The Diet: a reprise

I blew the diet over the holidays. And when I say holidays I mean from Thanksgiving until now I blew the diet. And since I was eating the occasional cookie or piece of candy or a helping of potato, I just went all out and blew it to hell.

Before Thanksgiving, I was at a loss of 35 pounds. Now really, I probably lost more but I fell off the dieting food truck (bwahahahahaha!) a few times and gained back a few pounds here and there and then lost that weigh again and then continued losing more.

But for now, I decided to forgo the diet and will go back on on Jan. 2, maybe tomorrow but probably Jan 2.

I don't mind doing the diet, actually. I really was doing well and losing. I was feeling pretty good and after the first week or two I wasn't really struggling. Oh, I had my moments at times, but I was doing pretty well at changing my food lifestyle. And the shakes were helping and guiding my loss,

Lots of people say having a shake diet can't be a lifestyle but as long as it's being produced then I don't see why. I was drinking a shake for breakfast, additionally I would drink a 24 ounce cup of coffee, black. Depending on my hunger level, I would put the shake mix powder in Greek yogurt and then pour that over fresh fruit salad, or I would stir it into a 1/2 cup of oatmeal.

At lunch I would have a salad with no dressing or fat free dressing. Sometimes I had chicken on it and other times not. And when I say a salad, I made a kickass salad with several kinds of lettuce, mushrooms, green peppers, red peppers, yellow or orange peppers, broccoli, tomatoes, cucumbers, and maybe a tablespoon of low fat shredded cheese or an egg, and sometimes chicken or turkey (sometimes dressing, sometimes plain). This was not a small side salad. If I didn't have a salad I would have a Lean Cuisine but it had to be one that was 200 calories or less. I would also have a couple pieces of fruit with lunch.

Mid afternoon was a shake and then I would cook a healthy dinner. I kept some Special K or Weight Watchers snack stuffs, as well as cut up fresh veggies or fruit for snacks. If I was full I would skip my mid afternoon shake and have it in the evening as a snack.

Of course it's not easy and yes I do crave stuff like pasta, cheese, sweets and breads, which is what I've eaten a bunch of since Thanksgiving.

And I have to say I feel like crap most of the time since indulging in all the junk. I felt so much healthier and so much better when I was dieting. And it was so much easier to diet when Daddy-O was doing shakes and when TheSam was doing shakes because then we all ate the same. Neither of them are shake dieting so there's junk food everywhere! But alas, I will overcome it!

So on Jan. 2 (or maybe tomorrow) I'll weigh myself, add the new weight into my trackers and go back to shakes. I'm sure for a week I'll feel terrible and have to fight the cravings; I'll be hungry and probably cranky, but after the hump I'll be better and back on track.

The goal is to not be embarrassed to wear a swim suit this summer. It would be great, if by July 4th, I was at my target weight. We shall see. I'm going to start swimming a couple times a week- we have a pool at work and I'm welcome to use it when the kids aren't in it. I might even get a bicycle for this summer. Not sure about that, but it's a serious thought.

So within 24-48 hours the diet will commence. Yahoo me, right???

wanting to be a skinner
Mags


Dog Blog Here!

Diet Week 21

Well... I'm happy to report that I've officially lost 31 pounds. We can't count the entire month of July. If there was a month version of me, my diet and July it would be something like "The Girl Who Ate Independence" or "The Girl Who Swallowed July"... I gained weight, and then lost again...

But the total is 31 pounds if we count all the weight I've lost, gained back, and then re-lost. That's 2 whole pants sizes!!!!!!

And I am thrilled!

I have all sorts of cool problems, now.

Let's see... none of my pants fits. I can add a belt to my jeans and that is solved, mostly. A couple pairs look like I have a load in the seat, or a "wee-nis" (when your pants create the illusion of a penis by tenting in the front and you're a woman) but for the most part, I can get by with jeans fine. With tailored dress pants it's a whole other story. They ride low on my hips so they are waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long, even with 3 inch heels. The crotch hangs to mid thigh and the seat is really baggy. Most of my dress trousers do NOT have belt loops so they slide to my hips regardless. Lots of shirts just are TOO BIG.  Shirt sleeves reach the elbow, the armpit hangs to my hips, they swim on me! Again, I am completely NOT complaining- it's a very cool problem to have. And thankfully my birthday is in 2 days so I might get $$$ for clothes! And thankfully Photographer has gifted me 3 garbage bags of clothes that I've been pulling stuff out of to wear. And Third thankfully, I found a few vintage clothing shops that are super reasonable so I have a place to get some affordable, nice quality clothing (I got a pair of Cato jeans, a pair of Tommy jeans, and a pair of Lane Bryant Blue Dot Right Fit- all in a size smaller- all three pairs for $19. And the Tommys still had the store tags still on them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love, love, love the weight loss. I'm not sure how much more I can continue to lose without exercising. At this point, I have a feeling about 10 more pounds then I'm going to have to start walking or swimming or something. (I wish I lived where I could paddle a kayak!)

But it's coming off. Slow and steady wins the race, I know. And with the holidays approaching, if I'm totally honest, I just want to maintain (and lose if possible) but with cookies and candy and yummies, it will be a struggle.

But I'm still hitting it hard, eating right, doing shakes and it seems to be paying off!! Off the hips, off the thighs,...!

Mags

Diet week 19

Last June, Photographer gave me three bags of clothes and none of them fit. I tried everything on and kept clothes that I liked that I hoped would someday fit.

Then one morning last week, I was running around getting ready for work and was late AND because I was a bum who didn't get her laundry finished, I was trying to find a shirt to go with pants. I had put on about 4 different ones and didn't like any of them.

I saw a blue shirt that would match nicely on the top of the pile of stuff that didn't fit. I grabbed it and thought if it fit a tiny bit better than it did a few months ago, I could layer a sweater over it and survive the day.

A few months ago, it pulled really tightly through the bust and the arms were so snug it made my arm fat bulge, and it was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too tight through the hips. When I put it on a few days ago, it fit perfectly. It hung nicely, not snug, no pulling. Just perfectly!

Nothing tastes as good as thin fits.

Mags

Diet week 18

I had job interviews that did not go well, and now I've got a great cold. And I discovered a cupcake bakery. Do I need to elaborate any more?

No loss and no gain... could be worse I guess.

Mags

Diet week 17

Part of me wants to give up because being fat isn't so bad...

Diet week 16

I'm avoiding scales.

I'm still suffering from eating my way through July!

Random rantings

The other night I was writing a blog post with my laptop open on my lap, and one head phone plugged into his MP3 player. My phone beeped so I read the text and looked at Tweets. There was a Tweet about a book I wanted so I grabbed my Nook to order it directly on my device because it's easier to do. My boyfriend was teasing me, asking me if I wanted another piece of technology since it didn't appear that I had enough in my lap all at once.

If a place offers "Free Wi-Fi" then why is a password required? And when inquiring about the password, no one who works there knows what it is?

I wish people would do their damn jobs. We get 15 copies of two different newspapers at our school every day for student use. These are free to our school and to our students. I called and talked to the person in charge of the program to tell her we would be on a July break for 3 weeks. I've worked with this woman lots of times before. I gave her the dates that we wouldn't need delivery. She took all the info; this woman is usually on top of stuff, never giving me the brush off and is always prompt in returning my calls, and is usually very helpful. So I told her we didn't need papers for three weeks and I thought we were good. Until I got back to school this week and learned from the janitors that the papers were delivered every single day for the entire 3 weeks and they had to be recycled, or worse, trashed. I was so irritated. I hate all that waste!

I am totally jonsing for an iPad. I want one so badly!

Right now dieting is so hard. I've done it for how many weeks yet right now I just want to eat scores of junk! I need MORE will-power! I keep telling myself that nothing tastes as good as thin feels but... I want Lemoncelo cake.

I have no tolerance for stupid people and those who don't do their fricking jobs.

So many good books are out right now that I can hardly stand it! And to top it off, there are about 50 movies coming out between now and Christmas that I want to see. I need to just be able to stay home and do nothing but go to the movies and read. I should be paid for that. i keep sayin'!

I applied for a job yesterday, out of town and out of education. I have no idea what I'm thinking except that it's not here and not dealing with kids.

Mags

Diet week 15

I keep forgetting to weigh myself.

I hate dieting. I'm just tired and cranky with life which is making it hard to diet but I still am.

I ate junk over my 3 week break and it's so hard to "get back on the wagon."

I keep telling myself that nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

I can't believe I need to lose 30 more pounds.

I feel really fat today. And bloated.

End of diet whine because I know this is my own doing!

Diet week 14

Dieting sucks.

Diet Week 13

I wonder if it's time for me to exercise? I've been dieting for 13 weeks so far and haven't really "exercised" in the traditional sense. I don't make it a point to walk or job or take a class for the express purpose of weight loss. I do make sure I take stairs instead of elevators. I make sure I park far way from buildings. I always go to the bathroom that's furthest from my 'classroom' at the school.

I think, if I'm guessing, that I've lost about 30 pounds total, other than the slight gain during the pig out week and while I've been on vacay I haven't been as diligent as I am when I was in school. The weight loss has leveled out.

Now I don't know if that's because I haven't been as diligent, as I mentioned. I could be not losing because I've broke down my routine a little bit into a mess and have allowed a bit more bread or other starches which I didn't do at all before.

I was also reading on several different weight loss web sites and in several books that once your body plateaus with weight loss, it's good to up the daily calorie count by 100 calories- something about the way the body metabolizes or something. That part I didn't really understand- eat more to lose less? The other option is, of course, to exercise.

I'm thinking that since I'll be back to school next Wednesday, I should have an easier time in getting into a routine, which certainly will help. I also think that if I keep doing what I have been doing for a few more weeks, and add a 30 minute walk to my week, at least three times, and not up my calories, then I can see where I'm at.

This is the hard part of losing weight! I just want the pounds to keep falling off.

So it's going to be back to fish and chicken and rices, lots of veggies and fruits, and other creative weight loss foods. I recently purchased several vegetarian cook books, not necessarily because I want to be one but because of all the super creative ways to cook veggies, and the other healthy substitutes that are recommended. I need to have that consistency back to see if I am losing or if I've leveled off.

Grrrrrrr, a healthy lifestyle is good but getting there is the bard part!

Mags

Diet Week 12

Still on the diet and after the eating fest 2 weeks ago, I won't even walk by a scale. So yes, I'm still dieting and will continue to do so.

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

Mags

Diet week 11

All I have to say is that last week I ate way to much junk and went off my diet completely and totally.

This week it's back to 1100 calories as day. I'm not getting back on the scale again for a month.

It was like the "lost week" is how I'm going to think of it, just like the lost minutes on the Watergate tapes.

Salads and fruit and chicken, oh my.

Mags

Diet week 10

I. am. bad. OMG...

I've eaten stuff that I don't consider to be on my self imposed diet. I have a mental "no no" list.

That being said, I will, occasionally, treat myself to stuff. I mean occasionally as in maybe 4 times in the entire past 11 weeks. I usually try to eat just a tiny bit of something that I want, just to squash the urge and then I move on and stay on the diet. I try to not beat myself up if I eat an Oreo or something like that. I also don't think, "gee, I just ate junk so I might as well eat more junk" or "great, I ruined my whole diet so I give up." I just go right back on my diet and face my 1100 calories every day.

I try to stay on target and I consider how far I've come and I think I've done a good job- I've lost at least 25 lbs and probably more! (I still have scale avoidance)

I just want to re-iterate I do NOT cheat daily. I look back at my food log and I don't even cheat weekly; more like 1 time a month. I allow myself 1100 calories a day and the worst day in the last 11 weeks was a day I ate 1954 calories. And that was at the very beginning, on Memorial Day weekend, at a picnic.

Until today.

I'm at a professional development conference. There are famous cookies here. I was talking to a guy at the cookie store about how these Special K bars and no bakes are "famous" and we were laughing about it and I said I would buy 1. He put one of each in my bag.

When I opened the bag and saw 2 I about died. My intent was to just eat half of one. I figured I could still do that. I would eat half of one and save the rest for my friend Photographer or give it to the students.

Well, I had quite a bit of alone time yesterday. And I felt my sugar crashing and I was seeing the little black dots and had the shakes. I thought I was going to pass out. It was hot out and I was running around and exercising and hadn't had anything except my diet shake and coffee so I was on a caffeine and adrenaline high and I ate the other half of the cookie. Plus the extra.

Then I went out to dinner and had a beer, and fish and chips at an Irish pub. I had forgotten about the cookies. I really did. I was out of my groove and didn't write down my food so in my head I still had 1000 calories for supper. I ate all my fish, drank all my beer, and ate about half of my fries.

Shit shit shit.

I didn't go a calorie check until I got home. And remembered the cookies. Shit shit shit.

Each cookie is 1000 calories. EACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worst diet day ever.

I made it through last week and the 4th of July cook out and being home all day and didn't go food crazy at all. Last week I came in 800 calories UNDER my weekly allotment, and today in one day, I ate 3 days worth of calories.

Damn it. I feel bad about myself because that's a huge, really big time, blow it.

And the worst thing is that these damn cookies are here, in front of me, every single frickin' day this week. I really need to kick my will power into gear.

Yes, I will be exercising more this week than I will have in the last 11 weeks just because I have to walk everywhere and this is a HUGE campus. To get from the auditorium to my classroom is a 10 minute walk at a brisk pace. And then it's another 10 minute walk to lunch. It's 10 minutes to the parking lot. I'll be up and moving with the students in class. It's a 20 minute walk to downtown, in the heat, where I'm going this afternoon. I will burn lots of calories. I will.

But I'm still amazed that I just let myself revert, in the matter of an afternoon, back to my horrible eating habits.

I wish I would've weighed myself before I left yesterday but I was in a hurry and forgot. My goal this week is to not gain weight. I don't care if I lose any this week because I am away and out of routine and want to just enjoy myself but gorging on the cookies and fried food and Irish beer was not what I had in mind. Oh, I enjoyed it at the moment but today I feel horrible what I ate.

I am not off to a very auspicious start. So much for being about to have anything "fun" for the rest of the week. It's salad city for me.

Mags

Diet week 9

Still not getting on the scales today. Just can't bring myself to do it.

I did buy a new skirt off the clearance rack and it was a size smaller. AND I can wear it without having to add Spanx!

I just wish it would come off more quickly.

It's coming off. I know. Slow and steady wins the race but man, I wish I could be skinnier faster!

Mags

Diet week 8

I'm tempted to step on the scale. It's calling me like a siren's song but I'm afraid. I don't want to be bummed if I didn't lose anything. I liked that I went weeks and weeks and weeks before I hopped on and then saw a HUGE loss. I liked that rush. I won't see a loss like that in one week but I'm so tempted to see if my body is losing still. I know that sounds silly but I can't help it!

I'm telling myself to stay off because I'm bloated (sorry for the TMI!).

I'm not going to weigh in until July 3 so I can eat cookout food.

And I'm gearing up for an elephant ear. Or part of one, anyway.

Oh, I did do yoga last week with a bunch of girls (students) after school on the library floor to a video. After they helped untwist me once, we collapsed into giggles! I was fine that day and felt good. The next day I felt REALLY good. The third day my yoga parts hurt. I hurt where I didn't know I could hurt. Da---ang!

So, I did get some exercise in, more than wandering a mall and looking for shoes, anyway.

I'm still doing shakes and still liking it. I feel good. I'm not nearly as hungry and obsessed with food like I was in the beginning. I'm not dreaming of food anymore.

Though here's a funny I mentioned in an earlier post. I dreamed of bacon (I thought) and woke up to find Mac frying bacon at 4 sometime am in the MORNING. So I don't know if I was dreaming of frying bacon or if the smelled made me think I was.... Oh well!

All the heat we're having and the drought and the triple digit temps has really made me not so hungry, which is nice too. I've figured out that it really can be too hot to eat, believe it or not!

Anyway, onward with another week!

Yay diet!

Mag

Diet Week 7

I finally weighed myself. I wasn't going to do it but I couldn't help it. Everything was fitting better and people keep saying "Oh you lost so much weight" or "you look so thin!" that I couldn't stand it any more so I got on the scale.

Drum roll please.....................

I've lost 19 pounds! Yay!!!!! I'll take that! So only 71 more pounds to go to be at my goal!

Mags

Diet Week 6

No I still haven't stepped on the scale. I just don't want to know. I do know this... I am losing weight. The new pants I bought 6 weeks ago are fitting much much looser, even baggy in some spots. The dress I bought the same day is a little big and I don't need to even wear Spanx with it. My face looks thinner. My bras are too big. My waist is VISIBLY thinner. I've always had a thin waist and it is smaller- lots. I just don't want to see what the scale says. I feel like I lost more than what I have, I think.

Yesterday I put on a pair of pants that zip and snap and also have a draw string. I didn't have to unzip nor unsnap them to get them on and off AND I couldn't cinch the drawstring tight enough to keep them on. The crotch was almost to my knees. These are HUGE! I'm keeping these pants forever. I never want to be that size again. When I think I might cheat or go off my diet, I'm going to put them on. These will be a symbol of me getting thin.

And in honor of the weight coming off, tomorrow I'm getting new glasses, and a hair cut and color. yeah... make over time. Like I told Daddy-O, a make over is cheaper than moving to a new locale- it's good change.

New look for me!
Mags

Diet, week 5

I decided to not weigh in this week. It's not because I don't think I lost weight but I don't want to see what the scale says.

I haven't been cheating or anything either. I just don't want to be discouraged because the scale isn't showing pounds when I know I'm losing. I'm losing inches. My bras are bigger (why is THAT always the first place I lose my weight? There are so many other places that could stand it other than my boobs!) and I have a couple pairs of pants that are baggy where they haven't been before. I have a dress and a skirt I couldn't wear for two years that I put on and they fit. The dress needs Spanx but the skirt doesn't. The sleeves on a t-shirt are a little bigger than they were last week. So I'm seeing a lose in clothes and feeling it, too.

It's just so discouraging to see the numbers on the scale show 1 or 2 pounds at a time. I think I might weigh in every few weeks so the numbers are a little bigger. And if I feel it in inches then I know the scale shouldn't matter but it does. It's psychological, of course, but I can't seem to get my mind over that matter.

So I can say "I'm losing!"

Mags

Diet week 4

After the mess up with the "send my body into starvation-mode" and the fact that I ate butterscotch blondies at a Memorial Day picnic, I was not looking forward to my weigh in. After speaking with a nutritionist (okay 2 of them) who told me that I was probably going to gain weight because I starved myself, I was also nervous.

But the weigh in was not bad nor good. I I lost none and gained none; I weighed the same today as a week ago today.

So in the last four weeks, I've lost 10.5 pounds.

Whew- no gain!!!

Mags

I'm going to explode

I ate way too much and I am totally not weighing in tomorrow. I'm not talking about it. I just blew it for the first time in a month. Had I not eaten the butterscotch blondie I would've been fine. I cheated. I suck.

damn my sweet tooth!
Mags