The other day Daddy-O and I cleaned out the garage. It was a few hours of time but we got lots accomplished.
One thing we both decided when we started cleaning that we were NOT going to have a rummage sale. At all. I had a rummage sale a few years ago and I did it because I really needed the money, really badly. But unless I'm in that sort of dire straits again, then there is no friggin way. So we agreed.
We threw stuff away and we took stuff to the local mission store. And we came up with an idea. We had some things we didn't want to "wrap up" and box up to haul away. So we lugged a super old, beat up card table to the side of the street and set all the stuff on it with a huge sign that said "free." There was an old oil lamp, and a bunch of candle holders. There was an old Mary Engelbreit picture, and old birdhouse, and an old computer monitor that still worked but was old and bulky.
As the day went on, stuff disappeared off the table. Cars would slow down and take a looky-loo. Some stopped and others didn't. People took stuff. It was all good.
I ran a few errands and when I got home, there was one thing left: the computer monitor. The cords had been taken (probably someone wanted to sell the copper) and left the monitor.
And the monitor was no longer on the table but on the grass.
Because someone had taken the table. Seriously! Someone took the old, ramshackle, broken down, table all the stuff was on.
Well, the sign did say "Free".
Maggie
Showing posts with label other pandemics than just stupidity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label other pandemics than just stupidity. Show all posts
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
A version of "Who's On First"?
I found a stack of shelves in the library and decided to gain more space, I would add an extra shelf into each book case; there was enough space to do that and one thing a library usually needs about as badly as more money is more room.
So last week I had a student assigned to me for half days for a week since his work study/ job training boss was on vacation. This kid started shifting the books for me to make room for the extra shelf.
With the rhythm we had going, he would just pull an empty shelf from the book case next to him. When he finally go to the point where he had to use a shelf from the stack, I hear the dreaded words, "Miz O'Sullivan, we have a problem."
Oh crap. Words no one likes to hear.
Apparently, the shelves in storage don't fit. They're were 3 inches too wide. I am not kidding. The kid had moved books on 5 shelves, about 1000 or more books, and now we had a huge 3 foot gap with no shelves.
So......... I took books off a display bookcase and used those since they fit. Now the display bookcase has no shelves in it.
I then called our maintenance department and ordered 5 new shelves and filled out a work order. The secretary in that department said it would take 5-6 weeks to built. Around that time my principal came in the library and wanted to know where the shelves were. I said it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission and he laughed. I said I was taking care of it and he said no problem.
It all sounds like it was taken care of, right?
A few hours later my principal comes in and the conversation goes something like this:
him: I think it's time to ask for that forgiveness.
me: ok. But..... uh, how come?
him: you want to spend about $3000.
me: I do?
him: where are you going to put 5 shelves? why do you need 5 shelves?
me: [I gesture to the bookcase which happens to be next to a large empty wall] Over there.
him: well, why five?
me: because that's what's going to fill the space. Why would that cost so much?
him: because of all the matierlas and time involved.
me: I think if someone gave me wood and a saw, I could do that in a weekend.
him: well, I think it's unnecessary.
me: so, you want me to leave it empty?
Now the blank look comes on his face. I asked him, "okay, wait a minute. What are you talking about?" He really wasn't sure.
Apparently, to save you all from the rest of this debacle, the secretary in maintenance thought I wanted 5 BOOKCASES not just 5 shelves, the plain old planks. So she told that to Principal.
When he found out I just wanted 5 replacement shelves, he was fine with that. And glad I wasn't trying to spend $3k.
It's still going to take 5-6 weeks, though...
Gee, I'm glad we got that settled.
Maggie
So last week I had a student assigned to me for half days for a week since his work study/ job training boss was on vacation. This kid started shifting the books for me to make room for the extra shelf.
With the rhythm we had going, he would just pull an empty shelf from the book case next to him. When he finally go to the point where he had to use a shelf from the stack, I hear the dreaded words, "Miz O'Sullivan, we have a problem."
Oh crap. Words no one likes to hear.
Apparently, the shelves in storage don't fit. They're were 3 inches too wide. I am not kidding. The kid had moved books on 5 shelves, about 1000 or more books, and now we had a huge 3 foot gap with no shelves.
So......... I took books off a display bookcase and used those since they fit. Now the display bookcase has no shelves in it.
I then called our maintenance department and ordered 5 new shelves and filled out a work order. The secretary in that department said it would take 5-6 weeks to built. Around that time my principal came in the library and wanted to know where the shelves were. I said it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission and he laughed. I said I was taking care of it and he said no problem.
It all sounds like it was taken care of, right?
A few hours later my principal comes in and the conversation goes something like this:
him: I think it's time to ask for that forgiveness.
me: ok. But..... uh, how come?
him: you want to spend about $3000.
me: I do?
him: where are you going to put 5 shelves? why do you need 5 shelves?
me: [I gesture to the bookcase which happens to be next to a large empty wall] Over there.
him: well, why five?
me: because that's what's going to fill the space. Why would that cost so much?
him: because of all the matierlas and time involved.
me: I think if someone gave me wood and a saw, I could do that in a weekend.
him: well, I think it's unnecessary.
me: so, you want me to leave it empty?
Now the blank look comes on his face. I asked him, "okay, wait a minute. What are you talking about?" He really wasn't sure.
Apparently, to save you all from the rest of this debacle, the secretary in maintenance thought I wanted 5 BOOKCASES not just 5 shelves, the plain old planks. So she told that to Principal.
When he found out I just wanted 5 replacement shelves, he was fine with that. And glad I wasn't trying to spend $3k.
It's still going to take 5-6 weeks, though...
Gee, I'm glad we got that settled.
Maggie
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The run around
This is stupid but it's driving me crazy.
We have a program, that we pay for, through Scholastic called Reading Counts (RC). The very basics are that Scholastic gives books a reading level and a point value. Kids take a 10 question multiple choice quiz on a computer over a book. If they pass, the get points. If they fail, they get nothing. Teachers can use this tool however they want. It's a K-12 program. There are some more ins and outs but this is the general gist.
Here at my school, our English teachers tell students they get extra credit for reading books and passing the quizzes. Our library does some incentives, too, which is awesome for the kids. (One milestone is 500 point- an off campus pizza party for the student, a staff member and a friend!)
To keep current on the quizzes, schools have two options: 1) subscribe to the Scholastic online service that automatically uploads the updates as available; or, 2) receive in a CD in the mail and manually load the quizzes into a school's local quiz bank.
Because of costs and our school's situation in our school system, we have the "CD in the mail" option. Since I started this job, we've not received any CD's.
I will say it was the middle of February before I figured this out. So I started making calls to some people here in our buildings to see if the CDs we delivered to somewhere else on campus; they would have the old librarian's name so I thought someone might have taken it upon themselves to deliver CD-ROMs to any of the IT departments. No. They also didn't go to our administrators nor were they sent back to the company- another thought I had since there was a name change in librarians.
I called Scholastic and left a voice mail with our rep. Four days later I've heard nothing so I try again. Still nothing that week.
I call Scholastic and get bounced to four different people before I get sent to Customer Service. The operator tells me we have the online service. I tell her we do not. She says it must be a mistake and says she'll send the discs out and I should receive them in 5-7 business days. Now, remember, I'm wanting the updates for January thru March.
On the 7th business day I get a message from a nameless rep at Scholastic that says we belong to the online service and to call their 800 number for help if I need it.
WE DO NOT BELONG TO THE ONLINE SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I call and actually get MY school's rep on the phone. I explain to her. She says the computer says.... you guessed it, we belong to the online service. I tell her okay fine and ask her to walk me through it. We start the process and Lo and behold I can't get online to the information because I don't have an online account.
After many clicks and being put on hold at her end, she comes back and tells me to start doing title searches of new books that were added to the online quiz bank in the last 3 months. She gives me about 10 titles and I have access to none of those quizzes.
Her answer is that she needs to "further investigate" to see what's wrong. She's supposed to call me back tomorrow.
I don't think she needs to investigate. Someone just needs to mail me the damn discs. As I told her, I have 2 years worth of CDs in a box so I have no idea what the damn problem is now.
Impressed I am not,
Maggie
We have a program, that we pay for, through Scholastic called Reading Counts (RC). The very basics are that Scholastic gives books a reading level and a point value. Kids take a 10 question multiple choice quiz on a computer over a book. If they pass, the get points. If they fail, they get nothing. Teachers can use this tool however they want. It's a K-12 program. There are some more ins and outs but this is the general gist.
Here at my school, our English teachers tell students they get extra credit for reading books and passing the quizzes. Our library does some incentives, too, which is awesome for the kids. (One milestone is 500 point- an off campus pizza party for the student, a staff member and a friend!)
To keep current on the quizzes, schools have two options: 1) subscribe to the Scholastic online service that automatically uploads the updates as available; or, 2) receive in a CD in the mail and manually load the quizzes into a school's local quiz bank.
Because of costs and our school's situation in our school system, we have the "CD in the mail" option. Since I started this job, we've not received any CD's.
I will say it was the middle of February before I figured this out. So I started making calls to some people here in our buildings to see if the CDs we delivered to somewhere else on campus; they would have the old librarian's name so I thought someone might have taken it upon themselves to deliver CD-ROMs to any of the IT departments. No. They also didn't go to our administrators nor were they sent back to the company- another thought I had since there was a name change in librarians.
I called Scholastic and left a voice mail with our rep. Four days later I've heard nothing so I try again. Still nothing that week.
I call Scholastic and get bounced to four different people before I get sent to Customer Service. The operator tells me we have the online service. I tell her we do not. She says it must be a mistake and says she'll send the discs out and I should receive them in 5-7 business days. Now, remember, I'm wanting the updates for January thru March.
On the 7th business day I get a message from a nameless rep at Scholastic that says we belong to the online service and to call their 800 number for help if I need it.
WE DO NOT BELONG TO THE ONLINE SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I call and actually get MY school's rep on the phone. I explain to her. She says the computer says.... you guessed it, we belong to the online service. I tell her okay fine and ask her to walk me through it. We start the process and Lo and behold I can't get online to the information because I don't have an online account.
After many clicks and being put on hold at her end, she comes back and tells me to start doing title searches of new books that were added to the online quiz bank in the last 3 months. She gives me about 10 titles and I have access to none of those quizzes.
Her answer is that she needs to "further investigate" to see what's wrong. She's supposed to call me back tomorrow.
I don't think she needs to investigate. Someone just needs to mail me the damn discs. As I told her, I have 2 years worth of CDs in a box so I have no idea what the damn problem is now.
Impressed I am not,
Maggie
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Return of the killer spider, and other arachnid tails
Do you remember back in April when I wrote about the huge big spider that tried to eat me and the entire laundry room but when it knew Mac was hunting it because I was hysterically sobbing in fear of its huge-ness, it ran away and was never seen again? I think it was a killer spider. Seriously.
Well, vindication is mine, so saith Maggie- and on so many levels. Everyone thought I was exaggerating the size of the killer spider. Everyone made fun of me and teased me, even though it was really big. And I was really scared it would bite me- and spider bites are dangerous. But Daddy-O and Mac made fun and didn't believe me and I was hurt and pissed.
So, last week Mac and ITSam (who I wasn't dating at the time of the spider spotting but heard the stories and doesn't believe me either!) were waiting for me to come out of the bathroom so we could go somewhere (I always pee the very last thing before I leave the house, even if I'm just going to Wal-Mart and don't even have to really go. Anyway...) I picked up a towel Mac left on the floor and out of the corner of my eye I see movement and I hear, on the other side of the bathroom door, cries of "holy shit!", "Oh My God, do you see that thing?", "What the fuck is that?", and then, "MOM do NOT come out of the bathroom." )That last one was from Mac)
Apparently, the killer spider made its return and scared the shit outta Mac and Sam who were trying to figure out how to kill it. I'm on the other side of the bathroom door listening to all this, hoping to all deities that this time it gets killed. (Okay I wasn't exactly on the other side of the door. I was standing in the bathtub in case in ran back in to attack me. But I could still hear from there!)
First they had to talk about how huge it was. It was an "epic" sized spider, it was a "huge ass" spider, was was a "mutant" spider. Then it moved, apparently, and they both screamed like little girls and there was a great amount of stomping and swearing. They both deny it but I'd wager money that they were standing on dining room chairs, hand to Goddess!
Sam was in sandals and Mac was in flip-flops so they were both freaking out over who was going to stomp it or how it would die. It was determined and Mac went and put on snow boots. He came back and there was more shrieking and screaming; apparently it moved and was headed toward THEM!
Now, consider this. These two guys are supposed to be my rescuers, screaming in a voice that only dogs could hear? These 2 big guys, one wearing snow boots, are scared of my spider. Well, hell, no wonder I had nightmares if these dudes are frightened! And it moved toward them and they still run from it. And I'm trapped in the bathroom, oscillating between terror and hysterical laughter.
So, finally Mac decided he "had the balls" to kill it. He ran toward the spider, with Sam screaming "it's on the go, headed right toward you!" (I have no idea if he was referring to Mac or the spider or to whom he was speaking, to Mac or the spider). Finally, when he stepped on it, crying :got you mutherfu****", the spider's actual guts popped out and it was a hairy, bloody smear all over the laundry room floor. Both guys had the heebee-jeebees from it, prancing from foot to foot, convulsing with the full body shivers.
I refused to clean it up on the grounds that it was the biggest spider I had ever seen- TWICE, and since no one believed me, someone else was scrubbing up spider guts. Mac used 409 and Windex on his boot, and the floor. I think he used about a million paper towels and swore he was going to need a shower.
Yeah, my heroes. Sheesh!
Maggie
Well, vindication is mine, so saith Maggie- and on so many levels. Everyone thought I was exaggerating the size of the killer spider. Everyone made fun of me and teased me, even though it was really big. And I was really scared it would bite me- and spider bites are dangerous. But Daddy-O and Mac made fun and didn't believe me and I was hurt and pissed.
So, last week Mac and ITSam (who I wasn't dating at the time of the spider spotting but heard the stories and doesn't believe me either!) were waiting for me to come out of the bathroom so we could go somewhere (I always pee the very last thing before I leave the house, even if I'm just going to Wal-Mart and don't even have to really go. Anyway...) I picked up a towel Mac left on the floor and out of the corner of my eye I see movement and I hear, on the other side of the bathroom door, cries of "holy shit!", "Oh My God, do you see that thing?", "What the fuck is that?", and then, "MOM do NOT come out of the bathroom." )That last one was from Mac)
Apparently, the killer spider made its return and scared the shit outta Mac and Sam who were trying to figure out how to kill it. I'm on the other side of the bathroom door listening to all this, hoping to all deities that this time it gets killed. (Okay I wasn't exactly on the other side of the door. I was standing in the bathtub in case in ran back in to attack me. But I could still hear from there!)
First they had to talk about how huge it was. It was an "epic" sized spider, it was a "huge ass" spider, was was a "mutant" spider. Then it moved, apparently, and they both screamed like little girls and there was a great amount of stomping and swearing. They both deny it but I'd wager money that they were standing on dining room chairs, hand to Goddess!
Sam was in sandals and Mac was in flip-flops so they were both freaking out over who was going to stomp it or how it would die. It was determined and Mac went and put on snow boots. He came back and there was more shrieking and screaming; apparently it moved and was headed toward THEM!
Now, consider this. These two guys are supposed to be my rescuers, screaming in a voice that only dogs could hear? These 2 big guys, one wearing snow boots, are scared of my spider. Well, hell, no wonder I had nightmares if these dudes are frightened! And it moved toward them and they still run from it. And I'm trapped in the bathroom, oscillating between terror and hysterical laughter.
So, finally Mac decided he "had the balls" to kill it. He ran toward the spider, with Sam screaming "it's on the go, headed right toward you!" (I have no idea if he was referring to Mac or the spider or to whom he was speaking, to Mac or the spider). Finally, when he stepped on it, crying :got you mutherfu****", the spider's actual guts popped out and it was a hairy, bloody smear all over the laundry room floor. Both guys had the heebee-jeebees from it, prancing from foot to foot, convulsing with the full body shivers.
I refused to clean it up on the grounds that it was the biggest spider I had ever seen- TWICE, and since no one believed me, someone else was scrubbing up spider guts. Mac used 409 and Windex on his boot, and the floor. I think he used about a million paper towels and swore he was going to need a shower.
Yeah, my heroes. Sheesh!
Maggie
Friday, April 16, 2010
Random thoughts Friday
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.... my mouth hurts.
So yesterday two girls at school got into a fist fight and both are now one step away from being expelled. They had to "do time" in a juvenile day jail program for a week. If they fight again, they are expelled. Oh, these two girls were fighting over.... their love of a third girl who was going to "have her"- typical love triangle, right? They're 8th graders...
I'm going to try teaching a novel with the last 6 weeks of school. Yes, I am quite possibly, out of my mind. No I've not selected said novel yet--- To Kill A Mockingbird maybe?
I overpaid the dentist. By A LOT! And I wanted my money back. But I have to wait until the office manager cuts me a check next week. Now, I HAD to pay for my services before he even touched my mouth, but now I have to wait more than a week for a $200 refund? Where's the fair in that? TaDa, Bragger or Curley, could one of you strong, kick ass ladies call there and be all strong and kick ass for me please?
Yesterday one boy got expelled and was sent to boy's school because he went home with stolen property from school. The vice principal went with the cops to his house, knocked on the door and the stupid student answered... holding a doobie. Yup, boys school. Idiot. I don't know what happened to the other kid who jumped out the back window into the waiting arms of another cop... I didn't think to ask!
Mac is going to the prom on Saturday night and I gave him a chore list that involves getting a haircut, washing and waxing the car, changing my CDs to his, picking up the corsage and his tux, and "finding the funky smell" in the car. Uh-huh. Things you never want to say...
Is wrong to borrow a movie from one of my students who illegally downloaded it from the 'net? For me to just watch in the privacy of my home? Am I breaking the law?
There's a guy I like. He lives away. I miss (and like) him. I think I miss (and like) him more than he misses (likes) me. Does that matter?
I'm helping Daddy-O learn all about Medicare. When the heck did the government start charging people for this? And I think someone should hire me to explain Medicare because it's not as complicated as they want you to think. I think. Though I could be confused. If anyone has any advice, it's welcome.
I love it that I a friend who calls me and asks me to help her with her homework because, and I quote, "You're my only smart friend."
At last, it's Friday.... TGIF!!!!!!
Mags
On another note...
So yesterday two girls at school got into a fist fight and both are now one step away from being expelled. They had to "do time" in a juvenile day jail program for a week. If they fight again, they are expelled. Oh, these two girls were fighting over.... their love of a third girl who was going to "have her"- typical love triangle, right? They're 8th graders...
I'm going to try teaching a novel with the last 6 weeks of school. Yes, I am quite possibly, out of my mind. No I've not selected said novel yet--- To Kill A Mockingbird maybe?
I overpaid the dentist. By A LOT! And I wanted my money back. But I have to wait until the office manager cuts me a check next week. Now, I HAD to pay for my services before he even touched my mouth, but now I have to wait more than a week for a $200 refund? Where's the fair in that? TaDa, Bragger or Curley, could one of you strong, kick ass ladies call there and be all strong and kick ass for me please?
Yesterday one boy got expelled and was sent to boy's school because he went home with stolen property from school. The vice principal went with the cops to his house, knocked on the door and the stupid student answered... holding a doobie. Yup, boys school. Idiot. I don't know what happened to the other kid who jumped out the back window into the waiting arms of another cop... I didn't think to ask!
Mac is going to the prom on Saturday night and I gave him a chore list that involves getting a haircut, washing and waxing the car, changing my CDs to his, picking up the corsage and his tux, and "finding the funky smell" in the car. Uh-huh. Things you never want to say...
Is wrong to borrow a movie from one of my students who illegally downloaded it from the 'net? For me to just watch in the privacy of my home? Am I breaking the law?
There's a guy I like. He lives away. I miss (and like) him. I think I miss (and like) him more than he misses (likes) me. Does that matter?
I'm helping Daddy-O learn all about Medicare. When the heck did the government start charging people for this? And I think someone should hire me to explain Medicare because it's not as complicated as they want you to think. I think. Though I could be confused. If anyone has any advice, it's welcome.
I love it that I a friend who calls me and asks me to help her with her homework because, and I quote, "You're my only smart friend."
At last, it's Friday.... TGIF!!!!!!
Mags
On another note...
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Art work
Boys will be boys and since Mac and his his friends are all boys, they do boy things. Like draw penises on each other's automobile dust. I cannot understand it; I can just relay this story. I also want to point out that Buddy 1 and Buddy 2 have their own cars, and Mac's car is mine, so I have to do a walk around the Malibu to make sure it's not the penis-mobile.
Mac and his friend Buddy1 love to irritate Buddy2 by drawing a penis on Buddy 2's car. The reason they LOVE to do it is because Buddy 2 acts like a baby and gets mad and is childish, making threats at them. If Buddy 2 would've just shut up and wiped the "art" (okay porn) off the car, Mac and Buddy 1 would've tired of it. Because Buddy 2 was totally incensed by them and made a huge 'issue' they kept on doing it. Because boys will be boys.............
However, yesterday, Buddy 2 crossed. the. line.
Buddy 2 keyed my car. There are several scratches on the driver's side. He also keyed a picture of a penis on. the. side. of. my. car. It is a small penis (hmmmmm, art imitates life.....?), about an inch long, but a penis nonetheless. Carved into the side of my car.
As a matter of fact, it's a very poor rendering of a penis. If you all looked at it, you could see "ah yeah, that's a penis". But if I hadn't told you what it was, you might not totally come to that conclusion. I will not even speculate about other things this "art work" would be.
Mac came home from school to tell me. I have to admit, while I was pissed about it, I wasn't stark raving mad nor was I yelling.
I called the school and told the principal the deal. I also understand this is not the fault of the school because they can't police 400 kids, their cars, the buses and such. I get that. I just thought it was inappropriate that it happened at all, and since it happened while MY car was parked in the school parking lot, they may want to address it. The Principal was really cool about it and said she will certainly take care of the situation, and she wants to know what happens after I talk to Buddy 2's parents. I don't want to be a complete bitch, but I did let the principal know that Buddy 2 sent Mac two text messages apologizing and offering to pay for the damages, but if he doesn't come through after I talk to his folks, I'll report it to the police for vandalism or destruction of property. She thought that was a good idea. I also suggested that while she dealt with Buddy 2 an art class or an anatomy class would be in order. She laughed; a principal with a sense of humor!
I spoke with my insurance agent who said if Buddy 2's family wouldn't pay, I could go through him and we would need to file a police report.
And Buddy 2 did send Mac 2 texts, offering to pay for the damage plus an extra 20% in cash to show an apology, and he did apologize. (Of course I won't take the 20% extra. I don't think, anyway.)
Then, of course, I had to call Buddy 2's parents. I couldn't just take the kid's word that he would pay for it since he drew a fricking penis on my car to begin with, and since I talked to the school, I'm sure his folks were going to hear about it anyway! And at the time of this blog post's publication, his parents have declined to comment. Actually, I left his mother a message on her answering machine and haven't heard back. Mac said he bet Buddy 2 erased it. So after school today I'll call his dad. I am NOT looking forward to THAT conversation.
Did I mention I hate doing stuff like this? This is so dumb. The entire time my brother and I were teenagers, my mommy and daddy were never called by parents to rat us out for doing stupid shit, nor did they have to call other parents to handle situations that involved other kids. Because we didn't DO stupid crap like this!! OMG- it's ri'dic'ulous.
The other sad thing... the poorly carved picture of the penis is as close to one as I've been for a year. Does this mean my car got laid?
Maggie
Mac and his friend Buddy1 love to irritate Buddy2 by drawing a penis on Buddy 2's car. The reason they LOVE to do it is because Buddy 2 acts like a baby and gets mad and is childish, making threats at them. If Buddy 2 would've just shut up and wiped the "art" (okay porn) off the car, Mac and Buddy 1 would've tired of it. Because Buddy 2 was totally incensed by them and made a huge 'issue' they kept on doing it. Because boys will be boys.............
However, yesterday, Buddy 2 crossed. the. line.
Buddy 2 keyed my car. There are several scratches on the driver's side. He also keyed a picture of a penis on. the. side. of. my. car. It is a small penis (hmmmmm, art imitates life.....?), about an inch long, but a penis nonetheless. Carved into the side of my car.
As a matter of fact, it's a very poor rendering of a penis. If you all looked at it, you could see "ah yeah, that's a penis". But if I hadn't told you what it was, you might not totally come to that conclusion. I will not even speculate about other things this "art work" would be.
Mac came home from school to tell me. I have to admit, while I was pissed about it, I wasn't stark raving mad nor was I yelling.
I called the school and told the principal the deal. I also understand this is not the fault of the school because they can't police 400 kids, their cars, the buses and such. I get that. I just thought it was inappropriate that it happened at all, and since it happened while MY car was parked in the school parking lot, they may want to address it. The Principal was really cool about it and said she will certainly take care of the situation, and she wants to know what happens after I talk to Buddy 2's parents. I don't want to be a complete bitch, but I did let the principal know that Buddy 2 sent Mac two text messages apologizing and offering to pay for the damages, but if he doesn't come through after I talk to his folks, I'll report it to the police for vandalism or destruction of property. She thought that was a good idea. I also suggested that while she dealt with Buddy 2 an art class or an anatomy class would be in order. She laughed; a principal with a sense of humor!
I spoke with my insurance agent who said if Buddy 2's family wouldn't pay, I could go through him and we would need to file a police report.
And Buddy 2 did send Mac 2 texts, offering to pay for the damage plus an extra 20% in cash to show an apology, and he did apologize. (Of course I won't take the 20% extra. I don't think, anyway.)
Then, of course, I had to call Buddy 2's parents. I couldn't just take the kid's word that he would pay for it since he drew a fricking penis on my car to begin with, and since I talked to the school, I'm sure his folks were going to hear about it anyway! And at the time of this blog post's publication, his parents have declined to comment. Actually, I left his mother a message on her answering machine and haven't heard back. Mac said he bet Buddy 2 erased it. So after school today I'll call his dad. I am NOT looking forward to THAT conversation.
Did I mention I hate doing stuff like this? This is so dumb. The entire time my brother and I were teenagers, my mommy and daddy were never called by parents to rat us out for doing stupid shit, nor did they have to call other parents to handle situations that involved other kids. Because we didn't DO stupid crap like this!! OMG- it's ri'dic'ulous.
The other sad thing... the poorly carved picture of the penis is as close to one as I've been for a year. Does this mean my car got laid?
Maggie
Monday, February 8, 2010
We won't see her on Jeopardy anytime soon
I have decided the first blog post ever, in the history of blogging, the first post had to be an experience about something that happened at Wal-Mart. Because what happened to me over the weekend was a gift from the blogging gods.
I'm in line and there's only one person behind me in line. The Wally World clerk running the register was Robin. If you go to Wal-Mart and Robin is working, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. Trust me on this, okay?
Anyway, I'm in line, piling my stuff on the conveyor belt, and Robin is ringing everything up. She picks up a bag of produce and starts turning it over and over again, looking in the bag, shaking it. I just say, "it's cilantro." She picks up her little fruit and veggie car with all the codes and pictures on it, and punches the cilantro number in the register. Now, I realize that fresh cilantro may not be recognizable to everyone, and could easily be mistaken for fresh parsley if someone didn't know any better, so I didn't think very much about it. The next item she picked up was a mango. She turned it over and over again and then looked at me. I said, "mango." Again, she picked up the fruit and veggie card and put in the number. Again, okay, I reasoned, not everyone would know what a mango looks like. I guess.
She picks up my third produce item and just looks at me. I slowly say, "reeeeeeeed onion?" and yes, I said it as a question. Not because I wasn't sure if it was a red onion or not, but I was wondering if she was seriously asking me if it was an onion, or if I was mistaken. But nope, she was looking to me for identification. The woman behind me is giggling behind her hand at this point and we make eye contact and I raise my eyebrow at her and she just shrugged that "what can ya do?" shrug. Robin the cashier picks up the next item, and I am not freaking kidding, she looks and me to see what it was. I thought she had to be joking, but she just stood there staring at me, waiting. I so wanted to say 'celery' to see what she would do, but I told her what was really in the bag that she obviously couldn't identify: cucumbers. She didn't know what cucumbers were! I had to tell her about cucumbers! Oh. My. God. I looked at the woman in line behind me and she was practically doubled over with hysteria.
As she reached for my last item, I had several simultaneous thoughts exploding in my head at once. I was dying to see if she would ask me what I had. I sort of wanted her to ask. I also thought no one could be that dumb. And I also decided if Robin the Wally World employee asked me what it was, I was going to reach over and switch off her light and tell her to just go home and never come back because she was just too dumb to work at Wal -Mart.
The woman in line behind me was leaning forward and we were both just holding our collective breath, I know. Robin paused for a minute and then, without aid from me, she rang up the bananas.
Robin still works at Wal-Mart.
Maggie
I'm in line and there's only one person behind me in line. The Wally World clerk running the register was Robin. If you go to Wal-Mart and Robin is working, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. Trust me on this, okay?
Anyway, I'm in line, piling my stuff on the conveyor belt, and Robin is ringing everything up. She picks up a bag of produce and starts turning it over and over again, looking in the bag, shaking it. I just say, "it's cilantro." She picks up her little fruit and veggie car with all the codes and pictures on it, and punches the cilantro number in the register. Now, I realize that fresh cilantro may not be recognizable to everyone, and could easily be mistaken for fresh parsley if someone didn't know any better, so I didn't think very much about it. The next item she picked up was a mango. She turned it over and over again and then looked at me. I said, "mango." Again, she picked up the fruit and veggie card and put in the number. Again, okay, I reasoned, not everyone would know what a mango looks like. I guess.
She picks up my third produce item and just looks at me. I slowly say, "reeeeeeeed onion?" and yes, I said it as a question. Not because I wasn't sure if it was a red onion or not, but I was wondering if she was seriously asking me if it was an onion, or if I was mistaken. But nope, she was looking to me for identification. The woman behind me is giggling behind her hand at this point and we make eye contact and I raise my eyebrow at her and she just shrugged that "what can ya do?" shrug. Robin the cashier picks up the next item, and I am not freaking kidding, she looks and me to see what it was. I thought she had to be joking, but she just stood there staring at me, waiting. I so wanted to say 'celery' to see what she would do, but I told her what was really in the bag that she obviously couldn't identify: cucumbers. She didn't know what cucumbers were! I had to tell her about cucumbers! Oh. My. God. I looked at the woman in line behind me and she was practically doubled over with hysteria.
As she reached for my last item, I had several simultaneous thoughts exploding in my head at once. I was dying to see if she would ask me what I had. I sort of wanted her to ask. I also thought no one could be that dumb. And I also decided if Robin the Wally World employee asked me what it was, I was going to reach over and switch off her light and tell her to just go home and never come back because she was just too dumb to work at Wal -Mart.
The woman in line behind me was leaning forward and we were both just holding our collective breath, I know. Robin paused for a minute and then, without aid from me, she rang up the bananas.
Robin still works at Wal-Mart.
Maggie
Sunday, January 17, 2010
What's in a name?
Since my brother and his wife are expecting a baby in June, the naming of said baby is always a fun topic of discussion. (even my friends and I are "naming" their baby, even if they aren't around! Though if we come up with good names, I send my suggestions to my sister-in-law. Not that I expect them to listen to me, but my sis-in-law is polite in giving me an ear and never tells me she thinks the names are stupid, which I greatly appreciate it.)
But when talking about names for the baby, we always come around to what Hollywood Couples are naming their kids and I think celebrities are idiots. XRayGirl and I came to this conclusion. The evidence?
Seriously, I always hear what some famous person named their kid and my brain says, "What in the hell were these idiots thinking?" Just because they are famous doesn't give them liberty to name their children stupid things. I am so tired of famous people doing stupid things and this is an example that will haunt their children for the rest of their lives. For pete's sake.
Gwyneth (Paltrow) and Chris Martin (lead singer of Coldplay) had a baby and named him Moses. Now there is nothing wrong with the name Moses if you are spiritual or religious or leading people out of a country or parting a sea... but, come one, these are the same people who named their daughter Apple! Some examples of the idiot Hollywood elite who so obviously lack naming skills are:
But when talking about names for the baby, we always come around to what Hollywood Couples are naming their kids and I think celebrities are idiots. XRayGirl and I came to this conclusion. The evidence?
Seriously, I always hear what some famous person named their kid and my brain says, "What in the hell were these idiots thinking?" Just because they are famous doesn't give them liberty to name their children stupid things. I am so tired of famous people doing stupid things and this is an example that will haunt their children for the rest of their lives. For pete's sake.
Gwyneth (Paltrow) and Chris Martin (lead singer of Coldplay) had a baby and named him Moses. Now there is nothing wrong with the name Moses if you are spiritual or religious or leading people out of a country or parting a sea... but, come one, these are the same people who named their daughter Apple! Some examples of the idiot Hollywood elite who so obviously lack naming skills are:
- Indiana and August- parent -Casey Affleck
- Coco- Courtney Cox's kid
- Ireland (Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin)- she is a girl, by they way, since the name is not gender indicative.
- -Zowie (David Bowie) this is a boy and I appreciate good alliteration and a rhyme scheme; note I said "GOOD"
- Ocean, True and Sonnet - these are Forest Whitaker's kids and I have no idea on gender; I see therapy in their future...
- Pilot Inspektor Lee, son of Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf. This has got to be in the top 2 of the dumbest baby names in the world or in the history of naming babies. I think they should be been drug tested before being able to name the child; any drugs in the system and the baby should have a mandatory name of John or Jane.
- Audio Science Clayton, son of Shannyn Sossaman and Dallas Clayton. This has got to be in the top 2 dumbest baby names in the world or in the history of naming babies. 'Nuff said!
- Crumpet Cohen, daughter of Lisa Vidal and Jay Cohen. After a British pastry. WTF?
I only have one child and his name is normal. We know that his real name isn't Mac but it's a derivative from his middle name, but according to people who know him say he has a "normal" name; a good Irish name, but a normal name. If I would've had a girl she would be Isabella Grace. I consider that name to be MINE in the family until I hit menopause, just in case. I will probably never have another child- good Lord willing (and since I've practicing abstinence right now with no prospects, well... you know), but I do like the idea of naming kids.
So I've come up with the perfect new job for me. I think the Hollywood couples who are going to pick STUPID names, should hire me to name their kids. I would do a good job, and the world would not have any more kids call Audio or Crumpet or Inspektor.
Maggie
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
One ruins it for all-- well, more than one!
Brief announcement:
Due to the huge number of spamy, junky, sales-y type comments I'm getting here on my blog, I've turned the comment word verification back on. I know it sucks, but I'm getting about 30 junk comments a day that I have to read through to find the real, legitimate ones that I love to read from real human beings who care. And then I have to click "reject" on each one- grrrr! Many apologies!!
And if the word verification screws up your ability to comment, please let me know! We can figure out a plan B.
Maggie
Due to the huge number of spamy, junky, sales-y type comments I'm getting here on my blog, I've turned the comment word verification back on. I know it sucks, but I'm getting about 30 junk comments a day that I have to read through to find the real, legitimate ones that I love to read from real human beings who care. And then I have to click "reject" on each one- grrrr! Many apologies!!
And if the word verification screws up your ability to comment, please let me know! We can figure out a plan B.
Maggie
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
And this is why some people should not have children
One in four women misread a pregnancy test. I was just watching TV and a commercial for a pregnancy test came on and this is the statistic that started the advertisement. Right there, in big bold letters. (And no, it doesn't say where this data was collected so it could be made up by mad men in advertising for I know. Or care.)
The product is for 2 types of tests. One test prints the word 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant'. And the second test is the one that actually *SPEAKS 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant.'
This could be my PMS talking or me spending too much time with kids who should be sterilized because if they procreated the world is doomed or me just being a bitch, but I think if a woman can't read 1 line to mean pregnant and 2 lines to mean not, and she NEEDS a test that SPEAKS, then that woman should NOT be having children to start with.
And I won't even go on a tangent about the fact that my local Dollar Tree (where everything in the store is $1 or less) sells pregnancy tests for a buck. Uh, no. I'm sure that's 'nuff said, right?
The product is for 2 types of tests. One test prints the word 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant'. And the second test is the one that actually *SPEAKS 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant.'
This could be my PMS talking or me spending too much time with kids who should be sterilized because if they procreated the world is doomed or me just being a bitch, but I think if a woman can't read 1 line to mean pregnant and 2 lines to mean not, and she NEEDS a test that SPEAKS, then that woman should NOT be having children to start with.
And I won't even go on a tangent about the fact that my local Dollar Tree (where everything in the store is $1 or less) sells pregnancy tests for a buck. Uh, no. I'm sure that's 'nuff said, right?
* People exempt from this snarky post are those who are vision impaired.
** And I hope no women were insulted by the views expressed in this post.
** And I hope no women were insulted by the views expressed in this post.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
My issue with schools and reading
And the ranting continues: what is WITH schools and reading?
What I mean is.... when kids get to high school, why can't we let them read for fun?!?
Just about every school here in the Midwest (in Civilization as well as teachers I know in surrounding states have confirmed this with me) has a standardized reading program for high school kids. I'm not talking about English classes and the novels read in Language Arts. I mean schools set aside time for students to read.
But they can't just have an SSR (Sustained Silent Reading) period; no, the schools decide we must TEST the students. Goddamnit I am so sick and tired of students being tested to death over everything. SSS started out as a class period, separate from the rest of the class periods, as a 15-20 time of day where students were supposed to read something for fun. As long as they were reading and not sleeping, talking or doing homework, they could read anything that was school appropriate: novels, biographies, magazines, newspapers, comics- anything they were interested in was fair game.
Oh no. Apparently we don't want to make reading fun for the age set that typically hates books. Oh no, we can;t let kids have fun in school- the absurd notion! Oh no, we must test kids! Let's have a program called Accelerated Reading (AR) or Reading Counts- both programs involve every book in the school library being assigned a reading level and then a test is written for each book and the books are assigned a point value. The tests are computerized. These are national programs, not just here in my state, though some places have them under different names or have their own "Meet the State Standards" equivalent.
So now, the English teachers decide in addition to all the poetry and novels and books reports kids do, let's make kids get AR or Reading Counts points! Oh golly gee wow! So each semester kids need to earn X number of points as part of their grade, or as a percentage. And when do the kids read these books now? Why, during SSR of course. So no longer are kids reading for fun and pleasure and finding something that interests them. No longer are those kids who hate to read allowed to find something the grabs them. No longer are kids allowed to read what they want. Why? Because not every book ever written has a "test" so if you read something with no test, then you don't get any points. Now kids are hunting for books with high points to read.
I was looking as these lists the other day, just perusing and some of the choices were atrocious. I mean, some of the shit I've never heard of, some was on my college reading list and most of is would work better than an Ambien. Google AR or Reading counts with your state name and look at the high school list. Go on... I'll wait.
DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't they be allowed to read for fun? No wonder kids hate to read! It's because we test the hell out of them and don't make it fun. I was an English teacher for almost 10 years and I am a complete bibliophile whose read 10 books this month alone (and 95 this year) so I am most certainly NOT saying kids shouldn't read for a grade, but if we are going to allocate time during the school day and tell kids they have to read during this time, then let them read anything they want. Without a test. Just. read. for. fun.
I know kids who are LD (Learning Disabled) where reading is so hard for them but they love the magazine Sports Illustrated. Some of the students who hate to read, especially LD kids, have an interest in a specific topic like trains or war or dinosaurs or vampires. So now instead of taking 20 minutes to read an article in the magazine or a topic specific book, they have to go back to struggling through another novel of some kind- like a classic- to ear points to get another damn grade.
I am so so so sick of this stuff. I hate that kids hate to read. Kids need to be given an opportunity to explore all sorts of reading material from the novel to the memoir to newspapers to... anything that interests them.
Another disservice brought to you by the public education system.
the newly Jaded one,
Maggie
What I mean is.... when kids get to high school, why can't we let them read for fun?!?
Just about every school here in the Midwest (in Civilization as well as teachers I know in surrounding states have confirmed this with me) has a standardized reading program for high school kids. I'm not talking about English classes and the novels read in Language Arts. I mean schools set aside time for students to read.
But they can't just have an SSR (Sustained Silent Reading) period; no, the schools decide we must TEST the students. Goddamnit I am so sick and tired of students being tested to death over everything. SSS started out as a class period, separate from the rest of the class periods, as a 15-20 time of day where students were supposed to read something for fun. As long as they were reading and not sleeping, talking or doing homework, they could read anything that was school appropriate: novels, biographies, magazines, newspapers, comics- anything they were interested in was fair game.
Oh no. Apparently we don't want to make reading fun for the age set that typically hates books. Oh no, we can;t let kids have fun in school- the absurd notion! Oh no, we must test kids! Let's have a program called Accelerated Reading (AR) or Reading Counts- both programs involve every book in the school library being assigned a reading level and then a test is written for each book and the books are assigned a point value. The tests are computerized. These are national programs, not just here in my state, though some places have them under different names or have their own "Meet the State Standards" equivalent.
So now, the English teachers decide in addition to all the poetry and novels and books reports kids do, let's make kids get AR or Reading Counts points! Oh golly gee wow! So each semester kids need to earn X number of points as part of their grade, or as a percentage. And when do the kids read these books now? Why, during SSR of course. So no longer are kids reading for fun and pleasure and finding something that interests them. No longer are those kids who hate to read allowed to find something the grabs them. No longer are kids allowed to read what they want. Why? Because not every book ever written has a "test" so if you read something with no test, then you don't get any points. Now kids are hunting for books with high points to read.
I was looking as these lists the other day, just perusing and some of the choices were atrocious. I mean, some of the shit I've never heard of, some was on my college reading list and most of is would work better than an Ambien. Google AR or Reading counts with your state name and look at the high school list. Go on... I'll wait.
DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't they be allowed to read for fun? No wonder kids hate to read! It's because we test the hell out of them and don't make it fun. I was an English teacher for almost 10 years and I am a complete bibliophile whose read 10 books this month alone (and 95 this year) so I am most certainly NOT saying kids shouldn't read for a grade, but if we are going to allocate time during the school day and tell kids they have to read during this time, then let them read anything they want. Without a test. Just. read. for. fun.
I know kids who are LD (Learning Disabled) where reading is so hard for them but they love the magazine Sports Illustrated. Some of the students who hate to read, especially LD kids, have an interest in a specific topic like trains or war or dinosaurs or vampires. So now instead of taking 20 minutes to read an article in the magazine or a topic specific book, they have to go back to struggling through another novel of some kind- like a classic- to ear points to get another damn grade.
I am so so so sick of this stuff. I hate that kids hate to read. Kids need to be given an opportunity to explore all sorts of reading material from the novel to the memoir to newspapers to... anything that interests them.
Another disservice brought to you by the public education system.
the newly Jaded one,
Maggie
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
More (and hopefully the last of the) ice cream tales
Number 1:
"Tom" comes in 3-4 times a week, usually with his wife to get a flavored soda. They are obviously regulars. They've always been super nice to me. They're the chatty type and we've gotten to know each other. Tom came in one day last week alone and stood and talked to me for about 15 minutes (it was actually slow at the point since it was thunder storming outside). he told me how great my hair looked and I said thanks. Then he asked me what I was doing that night and I said I was working. He said it was too bad because he wanted to take me to dinner at his favorite place on the lake. I think I said something about "wouldn't his wife mind?" and I 'haha-ed' and he said "she doesn't have to know. If you go with me, she won't be."
A married guy. Who's old enough to be my dad. EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!
Number 2:
Mother and her three screaming brats come in and order dinner and decide to eat in. The kids run all over the place and scream and yell. I fix their food and take it to the table. Kids continue to scream and yell and mother continues to do nothing. When the woman standing at the counter who was trying to order and I asked her to repeat herself for the third time and I still COULDN'T hear her, I decided I had enough. I marched over to the table and got down on the kids' eye level and said in a very loud and nice voice, "LOOK! You need to be quiet right now. I can't hear. You need to use your inside voice or your mommy will need to take you home. Got it?" The looked at me and nodded. I looked and mommy and she refused to make eye contact with me and never said a word. They left about 5 minutes later.
Number 3:
Our ice cream store is located between a liquor store and a local restaurant. We get some interesting people who walk, drive, bike, and skateboard passed the parlor.
Yesterday is was cool- the first really cool day we had, in the middle 50s, there was a HUGE wind blowing and it was raining- basically the cold, wet nightmare of a day. And a woman walks passed. She is an older lady, probably in her late 50s, early 60s. She had a cane and a limp. And she walked passed my store and about 15 minutes later she goes back the way she came, struggling along with her cane, her limp, in the rain, against the wind and carrying a bottle in a brown paper bag.
Number 4:
Every day, around the same time of day, a guy rides his bike passed. He looked like the version of Forest Gump who ran across the country a few times. He rides a bicycle and goes by with carry out food in a Styrofoam container in the basket of his bike. He wears leathers. There's so much about this that makes me smile: that a guy who looks like him rides a bicycle with a basket or the carry out or that he looks like "Running Forest Gump." Hey, I'm just observing.
Number 5:
The ice cream is owned by 2 sisters, their mom and their uncle. The uncle is sort of the "silent" partner in that he does all the finances for the company. And because he's such an early bird, he stops in the shop each morning and puts cash in the register. Since I've been opening, the Uncle comes in each day before I get there and leaves some money in the register and he also turns the alarm off, but keeps it locked. That way I don't need to have the alarm code.
So one day I open the doors, walk half way across the dining room and hear a beeping- the alarm! Shit, it wasn't turned off! I drop my stuff, dash across the room, back out the door, and I throw the lock hoping I can keep the alarm from beeping. Unfortunately, it doesn't. The blares; a cacophony of sirens that sounds like 17 police car sirens all at once.
I have no code so I need to call someone before I had the entire police department at my feet. I start to grab my phone and... I dropped my purse inside. I unlock the door, get my purse and then I get the cordless store phone because the "Very Well Known and Reputable Nationwide Alarm Company" will be calling. I stand outside and call one of the owners. She gives me the code, I shut it off and go inside. And start through the opening procedure. And guess what? The alarm company has never called. The police never called. I could've been robbed or killed or something and no one would've known. Yeah.
And to top it off, the Uncle forgot to leave me cash in the register. Feh.
"Tom" comes in 3-4 times a week, usually with his wife to get a flavored soda. They are obviously regulars. They've always been super nice to me. They're the chatty type and we've gotten to know each other. Tom came in one day last week alone and stood and talked to me for about 15 minutes (it was actually slow at the point since it was thunder storming outside). he told me how great my hair looked and I said thanks. Then he asked me what I was doing that night and I said I was working. He said it was too bad because he wanted to take me to dinner at his favorite place on the lake. I think I said something about "wouldn't his wife mind?" and I 'haha-ed' and he said "she doesn't have to know. If you go with me, she won't be."
A married guy. Who's old enough to be my dad. EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!
Number 2:
Mother and her three screaming brats come in and order dinner and decide to eat in. The kids run all over the place and scream and yell. I fix their food and take it to the table. Kids continue to scream and yell and mother continues to do nothing. When the woman standing at the counter who was trying to order and I asked her to repeat herself for the third time and I still COULDN'T hear her, I decided I had enough. I marched over to the table and got down on the kids' eye level and said in a very loud and nice voice, "LOOK! You need to be quiet right now. I can't hear. You need to use your inside voice or your mommy will need to take you home. Got it?" The looked at me and nodded. I looked and mommy and she refused to make eye contact with me and never said a word. They left about 5 minutes later.
Number 3:
Our ice cream store is located between a liquor store and a local restaurant. We get some interesting people who walk, drive, bike, and skateboard passed the parlor.
Yesterday is was cool- the first really cool day we had, in the middle 50s, there was a HUGE wind blowing and it was raining- basically the cold, wet nightmare of a day. And a woman walks passed. She is an older lady, probably in her late 50s, early 60s. She had a cane and a limp. And she walked passed my store and about 15 minutes later she goes back the way she came, struggling along with her cane, her limp, in the rain, against the wind and carrying a bottle in a brown paper bag.
Number 4:
Every day, around the same time of day, a guy rides his bike passed. He looked like the version of Forest Gump who ran across the country a few times. He rides a bicycle and goes by with carry out food in a Styrofoam container in the basket of his bike. He wears leathers. There's so much about this that makes me smile: that a guy who looks like him rides a bicycle with a basket or the carry out or that he looks like "Running Forest Gump." Hey, I'm just observing.
Number 5:
The ice cream is owned by 2 sisters, their mom and their uncle. The uncle is sort of the "silent" partner in that he does all the finances for the company. And because he's such an early bird, he stops in the shop each morning and puts cash in the register. Since I've been opening, the Uncle comes in each day before I get there and leaves some money in the register and he also turns the alarm off, but keeps it locked. That way I don't need to have the alarm code.
So one day I open the doors, walk half way across the dining room and hear a beeping- the alarm! Shit, it wasn't turned off! I drop my stuff, dash across the room, back out the door, and I throw the lock hoping I can keep the alarm from beeping. Unfortunately, it doesn't. The blares; a cacophony of sirens that sounds like 17 police car sirens all at once.
I have no code so I need to call someone before I had the entire police department at my feet. I start to grab my phone and... I dropped my purse inside. I unlock the door, get my purse and then I get the cordless store phone because the "Very Well Known and Reputable Nationwide Alarm Company" will be calling. I stand outside and call one of the owners. She gives me the code, I shut it off and go inside. And start through the opening procedure. And guess what? The alarm company has never called. The police never called. I could've been robbed or killed or something and no one would've known. Yeah.
And to top it off, the Uncle forgot to leave me cash in the register. Feh.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Celebrate Freedom- Read a Banned Book
Wanna know more? Check this out!Here are just a few titles that have been banned in the US at some point:
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
Blubber by Judy Blume
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Carrie by Stephen King
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
Christine by Stephen King
Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Cujo by Stephen King
Curses, Hexes, and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Decameron by Boccaccio
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Fallen Angels by Walter Myers
Fanny Hill (Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure) by John Cleland
Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Forever by Judy Blume
Grendel by John Champlin Gardner
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling
Have to Go by Robert Munsch
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Impressions edited by Jack Booth
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
It's Okay if You Don't Love Me by Norma Klein
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
Little Red Riding Hood by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Love is One of the Choices by Norma Klein
Lysistrata by Aristophanes
More Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz
My Brother Sam Is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
My House by Nikki Giovanni
My Friend Flicka by Mary O'Hara
Night Chills by Dean Koontz
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
One Day in The Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
Our Bodies, Ourselves by Boston Women's Health Collective
Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy
Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl
Scary Stories 3: More Tales to Chill Your Bones by Alvin Schwartz
Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz
Separate Peace by John Knowles
Silas Marner by George Eliot
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
The Bastard by John Jakes
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
The Devil's Alternative by Frederick Forsyth
The Figure in the Shadows by John Bellairs
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Snyder
The Learning Tree by Gordon Parks
The Living Bible by William C. Bower
The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare
The New Teenage Body Book by Kathy McCoy and Charles Wibbelsman
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
The Seduction of Peter S. by Lawrence Sanders
The Shining by Stephen King
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The Witches of Worm by Zilpha Snyder
Then Again, Maybe I Won't by Judy Blume
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare
Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary by the Merriam-Webster Editorial Staff
Witches, Pumpkins, and Grinning Ghosts: The Story of the Halloween Symbols by Edna Barth
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I'm not an animal rights activist but...
While I'm not a huge lover of all things animals, I don't want to see animals hurt. I would have a horse in a minute if I was allowed. And if I lived alone again I might even have a dog. And I do eat meat and I have leather shoes. So.... be that as it may but I still am not hurtful to animals. What I do not understand is a hater of animals.
There's a dude in my hometown that was arrested for animal cruelty for drowning a litter of kittens. Someone saw him do it and reported it. And he was arrested. I hope he is prosecuted within every inch of what the law says from jail time to fines to everything.
These weren't rabid wild cats that were killing small children and other animals and they weren't a menace or danger to society. He just didn't want anymore cats pooping in his yard or flower beds. And while I agree that can be frustrating, killing them is waaaaaay overboard, in my opinion. We have a wonderful animal shelter here which will give people cages to catch unwanted critters without harm. The shelter will bring the cages to your house as well as pick them up when you catch something, whether it be cat, raccoon or dog.
When I hear things like this I feel sick. He also owns a business here and I hope as the word gets out to what he did that everyone boycotts his place. What a jerk. There are not ever words strong enough to describe a lowlife scumbag who hurts poor innocent creatures like that.
Maggie
There's a dude in my hometown that was arrested for animal cruelty for drowning a litter of kittens. Someone saw him do it and reported it. And he was arrested. I hope he is prosecuted within every inch of what the law says from jail time to fines to everything.
These weren't rabid wild cats that were killing small children and other animals and they weren't a menace or danger to society. He just didn't want anymore cats pooping in his yard or flower beds. And while I agree that can be frustrating, killing them is waaaaaay overboard, in my opinion. We have a wonderful animal shelter here which will give people cages to catch unwanted critters without harm. The shelter will bring the cages to your house as well as pick them up when you catch something, whether it be cat, raccoon or dog.
When I hear things like this I feel sick. He also owns a business here and I hope as the word gets out to what he did that everyone boycotts his place. What a jerk. There are not ever words strong enough to describe a lowlife scumbag who hurts poor innocent creatures like that.
Maggie
Monday, August 17, 2009
Things that make you go "doh"
I drove by a CVS Pharmacy and on the scrolling marque was the following:
Please note both errors. No wonder kids fail English....
"Dose your medicine taste yucky!!!!!!!"
Please note both errors. No wonder kids fail English....
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Remember Mac's magazine?
Remember when I told you that Mac suddenly started getting Maxim magazine when the video gaming magazine went bankrupt?
Well, he did. And though he could've sent in for a refund he decided to keep it.
Well! I wish the publishing company would get their collective acts together. He got three issues then it stopped. He got a letter. In summary, the letter said that since he was a minor child and since he subscribed to Maxim through a school fund raising project, the maturity content was not appropriate. So they gave him a list of other magazines to choose from. There are 5 he can choose from. And they are ALL.VIDEO GAME. MAGAZINES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh My Freaking Goddess! Hello- and why in the world didn't they just do this in the first place???? Can anyone please tell me this? Exchange a video game mag for a video game mag- a direct exchange- tit for tat, so to speak, rather than tat for tits! But no, we had to send half nekkied girls, sex how tos, booze ads, and borderline porn to my 16 year old, when they could've just done this in the first place. Could they BE any more unorganized? Who is running this company? The federal government? I mean, really! Let's get this together, magazine people! It's just a freakin' magazine subscription, for goddess sake!
Seriously. I've rolled my eyes over this so many times I'm surprised they aren't stuck that way,
Maggie
Well, he did. And though he could've sent in for a refund he decided to keep it.
Well! I wish the publishing company would get their collective acts together. He got three issues then it stopped. He got a letter. In summary, the letter said that since he was a minor child and since he subscribed to Maxim through a school fund raising project, the maturity content was not appropriate. So they gave him a list of other magazines to choose from. There are 5 he can choose from. And they are ALL.VIDEO GAME. MAGAZINES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh My Freaking Goddess! Hello- and why in the world didn't they just do this in the first place???? Can anyone please tell me this? Exchange a video game mag for a video game mag- a direct exchange- tit for tat, so to speak, rather than tat for tits! But no, we had to send half nekkied girls, sex how tos, booze ads, and borderline porn to my 16 year old, when they could've just done this in the first place. Could they BE any more unorganized? Who is running this company? The federal government? I mean, really! Let's get this together, magazine people! It's just a freakin' magazine subscription, for goddess sake!
Seriously. I've rolled my eyes over this so many times I'm surprised they aren't stuck that way,
Maggie
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
News junkie needs a fix
I know nothing about what's going on in the world today. I used to know stuff. I used to be "in the know." But now- well, I'm a current events idiot. And I blame myself, my lack of man, and my lack of job for this. Follow me here....
Back in the day, I was a news, politics and current events junkie. seriously. I used to watch CNN every morning, listen to NPR on the way to work, listen to the news at night and read 3-4 daily papers. And I don't count my local "podunksville" newspaper in that list- I read the Post, the Times, the Christian Science Monitor, and USA Today, and occasionally the Journal. I devoured news and politics like I did my morning coffee.
As the post-college years went on, I took in a little less. I still caught the nightly news with Tom B. and still had my CNN fix. I read USA Today and the Sunday NY Times. I still listened to NPR but not as much because it became Rush Radio.
Then the Internet exploded and I went back to my daily diet of newspapers but online. I also became a pretty good magazine junkie and took Time, Newsweek, and Vanity Fair (ok, gimmie a break- they do have a current events and a political section which are very well written). I could also check out other news sources like The Onion and links to various international papers. I was also speaking on daily basis to AlaskaSam who inhales politics and news like air; we are often like minded about such views so we could bat around ideas and events, having healthy conversations and debates (Gawd, he is so smart!)
When I lived in the Wild West, I almost dropped off the map when it came to news for a few reasons. When I dated Sams there, no one ever followed politics unless it affected ranchers or farmers so I had no one to discuss it with. And when I did try, I was treated like an idiot and ridiculed because I'm rather... liberal. I could only take being berated so much. I was also so very very busy. Anyone who read my old blog knew the amount of time I spent grading, prepping, working on programs for my students, sponsoring activities. I did the bare news information minimum- I either caught the top of the hour headlines on CNN and tried to watch a local news station to keep up with my new "home" state or I skimmed the Times on my prep period. Or sadly and more often, I scanned the MSN headlines.
Then I moved back here and my brain became stagnant. I love President Obama but I feel like I'm an idiot. This carries back to the last few months of the Bush era as well when I could barely stand the TV and all the Bush talk. Now I feel like every time I turn on the news, I hear the same stories over and over and over. Just a different variation. Oil prices (still too high). War in Iraq and now Iran (I have no idea why we war there now). I hear about how Americans are idiots about a national health care system (they are). About the current state of the economy (it sucks). The job market (it sucks, too.) Dead pop stars (who cares?). Seth Rogen is skinny (again who cares? But he is hot; I thought he was cute before, but now...!). I feel like the news is stuck on a loop. I feel like the media re-hashes it over and over again and brings out all these experts, quotes politicos that I don't know. I then get completely and utterly bored from hearing the same thing day in and day out so I stop watching and reading. I also hated everything ending with "follow us @ Twitter" or "visit us at www.icantreporttheentirenewsstoryhere.com". Now, I'm so confused and I feel stupid. When I do get it sorted out, I've also realized I don't know anyone who has a shared interest in political and current events.
No one I work with at any job follows anything about current events or politics. Neither do my family members. And I'm not dating anyone so that's not an outlet, either. I was getting back into my political groove back when AIISam and I were an item since he was a news junkie but that was short lived.
I don't need other people to enjoy the news but right now I'm so behind about what's going on I need a sounding board to help get me back on track. I tried to read my Time mag cover to cover and I feel like I've been living in a cave for all I know about what's happening in the world around me.
And to think, at one time I wanted to be a lobbyist in DC! I'm an embarrassment to my roots.
Needin' back on the news track,
Mags
Back in the day, I was a news, politics and current events junkie. seriously. I used to watch CNN every morning, listen to NPR on the way to work, listen to the news at night and read 3-4 daily papers. And I don't count my local "podunksville" newspaper in that list- I read the Post, the Times, the Christian Science Monitor, and USA Today, and occasionally the Journal. I devoured news and politics like I did my morning coffee.
As the post-college years went on, I took in a little less. I still caught the nightly news with Tom B. and still had my CNN fix. I read USA Today and the Sunday NY Times. I still listened to NPR but not as much because it became Rush Radio.
Then the Internet exploded and I went back to my daily diet of newspapers but online. I also became a pretty good magazine junkie and took Time, Newsweek, and Vanity Fair (ok, gimmie a break- they do have a current events and a political section which are very well written). I could also check out other news sources like The Onion and links to various international papers. I was also speaking on daily basis to AlaskaSam who inhales politics and news like air; we are often like minded about such views so we could bat around ideas and events, having healthy conversations and debates (Gawd, he is so smart!)
When I lived in the Wild West, I almost dropped off the map when it came to news for a few reasons. When I dated Sams there, no one ever followed politics unless it affected ranchers or farmers so I had no one to discuss it with. And when I did try, I was treated like an idiot and ridiculed because I'm rather... liberal. I could only take being berated so much. I was also so very very busy. Anyone who read my old blog knew the amount of time I spent grading, prepping, working on programs for my students, sponsoring activities. I did the bare news information minimum- I either caught the top of the hour headlines on CNN and tried to watch a local news station to keep up with my new "home" state or I skimmed the Times on my prep period. Or sadly and more often, I scanned the MSN headlines.
Then I moved back here and my brain became stagnant. I love President Obama but I feel like I'm an idiot. This carries back to the last few months of the Bush era as well when I could barely stand the TV and all the Bush talk. Now I feel like every time I turn on the news, I hear the same stories over and over and over. Just a different variation. Oil prices (still too high). War in Iraq and now Iran (I have no idea why we war there now). I hear about how Americans are idiots about a national health care system (they are). About the current state of the economy (it sucks). The job market (it sucks, too.) Dead pop stars (who cares?). Seth Rogen is skinny (again who cares? But he is hot; I thought he was cute before, but now...!). I feel like the news is stuck on a loop. I feel like the media re-hashes it over and over again and brings out all these experts, quotes politicos that I don't know. I then get completely and utterly bored from hearing the same thing day in and day out so I stop watching and reading. I also hated everything ending with "follow us @ Twitter" or "visit us at www.icantreporttheentirenewsstoryhere.com". Now, I'm so confused and I feel stupid. When I do get it sorted out, I've also realized I don't know anyone who has a shared interest in political and current events.
No one I work with at any job follows anything about current events or politics. Neither do my family members. And I'm not dating anyone so that's not an outlet, either. I was getting back into my political groove back when AIISam and I were an item since he was a news junkie but that was short lived.
I don't need other people to enjoy the news but right now I'm so behind about what's going on I need a sounding board to help get me back on track. I tried to read my Time mag cover to cover and I feel like I've been living in a cave for all I know about what's happening in the world around me.
And to think, at one time I wanted to be a lobbyist in DC! I'm an embarrassment to my roots.
Needin' back on the news track,
Mags
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Reason #459 to not scoop ice cream for a living in my home town
I haven't live in my hometown for close to 10 years now. Oh, I lived here, sort of, for a few months before I moved to the Wild West, but I worked way up north, even north of Northern Civilization and I lived part time in an almost empty frat house then, so I basically claim I haven't lived in my home town for nearly 10 years.
And now I'm back. Working in a very public place where it seems everyone in town visits. great for the business, crappy for me.
Almost everyone is shocked to see me but most human beings recover quickly enough to cough out a polite, "Well, I haven't seen you forEVER! How ARE you?"
But there was a guy I went to High School with who came in with is family the other day. He was an asshole in HS and apparently he never seemed to outgrow that affliction.
He came to the ice cream parlor walk up window and looked me dead square in the eye and said, "What the hell are you doing in town and working here?"
My response, as I looked him dead square back in the eye, "It's part of my court ordered rehab program." And I slammed the window shut and walked away.
I'm happy to report, in his "old" age, he now sports a very receding hairline. Asshole.
I'm not drunk, I'm not drinkin',
Mags
And now I'm back. Working in a very public place where it seems everyone in town visits. great for the business, crappy for me.
Almost everyone is shocked to see me but most human beings recover quickly enough to cough out a polite, "Well, I haven't seen you forEVER! How ARE you?"
But there was a guy I went to High School with who came in with is family the other day. He was an asshole in HS and apparently he never seemed to outgrow that affliction.
He came to the ice cream parlor walk up window and looked me dead square in the eye and said, "What the hell are you doing in town and working here?"
My response, as I looked him dead square back in the eye, "It's part of my court ordered rehab program." And I slammed the window shut and walked away.
I'm happy to report, in his "old" age, he now sports a very receding hairline. Asshole.
I'm not drunk, I'm not drinkin',
Mags
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tales from Maggie's Kitchen in 2 parts- Part 2
I'm continuing my days of yore cooking stories,. gather round all ye children and be afraid, very afraid for someday, Miz Magz may actually cook for you!
Story A- Where's a good bakery when you need one?
The chicken was in flames. The pizza was toast. All within one week. For some stupid fucking reason that only the gods of hell would understand, I get some wild hare brained scheme to bake an apple pie. From scratch. I have no idea what I was thinking- maybe that I hadn't experienced enough Kitchen Torture yet? But yeah, I decided to make a homemade apple pie. In the same week that I burned a chicken and a pizza to the point of needing fire extinguisher refills, not once, BUT twice. So oh yes, I should be baking, by all means... NOT!
I would like to see a show of hands from all of you who know there were certain apples you cook with and certain ones you bake with and certain ones you ate raw and certain ones you DID NOT FUCKING EVER WANT TO PUT IN A PIE??? Those of you with your hands up suck. Yeah, you know what is coming. You know. I was 25 years old and had never made a pie in my life. Cut me some slack, please.
I got my cookbook out and made a crust. From scratch. It was very...doughy. And there was lots of flour every where. And I guess there is a reason some recipes say baking soda and other say baking powder- there is a difference. But I managed to not get that right. Then came the apple part. I was really tired from making the dough and shopping. So, I cored the apples and chopped them up and threw them in the pie shell. I tried to make the dough strips on the top, like lattice work, but it looked bad so I just decided to bake it without- think of an open faced pie.
Okay, lots of things are wrong here as I am sure you are figuring. I, um, forgot, to peel the apples. I cored them but I forgot the peeling part. I know it said it in the cookbook, but I think I just overlooked that part. And, as aforementioned apples, I didn't buy the right ones to cook with. Oh no, I ended up with the TARTEST apples in the WORLD. And one tiny minor detail- I forgot the sugar. Oh please, like none of you have ever forgotten any ingredient when cooking before? I'm sure you're thinking this isn't a big deal because it probably went up in flames anyway, right? Well, sort of....... um ............. not exactly.
See the pie bubbled over- pie juice from the apples that I must have left sort of wet from rinsing - and I managed to save it from being blasted with the fire extinguisher that I had to use again. But a potholder stuck to the bottom of the pie pan, so it went into the oven, and then fell to the bottom of the oven and caught fire so I yanked the pie out of the oven and sprayed the pot holder lying on the bottom. Yep, flames. Not big ones, but flames nonetheless. The pie looked okay otherwise. So I have a flaming ovenmit and a saved pie and another damn fire extinguisher to refill. And 4 year old Mac singing, "we're goin' to Pizza Hut, we're going to Pizza Hut..."
So, a guy, a date sort of guy, came over after dinner and Mac and I serve the pie. I am all proud. I even managed to get the smell of singed and smoked ovenmit out of the house. The pie looked fine, but tasted horrible. The guy actually spit his bite back onto the plate. So did I. So did Mac. Mac actually uttered , "Mommy, this doesn't taste like the ones we get at McDonald's." Oh and it was the last date with that guy.
The next day I just went to the fire station and I think they were afraid to laugh. I said one word: "pie." They just filled the sucker up, handed it to me and let me leave. I swear the strained sounds of muffled cackling laughter so did not waft in the air behind me.
Story B- I Swear I have nothing against chickens!
Story A- Where's a good bakery when you need one?
The chicken was in flames. The pizza was toast. All within one week. For some stupid fucking reason that only the gods of hell would understand, I get some wild hare brained scheme to bake an apple pie. From scratch. I have no idea what I was thinking- maybe that I hadn't experienced enough Kitchen Torture yet? But yeah, I decided to make a homemade apple pie. In the same week that I burned a chicken and a pizza to the point of needing fire extinguisher refills, not once, BUT twice. So oh yes, I should be baking, by all means... NOT!
I would like to see a show of hands from all of you who know there were certain apples you cook with and certain ones you bake with and certain ones you ate raw and certain ones you DID NOT FUCKING EVER WANT TO PUT IN A PIE??? Those of you with your hands up suck. Yeah, you know what is coming. You know. I was 25 years old and had never made a pie in my life. Cut me some slack, please.
I got my cookbook out and made a crust. From scratch. It was very...doughy. And there was lots of flour every where. And I guess there is a reason some recipes say baking soda and other say baking powder- there is a difference. But I managed to not get that right. Then came the apple part. I was really tired from making the dough and shopping. So, I cored the apples and chopped them up and threw them in the pie shell. I tried to make the dough strips on the top, like lattice work, but it looked bad so I just decided to bake it without- think of an open faced pie.
Okay, lots of things are wrong here as I am sure you are figuring. I, um, forgot, to peel the apples. I cored them but I forgot the peeling part. I know it said it in the cookbook, but I think I just overlooked that part. And, as aforementioned apples, I didn't buy the right ones to cook with. Oh no, I ended up with the TARTEST apples in the WORLD. And one tiny minor detail- I forgot the sugar. Oh please, like none of you have ever forgotten any ingredient when cooking before? I'm sure you're thinking this isn't a big deal because it probably went up in flames anyway, right? Well, sort of....... um ............. not exactly.
See the pie bubbled over- pie juice from the apples that I must have left sort of wet from rinsing - and I managed to save it from being blasted with the fire extinguisher that I had to use again. But a potholder stuck to the bottom of the pie pan, so it went into the oven, and then fell to the bottom of the oven and caught fire so I yanked the pie out of the oven and sprayed the pot holder lying on the bottom. Yep, flames. Not big ones, but flames nonetheless. The pie looked okay otherwise. So I have a flaming ovenmit and a saved pie and another damn fire extinguisher to refill. And 4 year old Mac singing, "we're goin' to Pizza Hut, we're going to Pizza Hut..."
So, a guy, a date sort of guy, came over after dinner and Mac and I serve the pie. I am all proud. I even managed to get the smell of singed and smoked ovenmit out of the house. The pie looked fine, but tasted horrible. The guy actually spit his bite back onto the plate. So did I. So did Mac. Mac actually uttered , "Mommy, this doesn't taste like the ones we get at McDonald's." Oh and it was the last date with that guy.
The next day I just went to the fire station and I think they were afraid to laugh. I said one word: "pie." They just filled the sucker up, handed it to me and let me leave. I swear the strained sounds of muffled cackling laughter so did not waft in the air behind me.
Story B- I Swear I have nothing against chickens!
I was making hard boiled eggs, or trying to make them. I brought the water to a rolling boil, then gently dropped in the eggs. And they would explode and pop. And splatter all over the stove, me, the exhaust overhang thingy. I do this to an entire dozen eggs. Each one explodes. I have scrambled egg looking goo floating in the water and all over the place. I am pissed. I call my mother and the conversation is something like this:
me: I got defective eggs at the store. An entire dozen. I am so gonna call there and complain. They can't go selling bad food. Especially dairy. That is so wrong. Someone could've gotten sick or got salmonella or botulism because of these things.
mom: what was wrong with the eggs? Rotten?
me: No, I was trying to hard boil them and all they did was break, pop and explode. I have egg crap all over the damn place!
mom: what do you mean explode? Did you do it in the microwave or something?
me: no, I boiled the water, dropped in the eggs, and just *bam*- exploding everywhere. I am so gonna call the manager...Mom, why are you laughing, mom, are you there? Breath mama, breath!
mom: *sounds of gasping for air though hysterical laughter and wiping away tears.*
Guess I should have put the cold eggs in cold water, then turned the pan on. Ooops.
And thus concludes Maggie's cooking escapades. Now, I would like to tell you all that I have gotten so much better over the years and rarely do I have cooking fiascoes that in any way, shape or form resemble these stories.
I make a wonderful egg plant parmesan. I have a recipe for homemade tomato sauce that tastes like granny from Italy would make. I make homemade pasta (with a rolling pin and knife, not a pasta maker). I love to make yeast rolls, Hungarian pecan tassies, pork chops with apple stuffing, braised lamb chops with apricot glaze, pot roast in a red wine sauce... these are just a few dishes from my current cooking repertoire. So see, time does heal all... cooking mistakes.
I'm smokin' hot,
Maggie
Monday, June 1, 2009
What's cookin'?
I love to cook. It has always been my big dark secret because if people knew I loved to cook then they would expect me to do it all the time. But I haven't always loved to cook... And to be honest- shhhhhhhhhh, it's a secret- I haven't always been very good at it either.
One time, several years ago, I decided to invite a few friends over and I was going to grill out- you know, have a backyard BBQ/ cook out type of thing. Everyone arrives, we mix some drinks and I decide to light the grill.
Have I mentioned I'd never USED a grill before? In my life, men had always grilled but I thought it didn't look that hard and that I could do it... Ummmmmm, well....
It was a charcoal grill and I didn't know about the easy light kind of charcoal so I got the cheap kind and doused it in lighter fluid. And then threw a match on it and closed the lid. That was the first among a long list of mistakes. Another error was grill placement- it was in the driveway, but sort of near the actual garage, sitting under the garage overhang, sort of close.
When I flipped the lid up about 15 minutes later a ball of flame shot straight up and POOF- the garage over hang was... well, it was on fire- a small fire with more smoke than flame, but nonetheless on fire. Party guests were standing open mouthed, someone party fouled by spilling beer in shock while another friend grabbed the hose and doused the grill, the garage and me. I wasn't on fire- other than my face being red with embarrassment- and I sort of had a POOF of soot on me- I think she just wanted a chance to hit me with the hose.
This was not what you would call my best moment so the men of the party took over the grill. I picked up the platter of meat, took it in the house, rinsed it off and the guys threw it on the grill. I also changed clothes since I was dripping wet. The rest of the night went off without a hitch.
And I will now publicly admit that I never told my landlord what happened; I just cleaned off the soot, nailed some boards up and then painted the hell out of the "charred" area
But I have decided I want to learn to grill. I have done without grilled food during the major parts of my life when I am sans a man and that's stupid because I LOVE steaks and chicken on a grill. Why am I missing something I love just because there is no testosterone operating the meat over flames? I've learned to kill spiders and take out the trash, so I've decided I MUST learn to grill.
Over the years as I've had one cooking disaster after another as I learn the craft, I'm usually making a cooking fool of myself in front of others. And since I'm still living in Daddy-O's attic I haven't wanted to learn to grill and ruin food that he bought or make him feel like he should take over and grill FOR me.
So Daddy-O is leaving on vacation tomorrow and while he's gone, I decided I'm going to learn to grill. Daddy-O has a charcoal one and I can just mess with it until I get it right or until I give up, or until I burn the garage down- Oh just kidding, that won't happen! (But I do notice that Daddy-O made sure his insurance was paid current before he left...hmmmmmmmmmmm)
While I was visiting Farrago a few weeks ago, I teased him a little bit because he was timing to the second our steaks, but I guffawed too soon and I'm glad he didn't make me eat my words but instead he made me eat a great steak and his perfect timing was worth it. He shared his secret AND he also told me his secret to grilling an entire chicken on a grill without needing a rotisserie. Daddy-O also told me a secret to charcoal lighting. I've read some cookbooks for grilling and some online articles. I am ready!
I plan on trying some steaks and making chicken and adding my homemade BBQ sauce. I'm armed with knowledge, meat, the grill, and charcoal. And the fire extinguisher.
Daddy-O doesn't have a thing to worry while he's gone! I know where the garden hose is located and I know how to dial 911!
Soon to be a Grilling Queen,
Maggie
One time, several years ago, I decided to invite a few friends over and I was going to grill out- you know, have a backyard BBQ/ cook out type of thing. Everyone arrives, we mix some drinks and I decide to light the grill.
Have I mentioned I'd never USED a grill before? In my life, men had always grilled but I thought it didn't look that hard and that I could do it... Ummmmmm, well....
It was a charcoal grill and I didn't know about the easy light kind of charcoal so I got the cheap kind and doused it in lighter fluid. And then threw a match on it and closed the lid. That was the first among a long list of mistakes. Another error was grill placement- it was in the driveway, but sort of near the actual garage, sitting under the garage overhang, sort of close.
When I flipped the lid up about 15 minutes later a ball of flame shot straight up and POOF- the garage over hang was... well, it was on fire- a small fire with more smoke than flame, but nonetheless on fire. Party guests were standing open mouthed, someone party fouled by spilling beer in shock while another friend grabbed the hose and doused the grill, the garage and me. I wasn't on fire- other than my face being red with embarrassment- and I sort of had a POOF of soot on me- I think she just wanted a chance to hit me with the hose.
This was not what you would call my best moment so the men of the party took over the grill. I picked up the platter of meat, took it in the house, rinsed it off and the guys threw it on the grill. I also changed clothes since I was dripping wet. The rest of the night went off without a hitch.
And I will now publicly admit that I never told my landlord what happened; I just cleaned off the soot, nailed some boards up and then painted the hell out of the "charred" area
But I have decided I want to learn to grill. I have done without grilled food during the major parts of my life when I am sans a man and that's stupid because I LOVE steaks and chicken on a grill. Why am I missing something I love just because there is no testosterone operating the meat over flames? I've learned to kill spiders and take out the trash, so I've decided I MUST learn to grill.
Over the years as I've had one cooking disaster after another as I learn the craft, I'm usually making a cooking fool of myself in front of others. And since I'm still living in Daddy-O's attic I haven't wanted to learn to grill and ruin food that he bought or make him feel like he should take over and grill FOR me.
So Daddy-O is leaving on vacation tomorrow and while he's gone, I decided I'm going to learn to grill. Daddy-O has a charcoal one and I can just mess with it until I get it right or until I give up, or until I burn the garage down- Oh just kidding, that won't happen! (But I do notice that Daddy-O made sure his insurance was paid current before he left...hmmmmmmmmmmm)
While I was visiting Farrago a few weeks ago, I teased him a little bit because he was timing to the second our steaks, but I guffawed too soon and I'm glad he didn't make me eat my words but instead he made me eat a great steak and his perfect timing was worth it. He shared his secret AND he also told me his secret to grilling an entire chicken on a grill without needing a rotisserie. Daddy-O also told me a secret to charcoal lighting. I've read some cookbooks for grilling and some online articles. I am ready!
I plan on trying some steaks and making chicken and adding my homemade BBQ sauce. I'm armed with knowledge, meat, the grill, and charcoal. And the fire extinguisher.
Daddy-O doesn't have a thing to worry while he's gone! I know where the garden hose is located and I know how to dial 911!
Soon to be a Grilling Queen,
Maggie
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