to the doc that afternoon and back to the school. Sam and I were supposed to have a date and he was going to pick me up at school when class was over. But with all the running around and teaching and stuff, I sort of forgot to mention to Sam I screwed up my ankle/ foot.

So he shows up to get me and comes to my room. I was sitting at my desk with my leg propped up and was chatting with some students. Sam comes in and takes one look and asks what happened. I told him and he chuckled. I grab my crutches and ask him if he'll carry my bag. He takes one look at my giant pink bag and says no way.

What he does instead is hand me my bag and picks ME up, one shoulder fireman carry style, and grabs my crutches and off we go. As he went through the hallways with me hanging ass up over his shoulder, my casted/booted foot dangling, people in the hallway step aside and applaud. They laugh. They clap and cheer. I raised my head and waved at everyone as we paraded passed them.

We arrive at his pick-up truck where he so carefully and gently deposits me on the passenger seat, kisses me, smiles and asks what I want for dinner. As we pull out of the parking lot, everyone who is still around cheers. We wave.

Not Richard Gere and Debra Winger, but still.... it was good. Oh so good.

Maggie

Put on my Pink Dancing shoes

I bought some new pink shoes. Much needed for summer, I thought. And they were on SALE! I just couldn't resist!

Here they are; I referred to them in yesterday's post....


Thanks to Beverly at How Sweet the Sound for hosting a wonderful Pink Saturday! And please go visit Nicki at An American in Berlin. She's a great voice; and a cute pink pink bag that I just covet!

In Shoes We Trust,
Maggie Mae

I planned around shoes

Okay, I planned what I wanted to wear this week around my shoes. This is a very big deal for me. When I was working at the middle school last school year, I resorted to wearing flats because I went from room to room to room as an aide. I traveled with my kids. And wearing my heels in that atmosphere was not healthy. Oh, not that my feet hurt, but it was rough on my shoes! I was in the hallway during passing period and kids don't watch where they are going so my shoes would get scuffed as THEY tripped over MY feet. Also wearing 3-4 inch heels is treacherous on wet linoleum school floors. It just screams out: BREAK YOUR LEG HERE! So I wore flats, loafers and other practical shoes.

Teaching this summer gig, I thought would be the perfect time to take my heels out for a spin. All the rooms and hallways are carpeted. I'm in the same room from 9am until 230 pm. The only walking I have to do is from my car to my classroom or from my classroom to the cafeteria, if I want to go eat there. But I had to plan outfits that went with the shoes and also meshed well with our HOT weather. I won't bore you with what I wore as far as my clothes, but the shoes... well... that's another story.

So earlier this week I took my new pink satin heels out for a spin (I'm not showing those here because they are my choice for my pink Saturday picture tomorrow!). And then yesterday I wore my red plaid 4 inch ones, and today I dared to wear a pair of shoes that I have a serious past with. My black spongy high soled flip-flops. Insert *bum bum bum* here!

The infamous black spongy flip-flops and I have history. I was dating a Sam many moons ago. We were in his apartment and listening to music. We were dancing. We were fooling around. And the people in the upstairs from us we "makin' whoopee". We were laughing and making fun of them. And then they were getting louder and louder. This Sam was a pretty tall guy and he was tapping or knocking on his ceiling which was their floor, which made the two of us laugh hysterically. So I tried to be funny and jump up to tap the ceiling, too but I'm short Even in these shoes. And when I came down... I landed... wrong... and twisted my ankle. Because the heel was so tall on the shoes.

I landed in a heap on the floor, and my ankle was throbbing and swelling. We were both laughing and crying because I was being so stupid. But Sam ended up having to drive me home and then carry me in the house. And the next couple days I had a wrap and ice bags on it and had to use crutches. All because I was being a dumbass in my big shoes. That was also the weekend I was supposed to meet Sam's kids but I couldn't move around too well, so he brought me roses and a peach smoothie and some kisses. He and I laughed about this for years! He said I didn't have to go to that extreme to NOT meet his kids.

Over the next few years I've worn these shoes rarely. I'm usually careful and respectful of the shoes. I don't want to them to retaliate again. And I try to not be stupid when I wear these shoes.

Gotta respect the soles.

Anyway, I went ahead and wore those to school today. I was careful and didn't do anything crazy. I mostly sat. And the boys in my class thought they were hilarious. They were impressed with how tall these shoes made me. They do have a 3 inch sole...

And I always remember that night with Sam when I wear these! Ah, good times!

In Shoes We Trust,
Maggie Mae

Bunch of random stuff about me meme

This is a crazy week with the first week of summer school. I keep re-prepping my classes to fit their knowledge and interests. And I'm tired. And I'm applying for full time jobs. And recovering from the relatives. So, today I'm cheating with a meme. And of course, with honor among thieves, thanks to Sunday Stealing for the questions! Enjoy!

1. Make a list of 5 things you can see without getting up.
front door, the tv, a coffee cup, a video game system, Daddy-O's desk

2. How do you style your hair? How often do you cut it?
I hate my hair. Right now I'm pulling it back with clips and scarves and hairbands while I'm going it out. And I'm never cutting it again

3. What are you wearing now?
black trousers, white silk shirt, red silk scarf, red plaid 4 inch heels

4. What's your occupation? Do you like it?
temp. summer school teacher and yes I like it

5. When was the last time that you took a nap? Was there a special reason?
I actually took one yesterday and before that, I couldn't remember the last time I napped. And I took a nap because I was exhausted

6. Who was the last person you hugged romantically?
A Sam in March 2009

8. What was the last full meal that you ate? (I don't know where question 7 has gone)
lunch- pears, chicken salad sandwich, mixed veggies

9. What was the last email that you received?
junk mail

10. What one website do you always visit when you go online?
my email

11. What was the last significant thing you bought?
pink satin 4 inch heels

12. What musical artist did you not get at first, but then became a fan?
U2

13. What did you think about before you went to bed last night?
about what I wanted to wear to school today

14. What was the last CD you bought?
I can't remember... I got the new Michael Buble for a gift, though

15. What is your favorite weather, and why? What's the weather like today?
I like cool weather, no snow, wear long sleeves and jeans weather, with a little overcast. Today it's terrible- it's about 86 degrees with 75% humidity. Ick

16. If you could have a special artistic talent, what would it be?
being able to sketch or draw or paint

17. Did you watch the Idol 9 finale? If yes, what are your thoughts?
nope

18. What's something you'd like to say to someone right now?
"Leave me alone"

19. Any special plans for this (holiday in the States) weekend?
well, since I'm a little late on the holiday weekend, I was at home with my family, saw some movies, went shopping

20. Besides your current S/O, who was the last person that you loved romantically?
I'm single. I don't love romantically- it's easier on the heart that way

Summer School

Okay, so summer school wasn't that bad! I enjoyed it.

I had 6 boys in my "School of Rock" class. I think they thought it was boring but it's all the background of how rock-n-roll became... well, became. I didn't get to Elvis, but we had lots of discussion questions and I played lots of song clips. I also did a "conformity" activity. After the history of rock and roll and then listening to clips, I asked them to write in journals what the advantages and disadvantages were of conforming to society were. Then we looked at lyrics (and listened to) of The Who's "My Generation", "Baba O Reilly" and Pearl Jam's "Who You Are." We talked about what each of these songs were about. Then they had to pick a lyric from one of those songs that "spoke" to them and explain why and make a mini poster, which we hung on the wall. Then I asked them what conformity had to do with rock-n- roll to tie it all together. Get them thinking about themselves in the world, and music. Hey, if they can learn something in the process, then bonus, right?

My second group was also boys, 7 of them, and right after lunch. They were much more talkative and wound up. They were in my Hollywood 101 class- how to watch movies with a focus on the classics as a genre. Basically it means, I picked a genre, talked about it, and used handouts for about 10 minutes. We did an activity using a Stephen King essay called "Why we crave Horror Films", and then got to watch Hitchcock's The Birds, which we didn't finish today, but will tomorrow.

It's odd because of several reasons. First, and this was cool, there were NO cell phones or headphones. Kids weren't trying to sneak text messages or listen to headphones. (Yes, I realize the irony of that since I am teaching a rock music class). That was totally awesome. And it's a totally incredible setting to have just a class of boys without the girl drama. I LIKED that. It was also hard for me to remember that 98% of all the kids in the building are hardened criminals, that this place is the last stop for them before going to Boy's State Prison. They were all in uniforms of khaki pants, collared shirts with an undershirt, belts, shirts tucked in, no sagging/ baggy pants, and nice shoes. Hair was combed and kids were clean. They were polite. Yes, I know WHY they are this way, but regardless of the circumstances, it was a really nice change of pace. I was impressed. They were kind and good. If this keeps up, it will be a good 10 days.

Okay, and I have to tattle on myself. I was preparing my lesson plans Monday night and I wanted to make sure I talked about the influence of rockabilly music. In all my research, I found that Johnny Cash "Cocaine Blues" or "Folsom Prison Blues" were the genre's best examples. Well, Sunday night, my thought process was that there was no way I could play "Cocaine Blues" to these kids because of the DRUGS! Oh NO! *gasp* Uh, but, uh, yeah... I know you're sitting there saying, "Oh no way. She so didn't..." Uh, yes way, she so did. I actually played, without thinking of the irony, "Folsom Prison Blues." Some of the boys thought that was a riot, and even suggested it be the class theme song. Yup- go me. I was so embarrassed!

Well, anyway... other than that little incident, it could be a great 2 weeks!

Keeping my fingers crossed,
Maggie

When it rains, it pours

A funny thing happened yesterday when I went to the movie theater. I went to see Just Wright. It was about 10 minutes from the ending when the power in the theater went out due to the thunderstorms. So we all just sat there, me alone, with all the other couples, waiting. When the power came on about 5 minutes later the credits were rolling. Some guy in our theater went to talk to a manager so we sat a bit longer and the credits stopped and the movie started over again from the beginning. When the manager figured that out and got it reset for the third time, the power went out again!!!

So the deal was that everyone would get a rain check (no pun intended, I think) ticket if we show our ticket stubs. Only when I got to the theater I paid for my ticket and the ticket taker's machine ran out of paper so they gave me a receipt rather than a ticket. So when I gave the ticket agent my receipt instead of a stub, he gave me my cash back instead of a rain check ticket to see any show I wanted. But I still don't know how the movie ends!!!!!!!! If you saw it, can you tell me? Is that crazy or what?

And I think I went a little crazy to do what I did next. I was standing in the lobby of the movie theater with about 100 other people who were trying to decide if they should make a run for it or just stand there and wait for the rain to subside. Well, I thought, "WTF". I started walking and... well, the rain was warm and it was warm outside, like falling bathwater and I just stopped and turned in circles with my arms out and face upturned to the sky. I was jumping in the puddles and hooting and hollering and all the people in the theater started clapping and cheering me, laughing and pointing, and suddenly a couple guys ran out and then a few more people ran out and started doing the same thing! I led a mini revolution: man verses nature! It was awesome!

Gotta make my own fun, right?
Maggie

On another note...