The power of the bow

I was at the check out line at Walgreens the other day and the woman who was the cashier had a bow in her hair. She was probably about 45-48 years old, had really short frosted blond hair, was a bit hefty and she had this little, bitty bow in her hair. It was cute, really, but I wasn't sure what I thought of it on a woman her age.

She saw me staring at the bow and I felt caught gawking so I smiled and told her "cute bow". Well, holy shit, did that ever burst a dam in this woman.

She gush a huge "THANK YOU HONEY!!!" and patted my arm and patted her bow and preened a little bit.

She said she wears a bow in her hair every single day no matter what and has for yeas and has bows to match every thing she owns, even her Walgreens smock.

I wasn't sure what to say so I sorts smiled and mumbled "cool" or "nice" or something like that.

She went on to tell me it just makes her feel so much BETTER about life and so much BETTER about herself to wear a bow. I'm still smiling, wishing she wasn't holding my change hostage.

She also told me that she just never had customer mad at her because it's so hard for people to yell at someone with a bow in their hair. I smile and double blink trying to hold back the laughs. Really???

She said, as she handed me my milk and money, that life is so much better with a bow.

Wonder if I should try that life altering fashion trick?
Mags

New Obsession

My new "crack" is fashion magazines. I'm not sure what caused this latest addiction but it's an addiction for sure. I remember when it began but not the why behind it.

One day early this summer I was at Half Price books, one of my most favorite books store on the planet when I found the 50cent magazine rack. I started flipping through and there were a bunch of issues of fashion magazines that I never really read with ferocity. I always thought I should be a lover of Vogue since it was Carrie Bradshaw's Bible but I could never justify spending $5-$8 for a magazine full of clothes that I couldn't wear since I'm a plus size. But there at Half Price books were loads of fashion magazines for just 50cents each. So, I thought 'what the hell' and grabbed a month old copy of Vogue and In Style.

And the obsession began.

Now every time I go I comb the racks and piles looking for the month old copies of Elle, Vogue, W, In Style... I just LOVE them. And there are clothes in there I could wear, and would wear! There's make up tips and shoes galore. And jewelry! And beauty tips and secrets. I've become a huge fan. There is very little of that crap that usually pepper the pages of typical women's mags like sex advice, celeb gossip, or diet tips. These magazines are pretty much strictly, straight up, all about the shoes, clothes, purses, accessories, jewelry, make up and hair. It's terrible, I know, but I just can't help it. I'm addicted. I just sit and pour over the pages, book marking things I think I could wear, searching the 'net for something in my size just like the pants on page 412 of Vogue. I wonder what's happened. I actually KNEW when fashion week started. I actually looked on CNN to watch clips. I can identify a Dior gown at 20 paces. I'm completely and totally hooked!

Addicted so much so that the other day when I was at Wal-Mart the new Vogue, In Style and Elle have the new fall fashion issues out and I couldn't wait. I just had to have copies. And at Wall World magazines are cheaper than the cover prices so I got them for about $4 each-- AND they were each about 600 pages since it was the TOTAL fall issue on 600 in styles for the season. I bought them new.

I actually have piles and piles of magazines all over my room and in the bathroom. All less than a year old.

I blame Vanity Fair because I've been a reader for years and I think it was my gateway drug magazine of choice. Next you'll be seeing me on the street corner, holding a sign, "will work for newsstand fresh fashion mags."

Do you think I need a 12 step program?

Maggie

Tales from a substitute teacher's diary part 1

I hate seeing students underwear. I just want to say that upfront. And I am NOT some pervy cho-mo who's looking. I'm in the classroom every day and I see it, right in front of me. I would have to stare at the ceiling or floor to NOT see.

First, let's take boys and baggy pants. They wear baggy jeans, halfway down their ass, or under their buttcheeks, with about 6-9 inches of boxer shorts hanging out the back. Or my new favorite, 6-9 inches of gym shorts hanging out the back. Now, if they're gonna bag the jeans that low, and wear shorts underneath, why not just wear the shorts??? It looks stupid. The boys spend most of their time, making sure the jeans don't slide to their knees, or grabbing their crotch, probably because they're chafing. They also walk on the hem of their jeans so they are ripped and dirty. And there's a TON of extra jean length at their ankles, so they trip. They can barely climb stairs since the pants are falling, and they walk like geishas, with tiny little steps, since the pants keep sliding. (And there are 2 girls I see who dress like this and I want to puke. 'Nuff said.)

The girls are worse, if that's even possible. Bras are popping out the top of t-shirts, which are usually skin tight. The shirts technically follow the dress code, but are about 3 sizes to small. even skinny girls have 'muffin' top in shirts like this. But back to underwear, yes bras and bra straps are exposed all the time. And thongs. Thongs, thongs, thongs everywhere. If a student drops something I practically dive to the floor to hand it back so I don't have to see a damn thong hanging out the back of the frickin low rise jeans.

Now that I have that off my chest, I do have to say kids are super dress casual these days. I can stand in a classroom or in the hallway during a passing period and am lost in a sea of denim. There are no skirts, no khakis, certainly no dress pants, and very rarely are there a pair of sweats or warm up pants. A few years ago, there was some diversity. Gap did a huge campaign on khakis and that's when seeing jeans was the rare thing. A few years ago, skirts and tights were all the rage- not so any more. Even the jocks aren't wearing their "jock uniform". I am not kidding- it's just all jeans, all the time. And t-shirts. The girls all have long hair, either down and hanging in their faces or pulled into a ponytail. Long, straight hair, not even curly. They are all carbon copies of each other. Hell, when I was in school we wore leggings, leg warmers, high heeled tennis shoes with layer socks, stretch pants, and jean skirts. Oh shut up.

The middle school kids have to dress up to present their portfolios so they can advance a grade. Dressing up last year was scary, is all I can say. Black jeans do not a dress outfit make. I just worry about that the state of dress casual is coming to in the future of corporation. Just think, in about 10 years from now Casual Friday will be jammie pants, clogs, and a hoodie!

Skirt wearing,
Ms Maggie Mae

Runway to Heaven

There is some religious group in my community where the women wear long skirts, have really long hair and don't wear make-up. They don't wear any head coverings. Clothes don't look hand-made. They drive, have electricity and don't seem to have a huge plethora of kids. I have no idea what the religion is, and I really don't care actually, but it's the dress of the women that struck me.

There were a bunch of these women were at Wally World the other day (yeah, I seem to spend a lot of time at Wal-Mart. Just don't ask...) So anyway, I noticed that they all had on long denim skirts. All the way to the ground denim. They also had on tennis shoes. This, overall, was not a fashion statement of the good. It was not attractive at all. While the women were not necessarily ugly, these unbecoming fashion make them all look very, very short. And sort of stumpy. They were thin, but frumpy-looking. Is that the point?

Back in the Wild West I wore a long denim skirt, a pair of pink cowboy boots, a western shirt and a cool belt and I was looking stylish. I was "in"- I was cool. The more I looked at these women, the more I realized several things about myself.

First, I wanted to rush home and hem all my denim skirts short because I didn't want to be confused as a member of this religion, since I have a non-god issue. Then I thought about it. I could never be confused as a member of this religion because of several things. My hair is way too short- right now I'm sporting a very short pixie cut, short for even pixie standards, so my hair isn't long enough to either hang to my ass or put up in a HUGE bun. And speaking of ass, my ass is waaaaaaay to big to be a member of this church. I swear, ever single one of these women are tiny. Small. Thin. Skinny. There is no way I could belong since I have a fat ass, junk in the trunk, loot in the boot, whatever you want to say, I am just not skinny enough to be there.

And I have fashion sense, which is obviously missing here. I am not a fashion snob- I don't make enough money to be such, and I'm also not a perfect size 5 so not all fashions are meant for me so a fashion snob I am not. But I like to look nice and I try be neat and stylish. Not frumpy. I like clothes. And when I see these women they are always in really really long skirts, denim during the week (their answer to wearing jeans if they were allowed to sport pants?) or floral on Saturdays and Sundays- or dresses with really big flowers on them.

Do you think people with short hair are banned? Are fat people banned? Would I have to grow my hair and lose 25 pounds to join? What if I could make a big financial donation? I do own the long ugly denim skirt and have some tennis socks, after all. Do you think the women are given a brochure of clothes and hair dos and don'ts? Do you think they have a religious version of "What not to Wear"? OMG- I just can't see Clinton and Stacey hosting anything like this... And if this was catching on as a big fashion statement, then how come I'm not seeing a Versace or Armani "God Wear" or "Church" line of clothing?

I dunno. While I'm not religious, I really wonder if God cares what we wear. Is someone wearing a frumpy deim skirt, tennis socks with an ankle ball, no make up, hair to their butts and a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt going to get to heaven before a person in jeans and a Harvard t-shirt sporting eye shadow and loafers? It just seems to be a funny part of a religion to me.

Hey, I'm just sayin'!

Off to hem my skirts,
Maggie

Back to Dublin from Milan

With all this time abroad I'm struggling to find words to put to my thoughts. It's amazing and beautiful and powerful. I'm soaking up food and cultures. I'm experimenting with my lacking language skills, though without knowing any Italian I navigated my way around Milan. Sam and I are getting to know each other, living in the same flat and hotel room, which is also an adjustment. We're getting to know each other as people than just voices over the telephone. I think it's safe to say I'm overwhelmed.

And when overwhelmed... well, when in Milan, do as the Milanese do- resort to fashion.

Fashion here in Dublin and Milan is overwhelming. First, suffice it to say, while I'm a plus sized gal I usually look nice. I may not have the latest stuff in style all the time, but I usually look stylish, classy or maybe a bit bohemian. I like to be comfortable and I have great shoes. Sam told me that during the colder/ winter months women dress very monochrome. I have plenty of grays, blacks, chocolate browns and winter creams- and I think I brought them all with me. I sort of blend in Dublin minus a few things. First, I'm chubby compared to women here. I swear to the Goddess this country is full of skinny women. If there are fat Irish women, I have no idea where they bloomin' 're. So that being said, I have the colour scheme down for the city, but the fashion police could give me a ticket. All the women here wear black shoes; you can tell the tourists because they wear tennis shoes/ sneakers. I brought several pairs of black shoes, but the pair I wore the first day gave me HUGE blisters on the bottoms of my feet and I have had them the entire time. I went to Pharmacy while here and got blister pads but everything else I owned other than my Sketchers hurt.

Another Dublin fashion faux pas I made is the length of my skirts. I have several short flippy skirts, which are short my USA standards, but are long enough for nuns over here. Women here wear skirts that just barely cover their assets. I am NOT exaggerating at all. Tiny itty bitty little skirts. I had tube tops bigger than skirts these women wear. And they are not sluts. This is in the business district! Another thing that I love about the fashion here is that textured stockings and tights are all the rage. And women love their boots here, especially black knee boots with no heels. Heels aren't really popular in Dublin because of all the frickin' cobblestones. Can we say broken ankles? And most of this city walks EVERYWHERE so heels just don't make sense. Oh women do wear high heels, but rarely, or on a pub crawl which will end in a cab ride home. When you do see a women in pants, they are traditionally black (or some other very dark color) and very very dark dark blue jeans. And they are skinny jeans, tucked in the knee high boots. Tres chic.

Milan is a completely different story. Milan is the fashion capital of the WORLD! If there were fashion polizia the headquarters would be in Milan and I would be jailed. There is no way on this earth and my subbing salary could I dare complete with the classic, wealthy, fashionatta who reside in that city. "Money money money" as ABBA would say, gets you to be the best dressed- and when you walk the streets you can see the difference between quality, the real thing, verses my great, cheap, genuine imitation knock offs. Women wore much the same as they do in Dublin but there were obvious notable exceptions:

• Skirts are longer, usually to right above the knee and they are pencil skirts.
• Accessorizing in Milan is like breathing- bags, belts, scarves, jewels, and of course, THE SHOES.
• Women in Milan most certainly wear colour. While black is the staple and colour de rigeur, there was always a splash of colour- blues, reds, pinks, golds.
• Sweater dresses and leggings are coming back- you heard it here first. A long sweater, legging or texture stockings, and knee boots are the RAGE.
• Hair, nails and make up which might look overdone anywhere else in the world, are always done in Milan. And not that casual, fresh faced, I don't look like I'm wearing make up look, but heavily done makeup and lots of big hair.
  

Street after street was full of designer clothing shoppes- Versace, Armanti, Valentino, Dolce & Gabbana, Prada, Chanel... I died and went to fashion heaven.

It was amazing and wondrous and almost like a real life fairy tale- but nope, it was real. I have the genuine Italian knock off Gucci Bag to prove it...

Yours in Handbags and Glad rags,
Maggie