I'm alive

Hi.

I'm Maggie Mae O'Sullivan. I'm still here. I'm still alive.

My life is... insanely boring and sad right now so I've not been blogging.

I need so much that I'm afraid this blog would be nothing but me feeling pathetically sorry for myself.

I'm sorry.

When I find my happy I'll blog again.

Maggie

Need my muse... I lost her AGAIN!

I seem to have lost my energy for stuff. I have no idea what's going on. Depression? Hormones? Tired? Some weird dormant disease? A bad case of the apathy's? Whatever it is, I just don't seem to have the energy to do ANYTHING lately

Last year I sponsored the art club at school and we met weekly and it was fun. Sometimes stressful but really, overall, fun. I'm the sponsor again this year and I could care less. I have three activities planned for this month and I am dreading it all. I wonder what the bare minimum I can do and still get paid. Is that sad, or what? I feel the same way about being prom sponsor.

Usually I do creative bulletin boards and sponsor library activities- again I don't care. I seriously have the same bulletin board up right now as I did on Sept. 1st. I didn't do a Banned Book Week board like last year (and corresponding activities), I didn't go Horror Halloween in the library where I feature candy, games, decorations and horror writers (and a Halloween bulletin board) and I didn't do anything to taut Breast Cancer Awareness month.

I'm thinking I should make a Thanksgiving bulletin board and I don't care....

I don't feel like reading or watching movies. I do laundry because I have to.

On the up side... I have felt motivated to cook and try new recipes. I do like spending time with friends and family- for example, Daddy-O and my SisIL and I had a super, awesome Father/ daughter's date night last Friday. We shopped and ate and laughed and spent time together which was so fun. I like playing on Pinterest and playing online Scrabble. I like watching tv. I like hanging out with any and all of my friends. I like spending time in The Capital with the guy I see.

Hmmmm, it sounds like I just am work related lazy....

Who knows? I need my mojo back! I need to find my Muse!
Mags

Can't shake the blahs

Yesterday I wrote about not knowing where all my time went this week.

And I have to say, I need some time to breathe.

I don't know what's going on with me lately but I just feel like I need some time to ... to myself. This sounds totally bitchy, I know, after coming off a month long break but for some reason, I've felt overwhelmed lately.

There's been turmoil with Mac, leaving for school. It hasn't been pleasant and I feel turned in so many topsy-turvy ways because of this.

I also feel all consumed by work when I go home at night. I worry about the kids, about a new program I've been put in charge of, about testing the kids, and anything else about work I can seem to worry about.

For some reason I can't even seem to convey here what I mean to say. I just know I can't seem to settle my brain and I feel completely not at ease, or full of unease.

Am I just unhappy? Someone suggested I'm depressed. I am tired all the time, it seems, for no good reason, even when I get tons and tons of sleep.

I don't often feel like this, so full of drudgery. I don't really want to read, craft, talk, clean, write, cook, do laundry, hang out... I just don't want to do anything, really.

Ugh, I hate feeling so blah, so tired, so uneasy, so no time to myself.

Whining once again,
Maggie