Diet week 10

I. am. bad. OMG...

I've eaten stuff that I don't consider to be on my self imposed diet. I have a mental "no no" list.

That being said, I will, occasionally, treat myself to stuff. I mean occasionally as in maybe 4 times in the entire past 11 weeks. I usually try to eat just a tiny bit of something that I want, just to squash the urge and then I move on and stay on the diet. I try to not beat myself up if I eat an Oreo or something like that. I also don't think, "gee, I just ate junk so I might as well eat more junk" or "great, I ruined my whole diet so I give up." I just go right back on my diet and face my 1100 calories every day.

I try to stay on target and I consider how far I've come and I think I've done a good job- I've lost at least 25 lbs and probably more! (I still have scale avoidance)

I just want to re-iterate I do NOT cheat daily. I look back at my food log and I don't even cheat weekly; more like 1 time a month. I allow myself 1100 calories a day and the worst day in the last 11 weeks was a day I ate 1954 calories. And that was at the very beginning, on Memorial Day weekend, at a picnic.

Until today.

I'm at a professional development conference. There are famous cookies here. I was talking to a guy at the cookie store about how these Special K bars and no bakes are "famous" and we were laughing about it and I said I would buy 1. He put one of each in my bag.

When I opened the bag and saw 2 I about died. My intent was to just eat half of one. I figured I could still do that. I would eat half of one and save the rest for my friend Photographer or give it to the students.

Well, I had quite a bit of alone time yesterday. And I felt my sugar crashing and I was seeing the little black dots and had the shakes. I thought I was going to pass out. It was hot out and I was running around and exercising and hadn't had anything except my diet shake and coffee so I was on a caffeine and adrenaline high and I ate the other half of the cookie. Plus the extra.

Then I went out to dinner and had a beer, and fish and chips at an Irish pub. I had forgotten about the cookies. I really did. I was out of my groove and didn't write down my food so in my head I still had 1000 calories for supper. I ate all my fish, drank all my beer, and ate about half of my fries.

Shit shit shit.

I didn't go a calorie check until I got home. And remembered the cookies. Shit shit shit.

Each cookie is 1000 calories. EACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worst diet day ever.

I made it through last week and the 4th of July cook out and being home all day and didn't go food crazy at all. Last week I came in 800 calories UNDER my weekly allotment, and today in one day, I ate 3 days worth of calories.

Damn it. I feel bad about myself because that's a huge, really big time, blow it.

And the worst thing is that these damn cookies are here, in front of me, every single frickin' day this week. I really need to kick my will power into gear.

Yes, I will be exercising more this week than I will have in the last 11 weeks just because I have to walk everywhere and this is a HUGE campus. To get from the auditorium to my classroom is a 10 minute walk at a brisk pace. And then it's another 10 minute walk to lunch. It's 10 minutes to the parking lot. I'll be up and moving with the students in class. It's a 20 minute walk to downtown, in the heat, where I'm going this afternoon. I will burn lots of calories. I will.

But I'm still amazed that I just let myself revert, in the matter of an afternoon, back to my horrible eating habits.

I wish I would've weighed myself before I left yesterday but I was in a hurry and forgot. My goal this week is to not gain weight. I don't care if I lose any this week because I am away and out of routine and want to just enjoy myself but gorging on the cookies and fried food and Irish beer was not what I had in mind. Oh, I enjoyed it at the moment but today I feel horrible what I ate.

I am not off to a very auspicious start. So much for being about to have anything "fun" for the rest of the week. It's salad city for me.

Mags