Random life crap outta my brain

The movie Fast Five came out. It has Dwayne Johnson AND Vin Diesel. This could help or hurt me. Doesn't make sense? Remember my confusion? If not, click here....

My friend Photographer has a very dear friend. Her very dear friend is beautiful and has money, an excellent job, and a PHd. She's sexy and silly and just what most men consider to be a "perfect catch." She met a guy who is as handsome, well moneyed, well connected, as she is. They met in Oct. '10, got engaged at Christmas and are getting married in May- as in next month. Everyone thinks it's wonderful and romantic. I think of doing that and people think it's crazy. Is it me, or is it connected to the rich and beautiful?

And, following the above thread, why can't I meet a guy who is rich and handsome and smart?

And also following that thought process, it could be when Photographer asked me how it was going with ITSam, my response was , "fine." Not in that snotty woman "fine" way, but her follow up questions led me to say "boring." Oh god. I called my boyfriend boring. Maybe I was just having a bad day? Because he's really nice and would do anything for me. And I'm at an age where I need to settle down and stop gallivanting all over the world on search of adventure. Right?

And speaking of Sam, the email server went crazy at work this week. All sorts of stuff was happening: people could send internally but not externally, people couldn't get their emails, some could see they had mail but couldn't read messages, some could receive but not send at all... just a variety of weird stuff. He's been working on it for days, and last night he didn't get home from work until 11pm. So while all this is going on, I had one person yell at ME over it. I don't think she'll ever get her email back again; Sam was pissed that someone would have the nerve to say anything to me, let alone yell at me about it. Also, I had a weird issue with mine. I could sent internally and externally. I could receive BUT I couldn't read my externally received emails. I could see them sitting in my in-box and who they were from but the content wasn't there. Furthermore, I could receive internal emails and some I could read and some I couldn't. He told me that since the entire campus was having issues, he didn't even want to hear from me. And he said my issue was the only one like it on campus. He called me his "little anomaly". Awwww, shucks. He's so sweet.

So, when Mac is an evil asshole, is that my fault since I did most of the raising of him?

Maggie

The thing about love is...

that I don't know anything about love. I know what I think I want but I have no idea if that's realistic.

I do know some stuff. I know, for example, that there must be someone for everyone, or else people settle. Or they're desperate. I was at the video store last night and there was a couple walking in the door while I was waiting to check out. They were both really tall, like "take a second look at those really tall people" sort of tall. Then he was totally goofy looking. They were both a bit overweight, and with the extra weight and the height, they were sort of funny shaped. And she didn't have on a bra and was wearing a man's tank top undershirt (think "wife beater" style) and it was about 49 degrees out. Nipples the size of Texas. But my point it, the couple that looked like that, they still found each other. They were hugging and kissing on each other, and grabbing and giggling and laughing. It was nauseating. But somewhere out there the cosmos came together and brought these two each other.

I think what made my brain start working is the break up with ITSam. Princess and Mac were talking about him today, and how glad they were that we broke up. Other than both of them thinking he was a 'creeper' and that he had a dorky laugh, they also gave me an earful about his looked. They said he had a pointy head, and he scowled all the time. They said his ears stuck out. They also pointed out his gut and his man-boobs, and the large amount of body hair swirling everywhere; he had nasty back hair. I had no idea.... When they point it all out, I can see it (OMG- even the pointy head!!!) but why did I have to have two teenagers explain this to me?

Could this be why people looked at us oddly, sometimes, when we went out?

Yes, I know that looks shouldn't matter. But it does give one pause. I also think I'm no great shakes in the looks department myself. But both of these kids said I could do much better in the looks department with a guy as long as I don't want a super model. Okay. They think I am pretty enough to catch a guy who is at least "cute". Rather than someone like ITSam who they compared to a rat or Shrek.

The odd thing is that I never really gave it all that much thought. I have no idea what this says about me. I do know now that we've broken up with each other lots of people are asking or insinuating "what did you see in him". Some come right out and ask awhile others hint around but want to know the same thing.

This is one of those posts that I'm not sure of its purpose. I just strung all this together because it all happened yesterday and it seems there's some sort of lesson to be learned here, or something I should heed in my future dating. Or it's just the thoughts of a rambling single blogger.

Maggie

And while this had nothing to do with love or looks, here is the hat that I finished that's two tone. (For those of you who read yesterday, you know what I'm talking about.) I started with the yellow that's at the bottom, ran out of it, and finished it with the color. I'm actually liking how it turned out. I'm going to beg Curley to make (or show me how) a "pompom" to go on the top! I folded the bottom, giving it the "hat band" look but it doesn't have to be worn that way. it could just be pulled on and then the bottom with curl or roll naturally.

Can you feel the love?

The other night a friend of Mac's called. Now before I relay the end of the conversation that I heard about, I want to tell you that this kid is a NICE kid. He is really sweet and generous. He's a good kid; doesn't swear or drink. He respects his parents and other adults. He's kind to everyone and has a good sense of humor. He's a little shy and a bit naive. He's also a good Christian kid; he seems to be one who walks the walk and talks the talk. That all being said...

This kid calls Mac and they're talking like boys do- blah blah blah... Then the conversation basically went like this:

Mac- "me too." *pause*
Mac- "well, my grandpa's in the room." *pause*
Mac- "no I'm not embarrassed, but..." *pause*
Mac- "dude..." *pause* Mac heaves a huge sigh...
Mac- "Okay, man, I love you, too."

Daddy-O is laughing hysterically at this point and then Mac said: "He says he loves you too, g'pa." Daddy-O is laughing even more and says he loves him, too.

I wish I would've been home to hear all of this, but hearing it second hand cracked me up!

Love,
Mac's mom

What a girl feels -vs- what a girl wants...

Ack!!! This is what happens when I watch too many movies after drinking too much wine after working on the World's Largest Rummage sale shit all day long after getting all hot and sweaty... And because my feet hurt. Okay, so that has nothing to do with anything, but they do hurt...

FEELS:

"For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is... I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, [he and I] have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside... Even being alone it's better than sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times, you, you forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. God, I'm sorry, is it, is it really that bad? It's not, right?...

"[He] reminded me how... genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and now it's like I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one [man] and I was never able to feel all this again. Like somehow this [man] took things away from me and I expressed them to [him] and [he] took them! It made me feel cold, like love wasn't for me!... You know, I guess I've been heart broken too many times. And then recovered. So now, you know, from the start, I make no effort." ~ Celine, Before Sunset

WANTS:
I want a man who wants to kiss me, who thinks about kissing me while he's at work and when he finally does get to kiss me, he's smiling when he pulls away from me. I want a man who can make me laugh, who will spoon me at night and wake in the middle of it to make love. I want a man who doesn't care that I like to wear a sleep mask to bed at night that looks like Holly Golighty's or that's pink silk with the word 'princess' in black sequins or one that's pink foam. I want a man who thinks my quirks are cute and charming. I want a man who's happy to see me or smiles when I walk into a room. I want a man who doesn't fuss that I want to eat a piece of chocolate before I go to sleep while lying in bed, or who will indulge my silly whims. I want a man who thinks I'm sexy and playful and will play board games with me. I want a man who hates country music, and loves to sing karaoke, a man who isn't afraid to be silly and will fly by the seat of his pants like me. I want a man who will simply hand me a tissue when he walks into the room and finds me sobbing over an old movie I've watched hundreds of times, who won't say a word about my shoe obsession, and who will discuss/ debate politics with me, who likes to read and wants to help me fix dinner and then sit down together to eat it and laugh and talk. I want him to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's with me and be willing to HAVE breakfast at Tiffany's with me- and "get" the point and who understands that I also get the mean reads like Holly. I want a man who would spend a rainy day in bed with me talking and having sex and napping the whole time, even maybe missing work to do this. I want a man who understands the importance of reading the Sunday NY Times in bed over bagels and coffee while listening to NPR. I want a man who understands the importance of reading the Washington Post even though I live in the Midwest. I want a man who won't make fun that I like the change the bed sheets twice a week or who will go with me to Hobby Lobby and not complain. I want a man who I can make laugh. I want him to place his hand on the small of my back to lead me through a door or to hold my hand when we go to the movies or go for a walk. I want him to like spending hours and hours in old bookstores and drinking Starbucks coffee and is willing to eat lots of butter on a big tub of popcorn and who's willing to see a movie every week and not complain of the abhorrent prices, and who would just love me." ~ Maggie

What's love got to do with it?

I read in a book or saw in a movie recently, about the idea or concept of the balance of love. I've been Googling it and trying to find the book or film to no avail (because I can't get the exact movie quote and am not sure of the medium) but I have run across some web sites that deal with the imbalance of love. And now no matter what I wrote about it in this post, it seems as if I have stolen the words of another and I don't mean to.... But accidental plagiarism aside... If anyone knows the book or movie I'm talking about, please please tell me because it's making my brain hurt!

In this movie or book the idea was that in every relationship one person loves the other person more than they are loved. And breakups can happen because of two ideas: whoever loves the other person less ends up being the person to causes the break up.

OR

The person who loved the most tries to make themselves the person loved least and then does the leaving so they don't end up getting hurt

I remember the first time I heard these ideas and I thought they were shit. Then I mulled it over and I think... well... I think it's true- both sides.

So then I'm looking at myself in my relationship with Sam and it makes me think thoughts I don't want to think.

And leads me to think stupid thoughts and ask stupid questions: is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all? And while pondering all these philosophical matters of the heart, I am also a huge firm believer that there isn't one perfect person for everyone AND that not all people were meant to be paired up, there is NOT someone for everyone. Some of us are just meant to be alone, and I think the sooner we all come to realize that, and figure out if we are one of the "loner" people, then pondering matters of the heart don't really matter.

Loner or lover,
Maggie