Heartbreak isn't just a Hotel

Too much distance and with the question of when we're going to see each other is just hanging there all the time, Sam thought it should just be over now. He said I'm beautiful and wonderful and deserve someone who can give me his time and life, he loves me so much, he's not ready to leave Ireland, he isn't sure having me live there for the summer would make sense since his job got re-organized and he'll only be home something like 11 days in the next 2 months, and I can't travel with him so he would only see me on those 11 days and I would spend the rest of the time in his flat all by myself. There is no one else. His company CEO told him to marry his job or he WOULD be fired. Sam still wants to be friends (editorial comment: nofuckingway). If I could find a job in Dublin, Sam would never have ended it because we would be living in the same city and it would make things easier. He feels like he still had things he needs to do and since his personal time is limited he wants to be able to do what he wants rather than stay at home on the phone with me. Sam said the distance makes us too hard.

Whatever. Fuck it.

blah, blah, blah, blah........

blah, blah, blah, blah........

Down at the end of a lonely street,
Mags

I'm a bit Holly Golightly at the moment...

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul: Sure.
Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd...

~Breakfast at Tiffany's

"I vant to be alone." ~Greta Garbo, Grand Hotel

"There must be something between us, even if it's only an ocean."
~ Nickie, An Affair to Remember

"If I push too hard it's because I want things to be better, I want us to be better, I want you to be better. ..You'll never find anyone as good for you as I am, to believe in you as much as I do or to love you as much." ~ Katie Morosky, The Way We Were

Childhood Flashback- A Day Moon

It was summer time, between my freshmen and sophomore year in high school. My mother was sitting on the sun porch reading a book. I was at the neighbor’s house, one house away, with my BFF (who isn't a BFF- I have no idea what happened to her...anyway!). We were on the front porch at her house, talking. It was hot, we were bored and trying to figure out what to do. We were listening to the radio and singing along, of course.

A car goes by, with the music blaring and a bunch of boys waved at us and drove on. We knew them from school and of course we immediately giggled, and started talking about them- they were a year old than me, in a grade above. They drove by again and again, circling the block. Each time they would wave or yell something at us. They weren’t being rude or gross- politically incorrect yeah, but no nasty name calling or asking for sexual favors. Just things like “hey baby” or “ooooo sexy” or “looking good”.

About the 5^th or 6^th time they passed, things were a little different. BFF and I had figured at some point they would stop and hang out- that was just what kids in our small town did. BUT… this time when they came by, they slowed down… and one of the boys mooned us! He hung his lily white butt out the window and mooned us, plain as day, in the middle of the afternoon. They sped up and took off.

BFF and I were speechless, then we about died laughing. We howled and laughed until the tears poured down our faces. Then my mother yelled at us to come over to her. We walked to my house, a whole 100 yards away, still giggling. She was curious to see if we could tell her what was so funny. She knew the boys had been driving by, she could see that, but she didn’t know about the mooning. As we started to tell her, here came the car of boys again. And once again, they MOONED us. This time my mom got a full view. All three of us were laughing hysterically. The car came around a third, and final, time. My mom had come out of the shadows of the sun porch and when the boys ‘dropped trou’, she was right there, applauding and laughing- BFF and I clapped too, giving them a standing ovation. The boys were caught and drove like a bat out of hell down the road, trying to get away, thinking they were busted since there was an adult there.

A day moon.- who wouldda thought?

White moon shining,

Maggie