This diamond ring doesn't shine for me anymore

When ITSam started talking about getting married, you know back when we were together, and thought I was wrong to go along with it and I didn't listen to the little voice inside my head telling me "no", I did go with him to jewelry stores to try on rings. I am human. I am a woman. I do LIKE things that sparkle. Hel-LO! Wrong yes, but I did it anyway.

So we went to stores together and I tried on rings. I have no idea what protocol is for this adventure. Am I supposed to point out what I want, be meek and mild and let him do the talking? Should I have demurred? I have no idea and these trips were uncomfortable and awkward. That should've been a sign.

We never did find anything that just jumped out at me, or him. He said he didn't care what I got as long as I liked it. He wanted me to come along and pick it because he felt he could never capture the taste of what would fit my personality. Okay... being the control freak that I am, I did like that.

One day I saw an ad for a privately owned little place about 20 minutes from here in the town where I happened to go to University. I ran up there after work one day, to see if they had anything. OMG- they did. It was the perfect ring. It was an estate vintage piece and it was just what I wanted, in the diamond world. It was affordable as well.

The next day ITSam went with me and we looked again. He liked it quite a bit and said it was fine. We did some discussing and haggling and all was well with the ring.

Then everything with us went to hell.

Then last Friday the jeweler called me about the ring and left a message. I didn't do anything, thinking maybe she would look at her phone list and see she called me and then try and call him. Wrong. She called and left me another voice mail. This time, through texting, I told Sam she was calling and he needed to call and take care of it.

She called again. I text Sam again. Today he sent me a text and told me that "contacting the jeweler is completed." Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I have no idea if Sam had bought the ring or was making payments or what the deal was. I honestly don't know. I don't care what HIS plan was for the ring.

What I think really sucks is that I want that ring. I found it myself. And what is sad, is that it wouldn't even remind me of Sam or a bad relationship. it would be the awesome, vintage, estate piece I found in a quirky, funky little jewelry shop. I don't have a grand to buy it for myself. And what do I do with it once I get it, I guess would be the next logical question. It is an engagement ring. It looks like one so I can't even fake that. I could wear it on my right hand. I can't exactly save it in a box and hope if some guy comes along (yeah right) and wants to get married (yeah right) that I whip it out and say "I just happen to have an engagement ring right here." I think not. That's like the woman who buys the Vera Wang wedding gown on sale and keeps it just in case. Pathetic.

But it was SUCH a perfect ring, and just what I wanted, and sparkly. I'd rather have the ring than the guy, dang it.

If anyone has a grand laying about and wants to buy me a diamond engagement ring... well, it doesn't mean we have a commitment or anything. I promise. Really. I do!

Mags