38. Re-arrange/ re-decorate my bedroom, or Anti- Nesting? Cleaning?

Since Mac's left for college, I've become a freak about a cleaning project. The attic that Mac and I shared was full of our stuff, huge piles of my parent's stuff, piles of my Bro's stuff, and then stuff that no one would claim so I guess it was piles of strangers' stuff. When I moved in the attic didn't look to bad except the closet was a catch all for... everything. And Daddy-O canNOT say that he stuck things in the closet since I moved in. There was stuff in that closet that hadn't seen the light of day since 1996! And in one corner, behind some furniture, were boxes and piles of... other stuff.

Mac and I lived in between the stuff.

Until now.

A week ago Sunday, I decided to clean that room. I was sick of looking at the mess and with some of Mac's junk gone, I thought I could at least tackle it. And, in complete honesty here, Mac would never help when I asked so I was usually pissed when I thought about doing it before; I was pissed that he would turn around and make it messy again, and finally, because his 45" flat screen tv is now gone and I don't have to worry about bumping it.

So, I started, with the help of ITSam, last Sunday.

First, I had to clean out the closet because some of the piles of stuff behind Mac's bed were going in my closet. So I had to do that first. I found lots of Christmas things, an old set of barbells, some of my Bro's knives, half missing pieced puzzles, and numerous other items that went straight into the trash, or to Goodwill, depending. The closet took about 3 hours to clean. This is a huge closet- it's the width between a twin and full sized bed and is about 12 feet long. Yes, a closet around the size of a room, but it's totally a closet. ITSam and I lugged crap up and down stairs, to and from the garage, and to the trash and the car.

Next, I tackled the piles behind Mac's bed- stuff went into the closet and then to all the other aforementioned locations. I even found some of my mom's old paperwork from when she was a social worker, which was about 6 years old, according the the dates on the papers (we shredded these and then tossed 'em.). I gave my SisIL in a box of my Bro's knives. Things you think you'll never say: "hey, thanks for the loaning me the book. By the way, take home this huge box of Bro's knives, would ya please?"

Then last week, we work a few evenings: vacuuming and taking bags of trash downstairs.

Then last night and tonight, we kicked the room's butt. We took down my Christmas trees (I love my pink trees and they make me happy so I leave them up all the time but I needed to take them down for this project!), we vacuumed, we dusted, we moved all the furniture around, we dusted some more, I cleaned off the dresser tops and clean out my jewelry armoire, we vacuumed and dusted SOME MORE, we moved a bookcase upstairs and filled it with all my books and magazines, we put away laundry, sorted the piles I found under Mac's bed, and did I mention we dusted and vacuumed all over the place?

Now there are no piles of anything. There's space for Greco-Roman Wrestling in the middle of the floor, according to ITSam's sense of humor, or for a couch, according to Daddy-O! I think neither because I just want to revel in the open space of it all. I don't have to climb over piles of laundry or weave in and out of a path of boxes, dirty clothes, Rock Band instruments, barbels, or a globe. Everything has a place.

This would've been the best post for before and after pictures. I have none of each. I didn't think to take pictures of before and without 'before' the after doesn't seem like such a huge deal.

And to think, Mac and I lived in this huge space that was made tiny because we looked like an episode of Hoarders and now I feel like I'm living in a ballroom. All after he left. Weird.

I don't think I was ever so obsessed with a cleaning and organizing project as I was with this one. I can't even explain it. I just HAD to clean it. I do think, however, several things:

• My mom always said to leave a place in better shape than I found it. I'm not planning on leaving the attic anytime soon (sorry Daddy-O)!) but it will be easy to follow her advise if I were.
• Mac is sharing a 12x12 room with another teenage boy at college. Now when he comes home on the weekends and sees his part of the attic- his part is 15x15- it will be really clean and he'll be able to spread out, even though he's still sharing it with me (the whole thing is about 15x33 so each of us have about 15x15. the other 3 can be the stairs!) so he might feel more at ease
• I needed to declutter and control something.

Ah, yes.... use your best Freud voice here: "You need to be in control of something?"

Yeah, well.... like I said, do we call it de-nesting with the kid leaves home and mom goes on a cleaning frenzy? Or do we just call it cleaning?

I'm counting this as a 40 before 40 item because it was a LOT of work!

Mags

Part III- Mac at college, so far....

The very first morning he was there he sent me a text and asked me where his wallet was located! How the heck should I know since I don't live there? He was in a panic that he'd already lost his social security card and he'd only had it in his possession for 21 hours. I told him to shake out his bedding or go through his pants he wore the day before and check pockets. He texted me back shortly and said he found it in pants- and how did I know that? Gee, I wonder... duh!

He also called or texted me several times the first week. He wanted to know if I had an Ethernet cable. He wanted to know if I could sew on a button when he came home. He wanted money. He wanted to know phone numbers of people he could use for a personal reference on his job application. It's like he'd never left, except I didn't have to cook for him and I knew where my car was located (in the driveway!!!!)

He wanted my help on an English since he was paranoid about it. He read me the assignment and it was supposed to be an outline. Why did she only want an outline? What was she trying to do? What was the objective of the assignment? Where should he focus? I have no idea, I told him, since I wasn't the teacher. But my guess was that she wanted to see several things: 1) could he organize his thoughts; 2) follow directions; 3)know how to take notes; 4) did he understand what senor images and memoir meant. So he does the assignment and then calls me the next day to tell me he totally over thought the assignment- he said the class is full of "fu**tards"<-- this is his word! I said then he should see if he could test out of the class. He said, and I quote, "Nahhhhhhhhhhh, I need help on my writing too. I'm the smartest fu**tard in there, though." Gee, that's nice to know.

He also got a low grade on his first assignment in history and he was devastated. He said that is meant that he wasn't cut out to go to college, he might as well work at McDonald's and live and g'pa's attic forever, and give up his dreams of being a lawyer since he was so pathetic. Huge pity party. So we talked about what he did and didn't do and a new approach. I heavily suggested a meeting with the Prof, right away. Then he told me it was only worth 30 points, he got a C+ on it, and when weighted with the other homework assignments it was only worthy 15% of his total and final grade! Ugh!!!!! I should've asked that to begin with!

He's called to tell me about fellow students, classes, meetings, food, and his roommate. Guess his roommate used $2 on his Playstation account and Mac took the bull by the horns. He told him to NOT do it again. Mac's theory was that if he let it go now, he would do it again, or worse. He said he has to live with this guy so he wants him to know the limits that Mac will tolerate. Wow! Mac said he was nice about it, but he was "assured and non nonsense" in handling it. He said he didn't play it off as a joke so the Roommate knew he was serious. O-kay!

He's studying LOTS, which is awesome. He's done every assignment, including all the reading. He likes his classes. Overall, he says it's a learning experience, he loves the learning, he LOVES being on his own, but the jury is still out how he feels about the school as a whole.

So, even though he's gone, he's staying in contact. Lots of contact!

And he's coming home this weekend for the long holiday. Should be interesting.

Mac's Mom,
Maggie

Surprise festival, and a lazy weekend

This weekend there was a really neat free craft at Archiver's and I just 'had' to go. I made a free page and a free card. It involved sewing. By hand. On paper. It's a cool concept and has neat tools to make this happen but it was sewing. On paper! By hand! Let's just say I did it this one time and if I were to ever do it again, it would not be all the way across a 12x12 piece of paper. Maybe 2 inches, but not 12!!! See the holes on the left? I used thread and followed that pattern all the way down the page. But it was fun, and free! And Archiver's is a great store with so many wonderful ideas! I love to take pictures of their crafts and samples so I can try and re-create stuff!


We then found a festival in downtown Northern Civilization. When I lived there I knew about all the festivals and activities going on all over the city, all the time, concerts, displays, anything that there was to do, I was in the know. The Chamber of Commerce should've hired me! Since I don't live there, I'm never sure of what's happening so it was a pleasant surprise to run across a small faire and food tasting event. The faire was all about the Arts around the city with demonstration from the Civic theater to ballet to belly-dancing classes to South African drumming to museums to galleries- anything that had to do with arts or fine arts, had a booth or display or demonstration or performance. It was pretty amazing to walk around and talk to the folks involved, see the displays and watch performances either at the booths or on the three different stage areas. Then the fundraising part was food. Attendees could buy tickets and then go to any for the 30+ local food booths to eat. All food booths were local restaurants, not chains. It was wonderful! Cheesecakes, micro-brewed beers, ribs, gazpacho... so much to choose from. A foodie's dream come true!

It was such a beautiful day, not too hat, perfectly blue skies and sun and a wonderful time.

I love to find things like that around the city. Makes me miss living there even more than I already do! A little magic in the heart of the city! What a fun way to spend a lazy Saturday!

And speaking of lazy... lazy spilled over into Sunday. The weather was gorgeous so we opened up the house. I don't think it got any warmer than 70 degrees. I was a totally lazy bum and just laid around in my pj's all day, watching the box set of season 2 of Mad Men (one of the best shows on TV- how did I miss this all these years???). I ate cold roast chicken and warm rolls out of the container. I refrained from taking a nap, but barely. I read and watched and just was lazy, moving from one piece of furniture to another to keep from sleeping. But I didn't run around the house working or around town, play on the 'net, talk on the phone all day (one call with Curley!), text or anything. I just was a totally worthless layabout. I didn't even do laundry, which I feel like I do all the time. I just 'was'!

It was a fabulous weekend.... Can't believe I have to end it all and go back to work...

Maggie

Adventures in babysitting

My dad and I always laugh about an episode of Designing Women, which was one of our favorite shows. The women are decorating the Governor's mansion (in Georgia) and the Gov.'s assistant is Ms. Bets. Through hijinks, one of the girl's gets her head stuck in a banister and Ms. Bets goes crazy!

This always reminds me of a time when I was in high school and I was babysitting. I had a few regular clients that I took care of on a regular basis. One family had 2 little girls and they weren't my favorite little kids. They were scream-y and whiny. They were close together in age, like 3 and 2. They were a real handful- makes me glad I never had 2 kids, nor had girls.

So one night I was there and the youngest little girl was calling for help with the "potty." The oldest was sitting in front of the TV and hadn't moved in a half an hour so I left her sit and went to the bathroom. About 30 seconds passed- I'm not kidding, 30 seconds tops- and I hear screaming from the living room. I grab the youngest under one arm (In only her pajama top and socks since we were in the process of putting on clean, dry, accident free panties) and ran to the living room.

There was the oldest... with her head stuck in an end table. The end table had a small piece on the top, fastened to the larger bottom- a stair step table. And that little dickens had her bloomin' head stuck in between the 2 pieces. Oh for Pete's sake!!!

I have no idea how the child did that. None.

I set her half nekkid sister on the floor and try to just tug her little head out and she screamed. She was really stuck. I thought I was gonna have to go VanGogh and cut off an ear. I tried to wiggle her around and she couldn't come loose. I try to turn her head and shake the table, and nada. I thought about taking the table apart but that wasn't possible- I laid on the floor under it and couldn't see any hardware to unfasten, or unscrew. I'm trying to get her free and calm her down at the same time, but I was really starting to panic, and I felt bad for the child, too.

Great. The parents were gonna come home and find a kid with her head stuck; I bet I wouldn't get paid. And of course, the kids is screaming the whole time. The nekkid one wondered over to the tv and sat down to watch.

I finally called my mom & dad.

Dad finally came over to the house. Now, by this time she's had her head stuck for about 30 minutes and the screaming stopped. She was kneeling there, and eating Cheerios. Go figure.

Dad came in and he tried to pull the kids loose, and it didn't work. Dad just jiggled the table and took hold of the top portion of the table and gave it a hard yank. It came off in his hands and the kids was free. She ran over and sat in front of the tv with her sister like nothing happened. Geez.

Apparently the tabletop was just glued fast and when dad gave it a yank, it popped free.

I don't remember what the parents said when I got home and told 'em what happened.

But I do remember they called me to sit again a few weeks later. And lo' and behold, the next time I sat that little brat did it again! And that was the LAST time I watched those kids.

Stuck,
Mags

Part II- reflecting about taking Mac to college

Okay, so it was a good day. The weather held; it didn't rain until around 5:30pm. We had 50 people carry all his crap up to his room. Everyone was nice and helpful. Mac was in good spirits but was nervous. His roommate seemed nice- and right away they figured out they loved the same music. They both have divorced parents so they could understand each other like that. We did a good job of getting stuff for school- we hardly had to buy anything. I was thrilled that I brought XL Twin sheets and Regular Twin sheets so he had the right size, no matter what. His RA was nice and introduced himself and explained the basics to us both. Mac's bed was lofted and a bunch of guys helped him and they were nice. His TV and computer hooked up without a hitch. A bunch of guys came to his room to introduce themselves to Mac, and to me. Student ID's print in 45 seconds, and lines were short. Mac's cell phone has excellent service there. It really was a good day. Really.

It was just strange to leave him there. I did my job as a parent right, I know, because he wanted to be there. He wanted to go. That's what's usually supposed to happen. You have a kid and you raise them and if they want to go to college, you gear everything toward that without being overbearing and you be supportive and then BAM- you find yourself leaving them with 25 strangers in his dorm "hall" and driving away in a borrowed mini-van, crying. Or some variation.

I want him to succeed and do well. Of course I do. What sort of ogre would I be if I didn't want that? I do want him to do well. But I miss him. I wanted him to ask me to stay, or to not go. Or to stand and wave at me as I drove away. But it was like his first day of kindergarten- I dropped him off and he barely closed the car door as he raced up the sidewalk, nary a backward glance. He's been like that always, so I don't know why I thought leaving him at college would be any different. But I still wanted him to stand and look at me.

It's a time of mourning, to a certain extent. You know that? I know what lose is- my mom died a few years ago, so I understand a huge loss to death, and, I have to admit, to a certain extent this feel like that. It's been Mac and me against the world for almost 16 years. Just us. And then there he goes, to start his own life. And things will never be the same again. He won't be coming home again- at least not for good. And no one sends you a sympathy card for this. No one brings a casserole or a noodle salad (Or wine). Instead people joke about it, or talk about empty nest, like it's okay.,

And I know it will be okay. I do.

But right now, my life is a whole different perspective. I never asked for this. I never wanted an empty nest; I can do things with Mac, I always have. I'm used to it. I don't have a husband that I need to "get to know again" like some couples. I don't have a hobby I've neglected. I'm still me, and I'm still Mac's mom, but now Mac is... on his own. And my son is enough of me, he's how I raised him so he will follow his dreams. He's go to college, he'll go to law school, he'll study abroad and probably end up at UC Berkley. I am proud and I do want him to succeed. I do.

But it doesn't make this easier. It doesn't stop me from missing him.

Mac's Mom,
Maggie

Part I: Mac to college

Last Saturday I dropped Mac off at college. Well, I stayed for the day so I'm not sure I should say I just "dropped" him off.

We arrived at campus around 10:30am and we had to do orientation which took about an hour. We also signed all the last minute forms, got his photo ID (which is also a key and his meal plan ticket, and his campus credit card- this is a VERY important document!), his computer sign-in info, and his dorm key.

Then we drove to his dorm. (Mac was soooo nervous, that he didn't want to eat lunch so we skipped it. I was nervous, too, so I didn't care.) He's in an all guys dorm, on the third floor. We were greeted by about 50 smiling, over- caffeinated young people. Their job was to unload our borrowed mini-van full of Mac's stuff. They did- in about 4 minutes. I wasn't even allowed out of the driver's seat. They not only unloaded all his stuff but carried it to the three floors to his room. I then parked and they was escorted by a perky young person to Mac's dorm.

We unpacked- we beat his roommate there so Mac picked the window bed and we had everything almost unpacked by the time Roommate arrived. We all met each other- he seemed nice and so did his mother, godmother, his brother and his sister! We left them alone to sort and unpack and Mac and I went to get his books and roam campus. Then we headed to Wal-Mart with a list of stuff we forgot.

The plan was for me to stay and have dinner and then go to a program for kids and parents, given by the President of the College. We got back and ate dinner- which was a huge picnic for students and their families- which got rained out so about 500 people were crammed into the cafeteria. Mac nor I were very hungry and we picked at the food, and finally went back to his dorm to unpack the Wally World stuff.

When we got back, Roommate was there alone- he's from Chi-Town and his fam had to head back. When Mac found this out, he turned to me and said I could go because everyone talked about how long and boring the President's speech was so I could leave and he would hang with Roommate. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Okay........?

So he walked me to my car. We said bye. I told him I was proud of him and call if he needed anything. We hugged. I left. I couldn't say anything else. I had this whole, awesome mom speech I was going to give him and I couldn't say a word. I just drove away, waving, looking at him in the mirror as he can back inside the dorm without a glance back.

I cried all the way home.

Mac's mom,
Maggie

Happy thoughts....

Pink hot rod featured at a local car show

A caramel, hot fudge raspberry gelato sundae at a local specialty chocolate shoppe

happy flowers in the front yard

More about Mac, me, and yesterday will come later. Right now, here are some things that make me happy...

Maggie