The joy of motherhood doesn't usually involve the police but this time is the exception

There were three boys. Mac, who is basically a good kid regardless of how much crap he gives me; his friend IP who is a good kid who is an honor student and an athlete; and Big N who is a good kid and an athlete and a member of the national honor society. They all make good grades. They all stay out of trouble, mind their parents and are just the type of "good" kids most other parents want their kids to hang around with.

Big N is a super sweetie. He's built like Michael Phelps (that's where the similarities stop) but is just a big teddy bear. Mac is like the heavier-set version of Seth Rogan, while IP is the cool stud kid (who actually really borders on nerd). And to be honest with you- all three of these boys are dorks. They are. They have no game. They play video games. Then still giggle when they talk about girls. Suave is not in their vocabulary. They would rather play a Halo tournament and eat pizza than have a date.

So ITSam and I are just settling down to watch a movie when Mac called, hysterical, because he said he was pulled over and was chased and the cops were sending him home and would be calling me. Wha??????????????????

So, the boys get here and the three of them tell me the story: Big N, Mac and IP were just driving around. They were downtown and Big N grabbed my umbrella out of the car and would jump out of the car and dance around and jump back in. A piece of the umbrella tip broke and Big N threw it out the window. A block later they were being chased by two guys in a pick up truck. The truck guys chased the boys all over town and then out into the country. The truck guys kept pulling up behind Mac's car, just inches from him. Then Mac sped off and suddenly saw lights and was pulled over.

I guess the boys sat there and three police cars showed up. Big N was asked to step out of the car and ushered into one of the police cars and questioned alone. Another officer talked to Mac. No one talked to IP. Then they told the boys to go home and the police would call me after they gathered information.

The boys where shaking and hysterical. They were worried they were going to jail. All they could figure out from the conversations with the police was that the piece of umbrella that Big N threw out of the car hit the truck windshield and broke it.

The sheriff deputy arrived and thank God it was a guy who used to work at Alcatraz and knew ITSam. As a matter of fact, deputy and Sam were in a church band together as well as working together, and they also used to work out together at a gym. Furthermore, this deputy just dropped his laptop off for Sam to fix, as a favor. This was a gift from the heavens, I must admit.

He and Sam chatted and basically what happened, according to deputy, was that the truck guys thought the boys threw a rock at them and were following them while they were on the phone with the police, staying with them so the cops could pull the kids over.

It was just a matter of timing that three cops answered the call at the same time. Deputy said as soon as he started talking to the kids they KNEW the boys didn't do anything on purpose. When they asked Big N to step out of the car, he got out with his hands up and asked if he should have lawyer. I guess the cops were trying not to laugh hysterically in their faces.

I told deputy what the boys said and he said he wanted to see the umbrella dance. He said the guys in the truck were just dumb rednecks who were pretty pissed off. He said the boys didn't do any damage to the truck and that he wasn't really happy with the truck guys for intimidating the kids. Deputy wanted to know how these boys knew each other since they were all different schools and grades and I said they all met at... church youth group. He asked which one and when I told him he said his father-in-law is in charge of that church. The deputy about peed himself with laughter.

Deputy then went to the kitchen to talk to the boys. Big N started crying, IP called his mom who was on his way, and Mac is trying to explain and calm everyone down. Big N was offering to pay for the wind shield and write letters of apology and then cried the deputy had to step away for a minute to compose himself. He asked Big N about the umbrella and he admitted to dancing and being "Umbrella Man." I had to leave the room and Sam was already in maniacal laughing fits in the living room.

Deputy told Big N he wanted to see the umbrella dance. (Big N grabbed the umbrella and was really going to do it until the cop stopped him and said he was joking). He also told him he should buy me a new umbrella! (It was a really nice, a collector's item umbrella of a Degas ballerina dancer painting that was pretty expensive, too). I have to admit- I would love to see the dance, too. He told them he knew they weren't gang bangers and typical trouble makers but next time to not throw things out the window.

Deputy came back in the living room with Sam and me to wait for IP's mom to get there so he could tell her to not worry, and that they boys weren't in any trouble. Deputy told us if he was friends with Big N he would never let him forget any of it- the crying, dancing or Umbrella Man. He said he couldn't believe what nice, nerdy kids they were. He also said all the cops all at the scene almost cracked up when Big N got out of the car with his hands up. (Later, Big N said that was what always happened on Law and Order which is as close to the police he's ever been) He said they were stuttering and sputtering and scared, so he knew it was all a misunderstanding. He said he had to smile when they all started giving their resumes about clubs and societies and athletics and they had never been in trouble with the law and had no idea what to do- he said that was pretty obvious.

IP's mom was relieved that there was no trouble, as was I. Everyone left and all is fine, but I have to say it was the funniest moment ever involving the police. I think they learned a very important lesson. Big N will never live down the crying. Usually mom's aren't happy when their kids and cops are involved with each other, but I have to admit this was a funny moment and I think it scared them a bit, which is good for the future.

Oh, and by the way... deputy and a bunch of other law enforcement offers were meeting for dinner after he left my house and he couldn't wait to tell this story to the other officers. He said it was awesome and he probably won't have to buy his own dinner because he'll have the best story. Cop humor.

Ah, the joys of parenthood!

Nerdy Mac's mom,
Maggie

Come out with your hands up!

Many years ago when I started teaching college, I was working at a place that offered 2 year degrees, which was considered 'occupational education' opportunities. I had worked there for a couple years when there was a shake up in closing the building at night so in an effort to save money, one of the full time faculty members would be in charge each night, taking turns. This would involve making sure the building was empty, classroom door shut and locked, lights off and alarms set.

On very cold and snowy winter night it was my turn to close down the building. This was also about 6 weeks after a student had threatened to kill me. The school had hired a security guard who stood outside my classroom door each night and walked to me my car. This night the security guard was ill and apparently there are no replacements. And due to the supremely cold weather I had to park about a quarter mile away. It was about 10:30 at night. Now the scene is set.

A bunch of students knew I had been threatened and knew the girl who did it could and probably would make good on the threat since she had done some prison time before. Nice, eh? Our school, at the time, has a large population of inner city folks. I'm not being racist or stereotypical here but to be just flat out honest, I had a group of young men in my English class who were former gang members, all with very large physiques and very African American. About 6 or 7 of these guys. They didn't like the fact that my guard was gone and that I was parked so far away. So, they stayed after. They were going to make sure I got the building closed with no trouble and out to my car without incident.

I thought it was very nice of these guys to stay and offer me protection. And in all honesty, it never dawned on me to be scared of them, or be nervous. Furthermore, I wouldn't have wanted to be the girl who threatened me that night. I felt far safer with these 7 guys than I ever did with the security guard.

I'm walking through the building with these guys. There were two at each entrance and one with me. As I passed each door, the door sentries, would join me as I canvassed the building. We all had our stuff and when I came to the last door they guys all went out. I punched in the alarm code, grabbed my stuff and stepped out the door and started to lock it. But I spied my scarf still on the floor and I knew I had 30 seconds from the time I hit the alarm button until I had to have the lock thrown. So I dashed the 5 steps back across the floor, scooped up my scarf, ran back out and threw the lock.

My entourage and I were making our way across the parking lot, all laughing and talking. The guys were watching the dark shadows. They sort of had me surrounded, with me in the middle, very Secret Service POTUS stuff. In the distance I heard sirens but didn't think much about it. But they drew closer and closer and suddenly, the parking lot was filled with city cop cars.

The guys and me all stood frozen as the police yanked doors open, guns DRAWN, screaming to get on the ground. Now, my 7 seven body guards hit the pavement without a blink or a flinch. They are laying on the grown, spread eagle, bags thrown clear, hands completely visible.

Me... there I still stand, in my long read wood coat, brief case and purse dangling, in a pair of charming high heel boots. I'm yelling back that this is stupid, asking what is going on, telling them to let the boys up. While I'm yelling at the cops, the cops are yelling at me to get down on the ground- which was cold, ice and snow covered, and dirty and grimy. The guy on the ground nearest to me is about begging me to get down and do what the cops say.

I screaming I work there, these guys are my students, this is absurd. The cops are screaming to get down. I comply. I laying in the parking lot at freaking 10:45 pm at night with 7 students and about 30 cops. I. am. cold and I. am. PISSED.

The guys are all cuffed and brought to the their feet. A cop was talking to me at this time and I told him if he put cuffs on me, I'd have his badge. I told him who I was and I was in charge, that what they did was wrong, and profiling, and ludicrous and who knows what else.

Come to find out, when I went back in for my scarf I set off the silent alarm. The alarm company called the cops. The cops responded. The cops saw one single white woman and a group of black men and this was the result.

In the meantime, someone, somehow, called the Dean of Students who arrived on the scene. She took charged and said that yes I was closing the building, and yes these were my students. The cops sort of apologized to the students and they were apologetic to me.

I do understand the police were doing their jobs, and I know these were guys who were in gangs, and I know what it looked like: 7 black guys and 1 white woman, in a dark night parking lot.

It's a good story, something to look back at and have a laugh. Really, I mean, can you just picture me standing in the middle of a circle of police cars, being 20 kinds of indignant, with all these cops hidden behind their open car doors, guns drawn, and I'm bitching that my coat will get dirty, and I'm sending the dry cleaning bill to the city police? Can you just see it?

Not one of my best moments.

But while I also think about this and laugh, I also think how sad it was that these guys were treated this way.

And the city never pay to have my coat cleaned.

Maggie