My schedule today

I know there are times when I write a "what I did today" because I have nothing to write and it can be a boring read. But seriously, here's my day. Really. I couldn't make this stuff up. This all happened between the hours of 7:30am- 4:30pm...

• Hosted 5 classes in the library over three periods for National Library Week, and gave a presentation to each class
• Burned about 24 CDs
• Answered about 20 emails
• Made about 10 phone calls
• Started organizing a field trip which involved about a dozen emails, phone calls and meetings
• proctored a GED student 6 periods (our whole day is 6 periods)
• helped said GED student, who is sweet as can be but dumber than owl poop, write a business letter to a college she got into. Her first draft was in 22 point Curlz font, one long paragraph, no date, no signature, used only her first name, said "ya know", and full of slang. She thought it was business format because she didn't indent.
• I subbed for 3 classes and rescheduled 5 others that were supposed to visit the library- they'll be arriving tomorrow
• asked to do an art club activity at the last minute- we could call it an art emergency
• recruited kids to do last minute art club activity
• recruited adults to help with the murder mystery party
• recruited adults to help with an origami artist and lecture luncheon
• scheduled both above 2 events
• cleared campus wide calendar for above 2 events
• supervised emergency art club AND cleaned up the mess
• broke up a boy fight
• supervised 2 classes in 2 separate room, running back and forth between both, so bigger people than me can finish breaking up the boy fight
• supervised 3 kids at lunch who had no supervision
• dropped stuff off to my boss
• visited the business office to get money and a task that usually takes me 5 minutes took 20 since one of the staff was out sick and I had to deal with a new person
• washed a coffee cup
• chatted with my mentee Girl
  
• refereed girlie gossip and put a stop to that BS
• checked out books, checked in books, helped kids find stuff to read, put books away- you know, library stuff

All that was at work...

AFTER work I

• dropped off my taxes with my accountant
  
• picked up my broken computer which is now fixed
• dropped off projects I graded (for cash) to a fellow teacher friend
  
• drank Starbucks
• called and cancelled an eye doc appointment
• called Mac's old college to get tax info
• accepted a call to sub on Friday NEXT week

This doesn't count personal phone calls, dinner, blogging, driving, or answering emails.

I'm tired,

Maggie

Matter of Trust

You would think that after that that's happened with the Shrews, with the mean That Bitch from back in the Wild West, all the Sams (especially AlaskaSam and CanadianSam), and more recently Trooper I would have more trust issues than I really do.

It hit me like a ton of bricks that I should stop trusting anyone after Trooper's phone call. Then I thought that was sort of drastic and probably a knee jerk reaction. He didn't really violate my "trust" exactly- he just hurt my feelings, hurt my heart, and disappointed me a whole bunch.

Then last night one of the kids came in to relieve me at the ice cream and he asked how my weekend was and I rolled my eyes or something and he said, "Oh yeah. I forgot. I'm sorry." And I looked at him with that "what?" look and he said, "I heard you got dumped by your cop boyfriend." I asked him where he heard that and he said "XRay Girl told me all about it," and he proceeded to tell me about my life in detail. (I would like the record to state that I never once referred to Trooper as my 'boyfriend' to anyone.)

I was shocked and surprised that XRay Girl would tell after I told her not to. And to tell one of the HS kids at the ice cream parlor where I worked! I was pretty mortified.

The ironic part is that she and I had plans to see a movie and have dinner last night as well. So when she came to get me for the movie (her turn to drive since I did last time) I called her on it. I figured worst case she would lie and then I would cause a huge ruckus and then end up back home, or she would fess up. Basically, she said she was sorry, she wasn't sure why she told and was sorry, didn't mean to hurt me and was sorry, and she seemed fairly chagrined. Okay.

So rather than end the friendship, I've decided to learn something important here: don't tell XRay Girl anything that I don't want the entire world to know. We can still be friends but I need to keep my secrets to myself. This seems more adult and grown up than never speaking to her again and bitch slapping her for being a blabber mouth.

It's funny really, that no one knows all my secrets. If you get all the people I know together in one room after I die and they start comparing stories, then all the pieces will fall together, but no one person knows it ALL! And it's also funny, I realize, that I don't make friends very easily and I don't usually tell secrets to people, yet here on my blog I'll write whatever-- maybe because here started as a bunch of strangers so it didn't matter? This was a good place for me to kick down some walls and let down my hair? And because here I think, most of the time, like a writer and sometimes my 'Maggie' persona spins a good story?

I've always had a rough time making friends and have done better as an adult than I ever have as a teenager or a young kid. My problem has always been about trusting someone and it seems like when I do let my guard down, I get burned by someone, accidentally or on purpose. I think maybe the wall should come back up? Dunno.... Just thinking out loud here....

All in all, it's just another brick in the wall,
Maggie

I wish it wasn't that easy for me

It’s hard to become good at leaving, but I think I am. I’ve done enough of it in my life. And leaving seems to come easy to me. This isn’t to say that I don’t have connections, but leaving and wanderlust and discontent seem to go hand in hand with leaving.

I taught college, my first teaching job and when I left, it was so sad. The students and faculty gave me a farewell party and said their good-byes. I still miss those kids, those people and that particular job. I felt like I belonged. I miss the camaraderie with my colleagues.

I also left my family and moved to the Wild West. I knew I would be back to see them, but initial good-bye was hard. I left everyone and everything and no matter who you are, me included, or what dream I was following, I couldn’t help but have second thoughts and twinges of guilt.

Leaving doesn’t just mean leaving a place or a job. Leaving is just a parting, a saying good-bye to a person you may or may not ever see again. When my mother died I said good-bye forever. When I left the Wild West, I left kids, my students, who I knew I would never see most of again. When I said good-bye to AlaskaSam in DC many years ago, awash in tears and standing at the airport terminal, watching his limo pull away, I never knew that would be the last time I would see him, so far.

More recently I said good-bye to an old friend, a lover, a possible future… It was in a parking lot, and we kissed and chatted. I was calm on the outside and frantic on the inside that this connection might not last, no matter how much I wanted it. For the first time in a very long time that I can even remember, I didn't want to leave, didn't want to say good-bye, didn't want to break a connection.

But we both got into our automobiles and I drove away first, holding my breath, forcing myself to not look back, willing my fingers to not call Trooper on the cell phone. I drove away, hating that I was so good at leaving.

Maggie

Suck-tacular

That "word" describes my week" suck-tacular. This seems to be the week from hell.

Verizon Wireless made a mistake on my cell phone and double dipped a payment from my checking account. And while the error was all theirs, they're refusing to give me my 80 bucks back because it's so close to the day a payment is due. What they don't realize is that I used my checking account before I learned of the error and now have insufficient fund charges to the tune of $28 each and NO MONEY. I'm soooo pissed. I've been on the phone with them and my bank daily trying to fix it. They suck and I hate them. I hate them so much I'm waiting until I finally get this mess sorted out, then I'm canceling my service, reporting them to the Better Business Bureau and writing letters to every person at Verizon Wireless chastising them for their suck-tacular business practices. I swear if I HAD money I would take out full page ads in newspapers across the country, raking them over the coals. They SUCK.

I still have no regular full time job so I also have no insurance. And it's time for my annual physical. And the annual renewal of the birth control prescription. Which sucks.

I've also worked an ass load of hours with all my jobs and I'm tired. Bone tired. Dog tired. Which is making me a real bitch. Which sucks.

I'd like to see Trooper and see where this goes but because of his surgery, that's on hiatus. Furthermore, he's so nervous about dating because of how hard and bad he was burned in previous relationships, he's now thinking this maybe isn't a good idea because he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. He's also afraid of getting hurt again- and while I can say I won't hurt him because I've waited so long to make sure this was a right thing to do, it doesn't matter when he's scared. And do I dare tell him I've wanted him for a long time but thought he would reject me? Oh hell. And there's nothing I can do about it. Which all sucks.

Mac's sperm donor stupidmutherfuckingasshat of a father has not taken him out to drive a single time. Not once. That kid was beyond excited about getting his permit and could NOT wait to show that stupid fucker he calls a dad his permit and to show him his driving skills. SD merely said, "cool." And hasn't taken him out to practice a single minute. Which sucks.

Things will start looking up, I'm sure.

Living suck-tacularly,
Maggie