Weird Weight Watchers

Here's a strange thing:

Remember last week at weigh-in I gained .2 pounds and was really pissed off? Not only was I pissed off but I was also immature and decided during week that I was going to eat anything I wanted. And I did. I didn't use restraint.

I ate my favorite cupcake, I had Italian bread covered in cheese and olive oil, and a huge plate of pasta. I had breadsticks dipped in cheese and gooey pizza covered in meat and cheese on a thick crust. I drank pop and my very favorite Starbucks Peppermint Mocha- Venti size. I ate a candy bar when I felt like it, as well as an order of breaded mushrooms and a Spanish dog (or 2) from my favorite hot dog stand. I ate anything I wanted all week long and I didn't go hungry.

Nor did I go out of my way to exercise.

All that being said, I went ahead and weighed in Tuesday. I figured it would be like starting over. I figured if I was going to gain weight then at least I would not be hungry for a week.

Lo and behold, I lost weight. (I was going to be sarcastic and say I lost 240 pounds in the form of ITSam but that's way to obvious!!!). I weighed in on Tuesday and I lost 2.8 pounds. Ummm, okay.

So I diet like a maniac and gain and then go on a week long bender and lose more weight than before? Intellectually I realize that I can't do that again. I do KNOW that. But is sure is weird.

And I'm really glad I lost weight. So, I'm back on Weight Watchers. Even after my junket...

I've figured out a couple things that might help me:

• do not obsess about it. I'll try but I think if I don't discuss it every day, and just do it, look up my numbers and go about my business I'll be much better. When I fix dinner, I'll write it on a sticky note and analyze each bite we all take. I think I was driving them nuts with that and I want to stop that- sorry about that Daddy-O- I didn't mean to talk it to death, which leads me to feeling guilty.
• And I shouldn't feel guilty. I should try and do my best but if I slip or crack, I shouldn't feel guilty and beat myself up about it
• I will exercise even though I hate it.
• Small dishes help. For example, I can have 28 veggie straw chips and I should put them in a small dish rather than a regular cereal bowl. Then it won't seem like so few- it will appear heaping!
• I need to do creative snacking. For example, I could eat 30 Sea Salt Special K Crackers for 3 points. OR I could take 10 of them and use a wedge of Laughing Cow Cheese (1 point) and spread the cheese on the chips and top with a piece of mango, which is free. Then I could get some dairy and some fruit and it would be a more filling snack, for even less points than the 30 chips. And a nice blend of the sweet and salty! See, creative eating!
  

So even after being bad, I can still be good. So here I go again!
Maggie

Scraping the final poop off my shoe, so to speak

• I need to arrange to get my furniture out of ITSam's house. Now. I have to see if I can find a truck and two guys to go with me. And find a place to store it again- Booknut, any space in your garage again or in your storage building, by chance? Please?
  
• I'm stuck in a phone contract with him until January 2012. I have to pay my share of the bill until then or he's going to sue me, apparently. I will pay him on the 15 of each month. I will send him a money order.
  
• I need a new job because I don't want to see him every single damn day at work (and I really want a job with more money and health insurance). He didn't even come in my building yesterday- thankfully. He did, however, change my Internet access status at work. When I was his girlfriend, he gave me unlimited usage and he changed it to like all the other teachers; guess I'm not so special anymore.
• He provided my father with a loaner laptop and I'm waiting to see if he asks for it back; the same with the laptop cord he loaned Mac.
  
• He took my car to get some work done in the winter time and he still hasn't paid that bill. It's not in my name and he hasn't asked for the money. Yet.
• I need to go to the jewelry store and get the deposit back on my engagement ring since I sold my grandmother's diamond toward.
• He recently bought me something from Tiffany's which I returned to him in the intra-mail: box, bag, ribbon and all. Maybe he can get his money back. Or give it to his next girlfriend. He should receive it tomorrow.
  
• He donated some yarn to the Art Club of which I'm a sponsor. I also put it all in a box and mailed it back to him via intra-office email. He should receive it tomorrow.
• He loaned me a computer at work and I have to figure out how to get it to him; I don't want to take it to his office lest he think I'm looking for excuses to see him, which I'm obviously not. Wonder if I could send it via intra-office mail, too?

It's all madness,
Maggie

Well, this certainly sounds like it's over, don't you agree?

The last few weeks, after the huge blow up with ITSam I've been trying to work things out with him. We've been going on dates and just talking. It's like we were starting over again, the best two people can who've dated for almost a year.

I thought it had been going along well. I thought we were having fun. I thought it was going okay. We talked some serious talks but not lots, but just enough to try and sort some things out, to see if things were savable.

Well, apparently things were not going along well for him. He finally, officially, broke up with me tonight. And it was out of the clear blue.

He said he didn't think my heart was in this. He didn't think I was ever going to forgive him. He said he was emotionally invested but didn't feel I was, and he said he thought this would never work. He said I didn't treat him like he was special, that I treated him just like I do everyone else. He also said I never "make" plans with him but I make plans with everyone else so apparently, according to him, I just see him when no one else is available.

He said I don't love him anymore because I don't say it.

I guess I got out of the car when he dropped me off after work tonight and I didn't kiss him good-bye; I just got out of the car. It didn't matter that mac was pissed off, the phone was ringing inside and I could hear it but no one was answering, that it seemed like no one was home because cars were gone but the house was standing wide open, he and I had a fight at lunch about Mac so I was still seething over that, the fact I was distracted and didn't kiss him so I don't care about him and am just trying to be friends. Because I don't treat him special.

He buys me stuff to show me that he thinks I'm special and I just never reciprocate. He pointed out how much money he spent on me in the last two weeks- money I didn't ask for, I would like to point out. (I wrote him a fucking check for $100 for some clothes he got me. It was to make a point. Don't tell me I shouldn't have. If you were there, you would've done the same thing, trust me). He claimed I only want people to know he and I are together when in public not in private, and he just went on and on and on. Somewhere in there he told me he loved me more than I love him AND that he wants to spend all his free time with me and he doesn't want to do things without me because he wants me by his side, making his life better and I make things more fun-- he said. He also said I don't need him nor do I make him feel special since I want to hang out with my family and friends as much as I want to see him. He said he would NEVER leave me at home on a Friday night like I did with him (I took Mac to a movie and dinner, just mom and son time last Friday; so that's bad????).

When we had our huge fight a few weeks ago I suggested he get therapy or at least go back on his anti-depressant. He said he would. Tonight he told me the only reason he needed it was because of his ex-wife being crazy and he's fine now so he doesn't need it and he never told me I need an anti-depressant and some how he compared it to my breasts being saggy and not telling me I need plastic surgery. Yeah. Rat bastard.

And then he dumped me. HE dumped ME after all that because he wants someone who isn't so independent and he knows I "can never be a damn wife like any other woman" (<--- that my dear friends, is a direct quote!) and who will love him like he loves her and wants to be by his side and make plans to do things together and not be treated like an afterthought.

What a lovely Monday evening.

Maggie

I hate deadlines

Remember I told you about the English teacher here at Alcatraz who adopted a baby at the end of the last school year? I covered her classes for 10 days? Well, she decided to take the entire next school year off, which I think is awesome for her! Between her maternity leave, her personal and sick time and the Family Leave Act will allow her to take the whole year off and still ensure she has a job come 2012-2013 school year. Though as most of us know, she probably will NOT come back if everything works out.

So when she made this announcement, my principal came to me and filled me in. Then we and I started bombarding the DOE office in my state to see if he could get me a teaching license so I could have the job. Recently, here in my State we've changed lots of rules, making it easier to be a teacher. Well, easier on paper anyway. The reality is that nothing is available on line except information and you need to speak to a real human being to get anything done. And apparently Real Human Beings at the DOE do not return phone messages nor do they answer emails.

My principal and I called together. We had all my information in front of us and could read them what they need or FAX it or even USPS mail it. We got a voice mail and the message said it would be answered within 5 business days. He then sent an email. On the 6th business day, we both called again and got voice mails and we also sent emails.

In the meantime, an add is running and 22 people apply for the job. I start a campaign and call every day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. My principal finally gets a hold of someone. She said she would pass the information on to the right person. She had only worked for the DOE for a week. She must've not gotten the memo that she's not to answer her phone.

A week later we have to call her back and find out that she did, indeed, pass the information via email to the right person. She forwarded the email to us. She also verbally said that when she talked to the right person, she was told I would probably get a temp. certificate that's good for one year. That's all we needed, but we needed it in writing.

So we continue calling and email and never get a response.

Anyone who knows anything about education, knows that as a summer winds down, the administration is eager to take their summer vacations. We'd been pursuing this for about three weeks and they had to do something. We start school on Aug. 1 and most folks have the entire month of July off so....

Yeah, because no one at the DOE will call or email back, I lost the opportunity to cover that teaching job for a year. That so sucks. Beyond sucks.

My principal felt bad about it but it was a committee decision to hire someone else. They all felt bad that it wasn't me. I understand the situation but it doesn't mean I like it. My principal also said I should continue to pursue it because he knows the other English teacher in our building is looking for a new job. He also knows that since the maternity leave is a temp job for a year, the candidate who was hired could choose to not work the entire time and it could come open again.

I said I was going to drive down to the State and sit there until someone helped me or until they threw me our had me arrested. Apparently that's all we can do to get the government to work. I wish I had connections. I don't but man do I wish I did.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Maggie

A chair that was and a lounge that wasn't

It's really weird to start blogging on my laptop again. I have the Windows & Operating System and Word 10 and the Firefox---- none of which I know how to use. I literally didn't blog yesterday, not because I didn't have time, but because all the "new" scared me and just wore my brain out. If I had one of those new at a time and then figured it out, and then the next one, etc I might be okay but all three new at once, I just ended up frustrated and pissed off. So I didn't do anything. Then I thought I couldn't go 2 days without blogging unless I was dead or something worse, so I figured out enough to get here. So here I am.

After all that I feel like I should have something amazing and astounding to say but I really don't. At all.

I could tell you that yesterday morning Curly and I went rummage sale-ing and it was awesome. We got some really good stuff. I got a couple shirts and a tea cup. I found a bunch of books and a pretty cut glass bowl. I got a 6 foot long mesh bag thingy and I'm going to hang it in my room and keep scarves, hats, mittens, and the like in it. I got 2 DVDs (21 and National Treasure 2) and an oil bottle with a stopper.

There is a rummage sale story. I can tell you what I didn't get: an antique, pale pink and gold chenille and velvet chez lounge. I didn't get this beautiful and comfortable piece of furniture with the oak trim, hand carved scroll work, and lion's claw legs because a fellow rummager was a royal BITCH. Oh yes, she was.

I looked at it and sat on it and contemplated and talked to the proprietor of said sale. Then I called ITSam to get an opinion, and some money. Then I went to pay the guy for it, to write a check, when his adult son said it was sold. The son was working with one woman and I was working with the father and there was confusion. The father, I think, was going to make sure I got it since I was just adjusting my funding and securing a truck to get it. The woman got snippy with all of us (down right rude, actually) and then had it carried to her car immediately. It was not a pretty sight. And I didn't NOT get said chez lounge.

I was not happy but I got over it. Just made me mad. I was the first one and the first one gets dibs. We just confused our rummage sale hosts. But she's the one with the lounge and I'm not. Such is life. But damn it, I LOOK like I a siren who belongs draped across it and she looked like... a lump who couldn't glam if her life depended on it, in her gray ugly too small sweat pants in public, her Harry Cary Coke bottle glasses, and her 80s feathered perm- what the hell was SHE going to do with a belong-in-a-bordello chez lounge?

Reminds me of when I was a kid and the neighbors across the street had an auction. I was about 11 or 12 and it was the first auction I had ever been to in my life. I bought 2 pink velvet barrel chairs with Queen Anne legs. For $6.51. I was bidding and I was counting my change and I hollered that bid and everyone around laughed and the person bidding against me stopped and I go the chairs. So my friend Jenny and I carried them home, one at a time. I think my parents about had a cow. I thought they chairs were fancy and elegant. My parents thought they looked like Ms. Havisham cast offs! Never mind that the back was loose on one and dad had to reinforce a leg on the other. Never mind that when I sat on them, a *pouff* cloud of dust arose. Still, I put them in my room and sat on them for years.

Sometimes a sale is just a sale, other times it a furniture adventure!

Maggie

I now know what 'OS' means!

OS means "Oh Shit I have a new operating system that I have no idea what I'm doing when I use it!"

ITSam installed a new Operating System on my computer as part of the process of getting rid of the Trojans/ Malware.

It looks totally different and I have no idea what I'm doing or where anything is. Not only does it look different but stuff is in different places.

Sam is also a hater of Firefox as a browser and he just restored all my stuff in The Big Blue E. I hate the Big Blue E. I've used Firefox since it was available and it was on computers at different places where I've worked so I've mostly used it... basically forever. I went ahead and installed it and it too is completely different! I can't find anything there either. (And it pissed ITSam off that I loaded it, too.)

I'm hoping to get more familiar with it all weekend and I do know it makes me sound like an old fart to complain about new technology. I guess the new Windows is great (is it & or * or (? Hell, I don't even know the NAME of my new OS!) and I'm lucky to have it but I hate it when I have a routine of things I do when I log on. Now I can't find the stuff to even do it.

I like knowledge and usually change doesn't scare me, but for some reason this all just irritates me.

Maybe my whole life just irritates me right now so this is just one more thing...

Maggie

Two issues

Issue 1:

During my second week of Weight Watchers, I gained .2 pounds. I did everything I was supposed to do, exercised, didn't cheat, ate the right foods, ate my veggies and fruit, cut back my sodium, drank tons of water and planned meals so I could spread my points out correctly and I still GAINED weight. That's bullshit and I hate it and feel crappy.

Issue 2:
My computer is still being operated upon but should be up and running tonight. I had to get a new hard drive and a new operating system. Then he cleaned the old hard drive and isolated the viruses/ Trojans/ malware and is slowly re-installing all of my pictures, documents and music. It took 4 hours to install my photos and about that long for the music. So, I should be up and ready to go again tonight and be able to blog from my own computer rather than doing it briefly on break here at work. Ugh!

Maggie