It's about forgiveness...

I'm having a really hard time with forgiveness right now.

I don't want to be a person who carries a grudge. Actually I don't usually carry a grudge. Generally I'm someone who forgives pretty easily in most circumstances though I must admit in the last several years of my life, I've not necessarily "forgiven" easily but I just don't care about some things anymore. Maybe that's a form of forgiveness? I'm just don't care anymore to still be mad or upset. I don't know.

But lately something happened and I find I am MAD and not forgiving and I'm thinking super hateful thoughts, and.... I don't want to be that person but man, oh, man, am I having a hard time of putting that burden down.

I'm furious with one single person and his huge inaction that caused harm to someone I dearly love. This person is not someone I know well at all but I know "of" him and he's not a very nice human. That probably doesn't help me. He's inability to do the right thing almost killed someone I love and knowing he's overall a crappy human, makes me have some pretty ugly thoughts about him. And that freaks me out.

Talking to someone professional would help me. By professional I don't mean a hit man (though...??? Yeah, yeah, okay, not) but I mean a minister or a counselor. I don't know. I think about the incident and I hate this guy and don't care if he dies. Yes, that makes me about as bad as him.

Yes, I need to get rid of the anger and that might let me forgive him. I don't know. The event in question happened more than a month ago and I think of how much I hate this person at least once a day. Not good.

I won't do anything to him- that's not in my nature at all. The idea of ME hurting him or having a hand in something happening to him freaks me out, but if I heard he was killed in a car wreck I wouldn't be all that sad.

Yeah, I have an issue. I can't give the specifics of what happened---legal ramifications, but suffice it to say this guy is scum and most people would agree. (Those who know the details do agree!)

Anger isn't good. It screws with my mojo and my happy place. I don't like having bad thoughts or negative juju. All the pictures of kittens and hippos and giggling babies don't help. I hate it when something stomps on my karma. It's just NOT me to be like this and I really hate it.

I thought writing this might help purge a little so we shall see.

Mags

Day 4- Forgiving someone else

Today's topic in the 30 days of truth is "something you have to forgive someone for." Well, I can't really think of anything. Other than issues with my ex about my son, and that doesn't call for forgiveness but either bullets or lawyers, I don't really go around harboring a lot of ill will toward others. I just don't feel like I need to forgive anyone for anything. I don't feel angry at anyone or like I have grudges or regrets, other than Day three's mention.

Guess this one wasn't very hard. Sort of lame. Sorry to disappoint. Maybe I should change it up a little bit. For example:

• I could forgive ITSam for sending text messages with misspelled words and grammar errors to an English teacher. Here's an example: "I know you busy this next few weeks. I hope everything go well and your safe." While Daddy-O always says "you can't fix stupid" but I guess that means I could forgive it.
  

• I could forgive Robin from Wal-Mart for... well, she would obviously fail a lesson about fruit.
  

• I could forgive the gods and goddess for not making life like a movie and not offering up a soundtrack. (this is one of my favorite posts....)

Well, four down and only 26 more to go.

Maggie

And by the way...

This has nothing to do with forgiveness but it's just a lovely view on our school campus.