What I learned last night

I don't know how this conversation even started. ITSam and I were talking and he was telling me something or asking me something but I got confused because of my apparent lack of knowledge. His story went by the way side when he learned he had to sort me out.

I didn't know I needed sorted.

Until last night I thought...

Well, I guess I was wrong...

My pop culture references short circuited somewhere.

Paul Hogan was the star of the movie Crocodile Dundee. This movie was a fake. Paul Hogan is an actor. And he's still alive. He isn't dead, and wasn't killed by a manatee. Also, he doesn't have a daughter who has her own TV show on the Animal Planet called To Catch a Predator. And The Rock is not the nickname of Vin Diesel. And Vince Vaughn was not in Walking Tall. That was Johnny Knoxville.

Okay so I thought Paul Hogan was in a movie about his life (Crocodile Dundee) and that he was the Crocodile Hunter. Paul Hogan was the actor in a movie that was not about the life of Steve Irwin who IS... well, WAS the Crocodile Hunter. And Steve Irwin is dead. He was stung to death by a manta ray. Not a manatee. They are two separate guys. And two separate ocean creatures.

And Steve Irwin has a daughter who does have her own TV show, about animals.

The TV show To Catch a Predator is about catching Internet child molesters. Steve Irwin's daughter has nothing to do with the child molesters.

Ummmmm, let's see.... what else?

Oh, I thought the Rock, who's real name is Dwayne Johnson, was Vin Diesel. Or, rather, I thought The Rock was a nickname for Vin Diesel. They are two different guys. And while I was trying to figure out which guy was in what movie, I thought that Vince Vaughn was the sidekick in Walking Tall. Uhhhh, nope.

I hate it when I'm an idiot.

All these years.... I was just confused. I was content in my ignorance.

The Rock was The Scorpion King and he was not Fast and Furious.

A manatee looks like the cow of the ocean.

And I laughed until I about peed myself.

I've no idea, either...
Maggie

This is a manatee and it didn't kill Steve Irwin (or Paul Hogan).

This is a manta ray and it DID kill Steve Irwin (not Paul Hogan).

This is Steve Irwin. He is the real life Crocodile Hunter and he is dead, killed by the manta ray (not the manatee). The movie Crocodile Dundee has NOTHING to do with him, at all, ever.

This is Paul Hogan, an actor, who is alive and was not killed by a manatee nor manta ray and has nothing to do with Steve Irwin. Paul starred in the movie Crocodile Dundee, which is NOT about the life of Steve Irwin.

This is Vin Diesel who is just Vin Diesel. He was in the Fast and the Furious. He was not a wrestler, a pro football player, and was not in Walking Tall, nor was he the scorpion king. And lots of Internet sites speculate that he's gay.

This is The Rock, aka Dwayne Johnson. He was a wrestler, and could've been a football player. He was in Walking Tall, and was he the scorpion king. No Internet speculation about his sexuality.

Does anyone other than me see I could at least get these two guys confused?

Johnny Knoxville who IS in Walking Tall

Vince Vaughn who is NOT in Walking Tall

Now that we have that all cleared up...

Teenagers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mac loses his car keys all the time. All. the. time. Daddy-O and I have tried many techniques to help him keep track of them keys. I'm to the point where I want to tie them around his neck.

So, Mac has lost his keys. Usually he says this and I can move 2 items on the bookcase or reach in his coat pocket under his glove and find them. or say, "they're in the bathroom". Or something easy. Mac can't seem to see them right in front of his face, but I generally can locate them.

Mac told me he lost his keys and I was determined to not "help" him find them this time. I've not looked. However, I've let him use mine repeatedly.

I gave some serious thought to grounding him until he found his keys but that's really more of a punishment to me and to Daddy-O than Mac. I thought about grounding him from the car until he finds them but then I become a chauffeur again. Isn't the whole point of being a teenager is driving? And isn't the whole point of being the mom to a teenager is to NOT drive them anywhere anymore? I threatened him within an inch of his life on Monday that he wasn't doing anything Monday until he found them. All to no avail apparently.

All that being said, my "teach him a lesson" laissez faire attitue about his keys bit me in the butt this morning. My school had a 1 hour delay so I rode with a co-worker. Mac's school had a 2 hour delay and I left him the car. Which did me a fat lotta good because HE HAD NO KEYS!!! He sent me a text after I was at school, reminding me of his lack of keys. I told him he better find them.

I got a text back he couldn't locate them still. I was going to make him take local transportation and then if he was late, then tough-noogies.

Daddy-O was the hero of the day!!!!!!!! He actually gave Mac a ride to school and then is going to pick me up (and Mac) after school today. (Thank you dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Then I'm going home and will find the keys. Then I will permanently attach them to Mac's person. It may or may not be painful. Okay, I'm kidding. Sort of.

How many days until he leaves for college?
Mac's mom,
Maggie

Oooops, I did it again!

I swear I'm purposely NOT not taking a yoga class. I really WANT to take a yoga class!

BUT!

(Yes, there's always a big "but." By not taking yoga, I have a big butt....)

But, on Monday I was asked to drive for cash for work. I looked at my Tuesday calendar and it was clear. I was searching the brain cells because it felt like I was supposed to do something but it wasn't written down so I thought I was mistaken. So I said yes to the driving (to the making cash.)

Then at lunch, my yoga partner asked if I would be mad if she backed out because it was the worst Tuesday for her: her son had a karate demonstration, her oldest daughter's violin lesson got changed, her youngest daughter had a doctor appointment, and then the two oldest kids had some sort of school open house thingy.

DOH- yoga! *head slap*

I told her what I did and we agreed it was fate to not go to yoga.

However, after school when I was getting ready to leave, I learned my drive was canceled- the parent couldn't make it due to the weather 2.5 hours of here was terrible. I already knew my yoga partner was out so I just bailed because I didn't want to go alone.

ITSam and I went out to dinner instead. Then we had what I thought was a discussion, which he turned into a disagreement, which somehow turned into a full fledged fight, because he's an idiot.

I should've gone to yoga and gotten all zen-ed out.

Next Tuesday......... yeah, I know. That's what I said last week!

Paving the road to hell with good intentions,
Maggie

Tune me up!

One of the things on my 40 before 40 list is to listen to a CD of a band/ musician/ music group/ singer I've never heard before.

This is hard. It sounds dumb to say this is hard but it is. ITSam and I went to a really cool used record store, which also carries CDs, and found one and I don't like it. It's not even something I can remotely find interesting enough to listen to the whole thing. As a matter of act I had to text Sam while typing this post to even ask the name of the band: The Black Keys.

So, I'm appealing to all of you for help. Prizes will be given. I need some musical suggestions.

What I do NOT like:

• country (however, bluegrass is okay... like Allison Kraus)
• scream-o
• rap
• music that has rap or talking anywhere in it (Mac will play me some "Great band, mom" and I ask if it's rap. He says no and then half way through the song, it's totally rap. Yuck.)
• hip-hop
• emo/ Goth/ industrial
• disco
• most classic rock... uh, yeah I suck... (I do love all things Beatles)

I do like:

• pop
• Elton John, Barry Manilow, Rob Thomas, Matchbox 20, Billy Joel
• 1980's
• some rock
• Frank Sinatra, Michael Buble, Dean Martin
• 50s & 60s music
• Glenn Miller, big band, swing, jazz, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Brian Setzer Orchestra, Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday

I obviously like so many other types and styles of music but I can't say too many more without adding some sort of clarification. I like "most" hairbands. For example, I love Bon Jovi but am not a huge G&R fan. I LOVE Green Day but don't care much for the rest of the Punk scene. I like about 4 John Mayer songs but don't care for the rest of his sound. I can say the same for Pogue Mahone, Flogging Molly, Red Hott Chili Peppers, Bruno Mars, Jason Mraz, Pearl Jam, Katy Perry, and the Black Eyed Peas. All of these, I love SOME of their stuff, but not all.

If you could make suggestions of bands/ songs/ stylings of anything that could be compared to what I do like, I'm open to suggestions. The name of a group plus a recommended album would be especially sweet.

I'll even give a prize to the blogger whose suggestion of band & album I buy and listen to all the way through!

This is a tough challenge, I know, since I listen to a wide and eclectic group of music. It has to be a band or group I've never heard. I'm thinking of amending it to to a singer or group that maybe I heard 1 song on the radio and should get the whole album?

Please help me with your musical stylin' sounds recommendations!

musically yours,

Mags

What's in your wallet?

Does anyone other than me have a whole bunch of crap in your wallet?

Daddy-O gave me one of my mom's old wallets, ironically one I had given her as a gift and he hung onto it since it was pink and covered in shoes. I was getting ready to switch all my stuff from one to another and I didn't realize how much crap I had stuffed inside this thing.

After throwing out expired coupons, by train tickets from Italy when I was there in March 2009, old receipts and gum wrappers, I started sorting all the stuff to see what I needed to keep and what I could toss out.

Of course I have the obligatory family and friend pictures but I think I need to update these. The last one of Mac, he's about 10 years old. I found a picture with an old boyfriend that I dated more than 10 years ago.

Then there are all the "cards" and I don't mean credit ones. Seriously, every business these days has a card for something. I have a Kroger card which nets me discounts in the store. I get frustrated because I think they should just sell the stuff for the discount price and do away with the card process. The times I've been in line when someone hasn't used a card either the cashier lets the person use hers or someone in line hands theirs over. Stupid idea, I think.

I have a Panera Bread card that nets me random free desserts or drinks. I have a Hallmark card that gives me free merchandise, and I have a Speedway card which lets me earn points to spend on stuff in their store from fuel to candy to food. I think it's my most profitable of the three because I've gotten free gasoline lots of times, and more free drinks than I can count. I like my movie theater card because I get free popcorn!! I also have some other "cards" for other stores but half the time I can't remember to get them out until it's too late.

I have a stack of coffee house punch cards. With each drink, get a punch and then the 11th is free; I have these for 4 locally owned "mom and pop" type of coffeeshops. Of course there's my special gold club membership Starbucks card. It has my name engraved on it, I'm such a good customer. Buy 15 drinks and get a free one. You have no idea how many freebies I got last year. I'm embarrassed to even admit it. Now they give me free oatmeal, pastries and product discounts because I'm such a good customer. My Gold Starbucks Reward Card is like other people's Platinum American Express Card- I can't leave home without it!

I also have my Chamber of Commerce card which gets me discounts all over town. I have a driver's license of course, insurance for my car proof card thingy of course, Mac's health insurance card (new and 2 old ones...), my ATM card, a prayer card with the B-Attitudes (I always like that phrasing- it sounds like a band), and my ACLU membership card. Yes, when someone accuses me of being a "Card carrying member of the ACLU" I can pull it out and say "Why yes, yes I am."

There's also the obligatory piles of receipts to enter in my checkbook.

No wonder there's no money; who has the room even if I had any?

Maggie

A winter moment I experienced years ago

We just keep getting more and more and more and more snow here. Yesterday I was supposed to take Princess to a baby shower for a friend of hers in the next town over. I got stuck in the driveway. I finally tunneled out of that and slid down the hill to town. As I was getting fuel in the car I watched cars sliding down the major highway road as they attempted to go up a hill. Finally a policeman showed up and prevented traffic from going in that direction. A guy at the service station who came from there said they were stopping traffic until a plow and salt/ sand truck could get there.

Since I had some time on my hands and I didn't want to do anything productive like clean or laundry, I was looking at some old- by old I mean 4 or 5 years ago old- blog material and I found the following. I wrote this about a winter moment I had when I lived in the the Wild West. I thought it was at least apropos for the season, if nothing else.

The arctic-like wind blows across the plains, sweeping the snow into swirls like sheets dancing on a clothes line. The barren land is white as far as the eye can see in the twilight. The peaks of the gumbo hills are covered in white fluff, standing proud and tall in the distance. But the hills cannot break the impressive line of whiteness that stretches for endless miles. It's the sort of day where dawn breaks but the haze in the sky hangs low and the clouds cannot be discerned from the contrasting sky; there is not a difference between in the heavens and the earth. We are stuck in a world of white and it seems as if the sky and land know no ending nor beginning.

The snow covers the world and cocoons it from any other colors. It seems as if heaven has collapsed into the Earth. There are not trees in this field nor in the distance. Just earth, covered in the cold blanket called winter. The plains slope and gently roll, but the whiteness is overwhelming and dominates the world. The fence line is hidden under the winter sheets, as are the scrub bushes and sage brush.

The only signs of life in this apocalyptic setting are two fold: the footprints of a deer, one single set of tracks, that almost daintily dot the lonely landscape leaving a trail which suddenly ends in a small dip in the distance. The other is the wind. The silent blowing has a noise, even as it sweeps across the desolateness. Though there are no trees to whistle through, there is a steady humming in the gale forces that add to the sheer aloneness of this winter land, that is wondrous in a sad way.

As I slowly turn away, my breath in a cloudy fog around my head, I gasp mouthfuls of the freezing cold air, tasting the frozen harsh earth, enraptured by what is winter.

Maggie

Random observations

ITSam and I were told about a house for rent in a neighboring little burg. It's a little town about 10 minutes from Civilization,15 minutes from Southern Civilization, and 5 minutes from Alcatraz. The house isn't available yet. We didn't know the address but I knew the name of the street, Sam said he thought the owner said it was yellow, and we both KNOW it has a 3 car garage and 4 bedrooms. We thought we would drive down that street to see if we could figure out which house it was. I mean, really, how many houses could be big enough to be 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, with a 3 car garage, that might be yellow? The answer is 9, to be exact. 9! There are 9 huge houses with three car garages--- and 6 of those are a "variation" of yellow. We'll know in a few days when it's going to be available.

I bought a cupcake, a gourmet one, at a specialty bakery. I was saving it for an after dinner, pre-bedtime snack. I told everyone to not eat it. When I went looking for it, Mac had eaten it, claiming he didn't "hear" me say to not. I wanted to kill him. Oh yes, over a cupcake, I know is rather stupid, but add this to all his bad attitude, "I-know-everything-because- I'm- a- senior," senior-itis and I really just wanted to smack him on a regular basis. Can't we just tape their mouths shut until graduation? I say "they" because I have hope that misery loves company and other parents of seniors feel this same way. Please don't let me be the only one...

I'm loading pictures in my phone of people so when they call me, their photo pops up. I find it strangely ironic that every single picture I have of each person, they are all wearing red shirts. First, how weird is that? Second, is that a sign? Third, do you have any idea what that does to the OCD side of my brain? And the people for whom I don't have pictures, with the whole red thing hanging over me now?

We have a small, locally owned coffeeshop and I will only go if a certain barista is working. Seriously, I call and if K isn't working, I don't get a latte. I drink regular old, black Folgers. Sad, isn't it? She makes my drink the best and the rest of the employees sort of suck at it so I refuse to go otherwise. She's taking a week off soon and I'm in a panic. I might have to get up 90 minutes early one day to drive to Southern Civilization to go to Starbucks. (Logically I should go on a day when we have a snow delay for the time but it's rather illogical because- duh- we have a snow day so I shouldn't be out that early... yeah, what a dichotomy!)

I woke up this morning to find that more snow has fallen. And I am not excited. At all. In fact, it makes me sort of tired to think of it.

It's a good thing I don't live in Alaska because then I would be able to have even more shoes that I do now- snowshoes to be exact. Like I need one more "style". I can't even find my warm snow boots, now though. Maybe I should go boot shopping?

It makes me ANGRY that people pay to have their driveways cleared or they work outside for hours with a snow blower clearing away so they can get out and then the stupid, rude city plows pile a bunch of snow at the opening of the driveway.

Speaking of snowplows and Alaska, the not quite "sex scene" in the movie Mystery, Alaska (one of the coolest movies ever) is hilarious and takes place in a snow plow.

Hey, I warned you it was all random...
Mags