Orchestra and Balcony

I need new bras. I hate shopping for bras. I have been fitted and sized so I know just what I need, but it is such a chore. And bras are damn expensive.

I love to shop at Victoria's Secret and I know they are having the huge sale now...but I have to have my bras and panties matching. So, I can't just shell out bucks for the bra but I have to get the matching thong/panties/ girlie boxers/ whatever. So it becomes a "thing". I usually buy at Lane Bryant but sometimes I just want something frilly and pretty from VS.

And then there's the care and maintenance of said bras and panties after the purchase that is also a "thing" for me. I remember about 5 years ago when I was living in the "frat" house, we had an old washing machine that 3 of my bras were massacred by the agitator. That damn thing ate a hook right off my fav black bra. And mangled the under wire on another. And snapped a strap of the third. I was rather pissed because I was short three bras and had panties without partners. I learned from that mistake so I now wash them all in mesh garment bags, in cold water, and then hang them up to dry. Poor Mac has to tolerate a sea of under wire and panties hanging all over the bathroom- cliched yes, but where else do I put them?

Anyway, back to buying bras and underwear. I've gained some weight I'm struggling to take back off. So nothing fits right. I hate that. They feel binding...And I don't like the stick thin perky clerks at VS who think they can help a full figured woman with a bra. Hell, most of them don't look like they even need bras so I hate it when they make suggestions. Back away from my boobs, you bony bitch!

I love the scene in Beaches about the history of the bra- it has to be right! (And I am so glad we all it a bra and not a titsling) I swear some man invented that dang contraption. As a woman in my upper 30's, my boobs are in the general vicinity of where the Goddess put them long ago but at this age and after a baby (yes my baby is 17 years old but he was a baby once...), they sort of need some help to stay...in a northerly position, so I love the bras that are what I think of as multi purpose. I like an under wire that lifts, separates and can add cleavage. I also have some minimizers to help keep everything firmly in place- hey at my age some jiggling is acceptable but to much is just...gross...the type of gross like a trailer park slut riding on the penny pony in the Walmart lobby!

So now I need to go bra shopping. I need to bring someone along where I can say, "Do my boobs look too jiggly in this thing?" I would love to take ITSam with me to shop for a bra but I'm not sure that would be effective for the actual bra purchasing... *ahem* It would be great if I could just ask a random guy who is in the mall his opinion of what my boobs look like in a bra as I try them on. He doesn't have anything emotionally invested in my boobs. He isn't going to ever see me in the aforementioned bra again so why would be care? He doesn't have a vested interest in the jigglyness or lack there of of my jugs so I think a random stranger could be very helpful in bra selection. Actually what I need is a gay guy who checks in with the Queen team. Or just a good girlfriend. I know Lilith, Curley, or XRay Girl would be of help!

And bras do so much these days that I swear they might as well come with a set of boobs to go in them...oh, wait, they do! It is the Wonderbra! Now, I can't wear a wonderbra- my chest is large enough now that if I "wondered" them I couldn't see over them! But I have to laugh at all the options- padding, no padding, water bras, inserts that are removable, lined... Bras should come with a tag like a car- they have about as many options!

Oh, a brief bra digression- last year at Christmas the water bras were "in" and it seemed after Christmas vacation, all the 7th and 8th grade girls in the junior high school came back to school with them. Well...Let's say that I am sure the principal never thought he would be calling parents to tell them their son popped some girl's bra with a pencil and it leaked so he got detention. And then the administration had to address this "issue" with the kids- and the girls had to stop wearing them. It was a bit odd to see the girls go off flat chested for Christmas break and return with a huge bosom. .. "Dear Santa, Please bring me boobies. Love, Suzy". Guess Santa got tired of filling stockings!

Okay, off to the mall and the probably to the safety of Lane Bryant. VS is entirely too stressful. I'll just my favorite bra in a few more colors and forgo the pretty lacy things.

Boobs at the ready!
Mags

On another note...



Or how about this?

Scooping ice cream can be tit-illating for 17 year old boy

I worked at the ice cream parlor the other night and it seems there were boobs everywhere.

First a woman came in and she brought her little granddaughters who were about age 3. The woman was probably in her late forties or early 50s. She was very pretty and had kept herself in great shape. She was well dressed and in no way was she slutty looking or even dressed like a slut at all- she was wearing flip flops, denim Capri pants and a shirt that was a tank top, but rather loose fitting. She looked really nice. I was working with a 17 year old high school super jock boy who said she was hot for a woman her age and he thought she was a "GMILF" (for those of you unfamiliar with that acronym, it means "GrandMother I'd Like to Fuck") So apparently she was good looking. She ordered ice cream for her granddaughters and when I handed her the first cup, she bent forward to hand it to the child and her blouse gaped and revealed her boobs. Bare and naked boobs. No bra. And it wasn't just a peek but nope, the entire boob, nipple, areola, the works. I called to the 17 year old boy to finish the order, under the pretense I had to use the facilities. After they left, he came running up to me in the back room, all excited because that GMILF wasn't wearing a bra and he could see her tits- which were HAWT, according to him. See I can be a nice person- I think it made his day.

Until the next boobilicious babe walked in the the door.

She was a young girl who was very very pretty. I think she was barely 20 years old and had a nice body and long dark curly hair. And carrying a week old baby girl in a car seat. The 17 year old boy and I were standing at the counter when she came in and I saw his eyes do a double pop, almost like a cartoon character. He thought she was hot and when she flipped the long dark hair back, she reveal, barely covered in a tiny tank top, two HUGE boobs, that were spilling out the top and the sides of her tiny tank top. Huge amounts of cleavage and just boob were everywhere. The 17 year old Boy waited on her and practically slobbered all over her.

After she left, he was going on and on about how glorious her tits were and he couldn't believe tiny girl like that could have such big knockers and how hot she was, even though she had a week old baby. Well, the woman I was working with (she and I have both had kids) couldn't help but laugh at him. We finally told him she was still lactating. He gave us blank looks, not understanding. Finally the other woman said, "Kid, her boobs were full of milk which is why they are so big." You could see the light bulb click on and the look that spread across his face and his full body shiver accompanied the words out of his mouth, "Oh dude, that is so gross!"

She and I were so evil...

That angel and demon on my shoulders both win,
Mags

Mac and the Bodacious Ta-Tas

As I have mentioned before, Mac is going to be 16 years old this coming Sunday, Easter. Mac and I are also pretty close and he tells me shit mothers do not want to know, nor should they know.

Take the other day for instance. We had 20 minute ride to the movie theater and he decided to take this quality time while I was trapped in the car with him to tell me about his sex life. Yeah- there is so very much wrong with that statement I barely know where to begin. And the only way I could escape this was to wreck the car or stab myself in the ear with the nearest sharp object- sunglasses.

Mac has girlfriend, who I now like to think of as "That Slut who's corrupting my baby!" He prefers I not refer to her as that. (Yeah so there is no difference in me saying that and Sam's Mother calling me a "shiksa" which I'm not so fond of) So after the cast party, he and The Slut WCMB went parking in HER car in a CHURCH parking lot. In the dark. At midnight.

I'll leave out some of the details, but the general gist that ya'll need to know is that 1)he didn't lose his virginity and 2) he was up close and personal with his first pair of boobs. Naked boobs, live and in person for him to touch- eeewwwwww!!!!

And Mac had decided he's a boob man. If a woman has a nice rack he could care less about legs, ass, brain, head, arms... He went on and on about how much he LOVES breasts and they are the greatest thing in the world. He wants to be in charge of bra models. He wants to work at Victoria Secret in the mall. He now is obsessed with knockers.

The day after his "close encounter in Chestville" with The Slut WCMB all he could think about were boobs. He said every girl he saw all day long at school had HUGE melons spilling out of low cut tops- and he was liberal with his praise in a school administration that lacked in enforcing the dress code. He said there were boobs EVERY-where. And he could no longer stand it when his platonic friend Em, who apparently had the best looking pair he's seen clothed, jumped up and down in front of him out of joy over what he had no idea because all he could see were large bouncing breasts. He has dubbed this the year of: TITTIE-PALOOZA 2009!!!!

Oh. My. Gawd.
Mags