Part 2- the Job drama continues

After the mess with the other job offer, I settled down, resigning myself to the fact that I couldn't quit the corp job (but keep the library position). After turning down the position on Monday morning I felt pretty good. I shared all the other stuff with my principal and he was just agog at it all. I completely wanted to quit my weekend receptionist gig but I just can't afford it. The principal and I tried to come up with other ways I could make that money but we just couldn't generate enough income for me to do so. As I mentioned yesterday being poor doesn't allow me to stand on principle.

Anyway, I continued doing my library thing for 3 days until I got a phone call asking me if I was interested in another position but for the fundraising office. They wanted to hire someone who could do some basic administrative work, and who also was a talented writer. Again, this was for a job I did NOT apply for.

I. am. totally. not kidding.

I had yet another heart to heart talk with my principal (you know, I try and stay off his radar and do my own thing. I think I talked to him more in those 2 weeks than I do in an entire school year!!!!!!!) and he said since I am an excellent writer I need to go and at least have an interview. He said he understood my perspective about all of what transpired already but he encouraged me to hear what they had to say. He also emphasized the fact that he does NOT want to hire a new librarian but he understands if I decide to take the job since the focus would be on writing and social media marketing. He also reminded me that I'm still working for them, however minimally, so I wouldn't still be selling myself out, and to think of it as means to an end.

I interviewed.

I was offered the job.

I declined.

I gave my same song and dance about teaching and school in the fall. REALLY, it's not a song and dance and REALLY my passion is teaching but if this were any other place and any other situation, I would've taken that writing/ admin position in a New York minute, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it here.

After all, while I am poor and can't afford to completely stand on principle I can still keep doing what I have been doing all along. I really wanted to quit the receptionist job and do school only because our county school system employs me for the library, not this corporation. If I did library only then I wouldn't be working for the hypocrites. But I can't afford to do that. Yet. But at least I'm not working for them full time.

I've written an ad for Craigslist to help kids write college entrance exams. I know how much I need to make a month on that so I thought I would post it in August and see if it generated any money. If it does, then maybe I can quit.

HOWEVER, all is not over for the writing cum secretary job. Last week while I was at the conference, the woman who wants to hire me called and offered me more money because she can't find anyone as "talented" as me to do the job. I still declined. She then asked me if I would work part time for her department, and just do writing and blogging, and all other forms of social media. And I could do those on my own time, at home. For about $11-12 an hour. If she could arrange it, which she won't know until she finishes the rest of her interviews today, would I be interested.

Shit.

Shit. shit. shit. shit.

I hemmed and hawed around and said I would consider it. She still had more people to interview for the writing/ administrative job. The woman is offering me a chance to get paid to blog, Tweet, google +, facebook, and pinterest.

I'm so struggling. Part of me wants to stand firm in my resolve. Another part says I can quit being the receptionist and quit lunch duty. Another part of me says stand on principle. Another part says I'm getting paid to do a dream gig. Another part says I am so not going to have time to do that with 2 classes (maybe 3 from the email I received from the college today...). Another part says I could keep doing the front desk and get paid to sit and do homework. Ugh Ugh Ugh!!!

Another part of me argues that while I would still be working for the hypocrites, just like I am now at the receptionist job, but if I were to be the staff writer and social media person, I would also still be working for them but I would be doing it all from home and at least I wouldn't have to be there. If I'm still willing to take some of their money now, is it bad if I take a little big more of their money but I don't even have to be there? I would be writing and not a face person. I don't know!

And I'm not a religious zealot or anything but it has crossed my mind that I wonder what's up with God. Is this a test to see if I will stand firm about what I think is right? Or is it an answer to my prayers for more money and a better opportunity? Is it a response to my dream of always wanting to be a professional writer (Because He and everyone else knows all English teachers are really closet wanna be professional writers) ? Is it like the old joke of the man who prays to win the lottery and finally God speaks to him and says "Help Me out and buy a ticket"? (Or like the other joke about the man who was in a flood and prayed for God to save him. A boat stopped to help and he said "no God will save me" and a helicopter tried to rescue him and the man declined saying "No God will save me". Another family floated by and offered the man to come on their raft and he still said no because "God will save me." The man died in the flood and went to heaven and asked God why he didn't save him. God said to the man "Well, I sent you a boat, a helicopter and raft. what more did you want?" Is it like that?) I wish God would send me a text! I can't help but think about it. Is this my lottery ticket? Is this my rescue from the flood? (Don't answer that; it's rhetorical...)

I have no idea what's going to happen next. I still want to say no.

I sometimes hate being an all by myself grownup who has to make decisions on her own.

Tomorrow I'll post about the school decision and "how Maggie is going to be a teacher, a real, live teacher by Christmas!". And I might know what's happening with the writing thing- who knows- maybe her last round of interviews let her find someone as "talented" as me, who can do the right and left brain secretary and writing stuff!

Mags

Part 1: Sometimes I have to do what's right, not what's financially stable

I know it all sounds crazy, especially after I've been complaining about no money and crappy insurance for years now (OMG it really has been YEARS!) but I really did turn down 2 full time jobs.

As I've mentioned and just assume everyone remembers but for those who don't, I work as a facility for kids who are part of 'the system'- Dept of Family and Children, or Dept of Corrections or Probation. This is a place where kids get sentenced and we have mainly non-violent offenders who are ages 12-18. Kids live here, go to school here, go to church here, and have therapy here. I have 2 jobs- one at the school at this facility which is, strangely enough, an actually public school which is where I am the librarian, and I also work as a weekend secretary and answer phones at the Welcome Center for the entire facility, which includes the school and all the residential buildings. This is a non for profit, Christian facility which is sustained with very little state funding and mostly through donations, private donors, grants, and other private dollars.

The non school part of this corporation is starting a new type of program for girls with problems. I won't go into many details because it's not important in only that they are starting a new program and it's going to be a HUGE money maker if it is successful. HR is being super selective in the hiring process, and it's completely different than any other programs be have because it won't be for kids who are part of a 'system'; instead it will be for girls who's parents' have money and pay for these girls to get help. (Can you tell I'm working really hard to not use any buzz words so people where I work don't fall upon this blog???)

I haven't applied for a position with this new program because I don't want to be part of it. It doesn't interest me nor does it drive me. It's certainly not my passion at all. I do want the program to be successful and I wish it well but it's just not "me". So imagine my surprise when the new program director called and asked me to interview for a supervisory position. I was curious and I interviewed. At the end of the interview, while I was practically glowing with all the praise and compliments I received, I still didn't feel like it was my passion. The director said he wanted to run some figures passed the CFO and would get back to me, but it was going to have health benefits, provide housing and be in the neighborhood of $26-30k/ annually. The down side is that it would be salaried, it would be essentially on call 24/7 for weeks at a time, it would be living under a microscope personally and professionally. It would also be about 50 hours a week, before the on call stuff, doing supervision of all the staff in the program, as well as all the case work paperwork for the girls in the program, all housing duties and issues, and scheduling of all girls activities, therapy, school, chapel, volunteer work and anything else. Whew!

I didn't turn them down flat. I wanted to think on it and talk to my support group- family and friends. While I was thinking and while they were figuring out salary and stuff, I was called in for a meeting with the program director AND the CEO. Since it's a new program and pivotal to the survival of this business's future survival, the CEO wanted to chat with me.

That meeting was a disaster. It ended with me in tears. I felt like the CEO was attacking me for what happened at work with ITSam back in October. He asked me only questions about the situation, and nothing about the job. He wanted to know what I felt was my responsibility in all of it and about my personal walk with God and growth. It was a mess. I have to say the program director looked stunned as I felt. All I can say is that muddled through it and it was awkward and terrible. I went home and told Daddy-O what happened and I think he was as appalled as I was. I also told my school principal and he was so upset FOR me and told me he doesn't feel the same way about me as the CEO does and doesn't think any of those things either. I talked with friends and got feedback and decided I was going to work on Monday and tell them thanks but no. I hadn't come up with a complete speech yet, but I was working on it. This all happened on a Friday.

The next day, Saturday (like I need to point out that Saturday follows Friday; yes, I am Ms Obvious!) I had to work my weekend receptionist gig. One of the company's very upper level manager's stopped by my desk- this person also happens to be my immediate supervisor over my receptionist position. This manager is a relative of the CEO (yes, this place is VERY incestuous!) and this person and I had a talk about just work in general. I've never really been sure about my thoughts regarding this individual overall; this person is a fine boss so that's all that really mattered. But this person said, in conversation to me, and I am NOT taking this out of context, the following "we would never knowingly hire homosexuals because it's against everything we believe here" and "we need more color but the right kind, ya know?" AND "we should only have Christians working here".

I thought I was upset over the interview but this about blew my mind. I went home ready to tell the entire company to stuff their jobs and their programs where the sun don't shine.

The problem is that when poor, a person cannot stand on principle. I had a big talk with Daddy-O and friends and we all determined that I just couldn't quit. I'm in too much of a financially dire situation. I could probably not have a trouble with my library job, maybe, but the CEO is a powerful man and is well connected with our school superintendent and suddenly in this day and age of budget cuts, I could see my job vanishing. I don't know this for a fact; it really is just a guess but it wouldn't surprise me.

So I made a decision. It was do or die time. I went in on Monday and said no to the job. I was firm in my resolve but turned it down flat. I kept all my comment about hypocrites to myself, all my legal thoughts about questions about religion and sexuality and race being against CEO guidelines, about the whole mess. I said no thank you, my passion is for teaching and working in education, and I'm going to take classes this fall and be a certified teacher by Christmas and I am just wanting to devote all my time to that process, and stay in the school. I thanked them for the opportunity to interview but to please remove my name from their list of candidates if they hadn't already. Then the program director told me the job was mine if I wanted it but he understood and respected my decision and he was sorry for the interview with the CEO. I thanked him for the offer but firmly declined.

Now I know I mentioned at the beginning of the post that I turned down 2 jobs, AND I'm going to school in the fall. So stay tuned for tomorrow's post for the details of "the second job in 2 weeks that I didn't apply for and turned down."

Not kidding,
Mags

I'm at a loss & I'm so angry I don't have words

Okay.......... some of you know this story and others don't. For the "dos" sorry for the repeat. For the "don'ts" well... here.

A few months ago I decided I wanted to be licensed to be a foster parent so when Princess was released in May she could be sent to live with me. I knew there were about 3494570431 things that could go wrong and stop the process but since it was a long shot it was worth taking.

I talked it over with her case -manager, who thought it was a good idea.

I talked it over with ITSam. He and I have talked about getting married so this was something that would certainly affect him as well. He was all for the idea.

I talked it over with Mac who was all for the idea as well.

I talked it over with Daddy-O who thought I was crazy and as long I wasn't going to foster her here at his house he was supportive.

Though all involved decided it would be a good idea to not tell Princess, she figured it out. She was VERY in favor of this idea.

I did some research online and talked to tons of foster parents and decided this is something I wanted to do.

I met with the people in the foster division of Alcatraz. I wanted to ask some basic questions. That meeting was extremely positive and I was given the huge green light with this idea. I got a stack of paperwork and signed up for classes. I was told that since we needed to meet a deadline of may 26, I could take classes as they were offered through them and then to get what else I needed Alcatraz would do individual one-on-one training to finish it up. COOL!

That took care of the issue of timing.

ITSam has to be licensed as well so he signed up too.

To be licensed together we had to be married by the time we got her. Okay, we decided that wouldn't be a problem and sort of loosely planned a small wedding that would take place at the end of April. Okay- check.

We knew we would need at least a 3 bedroom house or apartment. A guy at work said he had 4 bedroom house he would let us rent with a huge discount because we were going to be foster parents and he thought that was admirable. It was in the school district we wanted and we could move in mid- April. AND the guy who makes sure houses are foster care approved had been there said it was and doing the home study would be fine. Check!

Everything was falling into place until a few weeks ago when Princess's case manager call me to her office. She dropped the bomb that probation department in Princess's home county (her PO there) wants her in a placement in her own county so though they won't be reunified as a family, they can still have twice weekly meetings. Her PO wants her in an independent living situation or foster care there.

Well damn.

Yes, she should continue to foster a positive relationship with her mother and sisters. Yes, she should stay connected to her family. It sucks for me, for us, for Princess who so wanted to be with me.

Okay so she and I put on happy faces and think positive thoughts and focus on the good stuff about being there.

Then Friday night Princess drops the bomb. She was shell-shocked herself. he stupid case-manager casually mentioned that recently the PO sent an email that said after consideration maybe Princess should remain in this county so she could graduate from Alcatraz since she's academically successful and she could be placed in a foster home here.

Of course the witch of a case-manager said nothing to me about this and won't give Princess any other information.

I just can't believe this............. And I can't manage to write more here without coming unglued. I can't even talk about it without having a fit. I'm so mad, angry, furious, hurt, shattered, frustrated, ugh!!!!!!!!!!

Maggie

Community Service

My middle school wants our 8th graders to be "well rounded citizens". Well, duh- it's a nice idea in theory but the approach is a pain in butt.

Here's the deal: the kids get "points" for their grades, attendance, behavior, standardized test scores, and extra curricular activities. For a kid who makes good grades, plays a sport or joins a club, doesn't miss much school and passes the standardized tests, this is no big deal. For about 95% of the 8th grade population, this is no big deal. BUT!!!! (yes, there is always a BUT!!!!)

Well, I guess before the "but" I should also say the 8th grade teachers claim that they have the nerve/ the right/ the guts/ the whatever to tell kids who have passing grades, good attendance, who are NOT behavior problems and who pass their standardized tests that they will not allow these kids to PASS to the 9th grade because they don't have any community service hours or because they aren't participating in an extra curricular. You read that right- no passing because of that lack. I think that's one of the stupidest things in the world. And I am pissed.

Now remember what I do? I work with mild special ed kids, and LD and ED kids. These kids, for the most part, HATE school with a passion, usually are discipline problems, fail their standardized tests, and never have any extra curriculars because they hate school and want to be as far away from the place as they can be, once that bell rings. (Or their parents don't have money to pay for them to join anything, they don't have transportation home from something after school!) So MY kids are the ones who are in danger of passing because they have a low amount of points to begin with. So last week, the 8th grade teachers had individual conferences with these kids, and told them they needed 20 community service hours by May 14 or they would not be able to go to 9th grade. Outrageous!

Where are MY kids going to get community service hours? Really? Most people would take one look at them and say they weren't interested in their help. Most don't have parents who can help guide them; obviously, or they wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Most of my kids don't have a way to GET to a place to work. Who thought of this whole stupid idea?!?

So, I decided since this is stupidest thing I've heard this year, and I teach special ed so I hear a lot of stupid shit, I'm going to make sure the kids get their hours. I called Curley, who works at our local senior citizen rec. centre here in town and tell her about the BS at school and can she help me get 5-12 kids some hours. With her help and with the help of her boss, I have time slots for my kids to go in to volunteer every day, beginning today, until next Friday.

I arranged transportation from the school to the centre, and I'll be taking them home. And I'm staying to oversee this huge bunch of kids for the two hours they're spending working. The kids will be doing anything from yard work to "house cleaning" to stocking the food pantry to moving furniture. The won't really be interacting with senior citizens because we get there so late in the day that most of the 'senior' activities are over.

Tonight, after school, I took the first load of kids over; I had five. These are kids who hate school, really don't have typically good adult interactions, most have criminal records, and in general, aren't kids most adults like nor approve of. WELL!!! My kids totally ROCKED!

They were polite and worked so very hard. They did everything they were asked with very little screwing around, and NO bad attitudes. They stocked the food pantry today and they did as they were told: lugged and hauled food, stocked shelves, cleaned, organized, cut up card board to recycle... I am so proud of them. They used manners (and I didn't even have to give them the manners pep talk) and were very respectful. I am so proud of them. I couldn't be more pleased.

We have five more days to go of this and if each day goes this well, it will be more than worth it. They were phenomenal. I think they deserve monstrous kudos.

And they deserve to be freshmen next year. Hands down. Today reminded me why I like teenagers, and why I don't like school policies.

Celebrate Freedom- Read a Banned Book

Wanna know more? Check this out!

Here are just a few titles that have been banned in the US at some point:

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
Blubber by Judy Blume
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Carrie by Stephen King
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
Christine by Stephen King
Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Cujo by Stephen King
Curses, Hexes, and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Decameron by Boccaccio
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Fallen Angels by Walter Myers
Fanny Hill (Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure) by John Cleland
Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Forever by Judy Blume
Grendel by John Champlin Gardner
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling
Have to Go by Robert Munsch
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Impressions edited by Jack Booth
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
It's Okay if You Don't Love Me by Norma Klein
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
Little Red Riding Hood by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Love is One of the Choices by Norma Klein
Lysistrata by Aristophanes
More Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz
My Brother Sam Is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
My House by Nikki Giovanni
My Friend Flicka by Mary O'Hara
Night Chills by Dean Koontz
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
One Day in The Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
Our Bodies, Ourselves by Boston Women's Health Collective
Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy
Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl
Scary Stories 3: More Tales to Chill Your Bones by Alvin Schwartz
Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz
Separate Peace by John Knowles
Silas Marner by George Eliot
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
The Bastard by John Jakes
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
The Devil's Alternative by Frederick Forsyth
The Figure in the Shadows by John Bellairs
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Snyder
The Learning Tree by Gordon Parks
The Living Bible by William C. Bower
The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare
The New Teenage Body Book by Kathy McCoy and Charles Wibbelsman
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
The Seduction of Peter S. by Lawrence Sanders
The Shining by Stephen King
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The Witches of Worm by Zilpha Snyder
Then Again, Maybe I Won't by Judy Blume
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare
Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary by the Merriam-Webster Editorial Staff
Witches, Pumpkins, and Grinning Ghosts: The Story of the Halloween Symbols by Edna Barth

I'm not an animal rights activist but...

While I'm not a huge lover of all things animals, I don't want to see animals hurt. I would have a horse in a minute if I was allowed. And if I lived alone again I might even have a dog. And I do eat meat and I have leather shoes. So.... be that as it may but I still am not hurtful to animals. What I do not understand is a hater of animals.

There's a dude in my hometown that was arrested for animal cruelty for drowning a litter of kittens. Someone saw him do it and reported it. And he was arrested. I hope he is prosecuted within every inch of what the law says from jail time to fines to everything.

These weren't rabid wild cats that were killing small children and other animals and they weren't a menace or danger to society. He just didn't want anymore cats pooping in his yard or flower beds. And while I agree that can be frustrating, killing them is waaaaaay overboard, in my opinion. We have a wonderful animal shelter here which will give people cages to catch unwanted critters without harm. The shelter will bring the cages to your house as well as pick them up when you catch something, whether it be cat, raccoon or dog.

When I hear things like this I feel sick. He also owns a business here and I hope as the word gets out to what he did that everyone boycotts his place. What a jerk. There are not ever words strong enough to describe a lowlife scumbag who hurts poor innocent creatures like that.

Maggie

Good deeds do not go unpunished

This is a pretty serious post. You have been warned. Who knows? Maybe it's in poor taste to post this but this is my spot to get stuff off my chest so here goes.

Three weeks before my mom died she asked her mom (my Grandma Shrew) for some money to pay a bill and promised to pay it back. It was a long story as to why but that doesn't matter anymore. I want to point out that my mom told Grandmother Shrew she would pay it back. I also want to say Grandmother and Grandfather Shrew (here on out, they're the Shrews) have MONEY. Big MONEY. Money out the ass. Money enough to loan $300 without feeling a pinch. Money enough to give that away to anyone monthly and never feel the pinch. Money enough that they bought a brand new Cadillac and paid in cash- C*A*S*H!! With the Shrews everything ALWAYS came with a price, and when I hit my teen years I figured that out. This is just another example that proves this.

The Shrews said no. And they said the consequences that came with not being able to pay the bill were her lesson to be learned.

Three weeks later my mom died.

We could say I've been pissed at the Shrews since then- and pissed would be putting it mildly. We then had a knock-down/ drag out fight on Christmas Eve the first holiday after mom died- just 3 months later. I stood up for myself as did Daddy-O. You gotta take a stand sometimes, right or wrong. Since then, I think I've talk to the Shrews a total of 5 times. At most. That fight was December 2006

Now let's fast forward to April 2009. Grandmother Shrew called me. She was crying and wanted to know why all this time I wouldn't talk to her. I didn't want to tell her about the mom/ money thing so I was vague. I don't know why. I was afraid she might lie and then it's her word against a dead woman's and then I would be REALLY pissed at her. So, one thing led to another and she and I were "yelling" at each other.

I'm sure you figured out there are other things Grandmother Shrew said and did to me and to my mother (and father) over the years that I'm not writing about here. There are and she did, but I just can't seem to write them here in black and white. This is personal enough. Assume the Shrews were not the best parents and grandparents in the world, and while that wasn't my cross to bear, they hurt my mother more than I can say and I become fiercely protective of those around me. I couldn't protect mom from them while she lived, but I know I can protect mom's memory. I stayed mad at the Shrews; right or wrong, it was my choice.

Now look back at last Monday- just a week ago. My Grandfather Shrew went to the hospital and he's dying. He's 83 and will never leave the hospital. He knows this. The man had 5 open heart surgeries among a whole host of other things; doctors never thought he would live this long.

Lately I've gotten several calls from folks who've encouraged me to be the one to make peace since he's dying- so I won't feel bad or guilt after he's gone. Makes sense, I guess. In ten years if I got over this, I can't make amends with a dead person, now can I? But was I ready to do it now? I swallowed my pride because the guy is dying. Maybe it's not about whether I was ready to make amends but do it because he's dying- and it would make him happy, according to these people who call, if I made up with both Shrews. I called my Grandmother Shrew on Friday night. I went to her house and we talked. I never told her about the being mad over money thing, because she is just a sad, old, sick lady so I kept that one detail to myself. I swallowed my pride and gave in to her, made peace with her. Sucked down my own feelings and did the right thing.

Grandmother Shrew and I made things right. It was the right thing for me to do. I thought. I guess.

Early Saturday morning, she calls and wants me to come to the hospital at 7 a.m. because Grandfather Shrew had a very bad night; he wanted to talk to me before "the end". So I went.

The long and the short of it is that he wanted to tell me he was very disappointed in how I lived my life, never settling down, not living like a good Christian. He said he was really disappointed that I never got my Masters degree and that I move around. He also said he was very hurt and upset over how I talked to my Grandmother Shrew in April so I was out of the will. Oh yeah, he said he still loved me but this was a way to teach me a lesson.

Wow. Dang.

I said okay. What what I supposed to say?

I stood up for myself but I swallowed my pride and tried to make it right. And I get disinherited.

And other than being hurt and stunned momentarily, I'm alright with it. I stood up for myself and am out. Everything will go to my brother, a few cousins, and their church, maybe their dog- who knows? Who cares? I can't be bought which makes me feel good. I said to Daddy-O months and months and months ago that my silence would probably get me disinherited and I was right. And I can live with it. Not that I have a choice, but rather than feeling bitter and angry, I'm good with the choices I made and the ending result if, I guess, no fault of my own, and I'm okay with it. I'd rather be poor and have my head up than have sucked up to them for money.

I will continue to try and keep lines of communication open with Grandmother Shrew after he's gone, but I'll be damned if I try and back pedal; after she and I talked on Friday I made a promise to her to stay in touch and I won't renege on that promise. I'll keep the story of the money to myself- being disinherited doesn't change the fact that she's just a sick, sad, old, mean lady. I won't suck up for money- I don't want it if it means I have to be a hypocrite. I won't be "bought" or controlled by money- what sad people they are to buy love, but then again, they've always done that. I think it's sad that on his death bed, that's the memory he wants to leave me with: that he thinks I'm a big, mean disappointment. Okay.

Weird the way things work, right?

I'm not trying to say I'm a great person. I'm not trying to say I deserve anything. I'm not saying I handled this entire thing the right way. But I did stand up what I believed in, and I tried to do the right thing, in my own way. I'm not any more rich nor poor than I was yesterday or last week or tomorrow. That's it.

Maggie

YMCA

Recently our town has just built and opened a brand new YMCA facility, a multimillion dollar project with top of the line facilities. The building has the best of the best of everything from weight equipment to personal child care monitoring to a lush indoor pool, just to name a few. The programs are varied with choices from the youngest person in a "mommy and me" class to senior citizen water aerobics. There is something for everyone. Well, it seems there is something there for everyone who has money.

And I want to preface this post that this is not sour apples because I can't afford the membership fees. This runs a little deeper, and as a former social worker, I have issue with what is going on, as I hope you can tell from the rest of my post.

Again, this is a day to learn something here at "shoes/purses" rather than me just sitting here looking pretty- I'm going to educate and get on my high horse at the same time! I live in the second poorest county in my state that has the third highest unemployment rate in our state, and this information can be found at our state government's website. What I want to know is that if this county is so poor and we have so many people out of work, why is a family membership to the YMCA $708 a year (which is lower if you can pay in cash upfront for the whole year) plus the one time fee of $75, which breaks down to $59 a month? In a community where people are struggling to put food on the table, are using public transportation 60% more than last year because of the increased cost of gas, the food panties have seen an 80 % increase- why do we have a YMCA that would think of charging astronomical fees? (Our local newspaper recently ran an article with the stats about out city's need). On a personal note, my sister-in-;law works for a mental health facility and she says that the case managers there are seeing a doubling in client case load just in the last year.

I went to our local Y's web site and I've poured over the slick mailings I get and yes, they do have scholarships, but they are "limited." The mission of the YMCA says:

To put Christian principles into practice through programs that build healthy spirit, mind and body for all.

Please notice the "for all" in this that mission statement. FOR ALL should mean all, not just "for all those who can afford it." If a person visits the national YMCA web site and reads through the history, readers will find that since this program started in London in 1844 to now, the Y had grown and changed and evolved to meet the every growing changes with societal norms, offering programs to people of all race, gender, creed, and religion. They helped with healthy body and healthy mind. They provided educational programs when needed. Through it all, the Y has continually catered its programs for those in need.

I want to know how these programs are going to reach those who need it? I'm sick of people saying that with this new building "we want it to stay new so prices need to reflect the sort of people who will respect that". I have heard this repeatedly. And I think it's abhorrent. Others say that the T isn't a baby sitting service and that people will just dump their kids off. Oh, and I like that I heard someone say 'we need to keep the riffraff out." I'm sick to my stomach and appalled when I hear things like this. And to be honest, I have no idea is these people who say these things are those folks who are YMCA members or board members or employees or just townies shooting off their obnoxious mouths.

I live in a county whose population is about 35,000 according to the last US census. Of this population, 7,170 are children under age 17. 13.9% of children in my county live in poverty, the highest rate in the last five years. And 27.2% of children in my county receive public assistance- government public assistance. (data taken from the Kids Count Data book, 2008) With numbers like these, HOW can this brand new YMCA, who is supposed to provide FOR ALL charge these prices??????

My brother has banned the Y on his personal principles. My sister-in-law got herself and my niece a membership. And me, well as for me...I'm too poor to join.... I guess I'm the riffraff they want to keep out.

I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member,
Maggie